Most of my unfunny gags seem to be football related, so here’s one more bad one. Whenever former Sheffield Wednesday and Barnsley manager Danny Wilson did a downbeat post-match interview (quite common, in f […]

Well, I was told that passengers on his flight alerted staff because they thought he was attempting a sneaky solo on the below-blanket pork flute.

Interestingly, @Carl, I have helped recruit security staff for several airports. On an intensive training programme at one place, candidates learn about various bomb plots that’ve been foiled over the years. As a […]

Not content with planning to build a giant circus tent, Ratcliffe is coming across like a guy who collects vintage cars but gets his fish fingers from a food bank. Man Utd have cut – genuinely – the ‘Steward of […]

Magnificent stuff, hubert!

They will reform – with the original lineup – and headline Glastonbury in the next few years. Bet you 25 p.

Whenever I hear a song by 80s gravel-throated funkster Terence Trent D’Arby, I always refer to him as Terence Trent Derby County. Apart from me, no one has ever found this funny; imagine my delight, however, w […]

I thought The Brutalist was rather pleased with itself, but, hey, many films are. I found the central theme of the film a bit too direct and overdone; it lacked a bit of nuance in its ‘don’t people dislike imm […]

Spaghetti bolognese. Wormy, wet, semi-heated pasta with what looks like a sicked-up kebab posing proudly on top. Even more so when someone refers to it as ‘spag bol’. If I ever appear on Saturday Kitchen […]

You’re spot on with opera lyrics. As I’d only ever heard them in Italian or German, I had no idea how utterly quotidian they were until I saw a few subtitled operas: “I’m opening the doooooooor. Using my […]

Seinfeld. I know there’s a lot of love for it, and I have tried, but I just don’t find it funny. It’s certainly clever; it’s definitely witty, but… There’s so much love for this show amongst people I know, […]

I’m going to respectfully disagree about Wetherspoons. I know some are pretty grotty, but they have some impressive sites – the one in Chorlton, Manchester (The Sedge Lynn) is a Grade II listed building, and it’s […]

In fairness, if I’d met Tinker from Lovejoy (when he was still with us), I’d have asked him for an autograph. I’d probably have asked him to sign it ‘Clive’, too.

Dead Poets Society is also extremely well remembered in our house – I was probably at an impressionable age when I saw it, but I bloody love it to this day.

In my job, I have to sign my name, on certain days, about fifty times. Please don’t infer from this that I’m a Quincey-esque important type who’s saving human lives very loudly.

I’m with you on that one – Blue Jean is eminently skippable.

I’m from the Arnold Rimmer school of post nominals: BSC…Bronze Swimming Certificate.

A quieter moment, but one of my favourites from that era:

Unless Keith Chegwin’s cousin taught you origami, I refuse all claims to weakness, young Fentonsteve.

Great shout, re. James. Wonderful singles. My ex-girlfriend used to test Tim Booth’s dad’s eyes, so if there’s a weaker claim to fame than that, I’m happy.