When I first saw a Sobranie I thought it was the result of an accident involving Ribena.

We all would.

….what?

I like those “we’re not England” decisions, like the bus stations having “stances” instead of “stands” (which to my mind conjurs up the image of a double-decker with one hand on its hip and the other holding a […]

I’m lookin’ for me friend. ‘Ave you seen ‘er?

Rolls out furrow? As in furrowed brows? Plenty of those about, indeed.

“My dad will pay it, like he pays for everything else, the fackin’ mug”

Spotted it with what?

Unprofessional, I call it.

I would respond to that but I stand under it don’t.

We’ve got a bigger jail than them, a Victorian one too, so I hope those plucky crims can get us back to the top.

“He’s the Gareth Hunt, and I’m just a Gareth Hunt”

Hairdressers are in the employment of the government.

As are gyms, evidently. (All that huffing and puffing and sweating in confined areas, what could be safer? And then there’s gyms. Oho!)

Let’s be bull’s-pistle frank about this….

It’s pretty rich from a guy who, let’s face it, has never done a day’s work in his life. He’s still essentially living off 40-odd minutes of music he recorded in 1976. Nice, er, work if you can get it.

Number […]

Still top of the pops in Hull.

Could have something to do with the people of this city taking no notice of any of the lockdowns, let alone the one that’s currently supposed to be in force.

Tears of manly […]

This boy’s a fool…

….be honest

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger

You say these things in real life? I’m worried about the second one.

My favourite character on that show was Bert Bastard, played by John Sparkes.

To a pea that has dropped on the floor: “You….arrse!”

Nuts, whole hazelnuts.

When I was a nipper, not knowing the word “whole” I used to say “Nuts hut hazelnuts” – as if Cadburys had something to do with the US army.

Q. Who was Tim, and how many pots did you get out of him?