Tigger: David Jacobs
Dave Amitri: Mike Read
Minibreakfast: Jackie Brambles
Moose The Mooche: Kenny Everett
Colin H: Bob Harris
Gary: Alan Freeman
Doctor Volume: Tony Blackburn
Chiz: Paul Gambaccini
Bricameron: Bruno Brookes
Mikethep: Simon Bates
Mojoworking: Emperor Rosko
I think it’s still too soon (and always will be) to include Sa-vile, nah then, but other suggestions are welcome. Let’s get this Roadshow on the road!
Sewer Robot says
Bingo = Westwood, Ya Feel Me?
JustB says
Noooo. See below.
JustB says
Bingo Little: Zane Lowe
Paul Wad: Tim Westwood
KFD: Zoe Ball
HP Saucecraft: Steve Wright
Count Jim: DLT
Moose: Adrian Juste
Sewer Robot says
Dunno. Paul Wad would be the first to admit he’s a bit of a Johnny-come-lately when it comes to the breaks.
See, I always hear Bingo’s posts in a Westwood stylee – but I think maybe you’ve heard him speak and have no such illusions….?
JustB says
This is true. He’s much more Zane-like: bouncy enthusiasm and youthfulness. (He’s the very definition of youthful – i.e. about 7 months younger than me). He’s not a Kiwi, though.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Steve Wright! He’s good, right? *flattered*
JustB says
He’s the doyen of radio comedy.
H.P. Saucecraft says
That’s fantastic! Because it’s me that’s doyen the most comedy on the blog!
minibreakfast says
Love the show.
Bingo Little says
I think I’d probably have to be Danny Baker, in that I’m initially amusing enough, but my cheeky chappy persona and insistence on whimsy becomes irksome after prolonged exposure.
Also, I’m actually Danny Baker in real life, which helps.
davebigpicture says
Tell us about the Daz doorstep challenge!
Bingo Little says
Well, what happened was this.
I got home one day from a couple of shandies down the Dog and Duck and no sooner am I sat down on the sofa than the doorbells rings. The doorbell!
“Wend”, I says “who you reckon this is”? No answer. Cheeky mare.
Off I go to open the door, and stood there are two dicky looking fellas in suits, giving me the old up and down. And judging by the looks on their boats, they were probably wondering what I was doing dressed as a medieval court jester at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon.
Anyway, one of them starts banging on about Daz. Daz this, Daz that, Daz the other. Turns out they want me to do a commercial. So I told them to hop it off my doorstep and let me get back to Button Moon.
Then, just as I’m halfway through closing the door, I suddenly remember that I owe 400 large ones to the Cosa Nostra, and I’ve already hocked the family silver.
So there I am, chasing them down the garden path, the bells on my toes jingling, hair flowing in the breeze (those were the days), dog in hot pursuit, shouting “Oi! Daz!”, when suddenly I bump into someone. It’s only Elton bleedin’ John, isn’t it? Back down the pub we headed where….
davebigpicture says
Marc Bolan gave you his shirt? I think you’ve told this one before.
Carolina says
I had you pegged as Danny Baker, Bingo! On a side note I heard him on Radio 2 yesterday talking about his new autobiography which covers his appalling cancer treatment. As I know he said the Blog really helped him get through it I wonder if it will be mentioned?
Bingo Little says
If it is, I hope he remembers to include the obligatory “of course, nowadays it’s not as good as it used to be”!
Sid Williams says
he can certainly use his other stock phrase “I was there”
JustB says
YDFMD.
Paul Wad says
God, yes, and Westwood is a complete berk, so I don’t want to be him anyway. I’m probably most like Phil “The Collector” Swern, happy to be in the background feeding Brian the interesting facts for his show. My wife has developed a brilliant glazed-over expression that she turns on as soon as she has an inkling an interesting fact is coming.
Moose the Mooche says
Adrian Juste???
You’re dead to me.
JustB says
*cackles forever*
Moose the Mooche says
You’re Chris Moyles then.
See?
Not nice, is it?
JustB says
He’s a very talented man.
*kills self*
Actually, it’s a shame Mojo isn’t around any more, since the Moyles/Comedy Dave thing would work perfectly for Saucecraft and him. 😛
Moose the Mooche says
Adrian Juste.
Adrian Juste.
That is cold.
RubyBlue says
@DisappoinmentBob = Jeremy Vine. 🙂
JustB says
Haha! I was at uni with his other half, actually. All I’m saying is that I’m not entirely displeased with the life swap.
LIFE swap. I said LIFE swap.
Black Celebration says
I wonder what Norman Wisdom has to say about this?….
(Audio clip of Norman Wisdon shouting “Mr Grimsdale!)
I don’t think he can hear you, Norman! (mirthless chuckle) perhaps you need a woman’s touch? I wonder what Nora Batty would do…?
“Eeh Ahll gurr ter the foot o”me stairs!”
canned laughter – swan whistle –
Continues in the same manner until entire audience kills themselves.
Moose the Mooche says
See?
NOTHING like me.
NOTHING
!
count jim moriarty says
How very dare you! DLT indeed – the just about the worst insult possible. I’ll be Andy Kershaw.
JustB says
I was going with “there are changes taking place here with which I cannot agree”, but applied to pop music. 😉
mikethep says
Simon Bates? That oleaginous tosser? How very dare you?
I’m Pete Murray. Or Brian Matthew.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Brian Matthew! That’s who I was thinking of.
EDIT: But thinking about it – Simon Bates.
Moose the Mooche says
Oleaginous tosser… isn’t that what we used to call “starters”…
Tiggerlion says
Did David Jacobs actually like any music? I saw him as very much stuck-in-the-sixties, perfect role for deramdaze.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Nah. Style-wise, you’re a shoo-in. Musical taste plays no part in being a DJ, Tig.
deramdaze says
Nah, I’m having Mark Lamarr – by a country mile the best “DJ” of the last 30/40 years (he is knowledgeable about music!!!), and, by that very definition, persona non grata among all those who would be in a position to employ a “DJ.”
Moose the Mooche says
Somebody who quite deliberately dodged the first seven years of the 1960s… and has remained unconscionably alive in the 47 years since they ended? Are you sure?
deramdaze says
Completely George.
He played obscure Rock ‘n’ Roll and obscure 60s material (i.e., and very specifically … “The Golden Age”) for about 15 years. I don’t see or hear anyone doing that now.
He was also brilliant on that dreariest of days for radio and TV, Christmas Day – the only “DJ” who did live, and decidedly un-Christmassy, radio shows on Radio London c. late 1990s.
Where is he now?
Chrisf says
Can I be Simon Mayo – one of the more intelligent amongst the crop…….
H.P. Saucecraft says
Oh yes all right then. Cuh.
Dave Ross says
Mike Read then? Fan of The Jam, loved his chart pop, great impression of Kid Jensen. It could be me. I didn’t ban Relax though, nor do I wear oversize glasses and I am painfully self aware so may be not….
H.P. Saucecraft says
I think you as Mike Read is just so perfect I … I … wet meself.
Bugger.
Moose the Mooche says
Same stance on Europe too.
Dave Ross says
We both adore The Final Countdown
H.P. Saucecraft says
Black Celebration: Terry Wogan
Black Celebration says
Very, very happy with that. Thank you.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Terry Wogan – she’s the one with the funny lip? Squints a bit?
Black Celebration says
No – HE always had a funny quip and he wore syrups a bit.
May he rest in peace.
Or – well shiver me timbers me hearties, for a letter has come flooding in. One of you fiiine TOGS believes your ever-loyal young Tel is in fact packing a vagina rather than the good old cock en barls that sit perkily neath my M&S underwear. I assure you, last toime I looked (which was some time ago, sadly) the lads were all present and correct. Here’s Neil Diamond again or Lena Marrell or Julio Iglesias – one of them anyway…
Moose the Mooche says
Let’s bomb Russia!
Yep, that sounds like me.
Moose the Mooche says
If I could choose I’d be Alexis Korner. A gravelly voiced stoner with impeccable taste who only works one hour a week.
Gary says
That’s me! No really, ’tis. I’ve been told all my life I have a weird, hoarse voice. Somewhere between Alan Ball and Tom Waits. Stoner? Tick. Impeccable taste? Tick. One hour a week? Well, not all year round, obviously. I have the 6 summer months off to recuperate.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Sorry, Gar – it’s “Fluff” Freeman for you, if only for his on-again/off-again relationship with Judith Chalmers.
Gary says
Here you go pop pickers! If you have aches and pains or swollen feet and ankles…
H.P. Saucecraft says
She was made for crepe.
Moose the Mooche says
Well there’s no call for obscene language.
Jeff says
In fact, 98% of all life-forms on the planet vocalise within what we scientists refer to as the ‘Ball-Waits Range’, the only outliers being bats / Russell Mael and rutting bull elephants / Barry White [same thing. Ed].
minibreakfast says
I know the name Jackie Brambles, but have no idea what she sounds or looks like. I’m assuming the answer to both is “amazing”.
Moose the Mooche says
It is!
davebigpicture says
You mean “Jakki” Brambles Shirley?
Lemonhope says
minibreakfast says
Wow, I have great hair
H.P. Saucecraft says
Nice nipple, too. That is a nipple, isn’t it?
minibreakfast says
I always keep a spare peanut in me top pocket, to eat between Boney M rekkids.
Moose the Mooche says
If you’re referring to what’s in the foreground at 2:18, I’m pretty sure you’re mistaken.
Quite the honey though, wor Jakki!
minibreakfast says
@andielou – A young Annie Nightingale
@rubyblue – Sara Cox
@carolina – Sally Traffic
@h-p-saucecraft – Fearne Cotton
@moose-the-mooche – Gemma Cairney
minibreakfast says
@tiggerlion – Noel Edmonds
Edit: No wait, Jimmy Young!
H.P. Saucecraft says
I’m sorry, Mr Lion is already contracted to be David Jacobs. Wed to him, in a sense.
Moose the Mooche says
“Hello there!”
RubyBlue says
@minibreakfast– a younger Janice Long.
Colin H says
Is @Hannah Jenni Murray, then?
And I see Mojoworking/Johnnywhatever more as Tommy Vance – very serious about his old-school rock.
@Deramdaze I see more as Dave Cash or Simon Dee – i.e. someone who never crossed that threshold of 1970.
Jeff says
The correct appellation is ‘Long-sighted curtain model, Jenni Murray”.
Colin H says
Ah, I see that people are interpreting ‘Jenni Murray’ differently to how I intended it, which is sensitive, sensible, grown-up, knowledgeable, experienced, wise and matriarchal (in a non-pejorative sense).
If only there was a female (and rather younger) equivalent to David Attenborough on the radio! That might have been a better comparison. Actually, thinking about it, Kathy Klugston might just about do – reliable, comforting, Radio 4, sensible but quirky with a mischievous edge, and certainly not comparable to curtains.
Moose the Mooche says
Curtains… hurrrrr
Jeff says
‘Dusty tent’, amirite!
Moose the Mooche says
Who or what is a Gemma Cairney? Is it like a gymkahna?
minibreakfast says
The one who does the annoying walkabout segments on the Glastonbury TV coverage. She’s fun with a capital Aaargh.
No offence.
Moose the Mooche says
It involves being outside? Yeccch!
Jeff says
Gemma Cairney is a horse-show, yes, but only in Liverpule.
Carolina says
More of a sharper cookie than me but I’ll happily take Sally Traffic – on one Satnav system you can choose her voice to give you road directions . And she is very popular with truckers.
H.P. Saucecraft says
As evidenced by her collection of Truck Nutz.
andielou says
Have had a perfectly Annie Nightingale voice since last week due to a throat infection, as it happens.
Jeff says
Magistrate: ‘Have you tried sucking a Fisherman’s Friend?’
Defendant: ‘That’s what got me in trouble in the first place, yer Honour!’
NigelT says
Shame Whispering Bob has gone – I look like him and have a radio show where I play the same music!
Colin H says
By all means, take him…
Moose the Mooche says
Radio 1… dominated by prickly, sexually dubious men more interested in their own monstrous egos than music. Nothing in common with The Afterword!
salwarpe says
Uncle Wheaty = Tommy Vance
Rigid Digit = Steve Lamacq
HP Saucecraft = Chris Moyles
Tiggerlion = John Peel
MyAmericanMate = Paul Gambaccini
Junior Wells = Andy Kershaw
KFD = Kid Jensen
DFB = Chris Morris
Salwarpe = Smiley Miley
salwarpe says
duco01 = Charlie Gillett
duco01 says
I thank you, Mr Salwarpe, sir!
I was always a big fan of Mr. Gillett.
NigelT says
I used to know Smiley Miley a bit….complete arse.
salwarpe says
I have my foolish moments.
Rigid Digit says
Does this mean I need to start drinking cider and pretend I’m a student?
No volunteers for Ok Gary Davie or Mike “Smitty” Smith
Moose the Mooche says
..it also means that you have to go out and see terrible landfill bands EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
Uncle Wheaty says
Thanks.
I will start a Friday Night Connection from now on!
MC Escher says
I’m havin’ Emperor Rosko.
If non-cliques members can join in. that is 😉
H.P. Saucecraft says
Nobody in The Clique thinks they’re in it. That’s the first qualification. The Emperor’s new clothes are yours.
Jeff says
Rule 1: Nobody mentions Shite Clique.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Ahahaha! You’ll have to unmention that then.
moseleymoles says
@mc-escher I take it as perverse badge of honour that I’ve been posting on the site for a decade without acquiring any online persona sufficiently distinctive to be assigned a R1 identity. They’ll never find me.
Sewer Robot says
Everyone’s thinking “Chris Evans”, but no-one’s unkind enough to say it..
moseleymoles says
Well if I get his wallet too no complaints here. Man is an arse though.
hubert rawlinson says
Can I be Petroc Trelawny please?
Jeff says
These days, one can place oneself wherever one feels comfortable on the LGBPT spectrum.
Lodestone of Wrongness says
Good evening pop-pickers. Tonight I will be playing all 117 singles released by The Fall. I actually like working on Pirate Radio , me and my loyal band of listeners (Hi, Helen, hope the eczema is clearing up) are very happy away from the mainstream, playing what we want, freed from the shackles – crackle, crackle, fade, crackle, bugger…..
moseleymoles says
TMFTL
Sniffity says
No-one is Smashy or Nicey?
GCU Grey Area says
Nor commercial radio’s finest, from RadioActive – Mike Flex, Mike Channel and ‘Uncle’ Mike Stand.
bungliemutt says
And of course Mike Hunt.
Moose the Mooche says
Maaa—arrrti–iiin Bro—owwwnn….
GCU Grey Area says
Here he is, indeed. And Anna Daptor.
chiz says
Paul “Angel of Death” Gambaccini?
Paul “Professor of Pop” Gambaccini?
Paul “The allegations were completely unfounded”” Gambaccini?
Well, yeah, okay, I suppose.
pawsforthought says
Can I be Lard?
“Sounds just like her”
chiz says
Bricameron = Adrian Love, Radio 1 DJ who was sacked for being off his face while broadcasting.
Moose the Mooche says
Are you sure he wasn’t just reduced to one short show at 4 in the morning, which he devoted to moaning about not being able to broadcast 24 hours a day?
dai says
I would like to think of myself as a younger Johnnie Walker (without the cocaine pushing conviction)
Moose the Mooche says
Bruno Brookes still unclaimed.
Pound o’ bananas!
H.P. Saucecraft says
Do pay attention, Moose. You could at least read the
fuckingpost at the top of all this strewage. As a courtesy.Moose the Mooche says
Whack whack ooops!
Lemonhope says
Can I be Matt Edmondson?
Thanks 🙂
H.P. Saucecraft says
No.
Lemonhope says
Fine – I’ll have Jo Whiley [I misread the blurb at the top and thought it was just Radio 1 jocks,] I heart the lovely Jo and will inhabit her fully
H.P. Saucecraft says
This is something we’re all keen to see.
Rigid Digit says
Fnaar
Lemonhope says
Fabulous reply there guys, [see, I’m inside, it’s started]
Gatz says
Any takers for Dermot O’Leary? There must be someone on here who wears their suits too tight and has a strangely aggressive strangulated tone when they talk to people?
Black Type says
I’ll, erm, be erm, erm, Mark erm Radcliffe, if, erm that’s erm ok with, erm, erm, you guys.
Moose the Mooche says
Is your pie consumption up to scratch?
davebigpicture says
Still to be claimed: Jo Whiley.
Moose the Mooche says
Do we have anybody on the site who is profoundly and mysteriously enthusiastic about mediocre guitar bands who sound a bit like Travis?
Jeff says
And who peaked at “Excruciatingly ‘Relatable’ Head Girl In A Determinedly Progressive Independent School”.
Tony Japanese says
I’ll confess that ‘The Man Who’ was the first album I bought with my own money, but I don’t think I’m the DJ you’re looking for.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Lemonhope is the sturdy and not-at-all-genderfluid Jo.
Carolina says
You will have to have never heard of Jimmy Webb to qualify, though.
mikethep says
And what about Desmond Carrington, eh? Eh? I can be him on my days off from being Your Old Mate.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Des you are, Mr Thep. Catchphrase “oh I say!”
GCU Grey Area says
Nah, dat was M.C Dan Maskell’s catchphrase, innit?
retropath2 says
Clearly none.
H.P. Saucecraft says
None more.
duco01 says
I don’t know whether anyone remembers Derek Jewell, who used to have the only non-classical show on Radio 3, back in the seventies…
Perhaps one discerning Afterworder might like to be Mr Jewell?
Moose the Mooche says
I’m haunted by this. Could anything be in a deeper, darker well of profound obscurity than “the only non-classical show on Radio 3 in the 70s” ?… it’s like someat out of Gormenghast.
*shivers*
H.P. Saucecraft says
Derek Jewell used to be a pawnbroker (fun fact). Jenny Abramsky, then Head of BBC Radio and Music, was in his shop while he was demonstrating a tape recorder. He sounded so professional that she asked him to audition. A star was born!
Archie Valparaiso says
Hmm. I scroll down and scroll down some more but see nothing. Nope. I appear to have been oh-so-conveniently forgotten.
How’s about that, then?
[SFX: A menacing yodel]
H.P. Saucecraft says
That’s because we’ve completely forgotten who you are. Which is …?
Sewer Robot says
Naturally, we expected you to “fix it” yourself, Archie..
duco01 says
Vulpes = David ‘Ram Jam’ Rodigan, possibly?
Kaisfatdad says
What is this? Be nice to KFD Week?
I’ve been likened to Zoe Ball ( voluptuous ex-wife of Fatboy Slim) and charming Danish Canadian Mid Jensen who seems to have quite decent taste in music.
Where did I go right?
Moose the Mooche says
Zoe Ball is not voluptuous. She is in good nick and isn no daftie. I think the comparison was made because of her fizzy enthusiasm.
chiz says
To me you’ll always be Keith Chegwin
Moose the Mooche says
Fat Dad plays pop…
Fat Dad plays pop…
FAT DAD PLAYS POP!!
Kaisfatdad says
I’d rather be Cheggers than a chugger.
The only DJ mentioned who has starred in a comedy horror film: Kill Keith!
Moose the Mooche says
Naked Jungle was horror… but not comedy.
Agghhh rope burns!
Moose the Mooche says
Graffiti seen in Hull today “KEITH SKEGWIN WAS HERE”
Rigid Digit says
Written by Keith Chegwin?
Moose the Mooche says
Cheggers Tags Wall…
Cheggers Tags Wall…
CHEGGERS TAGS WALL!
Declan says
Happy to take Mary Anne Hobbs.
Unless someone from the clique needs a sixth mention.
You absolutely are and there absolutely is, dead right MC Escher.
Back to being serene…
H.P. Saucecraft says
You’re right. Pointless denying it. There is a clique, very elitist. Rally rather special actually! We have secret handshakes and we all lounge about in our virtual conversation pit and have a good old giggle at you, Declan! Not just you, of course. But mainly you. Because you’re so close to being invited! You just need to be better looking, richer, funnier, and to know more about music! That’s it! Lulzies! Then you can join us for cocktails and qualify for fantastic clique-only promotional offers! You can so do this!
*FX UNDER: TINKLE OF ICE IN COCKTAIL GLASSES, SOPHISTICATED LAUGHTER, SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC, DOOR SLAMMED, VAST ECHOING SILENCE BROKEN BY DECLAN’S BITTER SOBS*
Declan says
Sobs? Who are? 😉
Obviously can’t all be in the top 40.
Let’s continue with much more music!
H.P. Saucecraft says
That’s you, second from right, with the ‘tache!
Declan says
The porn performer? That’s harassment, that is.
Moose the Mooche says
Any nominations for Sarah Kennedy?
We need a woman who chunters drunkenly about vomiting and pants in the early hours of the morning.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Always good to see a lorra firstime callers on the show! Okay! Taking us up to drivetime at the top of the hour, here’s REO Speedwagon, with Keep, On, Lovin’, You … and that’s what we do, right here on wunnnnerful raydyowafterword!
Archie Valparaiso says
Takin’ us up to the top o’ the hour ‘n’ the latest dews from the Dewsroom, here’s Doctor Hook and the Bedicine Show with their pereddial chart-toppin’ topper of the charts in a timelessly fabless and seldom heard version on some boat somewhere – quite possibly on the Dorfolk Broads, what a byoofal parda the country that is so here’s a shout out to all the broads and blokes down in Dorfolk! – in an unplugged type rendition of their much-loved fabless hit.
Here’s Saliva’s Mother!
H.P. Saucecraft says
Mm! That’s a habenig soud right there, greatmate! Tages me bag to good ol’ Blagboo, summer of ooh that’d be telling! Feelin’ my age, greatmate! Just a mention here for Deidre at the Blagboo Homebase, who says hello all you wunnerful guys at [STAB] WUNNERFULRAYDYOWAFTERWOOOOORD and thanks for the good tibes on the beach! Can’t fugged those, Deidre! And she says a big hello to everyone who knows her, so I expect that means you, my esteemed co-DJ! [SINGS: UNDER THE BOARDWALK] But that’s enough abow your private life I think! Here’s the Knack with My Sharona … your favourid song bag then … [FADE UNDER RIFF] … more lige My Deidre, eh, greatmate?
Archie Valparaiso says
Dunno about you, Saucey, me old chub, but I’m feelin’ up f’r a bidda cheerleadin’ right now at the minute at this bobent in tibe. Biddy-skirts and pob-pobs? Noddarf!
Oh, Bickey, you’re so fide, you’re so fide you blow by bide, hey, Bickey!
Here’s the chantmungous Toady Basil!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW7VnHnX3LQ
Moose the Mooche says
Second class ticket to Nottingham please!
H.P. Saucecraft says
And a big ha-ha-ha-hello to our pardner in grime the Moose-meister just come in from the negst studio with his own brand of humungous humour! We’re todally grazy here this arvo, out there in listener-land! Lidrally anythig goes! I am not responsible! [FX KLAXON] DIVE! DIVE! And dorking of diving, here’s a new group we’re going to be hearing a loddov It’s Woody Woodmansey’s U-Boat! Oo la la! [FX KLAXON FADES UNDER INTRO]
Black Celebration says
Hiya! I’m one of the posse and/or the one of the people that creates the zoo radio atmosphere in the studio. Isn’t it just super annoying when you push a door and you’re supposed to pull it? Makes me feel like a right wally!
H.P. Saucecraft says
HA HA HA! [FX HONK]
Carolina says
Ok, someone needs to be Ken Bruce. Self effacing, Scottish accent, dry sense of humour and ability to shout out “One Year Out!” with just the right amount of disappointment and exclamation required.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Disappointment? This has Bob written all over it!
Sewer Robot says
The right amount of Disappointment doesn’t have Bob in it at all
Signed
Pervy McKatyshrine
Gatz says
I tick most of those boxes and can practice the shouting bit.
chiz says
Niallb as Simon Bates, doing Our Tune. Its was 1976. She had hair and a face. Here’s Lionel Richie.
Milkybarnick says
Will happily put myself forward for one of the overnight slots – Alex Lester perhaps, or Richard “na-night” Allinson who I’ve always thought was rather good, not spectacular, just a very safe pair of hands.
Dave Ross says
Does no one fancy Peter Powell? He certainly knew how to handle a 12 inch smash
Milkybarnick says
I always used to think he was American. Remember asking my folks this a number of times as a small boy – guess the “Mid Atlantic DJ accent” wasn’t a thing I understood then.
Moose the Mooche says
“Peter”?
There’s a T in his name?
Who knew!