I’m a simple man, with simple tastes and I like a tradition. Christmas Day must involve roast turkey. I’m willing to try goose. Or swan. But I haven’t experimented thus far and I’m in my seventh decade. There must sprouts, carrots, roast potatoes, gravy and stuffing. I don’t mind broccoli or mashed potato. Cranberry sauce is rather nice, a special treat for a special day. I’ll even have a bash at different types of stuffing. Streaky bacon cooked with the bird is perfectly acceptable.
However, roast parsnips set me on edge. Bread sauce is pointless. Yorkshire puddings belong with beef. Chipolatas or pigs in blankets are for the children at the table who turn their noses up at turkey. Additional meat of any kind is surplus to my requirements. Peas are too samey. Cauliflower cheese is an abomination that has no place on a plate with a roast and gravy. Without the cheese, cauliflower is okay.
I wonder what Afterworders would like to see on their Christmas plate? I’m especially interested in vegetarian, vegan and piscivore options.
I make a vegetarian pie from a recipe by a friend who made it for his pub. Layers of mushroom, cheese, aubergines and peppers etc a home made tomato sauce poured in. Wonderful.
I also grate my sprouts and fry and then add lemon juice.
Red cabbage with apple.
As a rule, I dislike traditional sprouts – but I rather like the sound of that method, Hubes…
I should’ve said only a little oil and in a wok.
I also grate carrots and beetroot and fry in the wok.
Oh and Christmas pudding sliced and fried (can you guess my favourite cooking technique?) no oil and vanilla ice cream to decorate. Lovely.
It’s my favourite cooking technique too! I don’t think I’ve ever grated vegetables. I might give it try.
I can never be bothered to cook much as we will have been snacking on the boxes of chocolates and biscuits given as presents since waking. This year my other half is working on Christmas Day (in theory only for 4 hours, but once the rest of the hospital know the pharmacy is staffed she’ll be lucky to get away with less than 6. She won’t even get double time for it because it’s a Saturday). If she wasn’t at work we would have done the round of local pubs at lunch too, taking the edge off our appetites further.
Anyway, probably a couple of frozen asparagus and cheese parcels that are already in the freezer with roasties, roast parsnips, maybe mash, certainly sprouts (I try them once a year on the off chance they have become pleasant to taste in the last twelve months – they never have), whatever else will fit in the roasting pan.
Then cheesecake, nuts, fruit and lashings of red wine until we drift gratefully back into unconsciousness. About the only thing I can be certain of if that post-main course we’ll watch Tarantino films for much of the rest of the day, just because that’s what we always do, and even though I don’t much care for the season it’s nice to have some Christmas traditions.
I f**kin’ love sprouts! But then, I do live alone with my bumtrumpet..
I’m well aware many do – The Light among them. I persevere with my annual experiment, but have yet to be convinced that they’re fit for human consumption. Most people who rave about them seem to have some elaborate way of preparing them which is designed to make them taste as little like sprouts as possible, which always makes me wonder if they actually enjoy the taste of sprouts at all.
I feel your other half’s pain…I’ve been called in on Christmas Day (“quick in, give them what they need, quick out”) – but somehow the word gets round by osmosis and you’re still there hours later…
I love sprouts and Marmite.
PhD research there! By a google poll over 3 years.
If your sprouts taste of nothing, then you are overcooking them. Properly cooked sprouts should be firm with a little bite to them, and have a very slightly earthy taste. Served with roast chestnut pieces. Extra yum.
I think these tips might be useful:
I have a tip for preparing sprouts for which you will all thank me.
– Get a party popper, there’s usually a handful on the Christmas dinner table.
– Carefully remove the cardboard top and streamers, taking extra care not to pull the string
– Select a cooked sprout from your plate – not too soft, not too hard
– Insert lightly into the Sprout Launcher you’ve just created. Don’t push it in too far.
– Make sure all the children and irresponsible adults are watching
– Point sprout at Least Popular Uncle’s head
– Pull string
Honestly it’s the best fun you’ll have at Christmas and you don’t have to eat any sprouts which is a bonus.
and they ain’t just for Christmas. Briefly boiled or steamed, to keep that great texture and flavour that scares off the lagerboys.
Fart buttons.
A big thanks to your missus for working while everyone else is not.
I may not actually be English as I don’t actually like a Roast Dinner. Mrs D and all the sproglets do though, so Dinner is usually the standard overload of 3 meats and 42 veg.
Did have a goose one year, but now banned as the richness played havoc with my digestion (it was late Boxing Day before we could close the windows).
Last year – when we were on our own – it was Venison Haunch and Dauphinoise potatoes.
This year it’s back to the super-sized roast. The one say a year when I’m in sole charge of the kitchen. I have my Gantt Chart at the ready.
However, and re-writing the Englishness – I’m the only bugger in the house (possibly even the county) who likes Christmas Pudding – I’ve got one in the cupboard waiting. Serves 4 apparently – I think not. Christmas Pud smothered with Ambrosia Custard. Quite looking forward to it now.
I love Christmas Pudding by no one else in my family does so I am sadly reverted to the smallest one I can find whilst they tuck in to the chocolate mousse I have mede for them.
No custard though…Baileys!!!
I suspect that Christmas pudding will a distant memory in 50 years time. Not many kids seem to like it, and most adults turn it down simply because they don’t have any room left to attempt it.
I enjoy it, with custard/cream/ice cream/crème fraîche/on its own, but it always ends up getting eaten at some point before new year’s eve. In my household it also has to compete with a couple of extremely delicious large panettone from an Italian deli, so it’s a very tough fight for an Xmas pudding.
A Quorn roast (or two) is the easy option, along with roast veg (spuds, parsnips, squash, beetroot) and as much veg we can have. I also have stuffing, despite no meat to go with it. On boxing day we gather up all the remaining veg, stick it in a cheese sauce and bake it (along with more roast spuds). Then we can’t move for three days. Sadly, it’s my job to wash up after all of that.
Goose, gravy, roast tatties, sprouts, parsnip, Oz Shiraz. Sorted. Fall asleep.
Wake up, mince pies and a wee dram. Fall asleep.
Luv Christmas
You lead an idyllic life.
I’m always the chef. I’ve sent my brother the menus and he will bring the wines to match, oh yes. Our father provides the venue.
As a family, we are suckers for salty snacks, so we will have downed quantities of peanuts, olives and bombay mix while we do presents, before we even get to the meal. My sister-in-law and I will have held a Bloody Mary workshop by that stage.
Half-and-half on the trad. front (oh how appropriate for a folkie). It’s rarely turkey; a well roasted chicken is much preferable, though we are open to alternatives. The family is split on the popularity of duck, but I’m the chef and I love it. Last year I did cassoulet with confit de canard (though maybe that was Christmas Eve.) But otherwise the accompaniment is full on – sprouts, both roasties and mash, roast parsnips, hogs in duvets, usually two types of stuffing, gravy, might do honey glaze carrots this year.
I love making soup and my freezer is always well stocked with …er… stock, so we will have kicked off with a good winter soup – either beetroot or Jerusalem artichoke; I think I did parsnip last year.
The family is as one on the matter of Christmas pudding. Just say no. I only have three desserts in my repertoire, but the family have no complaints with getting them once a year. My panettone bread and butter pudding is fabled and fabulous, but even I find that too much after the main event. It’ll be baked cheesecake this year. The B&B will be on another day when we are having a (marginally) lighter menu.
One tradition I then keep is to fall asleep on the living room floor, which leaves little room for others to circulate, but it is an understood chef’s privilege.
Some time in the evening, my brother and I will tuck in to cheese from the market, followed by a glass of whatever single malt we have bought for each other.
Some of the details I don’t feel comfortable with (not a fan of duck and I love Christmas pudding) but top marks for falling asleep on the floor.
I’ve been contemplating the image of you asleep on the floor. You must have a diaphragm as tight as a gnat’s chuff to keep all that bulk from refluxing in a spectacular display of Christmas cheer.
M&S truffled cauliflower cheese will almost certainly be my main course with roast & mashed potatoes, parsnips & lots & lots of sprouts.
Carrots are a definite no no as they are the devils vegetable.
As far as I am concerned the nasty orange fuckers can fucking fuck off.
I’m with you on carrots Jack – and parsnips aint too far behind.
Parsnips are only nice nuked black and crispy.
Turkey and Beef here but I much prefer Boxing Day…baked potatoes, pickled onions! And I love, love, love Bread Sauce.
Help me understand the joy of bread sauce.
A truly awful thing IMHO.
It does have an unusual consistency, I’ll give you that.
I only ever get to eat bread sauce at Xmas, but I’m a fan. I admit It’s not exciting, it doesn’t set the taste buds a merry jig and it probably lacks any noticeable, err, …flavour (I’m really selling this, aren’t I ?) but for all that it still seems to go very nicely indeed with the turkey and roast spuds. Traditional, innit? And you can always throw on some cranberry sauce to jazz it it up a bit.
Largely agree with your assessment especially re cauliflower cheese which is shit on a plate. In recent years we have moved from Turkey to Goose which I love due to its moistness. Roast potatoes in the goose fat, as many sprouts as I can get on my plate, peas, carrots and possibly broccoli followed by Christmas Pudding with creme anglais.
Then a power nap.
These days, my power nap lasts about 12 hours.
Neither of us particularly like turkey, but whichsoever of the sprigs around expect it. This year just the two of us, so we are having pork! A fancy rare breed aged and dried bugger, mind, not a Waitrose crackling special. Roast tatties, roast parsnips, roast carrots, sprouts, red cabbage, my secret recipe gravy(!). No starter but it will have been scrambly egg and smoked salmon for a rare, if late breakfast. Bubbles with that and a choice of a posh French white or red with the pork. Cheese for pud; French, smelly and runny. Triffic.
Waitrose? The nearest to me is many miles away. Morrisons is walking distance.
Well, we can be a bit la-de-da in Lich. It is a 10 minute walk away and I can safely tie up the dogs outside. Their pork roasts are marketed as crackling guaranteed and I have had some limp disasters (matron) with other suppliers. I know a proper butcher is best but they are a disappearing breed. And I can’t tie the dogs up outside Walter Smith.
Ah well. There is a proper butcher near me. Swings and roundabouts…
Sprouts, oh good lord yes, but never boiled. Who would do that to such a blameless vegetable? A light fry, then bung them in with the roast tatties for a minute or two. That’ll do ya.
Agree with you Tiggs about bread sauce. How did that ever sneak its way onto the plate? Any other day of the year you’d fill cracks in the patio with it.
Christmas pudding is all kinds of wrong. I accept this view is jaundiced because by the time I get to it, which is generally mid-afternoon, I’ve had toast, pate and bucks fizz for breakfast, a couple of dozen mince pies, half a Terry’s chocolate orange, all the Bounties out of a industrial vat of Celebrations, more champers and a bucket of wine, some kind of starter and a full turkey roast – so the last thing I need at that point is a brandy-buttered black hole of murdered fruit of such calorific density that it would eat the universe if you didn’t eat it first.
Plus you’ve only got about an hour before it’s time for turkey sandwiches followed by eighteen tonnes of cheese, so I think a bit of restraint at the pudding stage is quite justified, actually.
I admire your discipline.
The rest of the year I’m Rivita and Primula Spreadable
Oh dear.
I’ve never eaten turkey and wanted more. The issues with roasting a chicken (overcooked breast, undercooked thigh) are magnified so everything is cooked until it is dry and chalky. Anyway, here in Australia we don’t give a fuck about turkey. It would be roast lamb or pork at christmas, or even just a baked, glazed ham.
I’ll be on my own again this Christmas, as the family is travelling up north. I’m stuck in Perth at the moment, and have been for a couple of weeks. I’ll see them for a couple of hours when I get back to Brisbane in a week. Christmas may be the time to fire up the smoker and cook the Wagyu brisket I’ve had sitting in my freezer for a few months.
When I roast a turkey, I’ll have you know it is always perfectly moist.
As far as I’ve ever been concerned, the only reason to have turkey on Christmas Day is the sandwiches on Boxing Day.
Turkey, stuffing, sprouts, carrots, roasties and gravy are essential.
Cranberry sauce does nothing for me. Not likely to bother with it.
I used to HATE parsnips, but seem to have acquired the taste for them roasted.
Mashed swede used to also be a no-no but these days can be enjoyed if done right. Buttery, peppery.
Pigs in blankets? Oh, go on then.
Mash is a waste of plate-space on an Xmas dinner. More roasties please!
Bread sauce is indeed completely pointless.
Peas? OK, why not a few with the carrots.
Cauli or Broc? Yeah sure. Cauli cheese? Never with an Xmas dinner, thank you.
Do not overcook the sprouts!
Beef tenderloin, roast AND mash spuds, brussels sprouts and crispy bacon, carrots, colly cheese, yorkshires, gravity……and lashings of horseradish of course
Beef trimmings are a different league altogether but it’s still a no to colly cheese.
My take on Lancashire Hot Pot Christmas Eve, an old family tradition even if I may be on my own. Then half a grapefruit for brekkie on the day itself.
Just 3 of us I think for Christmas Day, will be fairly traditional Canadian/British except a turkey breast and a couple of legs bought separately rather than the full Monty. A bit of Quebec influence possibly with a tourtière and probably apple pie for afters as that is what my ex always makes. I drink sparkling wine with my turkey then maybe a bit more if I am not driving.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tourti%C3%A8re
Love parsnips, agree about Yorkshires
In the past I have cooked porchetta but in recent years my wife has demanded a bird, and as the kids and me find turkey deathly dull, we have settled on roasted organic capon.
Usually served without too many fussy sides – just roasties, sprouts with chestnuts, and carrots in butter and honey. Gravy made with my chicken stock from the freezer. Essential to make sure there’s enough for Boxing Day bubble.
Starters will have usually been consumed some hours earlier, chosen and prepared by our offspring. It’s often something fishy, and I’m hoping for smoked salmon and sour cream on buckwheat blinis this year.
Christmas pudding never crosses the threshold, and as the rest of my family are all coeliac they choose and cook dessert as I’ve done the main course. I always hope something lemony, but rarely get it.
Then tradition demands I fall asleep in front of the fire, and wake up in the middle of Doctor Who.
Waking up in the middle of Dr Who has become, I understand, a more enticing option these days. I wouldn’t know: Jon Pertwee was holding host last time I watched.
It’s on New Year’s Day this year, ya lazybones..
On a normal year, I would do a Christmas spread for about 20-25 family and friends. With so many and the fact they appear anytime in a 2 hour window, it’s not a sit down formal affair, but a load of dishes on the table about 3pm and everyone just digs in. I don’t do any starters.
It’s the traditional fare – Turkey (the biggest I can get – usually about 9kg), pigs in blankets (which are always eaten by all the kids before I’ve even finished serving), a stuffing of some sort (always cooked separately), a side of salmon and often a piece of beef. Added to this will be a vegetarian dish for the wife – last year a spinach and mushroom en croute, this year either a chestnut, nut & apple Wellington or a baked squash. I’ll also do some nut/mushroom stuffing balls. Sides will be the usual roast potatoes, a celeriac / potato gratin, sprouts (always fried), roast parsnip in maple and roast carrots.
It’s a lot of food / dishes, but all are easy and it’s really just about juggling oven space, so I have all the timings planned beforehand (which never works and I usually end up skipping something)
.
Food will stay on the table through to early evening and folks will just graze all day – we usually only have enough Turkey for a few sandwiches left. We’ll do a Christmas pudding and some mince pies in the early evening.
Plenty of wine will be drunk. I will usually doze off in the corner for a while……
As per last year, we will not have so many this year – although still probably up to 15. So the dishes will probably stay similar, just less.
One difference this year will be the Turkey – my usual supplier (it’s all imported here in Singapore and so always imported frozen) this year will do a sous-vide for 12 hours, deliver on Christmas Eve and then I just finish in the oven for 30 minutes – supposedly giving a more moist meat.
Has cauliflower cheese because a standard Christmas dinner item? As implied above I don’t eat meat/fowl and haven’t for a very long time so I may be out of date, but I had literally never heard of cauliflower cheese with the turkey and trimmings.
Seems to be offered when you go to a carvery/for a Sunday pub lunch, so I sense it’s creeping in. Feels wrong to me to have a cheesy sauce with a gravy, but it takes all sorts.
I don’t have gravy, never liked the brown sludge,
I’ll to a homemade tomato based sauce but this year I’m going to try it with homemade apple jelly si non pourquoi pas ?
Once you’ve had roasted sprouts you’ll never want them any other way.
Turkey, spuds, sprouts, another vegetable, homemade bread sauce (made it once can’t buy the packet stuff now, Delia’s recipe online is excellent)., stuffing, gravy. Homemade Christmas pudding to finish.
My dad made his own Christmas cake and puddings every year back in the day and I’ve recently started doing them myself as a little holiday homage to him.
It’s trad Dad in our house. Turkey. Always turkey. We all love it.
Along with roasties, carrots, sprouts (which are lovely though some years the effects come close to breaching some sort of Geneva Convention) roasted parsnips, or Arse Nips, and – wait for it – Yorkshire Pudding. Damn right. Bloody great big ones, missus. Bit of cranberry sauce on the side.
Pudding has always been my wife’s luscious Trifle. The serving spoon makes a delightful sucking ‘schlopp’ sound as it scoops out the custard and cream. God…. This year though the daughter wants to make us a Pavlova. Who are we to stand in the way of a dessert made by someone else.
I see elasticated waistbands ahead.
WRT Brussels sprouts & the best way to cook them.
I am a 65 year old man who is set in his ways so I always cook sprouts the same way my dear departed Dad did.
They have been on the boil since bonfire night.
Every year we have the discussion around having something different this year. And every year we end up doing the usual full turkey dinner. Tigger is wrong about least two things. Parsnips and pigs in blankets, along with sprouts and roast potatoes, are the best and most essential part of the meal.
At least?
Wife and no 5 child are vegetarian going on vegan, so we’ll have a stuffed squash and roast potatoes, and I’ll liven it up with some pigs in blankets on the side for me. Christmas pud n chocs, red wine, maybe a spot of posh cheeses I’ve been laying down for the past month. Then a semi nap in front of whatever Korean show we are currently watching.
We’ve got the Vegans-in-Law round on Christmas Day and I’m okay with that – turkey’s not that special anyway – but it’s all the things you have to work around, like butter and goose fat. And cheese! What kind of joyless existence would it be to live without cheese?
Could be worse though, they went teetotal for a bit as well.
Vegan cheese is a truly pitiful product. If they must, can they go over to stinky tofu (not that stinky compared to a decent ripe Comte), or stick to hummus? I am perfectly happy eating food made with vegetables provided it is properly flavoured and made by someone who likes food. The trouble with vegan food is that is pushed by skinny people who like to deny themselves (and, worse, others) pleasure: not much tum fun can come from that.
Tum fun…. no, I’m leaving that be. You’ve all just eaten.
I wonder if Agamemnon had a habit of holding Clytemnestra’s head under the duvet and bellowing ‘You love it, girl!’ as he let rip a ripe and fermented arse bellows full of retsina and spanakopita gustage. Far more grounds for getting netted and your head stoved in whilst in the bath than all this daughter sacrificing. That was par for the course in them crazee days man.
Agamemnon’s Duvet (TMFTL) was made of the skins of his enemies.
Voles, mostly.
Are they into tantric sex? They seem to enjoy sucking the life out of anything pleasurable.
Life without cheese for me would be awful – and, given my cholesterol, would also be longer.
“I don’t care what they say I won’t stay in a world without cheese.”
We got to have cheese
To keep the world alive
And war to cease
We got to have joy
True in our hearts
With strength we can’t destroy
People hear us
Through our voice the world knows
There’s no choice….
Anyone fucks with my cheese and they are dead. No negotation involved. Karma’s a deadly dairy bitch.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese – who am I to dis a brie
That’s typical of today’s Godless society, people trying to takes the Cheeses out of Christmas.
Cheeses on the mainline.
The Mrs is not a lover of turkey, so a few years ago we got into the habit of ordering a capon for Christmas – in other words a cockerel with its nadgers removed before it reached maturity. Something different to chicken and more moist than turkey. Otherwise it’s the usual stuff, including sprouts and home made cranberry sauce.
Crohn’s and a LOFFLEX diet mean “what do you prefer?” and “what are you doing?” are different things.
Since my Spanish MIL died, we no longer do Confit de Canard on Xmas eve, which is for the best for everybody concerned, including Donald.
So I’ll be cooking turkey, ham, sage & onion stuffing, pigs in blankets, with spuds, parsnips, carrots, sprouts, cranberry sauce and gravy. All veg quickly par-boiled and mostly roasted, which is the only way I can digest them.
It’ll be 6 Music loud on the kitchen radio, entry strictly by request/permission only.
I can’t eat sprouts, sausage, gravy (onion is like Kryptonite to me), cranberries or Christmas pud, which is a shame as I like them all.
I will open a bottle of champers for my once-a-year unit or two. I will be reminded how strong 12% ABV is to a total lightweight, and fall asleep in a comfy chair.
Offspring the Elder will be home from university, and she loves Xmas pud & Xmas cake, and will return to Lincoln in the new year with enough boozy fruit cake to last until Easter. Nobody else can or chooses to eat them.
I have to be unusually careful this year as my cousins are going to be down from Oop North and we’re meeting up on Boxing Day, which is usually a day of gastric recovery for me.
I wish your intestine the very best this Christmas. Maybe Omicron will give it a rest on Boxing Day.
I’m hoping the weather will be mild so I can meet the cuzzies outside. Very nervous about the other option – they both have primary-age kids.
As of this morning, Boxing Day is postponed to Easter. Hurrah!
I wish your intestine the best in
This christmas.
Should the good-taste police come arrestin’
I swear I am only jestin’
I had my first half a spud (oven roasted in very little oil) since Christmas 2020. I honey-roasted the parsnips (rolled in flour) and carrots a la the BBC Good Food recipe.
And I survived. I think I might be less intolerant of spuds than I previously thought – it must be the oil I struggled with before. So I’m going to try spuds more often, which will make a nice change from GF pasta and white rice.
I also had a glass and a half of champers, my first booze since Christmas 2020. I didn’t fall over, but I did fall asleep during the Queen’s speech.
Not a big fan of turkey, and too chicken to try and roast one. So we’ve fallen into the tradition of a leg of lamb for Christmas, with potatoes, carrots and gravy. And mint sauce if I can get it out here.
Christmas eve I make a French onion soup, toasted garlic croutons, melted cheese etc, which I almost prefer to the lamb.
Doesn’t mint grow where you are?
Traditional here.
At midday we crack the bubbly and drink bucks fizz till 2.30 when the grub hits the table.
Turkey, roasties, sprouts (steamed, with chestnuts), pigs in blankets, carrots, stuffing, gravy using the juices from the bird (which is cooked à la Délia). Christmas pud with custard or ice cream.
In the evening, sausage rolls, a large pork pie, pickles, cheeses, port, pâte etc with easy card games.
Same every year and I love it.
I’m amazed that most vegetarians are still going for variations on a standard roast meal. I’ve found that one of the advantages of being the only vegetarian at the table means that I can get away with catering for myself. A few times I’ve had a (takeaway) curry but mostly (and probably again this year) I’ll be having a nice fresh salad… although I’ll probably be tempted to grab a few sprouts!
Salad and brussel sprouts. I’m not sure if I am appalled or impressed.
Am I the only one here who doesn’t do Christmas? Anyone else?
I think I’ve said here before that my ‘Christmas’ is more ‘Birthday’. My sisters (twins) were born on the 24th, and my partner on the 25th. I’m rather Christmas-meh, so it suits me fine to have a couple of days of birthdays. I cook whatever my other half wants on her birthday, so we’ve had loads of different meals. Thai prawn red curry this year. Yum.
Less and less. There are few silver linings to Covid, but the lack of opportunity for others to enforce organised jollity upon one is a clear benefit. WFH means I don’t go into the city centre if I can avoid it, rather than working there every day, so if it wasn’t for the house-bling could happily persuade myself that the whole grim business had disappeared. (Of course I’m aware there are many for whom not being able to gather at Christmas is a cause of pain, but there are plenty who are more than happy with the alternative.)
I ever much liked Christmas even asa kid, and then spent the first 15+ years of my working life in retail. I reckon dwelling in the very belly of the beast for so long gives me a pass on ever having to pay any more than the most scant attention to it ever again.
I haven’t really loved Christmas since:
a) My father died
then later
b) My marriage broke up
I just try and get through it and am glad when Boxing Day comes around, of course I put a brave face on it for my daughter and enjoy some more than others.
Now that Omicron is amongst us, there is likely to be a lot fewer family Christmases this year.
I just go with the flow. If nothing was happening I wouldn’t miss it and I think is actually prefer it that way. I don’t really get it. I don’t really understand what people are celebrating given that many are not religious. It just seems a bit odd. If they’re enjoying themselves though, that’s fine by me, I’m happy if they’re happy.
Good question. What is the celebration? I’m not remotely religious. Mrs Beezer isn’t quite sure, but we both enjoy (enjoyed) going to proper cathedral carol services. For the sake of childhood tradition and the enjoyment of singing old songs in a crowd in an extraordinary building. The Christian message of it doesn’t factor in, for me, other than that,
It’s basically a mid-winter break isn’t it? A bit of time off and a year end celebration. Packing in a bit of excess and warmth during the middle of the cold and drizzle.
Put simply, inviting a whole load of rellies over and having an unaffordable blow out is a feature of many, many cultures, not least in some of the poorest.
Put even simplerish, any excuse for a pissup.
It’s no coincidence that Christmas, Diwali, Chanukah (and I dare say others I am ignorant of) take place near the solstice at the darkest time of the year, when lights and cosy gatherings lift us from the gloom.
That’s fair enough but what is there to celebrate? In the UK at least, winter has only just started and the worst weather is yet to come. I would have thought that the middle to end of January would be a better time for a cosy gathering if it’s based on natural phenomena. I don’t think Diwali should be included because it’s more based on the start of Autumn with its associations with harvest.
We should also remember that the situation is very different in the southern hemisphere.
It’s simply a mid winter feast which predates the religious rebranding. I remember hearing it is from when food which wouldn’t last any longer was eaten up rather than go to waste. No idea if it’s true. I like getting together with those you are close to and having a meal and sharing gifts.
Every year we have this discussion and the Christmas haters and proud miserygutses gain great pleasure in saying how much they wish it wasn’t happening, pointless, etc etc. So everyone gets something out if it!
“I’m superior to people who like Christmas.
Still breathing oxygen are you? How quaint!”
I used to hate Christmas because I felt under extreme pressure to try and meet other people’s expectations when I didn’t have any proper frame of reference. One year I announced to anyone all who might care that I just wasn’t doing it anymore because I felt it was unfair for me to be so stressed about it. I was surprised by some of the responses because I was clearly not alone in my feelings.
Since then, I’ve enjoyed the day much more can enjoy any other end of year events that might take place without the sense of foreboding I used to have. I’d still rather it didn’t happen because I get little or nothing out of it but if a huge number of people enjoy it then it can’t possibly pointless. Last year was my favourite since I was a child. Just the two of us because we weren’t allowed to gather together.
I’ve just read all these interesting replies and Mooche’s and I have to say, my feelings don’t get anywhere near hatred for Christmas. It doesn’t really touch my life that much, but it is exclusive. So many people follow the traditions that I inevitably feel I’m being seen as somewhat grumpy if I don’t join in. Which is not my case in the slightest (though the less contact I have with the whole palaver the higher the happiness level, it can’t be denied.)
As a wise African proverb has it, “If a bat is not found, then the sauce is made as sacrifice.”
Edit: I herewithin and incontrovertably retract any statement that may seem judgemental or otherwise offensive in nature or intent as to the content of Mr M T Mooche’s post (above) and do so without intimidation or constraint but in full recognition of the invalidity of any negative inference.
That would be an ecumenical matter.
Think of us poor immigrants living in the colonies. We have to eat two of these enormous turkey dinners – one on Thanksgiving and another on Christmas Day.
Be thankful they are not the only two meals you can have for the whole winter.
At least we get a longer gap between them in Canada. Actually people eat turkey pretty much all year round much more so in the UK, see them wandering the roads too occasionally in my almost rural part of the city.
We quite often have Turkey Mozzarella which is lush.
I love everything about Christmas, but I’m not really bothered about traditions, I tend to switch things up and do things differently every year if I’m allowed. Same with the food, and in the past three or four years I’ve been cooking very little because it’s just me and my 90 year old mum for Christmas dinner, and she eats like a bird these days. Not keen on having a ton of leftovers for weeks, and no room for them in my tiny freezer.
I haven’t decided yet what to make this year, something very simple probably. I love cooking when I have the time, but working in a supermarket I’m very busy right up to Christmas Eve (when we celebrate here in Sweden), so if I can get away with opening a packet of gravlax, boil some potatoes and quickly whip together a mustard sauce, that’s about the energy I have for cooking on the day… As long as there’s glögg and marzipan, I’m happy!
@Locust – talking about traditions (albeit not food) – did you read “A Christmas Carol” out loud this year, or was your throat too sore?
@fitterstoke: Oh, I’m absolutely doing it – but in small bites because the throat indeed is still very sore, and the longer I go on talking, the more likely I am to start coughing. I’m sounding like a squeaky wheel, but since I’m the only one listening, I don’t care. But it’s the one thing that made it feel like Christmas for me this year – having had to self-isolate just in case, my Christmas Eve felt like a standard sick-day and not festive at all, despite having a bunch of presents to open, a lovely tree, Jansson’s Temptation for dinner and a White Christmas outside my window…
Voice aside, I actually feel that I’ve never read it better! 🙂
“ it was always said of @Locust that she knew how to keep Christmas well, if any person alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!”
(with apologies to Charles Dickens)
– What’s today, my fine fellow?
– Today? Why, Blogger Takeover Day!
– Blogger Takeover Day! I haven’t missed it!
Ha! Thanks for making me smile, both of you. I’m missing the Big Family Christmas Bash today…I can use some cheering up!
I think I can safely speak for both @Moose-the-Mooche and myself if I suggest that we are sending hugs and good vibes a’plenty…
Word. Love, hugs and smoking bishop.
I’m way ahead of you regarding the bishop… hic!
My sister’s partner is Swedish and I’ve always wanted to try Jansson’s Temptation. It’s a bit of a classic isn’t it @locust?
It’s unmissable, @Freddy-Steady! Well, to me, and a lot of people it is – others think it’s vile. Mostly young people – I confess to not liking it before I hit my 20s. The important thing to remember, should you decide to attempt making it one of these days, is that you need Swedish “ansjovis”, which is something else completely than anchovy – despite the name confusion. The thing you call anchovy, we call “sardeller” – our “ansjovis” is a pickled sprat; spiced with cinnamon, allspice, black pepper, cloves, cardamom, bay leaf, oregano, sandalwood, ginger, sugar, salt, white vinegar, and mace.
It has a very particular flavour. I wouldn’t be surprised if IKEA sell it…
I made a medium sized Jansson this year and devoured it (alone) in three sittings. All gone now!
One thing that’s worth noting about janssons frestelse is that the second word is often omitted in modern Swedish. If you’re surveying the wonderful spread on offer at a Swedish julbord, you would probably refer to the famous potatoey dish simply as the “jansson”.
[edit: oh yes – I’ve seen that Locust did just that]
So, @duco01; are you a fan of Jansson? Or is there another Swedish favourite on the julbord that you prefer?
If I recall correctly, you are not a fan of the sillsallad.
“ansjovis” is a pickled sprat; spiced with cinnamon, allspice, black pepper, cloves, cardamom, bay leaf, oregano, sandalwood, ginger, sugar, salt, white vinegar, and mace.
It has a very particular flavour.
These two sentences are why I come here.
Cor! Sounds delish!
Uncle Kenth has promised to get hold of some Sprats for me, hopefully from the ABBA brand @locust
Lovely, @Freddy-Steady! But I don’t think Abba makes ansjovis – the famous brand is Grebbestads. As long as he doesn’t deliver “ansjovis-spiced” herring – you can’t use that for Janssons.
Thanks @locust
But they certainly do Herrings in Mustard Sauce…was on the table yesterday.
Christmas pudding…it falls into that odd category of food where I have no idea if I like it or not; the same with olives. I eat both, yet I’m totally ambivalent about them.
Sprouts, on the other hand, taste like all your worst schooldays wrapped in a ball.
I’m all about the traditions. Turkey, roasts, stuffings, sausages in bacon, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, sprouts and carrots. Don’t do mash or cauliflower cheese though. And all of the above in a sandwich a day or so after is bliss. Love Christmas pudding as well. With cold, thick cream.
Something I miss a lot is skirlie, aka oatmeal stuffing, which my mother made every week so it could grace whatsoever we were having on a Sunday lunch. (Easy, actually, pork and chicken every other week, with lamb in a blue moon and turkey at Xmas. Never beef) I have tried to make it but never succeeded in getting the correct greasy yet dry texture.
Only one place to have skirlie – Prince Of Wales, Back Wynd, Aiberdeen, 1969. That stupid English nonsense, known as Christmas, has passed and we’re all waiting for Hogmanay. Three or four pints o’ heavy and then a tureen piled high with dead cow and oatmeal. I’m thinking that lassie over there fancies me.
Oh, how I miss those days.
Ok, alright, I really, really, really don’t. I love Christmas.
Christmas Moose:
Honestly it’s the best fun you’ll have at Christmas and you don’t have to eat any sprouts which is a bonus.
Make sure all the children and irresponsible adults are watching
I don’t really get it.
If they’re enjoying themselves though, that’s fine by me, I’m happy if they’re happy.
Carefully remove the cardboard top and streamers, taking extra care not to pull the string
The serving spoon makes a delightful sucking ‘schlopp’ sound as it scoops out the custard and cream.
Bloody great big ones, missus.
Traditional, innit? And you can always throw on some cranberry sauce to jazz it it up a bit.
Pull string
Don’t push it in too far.
Additional meat of any kind is surplus to my requirements.
I always hope something lemony, but rarely get it.
With cold, thick cream.
But I haven’t experimented thus far and I’m in my seventh decade.
I enjoy it, with custard/cream/ice cream/crème fraîche/on its own, but it always ends up getting eaten at some point before new year’s eve.
I feel your other half’s pain…I’ve been called in on Christmas Day (“quick in, give them what they need, quick out”) – but somehow the word gets round by osmosis and you’re still there hours later…
A big thanks to your missus for working while everyone else is not.
And all of the above in a sandwich a day or so after is bliss.
That’s a bit premature, sal. We haven’t finished yet.
Thought this was a recipe for cooking Christmas Moose.
I am disappoint.
You missed out the red hot chestnuts.
Now that we’ve all had enough, care to pull this? Go on, it’ll be over in a second.
Oh bloody hell it’s gone off in my hand!
I had a damascene sprout experience a few years go. I adore them now. On a related twitter note I once gave Rick Wakeman my Christmas parsnip recipe. Par boiled, glazed with honey and wholegrain mustard, and roasted.
As we hover close to the brink, a joke: “what do you get for 100 posts about sprouts being fart buttons?”
Ready? Hold yer sides!!
Coarse air!!!!
(Boom bloody boom rush!)
Yo, Boom Rush The Show.
And open a window while’s you’re at it.
Bravo!
Take a bow.
Guards! Seize him!
Brussel sprout bhajis. Invented as a joke, but they are lovely.
See also haggis lasagne.
There’s an upmarket chippy in Llandudno Junction *pauses for cry of ‘oxymoron’*, which does a roaring trade in battered sprouts.
Not sure about battered anything, unless it’s cod/haddock, and even then it has to be done just right. I’m not often a fan of spring rolls either as they’re usually like some weird living alien wiring designed to invade your synapses and nadis and override them with some demonic psychic hard drive mangler, wrapped inside a sinister pastry fuselage. None of this ghastly soggy stuff. I do like the sound of sprout bhajis, though. Very much.
You can make the bhajis entirely from sprouts, but 2/3rds sprouts 1/3rd onions is a nice mix.
Sprouts are nice roasted, as are those pointy ‘Hispi’ cabbages. Bit of sesame oil drizzled over, yum.
The basic rule is Don’t Fuck With The Programme. Christmas is about tradition, kitschy excessive tradition. It’s part of the joy. So:
Scrambled eggs, toast, grapefruit bellinis for breakfast, after stockings.
Negronis (sometimes negroni sbagliatos) to get everyone nicely shitfaced throughout the morning and early afternoon. These kick off maybe 11:30ish.
Lunch around 2pm. The only thing I’ll change here is the last couple of veg, but generally there’s a seafood starter of some kind, usually sourced from the excellent Lancaster Smokehouse, then turkey, pigs, 2 stuffings, roasties, roast parsnips, sprouts, braised red cabbage, couple of extra bits of veg, gravy, cranberry sauce. Occasionally bread sauce if I can be bothered. (I usually brine the turkey overnight. It works.) Then Christmas pud with brandy sauce. All this accompanied with hazardous quantities of wine – white with the starter, red with the turkey.
Then, about 6ish, tree presents.
Coldcuts, pickles, and my mum’s sherry trifle about 11pm.
Then the sweet kiss of death, natch.
Pigs (plural), that’s a lot of meat …
Pigs in blankets. Let’s not get excessive now.
If you forget the bacon, is it Pigs in Space?
(yes I did say it like that)
Brine as a verb, I’ve never heard that.
Or are you posh and you meant “brown”?
He gets Prince Charles to do it for him.
Well, I’ve just tested positive for FUCKING covid, so a nice Christmas with my folks is now fucked. Fucking bollocks. Fuck.
Fortunately I’d provisioned against just such an eventuality (mainly booze) so I may not get all of the above but I’ll get some.
Bad luck ‘pig. Hope you don’t get symptoms. Stay safe blud.
But avoid wrapping yourself in blankets, just at the moment.
Although I do, of course, wish hedgepig well – this post caused a messy nostril/tea moment for me.
Bugger. Sending you major healing vibes and energy HedgeBob. Rest up, spoil yourself, and kick its arse.
Ta lads. And same (but vastly souped-up) vibes in your direction, Rob.
Sorry to hear that, h’pig. It’s the third similar tale I’ve heard from friends/acquaintances in UK in the past week.
For anyone who’s interested in keeping abreast of foreign situations: In my local area people have uniformly been noticably sensible with facemasks (I’ve never seen someone in the supermarket or on the bus without a facemask since the very start of the pandemic) and we have a Covid passport (“Green Pass”) for cinemas, restaurants, theatres etc. that’s widely enforced by the businesses and by police checks. Nonetheless Covid/Omicron numbers in Italy are rising rapidly the same as UK, although not in my local area yet. Mostly in the north and around Naples. New stricter restrictions are due to be announced today or tomorrow, including obligatory facemasks out of doors and a reduction in the validity of the Green Pass from 6 to 5 months.
I’m kinda scared. I’m considered “soggetto fragile” (which I choose to translate as “particularly vulnerable” rather than anything relating to fragility, thank you very much). But being blessed with an extraordinarily anti-social and workshy dispositon, I don’t have that much contact with people. But those few I do, do. But from what I’ve read, vaccinated people are likely to suffer far less from any symptoms. (“No shit!”). I’m also scared for the many Italian people and businesses still broke from last winter. And the possibility of a subsequent increase in crime.
That’s the problem at the moment. Omicron is spreading so fast, many thousands of Christmases are being ruined every single day.
I wish you a rapid and complete recovery, hedgepig. Keep up with the fluids but don’t drink too much alcohol.
It was the family Christmas curry tomorrow, one of the hosts has tested positive so that’s now off.
We are still visiting but waving through the window.
Hope all is well for you spiny one.
Chritsmas Curry? That sound lovely Hubes. What’s the recipe?
Our neice was making it from the Jamie Oliver programme Together . So it was a selection of vegetarian curries.
I got sick yesterday – most likely just a bad cold, but I’m stuck at home either way. Burning barbed wires are currently growing in my throat, runny nose, occasional coughing fits. Barely any fever; I’m at 37,0 but my usual temperature is between 36,1 – 36,4.
Hopefully it’s a quick affair so that all of Christmas isn’t ruined for me, but just in case I called my sister today to warn about the need of a Plan B for mum, so she won’t have to sit alone on Christmas Eve. But I have food, treats, tea, glögg, books, films, music…I’ll be fine regardless. Not due back to work until 29 December, so if celebrations has to be postponed, I’ve plenty of time to fit them in.
Sending vibes and light from misty Somerset, Locust. I hope you’re much better soon.
That’s bad luck, Locust. It may be a cold but it’s probably best to get a covid test to make sure.
Get well soon.
This is the stuff, Locust…my only modification would be to add a generous dollop of a decent blended whisky before consuming.
Covid tests are hard to get at the moment here, lots of colds and the flu (which I’ve been vaccinated for) going around at the moment and everyone wants to check to see what kind they have! But my symptoms match the ones of others I know who tested negative for covid, and doesn’t match the ones we’ve been told to be on the lookout for, so I’m going to assume that it’s just a cold. It doesn’t make a difference to me if it’s a cold or covid, I’m not going out and I live alone, so zero chance of spreading it now.
I have every ingredient of the witches brew except the fresh ginger – which gives me terrible indigestion these days, so may replace it with a spot of brandy instead! But I don’t have much of a cough anyway, so not sure if it’s worth the trouble, really. But thanks for the recipe and the well wishes!
A Native American (Apache) lady I used to know swore by her grandmother’s cold remedy. Boil a couple of large strong onions in honey, strain and use the resulting liquor as in Fitterstoke’s recipe.
Smells and tastes frightful, apparently, but scares off the heaviest of colds in short order.
Funnily enough, my great granny did something similar – onion poached in milk until soft, then drink the poaching liquor. I can’t remember if it was a cold cure or something to take regularly to stop you from catching cold in the first place.
PCR for @locust, please. (Not a LFT as she has symptoms.)
Oh no what a bummer. My niece just tested positive so she will be spending it in her bedroom. Ignore Tigger, what does he know. Dr. Twang says treat it with whisky.
Special mystical vibes winging their way to your niece, Twang.
I have no plans to take doc’s orders on this one. I’m gonna lay off til 23rd, when I should’ve been heading home to the folks, at which point I plan to dig into the booze like it slagged off my sister.
Fitterstoke’ recipe looks to be the ticket. But, not too many, eh? You need fully functioning liver and kidneys to get through it.
Moderation in all things…
Oh, that’s shit. So sorry to hear that.
Fuck. As you rightly say.
Sorry to hear you’re lurgied up, hedgepig. GWS.
Bad luck, Bob, but sorta inevitable in your line of work…….
I’m so so. I like Christmas Eve the most, and the Yule/Solstice vibe. I cannot abide the mass in yer face commercial corporate greedfest side of it. This year I’m on soft food, so my treat will be smoked salmon, posh soups etc. Next year I’m going to have a mastive festive freak out! I can’t even have a pizza until Spring, so I’ll have to get some serious pagan topping inspirations, and although I’m generally a relaxed/veggie, I’m gonna have one mother of a medium rare steak in the summer and a mound of spare ribs that would defy Sherpa Tensing! Bring it ON Shanti!
Posh soups sound nice. But, maybe, not every day. Long may your spirit be indomitable.
Cheers Tigs. I am getting a bit souped out, as well as eggs and baked bean jaded. Finely grated cheese and crustless toast as well, for now.
It’s the 20th now and I’m beginning to get into it, particularly as the weather has turned out nice again here in Auckland. A full roast dinner in the early afternoon seems wrong – so it generally ends up being in the evening outside – doesn’t get dark until about 9ish. TV schedules are piss-poor at Christmas, they don’t even try.
Anything but sprouts! That’s the watchword…parsnips I can cope with, if they’re roasted to within an inch of their life.
Since I’m now in the hands of my daughter the Christmas Queen, it’s all vegetarian anyway, and she hates sprouts, so all good.She’s ordained a lunch involving confit of this and jus of that, all veggie, but I’m ok with that as long as I don’t have to get involved in the cooking. All I have to do is make a cheesecake. I used to cook a turkey for myself and the occasional aunt, but I don’t bother any more. My late mother-in-law used to call it the Unfortunate Bird.
An occasional aunt, is that like an occasional table?
A bit less well-equipped in the legs department…been humming this to myself all evening, oddly enough. Could hardly be less appropriate, but hey ho.
Sadly the video is unavailable to me – however I sincerely hope that it was Syd Barrett: all together now –
“Yes you know what you are
An occasional aunt
An occasional aunt”
Was Julie London singing An Occasional Man…
“I got an island in the Pacific
And everything about it is terrific
I got the sun to tan me
Palms to fan me and
An occasional man
I love my island, it’s very lazy
If I should ever leave it, I’d be crazy
I’ve got papayas, peaches
Sandy beaches and
An occasional man
When I go swimming
I’m always dressed in style
‘Cause I go swimming
Wearing just a great big smile…” etc.
Any connection between that and the occasional aunt is entirely in my own head.
Is an occasional man like an occasional table? Holds a plant, but doesn’t serve any practical purpose?
Gives you something to aspire to.
Swan tastes faintly fishy, if the monks of Abbotsbury are to be believed.
I always feel fish, freshwater at least, is a bit swanny.
Facebook has reminded me that four years ago I achieved a personal best of eating 30 Brussels sprouts at one sitting on Christmas day.
I hope Boxing Day was pleasant for everyone in your household.
😉
Couldn’t be becalmed if you went sailing after that.
I suppose I should say that the 30 homegrown sprouts would have scarcely filled two dessert spoons. I have seen larger peas.