Ah yes the tree. In the Feedback household this starts with the annual trip to Apple Tree Farm – yes it has to be a real live (ok dead) tree none of your artificial nonsense. Last year disaster at Step 1 – the farm was closed with a sign that said go get your tree from the local garden centre. After 25 years this was a bit of a shock – should we cancel Christmas right now we thought? We managed to struggle on but really that kind of irresponsible action should be outlawed.
Now selecting the tree – dropper or the more expensive no-dropper? We go non-dropper but then Mrs Feedback starts off the next negotiation by gazing adoringly at trees that would not look out of place in Trafalgar Square. I look over at our car and manage to bring reality to bear – well somewhat. Invariably I’m then driving back with a vast acreage of pine branches covering the windscreen and the rear door of the car not quite fully closed. We get home and I manfully haul the tree into the sitting room – leaving behind a lovely trail of pine needles throughout the house (no dropper my arse!). Its always about a foot too tall and hides most of the furniture in the room (“it looked smaller in the garden centre” she says helpfully) so tree surgery has to be performed.
I’m despatched to find the lights – an enormous bag of tangled cables of all lengths and colours is found in the back corner of the cellar. An hour of cursing later we appear to have roughly one working set and they only cover a quarter of the tree.
Finally we somehow get sorted and serenity descends. I select one of my various Windham Hill Winter Solstice albums – these sit permanently next to my cd player but are only allowed to be played in the two weeks leading up to Christmas Day. They invariable bring a lump to my throat whilst Mrs F and I hang the lights. Once that’s finished I am then subbed off by my daughter to complete hanging the decorations. Invariably she will tell me to turn off that dreary music and puts on ‘Now That’s What I Call Xmas’ and I get myself a drink to the dulcet sounds of Jona Lewie. Job done for another year.
Feedback_File says
The Winter Solstice albums are lovely. A mixture of traditional music, original tunes, carols and classical pieces. All done in that inimitable WH wistful style. Here’s an original piece by Philip Aarberg
Vincent says
We have a potted christmas tree now about 4 feet high. I did some “creative pruning” which gives it a bad look from one side, so we put it up with that bit at the back. It will NOT be going up before at least next weekend. Likewise the home-made wreath I made (a dense confection of lights and tinsel illuminating the way for passing folk). we have a series of christmas lights with chilli caps so the parlour will look very seasonal when I do the decorations next weekend. Fewer and fewer Christmas cards, except from tradespersons.
Twang says
Ours always comes from a nursery on the edge of town and this year they were doing a charity day for Sue Ryder so all the better. First weekend of the month, by law. We’ve got it fairly well organised now but the lights have always been an issue, not because of malfunction or being tangled so much – one string is bright white and one is warm white. So this year I planned ahead and bought a new string of warm white. All good, right? No. They were the right colour but the wire was clear not green. So… we put the green/warm ones on, and the decorations, and awaited a green/warm etc etc string from Mr. Dodger, hastily ordered. There were added the next day, and now peace and goodwill to all men reigns. We always have a sherry in front of the completed tree and this signifies blast off to Christmas. Crofts Original if you’re wondering, out of the fridge. Delicious.
Anyone in the need for various second hand strings of lights, I can hit you up. DM me.
Twang says
And here it is.
You can see the new (top) ones are a bit brighter than the old (bottom) ones but we’ve silently decided to let that go.
thecheshirecat says
Most Afterworders will have been distracted by the racking to the right; some with envy, some with disdain.
Moose the Mooche says
How generous that he keeps his childrens’ CD collection in the living room, I wonder where his own is?
retropath2 says
Gosh but James Last left a vast legacy of work behind him!
Gatz says
I bought Diego the yucca plant when I was between jobs, almost 18 years ago now. I remember brining it home in a carrier bag with two other houseplants which haven’t lasted the course. These days Diego’s leaves brush the ceiling, except at Christmas when they are weighed down with baubles. Seeing as I have a permanent tree in the living room it seems daft not to use it.
Feedback_File says
Excellent- I have this image of Diego wearing a baubly sombrero and singing Little Donkey
Gatz says
Not far off. This is Diego in 2020. He’s a bit more bowed and careworn looking these days.
Twang says
Superb.
GCU Grey Area says
A Matter of Life and Death poster, too!
Twang says
I thought you were talking about mine for a moment, which is a nice little oil painting Montmartre.
Moose the Mooche says
I have a modest little four-footer, but festooned with fairy lights it can be seen from across the street. An angel sits on it, smiling beatifically.
hubert rawlinson says
But what’s the tree like?
Moose the Mooche says
Fir cone hell!
hubert rawlinson says
From a few years ago.
Mike_H says
I’ll be decorating my insides with beer, malt whisky, G&Ts, port and unhealthy foodstuffs such as chocolate, mince pies, sausages etc. I’ll be playing my music a bit louder than usual and watching some seasonal TV rubbish.
My flat will be treeless and without fairy lights and decorations as usual.
Rigid Digit says
Christmas does not officially start until Father Ted has got lost in the lingerie department
Moose the Mooche says
….or the late Robbie Coltrane has partaken of Nurse Macready’s Surgical Brews
Gary says
Moose the Mooche says
That won’t last twelve hours, let alone twelve days.
Gary says
Ding dong merrily on a high.
Moose the Mooche says
God rest you merry gentlemen. Though to be fair, you can’t really do anything else.
dai says
I prefer real ones, but have had an artificial one (colour of green) for the last few years. Can’t be doing with the pines going everywhere especially as my main floor is somewhat compact. Put it up last night, looks fine.
hubert rawlinson says
That’s this year’s done.
Sewer Robot says
For anyone who’s not had the pleasure…
(Aidan Moffat, RM Hubbert – The Fir Tree)
Black Celebration says
We decorated ours this evening. Tradition dictates that Phil Spector’s album is the soundtrack. A smallish tree this year from the roadside pop up thing. We have put the outside lights on it so it’s emitting a ridiculous amount of light. In fact it’s lit up like a…a…no, sorry it’s gone.
Big thrill was finding Keith the Christmas Canary (not a real one) in the bag o’decorations. I thought he’d flown away. He sits atop the star on the tree, chest puffed out and ready to parr-tay.
johnw says
My choice would be no tree because of the space they take up but we’ve got an artificial one that is part of my wife’s family tradition in that it was bought (from Woolies) in 1963 and has been wheeled out every year since. This is especially fortunate because I have a slight allergy to pine trees so I’m especially keen not to have one in the living room for a few weeks. The tree is still in the loft, I think the plan is to get it down today.
Gary says
“But merely being tradition does not make something worthy, Kadash. We can’t just assume that because something is old it is right.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Oathbringer
“Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure it is in decay.”
― J. Krishnamurti
“The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
johnw says
I wouldn’t try to justify any Christmas traditions and I’m convinced that I wouldn’t miss it if it was gone. If my wife felt the same then there would be no evidence of it in our house.
I’m constantly baffled at the lengths her family go to apparently simply because they do that every year!
thecheshirecat says
Do they have any view on, say, badger-baiting or whale-hunting?
Moose the Mooche says
“Live, Laugh, Love” – Debenhams
fentonsteve says
We have a huge artificial tree which an elderly neighbour bought from the John Lewis website and found it was too big to fit in her apartment, couldn’t be bothered to return it, and sold it to us for about 20 quid. Every year a few ‘twigs’ drop off when I take it out of the box, but it is still going strong. It goes up on the first weekend of December. Our house is mostly carpeted, so I don’t particularly want to be picking pine needles out of wool blend.
In the summer, my hi-fi moved from living room to garage, so this is the first year we’ve been able to put the tree up without moving furniture out of the way. Previous years have seen an armchair in the spare room or on the landing.
Garden lights are my thing – I pick them up in the January sales of an electrical wholesaler. I now have enough to go round the all four sides of the garden fence, the garage gutter, and the two cherry trees either side of the garden gate – if I were to put them all up, you could probably see them from space. This year, though, with the price of electricity and so many people struggling, I’ve just decorated the two trees and the garage. I don’t really do the ‘Christ’ bit of Christmas, I just like lights in the garden when the afternoons are dark.
Every year I leave the office car park with The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping cranked up on the car stereo. I finished work yesterday, so I played the 12″ on my commute (about 15 steps) from garage office to kitchen door.
retropath2 says
Every year I buy the Radio Times festive double edition. And did so yesterday.
I am thinking of reviving the Hosepipe, an invigorating pick me up I used to partake of, on the last Saturday before Xmas. First read about in the Melody Maker in 197something, in an article about the legendary band made up of Londons finest session men, Dick & the Firemen. As I recall it is a 1/2 of Guinness, topped up with a barley wine and a double brandy. Very warming, I also recall.Not much else.
Rigid Digit says
Christmas Radio Times – and do you then, using various highlighter pens, mark those shows you must watch, will watch, might watch, or record.
No … just me then
fentonsteve says
I got it as a PDF this year. Now my screen is covered in coloured felt tip circles.
Rigid Digit says
There’s coffee on my screen at the moment
dai says
Used to be my highlight of the year (together with Christmas TV Times), seeing what amazing films and Christmas specials were going to be on and buying a new stack of blank video tapes. Things are different now
Moose the Mooche says
Why…I shudder to ask…is it called a hosepipe?
hubert rawlinson says
Well I looked it up Moosey and here for your delight is the answer.
“Some idiot I know used to drink ‘Hosepipes’. Half of draft Guinness, bottle of barley wine and a brandy in a pint glass. So called because five pints of it tended to induce projectile vomiting.”
Moose the Mooche says
What a lovely image on this feast of Stephen!
fentonsteve says
How’s this for a triggered memory? I can remember going to a house party c. 1987 and listening to Pretenders compilation The Singles on the tape player in the kitchen, while my mate Nick downed cans of barley wine.
When it got to Chrissie and UB40 covering I Got You Babe, Nick projectile vomited into the kitchen sink.
Whenever I hear “They say we’re young and we don’t know” I hear “Bleurgh…”
Moose the Mooche says
I forgot that I Got You Babe was on that compo.
File under “almost perfect”.
retropath2 says
@moose-the-mooche : more to do with firemen than their Dick, I suspect. I only ever had two and Hubes didn’t know me then. Fiendishly expensive in 1972, probably about a quid a go.
Moose the Mooche says
By eck, appen that were the price of a house in them days thy knows!
hubert rawlinson says
I’ve decided a living tree is the way to go this year.
Charles Freger Wilder Mann
Moose the Mooche says
Best Simon Cowe tribute act ever
Uncle Wheaty says
No more Radio Tines this year.
Cannot justify the cost and the fact we never read it!
Diddley Farquar says
It’s been up since the weekend. Thirsty blighter.
hubert rawlinson says
Alas due to trips away, then illness we only finished our tree off today. As the room lights blew two days ago, due to infirmity and height we can’t change
’em, then the lights from the tree are a helpful light source.
retropath2 says
Is that a long-player beneath the tree, Hubes?
hubert rawlinson says
Just a book case.
Moose the Mooche says
Light source? My parents’ Christmas tree looks like the mothership at the end of Close Encounters.
Black Celebration says
This is one of my bugbears with sci fi films. When you’re travelling through galaxies in a spaceship you don’t need flashing lights all over the outside. You’ll have automatic sensors and deflector shields. You’re not on the A30 in a Morris Minor.
Moose the Mooche says
Also, putting go-faster stripes on something that travels at four thousand miles a second is a bit ridiculous.
fitterstoke says
Why?
On the other hand, putting go-faster stripes on a Fender Mustang bass is certainly a bit weird…
fentonsteve says
Is that the 1929 Le Mans winning British Racing Green Fender Mustang?
fitterstoke says
Good point – that WOULD explain it…
Also: I wonder what Moose would make of something called a tug-bar?
Moose the Mooche says
It’s like a whammy-bar, but stiffer.
fitterstoke says
On reflection: I’d like a Fender Mustang in the same colour as a Nagaoka MP-200…mmmm, purply…