The Afterword

Musings on the byways of popular culture

Menu

Navigation

You are here: Home / Forum / Worst Christmas Songs

Worst Christmas Songs

by 72 Comments

The Independent needs your help again; it wants suggestions for the worst Christmas songs. I think some of the cognoscenti amongst us will be able to suggest one or two, (possibly several).
I have checked a few and couldn’t face listening to some of them.
Send them to top10@independent.co.uk

0

Comments

  1. Surely a contender?

    Dennis Waterman & George Cole – What Are We Gonna Get For ‘Er Indoors

    Although, following George Coles passing in August, this opinion may now be revised as purely an exercise in marketing and parody, and therefore a succinct comment on the consumerism and cynicism present at this time of year (or maybe I’m over intellectualising this?)

      • And why not? I am on my 11th year of Green Christmas. Some have been double CD releases. Just don’t call me Shirley.
        Previously posted on the old AW but still worth a listen. Does contain Simon Bates.

  14. This has to be a contender.
    Not necessarily because of the song – though let’s face it, it’s pretty bad – but because Christmas Island is currently a grisly Australian immigration detention facility where as recently as 2 weeks ago, a riot began after the death of an asylum seeker.
    The body of a Iranian man, who had escaped the centre was found at the bottom of a cliff sparking a violent demonstration amongst desperate detainees, most of whom have committed no crime.
    Paradise? Hmm, maybe not.

  15. You know that song that’s just called “The Christmas Song”?
    Of course you know it. It’s the one that starts:

    “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
    Jack Frost nipping at your nose
    Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
    And folks dressed up like eskimos”

    Well, I hate that bloody song. I absolutely loathe it.

    Erm … that’s it, I suppose.

  24. Between, say 1970 and 1977, Elton John made lots of good records.
    But this wasn’t one of them:
    Ho! Ho! Ho! (Who’d be a turkey at Christmas), which was the festive B-side to “Step Into Christmas”

    “The bearded weirdy’s just arrived……”

  26. Perhaps he’s excluded by the use of the word “song” in the OP, but I feel we ought to acknowledge the irritating genius of Chris Hill, who had minor Christmas hits in the mid 70s with RentaSanta and Bionic Santa (and after whom Sugar Hill Records was named in tribute to his “dope” MCing and sample dropping skills).
    RentaSanta had the excuse of novelty and a more measured use of samples and gags (and, as per the Captain Beaky thread, it was kind of nice from time to time to see some old duffer getting a slice of Top Of The Pops action).
    But Bionic Santa was an unamusing retread, which was also bandwagon humping The Six Million Dollar Man (“Steve Austin has a bionic eye, what’s your special bionic feature? *drops Chuck Berry* “My Ding-A-Ling) and betrayed a frankly unhealthy obsession with the young Mrs Thatcher.
    Don’t take my word for it:

  30. I will stop after this (HOORAY!!). This is a brand new release. You will be among the first listeners to this YT clip. Who does not love The Osmonds?

  31. Oh God. Pity the retailer.

    From early November to Christmas Eve, the same 4 CDs of hideous Christmas songs on rotation. The one that really did for me was this. The utterly trite lyric, the emotionless vocal, and most of all the key change at about 1:15 combined to generated a curdled, nauseated stage in which I think I would have been forgiven for garotting the nearest customer in an effort to get locked up and escape the horror.

    Every day, 4 or 5 times a day, for nearly two months; wincing when it started, maintaining a cramped stomach until the key change happened, then relaxing for about two minutes before the dread of the grim inevitability of the whole thing starting over with enjoyment of life impossible .

    There can be no greater Christmas nightmare, not even that shit McCartney one.

      • The real low point for me is ‘fancy ties and / Granny’s pies and ….’ Because of course when you thing about Christmas the first thing that comes to mind is neckwear, unless of course you’ve just heard this song in which case it’s entirely reasonable to contemplate a noose.

      • There’s something oddly creepy and depressing about that song, both the melody and the awful production.
        Not putting you in a festive mood as much as a suicidal one…

    • Agree with you on this utter utter shite as gatz has said. But then I read about this in one of those interesting rock and pop books and looked it up.
      Christmas and daleks, they said it couldn’t be done, and for the life in me I can’t see why it was done.

Leave a Reply