I was in a taxi this morning. The driver was streaming songs from his phone: Rock You Like a Hurricane by The Scorpions followed by whatever the collective noun is for a group of Michael Bolton songs (an unkindness? a murder?).
Geez, I thought, I haven’t suffered in a taxi so much since someone requested Pour Some Sugar On Me on the radio that time.
All of which got me thinking: were the late 80s the absolute worst time for chart music? Now I know what you’re going to say, you’re going to say that there was a lot of good music in the late 80s: Prince, Def Jam, REM, The Cure, New Order. I know, I know, I like all of those too apart from New Order. I’m talking about the chart music, the songs that represent the time, that if Simon Bates were still alive (Note to self: check Wikipedia before posting) he would be playing on the Golden Hour for that year.
1986-1991. Stock Aitken and Waterman. Hair Metal. Hi NRG. Power Ballads. Slap bass. Stadium Rock. Clattering, compressed production. Old songs from Levi Ads. Those were dark times. Surely the darkest of all?
Or if they weren’t, which were?
Hmm. No. At least they had legitimate melodies and structure, whether one liked or loathed them. This current soulless auto tuned production line sonic shite that gets pumped out as lifestyle wallpaper is actually the very ‘zak’ you hear in the elevator to hell. Ding! Going down, baby. Don’t get me started on the aberration that is now R & B.
Quite right, Rob my old blister. Most cogently put. Here – have a Werther’s. Take the whole bag – they’re some ghastly coffee-flavoured version I purchased by mistake and quite as much a harbinger of the end of civilisation as what passes for today’s pop music.
Oh I don’t give a shit about modern ‘civilisation’, let alone its ‘popular music’ these days. I’m not paraphrasing Gandhi, by the way. He could be quite the prick when it came to pacifism and Nazis.
I think that just shows how whenever New Order, The Smiths, REM etc got in the singles chart it felt like a small victory. Especially when they turned up on TOTP looking slightly shifty and awkward.
OK it’s like shooting fish in a barrel but come on…power ballads. Michael Bolton. SAW. God some of that stuff was so poor.
At the time, The Smiths were ‘my’ band, and as for power ballads, yes they were pretty poor indeed, but if they were the future of shite it was cynically organic by proxy of worse to come.
This is a great question. I would begin by suggesting that a great deal will depend on your tolerance for Pop music. If you don’t like the stuff, then the charts are generally likely to be pretty grim, and probably began to get grimmer from the late 80s onwards. Personally, I do like Pop music, so I’m happy to give credit to great pop records as and when they occur.
I would suggest that a reasonable approach to picking the darkest year of them all would be to take a look at the 20 best selling singles for each of the applicable years. Doing so is relatively revealing.
Most late 80s years show at least a few gems at the top of the charts. To take a few random examples:
* 1986 has Caravan of Love, Don’t Leave Me This Way, Papa Don’t Preach, Take My Breath Away and Chain Reaction all in the top 20. I’m sure we all have our own views of what makes decent music, but I’m sure we can probably agree that that little lot is ample Pop compensation for Lady In Red.
* 1988 is a little weaker, but the list contains Teardrops by Womack & Womack. No year in which Teardrops is a top selling single can be truly grim. Also on show are Perfect by Fairground Attraction, I Think We’re Alone Now, He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother, Heaven Is A Place On Earth and Push It. Not bad.
Now, I can’t speak to much before I was born (although I hear it was largely majestic), but I recalled there being a period at the turn of the Millennium where the charts went particularly loco. So I had a quick look, and discovered that 1999 could be a contender. Here’s the top 20 in full….
1 BABY ONE MORE TIME BRITNEY SPEARS 1
2 BLUE (DA BA DEE) EIFFEL 65 1
3 THE MILLENNIUM PRAYER CLIFF RICHARD 1
4 MAMBO NO.5 (A LITTLE BIT OF…) LOU BEGA 1
5 9PM (TILL I COME) ATB 1
6 LIVIN’ LA VIDA LOCA RICKY MARTIN 1
7 THAT DON’T IMPRESS ME MUCH SHANIA TWAIN 3
8 SWEET LIKE CHOCOLATE SHANKS & BIGFOOT 1
9 FLAT BEAT MR. OIZO 1
10 WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH BOYZONE 1
11 BRING IT ALL BACK S CLUB 7 1
12 BETTER OFF ALONE ALICE DEEJAY 2
13 GENIE IN A BOTTLE CHRISTINA AGUILERA 1
14 PERFECT MOMENT MARTINE MCCUTCHEON 1
15 BOOM,BOOM,BOOM,BOOM!! VENGABOYS 1
16 NO SCRUBS TLC 3
17 IF I COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME R KELLY 2
18 WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL RONAN KEATING 1
19 HEARTBEAT/TRAGEDY STEPS 1
20 I TRY MACY GRAY
Now, there are some records on there that I think most people would probably regard as relatively awful. But then, there’s also motherfreaking Baby One More Time, along with Livin La Vida Loca and No Scrubs. And the day is pretty much saved by that narrowly squeaked 20th placing for the immortal I Try.
So I went back a little further, and found this. 1994. Feast your eyes…
TITLE ARTIST PEAK
1 LOVE IS ALL AROUND WET WET WET 1
2 SATURDAY NIGHT WHIGFIELD 1
3 STAY ANOTHER DAY EAST 17 1
4 BABY COME BACK PATO BANTON 1
5 I SWEAR ALL-4-ONE 2
6 ALWAYS BON JOVI 2
7 WITHOUT YOU MARIAH CAREY 1
8 CRAZY FOR YOU LET LOOSE 2
9 DOOP DOOP 1
10 THE SIGN ACE OF BASE 2
11 COME ON YOU REDS MANCHESTER UTD FOOTBALL SQUAD 1
12 ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU MARIAH CAREY 1
13 THE RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT CORONA 2
14 LET ME BE YOUR FANTASY BABY D 1
15 LOVE ME FOR A REASON BOYZONE 2
16 7 SECONDS YOUSSOU N’DOUR FT NENEH CHERRY 3
17 LIKE TO MOVE IT REEL 2 REAL FT MAD STUNTMAN 5
18 SWAMP THING GRID 3
19 EVERYTHING CHANGES TAKE THAT 1
20 (MEET) THE FLINTSTONES BC-52’S
Now, there’s a lot of novelty records in that little lot, but I personally would make an argument for Always by Bon Jovi being one of the greatest records of all time, with All I Want For Christmas Is You not far behind. There are also creditable showings in 7 Seconds, Let Me Be Your Fantasy, Rhythm of The Night, The Sign and Stay Another Day. However, taken in total, this does seem a relatively Afterword-unfriendly 20, and therefore a contender.
But still, I got the sense there might yet be far worse out there. I discounted the last 10 years, on the basis that hardly anyone here is likely to actually recognise any of the music, which seems a bit unfair for these purposes. And that lead me on to the early 2000s. 2011 Appears to have been a bit rotten, but it was largely rescued by Adele. 2005, on the other hand, had no such luck….
1 “Is This the Way to Amarillo” Tony Christie featuring Peter Kay 1 1,100,233
2 “That’s My Goal” Shayne Ward 1 874,444
3 “Axel F” Crazy Frog 1 525,123
4 “You’re Beautiful” James Blunt 1 474,455
5 “Don’t Cha” Pussycat Dolls featuring Busta Rhymes 1 380,936
6 “All About You”/”You’ve Got a Friend” McFly 1 338,553
7 “Lonely” Akon 1 334,413
8 “Hung Up” Madonna 1 327,504
9 “You Raise Me Up” Westlife 1 323,466
10 “Push the Button” Sugababes 1 306,695
11 “Bad Day” Daniel Powter 2
12 “JCB Song” Nizlopi 1
13 “Ghetto Gospel” 2Pac featuring Elton John 1
14 “Feel Good Inc.” Gorillaz 2
15 “Switch” Will Smith 4
16 “I Like The Way (You Move)” Bodyrockers 3
17 “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” Arctic Monkeys 1
18 “Let Me Love You” Mario 2
19 “Tripping” Robbie Williams 2
20 “We Belong Together” Mariah Carey
You can make an argument here for the Arctic Monkeys, Push the Button and Hung Up, but – really – these appear to have been bleak times, and the bleakest I’ve been able to identify using this methodology. Late career “will this do” efforts from Carey, Williams and Smith, an absolutely stinking top 4 and, to cap it all off, Bad Day by Daniel Powter.
On the basis of all of which: 2005 is my answer.
Incidentally, 1990 had one of the absolute strongest line ups of any year I looked at. Here’s the top 14 – virtually every one of them is, in one way or another, a stone cold classic. What a time to be alive.
1 UNCHAINED MELODY THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS 1
2 NOTHING COMPARES 2 U SINEAD O’CONNOR 1
3 SACRIFICE/HEALING HANDS ELTON JOHN 1
4 ICE ICE BABY VANILLA ICE 1
5 KILLER ADAMSKI 1
6 SHOW ME HEAVEN MARIA MCKEE 1
7 DUB BE GOOD TO ME BEATS INTERNATIONAL 1
8 VOGUE MADONNA 1
9 WORLD IN MOTION ENGLAND/NEW ORDER 1
10 THE POWER SNAP! 1
11 NESSUN DORMA LUCIANO PAVAROTTI 2
12 A LITTLE TIME BEAUTIFUL SOUTH 1
13 TURTLE POWER PARTNERS IN KRYME 1
14 IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE ROXETTE
I really can’t be arsed to read all that nor God forbid listen to it, Bingo. No offence.
Yebbut what was in the Froots charts?
None taken!
Good man. I’m sure my wafflings are the same, but as you’re here, Astral High Five. Keep Bingoing On, although I’ll be over there, musically speaking only, of course.
Astral high five duly returned. I generally enjoy your wafflings, for what it’s worth, and it would be a dull old world if we all listened to the same stuff.
Indeed. Cosmic fist bump, apart from the ‘generally’. That requires Roger Moore eyebrow yoga.
😁
Ditto
It’s this type of in-depth research that keeps me returning here – who says lists are a waste of space, not when coupled with analysis such as this.
Y’gotta admire rigorous application of scientific method…
I’d like to, rather meekly, point out that Crazy for You by Let Loose is a fab record (1994), as are Stay Another Day and Seven Seconds, as you’ve observed. I can’t believe that Shine by Aswad wasn’t in the top 20 sellers of that year? In fact, it wasn’t even top 40. Odd how memory differs from the facts – I can’t recall a song more played that year.
I insist that 2000-2010 was the worst decade in the history of popular music.
Great shout on Crazy For You. Ace pop song.
Magnificent. Not the music, the post. take a bow Bingo.
That 2005 chart looks like the CDs collecting dust in the local Air Ambulance.
> whatever the collective noun is for a group of Michael Bolton songs
A mullet?
Bolotin is it? No-one was man enough.
Least of all me.
I once set out to prove that 1987 was the nadir of popular music, based on the following pillars:
1987 – What The F**k Is Going On? was the title of a KLF album.
And I agree with Bill Drummonds assertion – what exactly was going on at that time?
– Smiths had just split
– No new Iron Maiden album
– The rampant rise of American Hair Metal/Poodle Rock with Bon Jovi headlining Monsters Of Rock at Donnington
– Stock, Aitken & Waterman
– Acceeid!
– Only 10 years since The Sex Pistols, and the passing of Elvis Presley and Marc Bolan – feels like longer!
Plus points (few and far between if I’m honest):
– Pogues and The Dubliners performing “The Irish Rover” which certainly lit up an otherwise “ho-hum” edition of Saturday Night Live
– The Cult – Electric
– Jethro Tull – Crest Of A Knave
– Marillion – Clutching At Straws
– Guns n Roses – Appetite For Destruction
– Zodiac Mindwarp
It was also the start of the “looking back to the past” era, with the year opening with Jackie Wilson’s “Reet Petite” at Number 1.
The success of “Reet Petite” was a result of the ‘claymation’ video, but the appearance sat nicely with the ongoing Levis adverts and the old song used to soundtrack them (“Wonderful World” and “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” in 1986, “Stand By Me” and “When A Man Loves A Woman” in 1987).
Things got better in 1988 with The Primitives, Transvision Vamp, The Wonderstuff, Pop Will Eat Itself and Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine (OK, not pop success).
From a blinkered view point, Madchester put the guitar back in the pop charts, and begat Britpop, so the 90s picked up a bit.
1987 was still a duffer though
My 87 good stuff is different to yours:
Husker Du – Warehouse Songs and Stories
The World Won’t Listen/Louder Than bombs/Strangeways Here We Come – Smiths
Cost of Loving – Style Council
Saint Julian – Cope
Joshua tree – U2
Sign o the Times – Prince
Tango in the Night – Fleetwood Mac
Dead Letter Office/Document – REM
Raintown – Deacon blue
Exit 0 – Steve Earle
Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me – Cure
Echo and the Bunnymen (self titled)
Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent Darby
Frank’s Wild Years – Tom Waits
Substance – New Order
Actually – Pet Shop boys
Happy? – PIL
The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death- Housemartins
Poetic Champions Compose – Van Morrison
Tunnel of Love – Bruce Springsteen
George Best – Wedding Present
Mainstream – Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
Robbie Robertson (s/t)
Faith – George Michael
Cloud Nine – George Harrison
The Lion and the Cobra – Sinead O’Connor
Love – Aztec Camera
Great year!
Ah yes, and those ones.
Looking again, there were many great albums (and Def Leppard’s Hysteria) released that year.
Pop Chart Singles though –
1 Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Astley
2 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now Starship
3 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) Whitney Houston
4 You Win Again Bee Gees
5 China In Your Hand T’pau
6 Respectable Mel & Kim
7 Stand By Me Ben E King
8 It’s A Sin Pet Shop Boys
9 Star Trekkin’ Firm
10 Pump Up The Volume M/A/R/R/S
11 I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) George Michael & Aretha Franklin
12 Under The Boardwalk Bruce Willis
13 Let It Be Ferry Aid
14 Always On My Mind Pet Shop Boys
15 Got My Mind Set On You George Harrison
16 Can’t Be With You Tonight Judy Boucher
17 La Isla Bonita Madonna
18 La Bamba Los Lobos
19 Hold Me Now Johnny Logan
20 Who’s That Girl Madonna
Perhaps not a stellar year …
NME SIngles list for an alternative:
1. Sign ‘O’ The Times – Prince
2. Paid In Full – Eric B & Rakim
3. Big Decision – That Petrol Emotion
4. Rebel Without A Pause – Public Enemy
5. Pump Up The Volume – M/A/R/R/S
6. I Know You Got Soul – Eric B & Rakim
7. Hit The North – The Fall
8. Birthday – The Sugercubes
9. True Faith – New Order
10. Females – Cookie Crew
11. Girlfriend In A Coma – The Smiths
12. Hey Love – King Sun D Moet
13. Rent – Pet Shop Boys
14. Fight For Your Right – Beastie Boys
15. If I Was Your Girlfriend – Prince
16. Get Down – Derek B
17. Fairy Tale Of New York – The Pogues
18. Boops(Here To Go) – Sly And Robbie
19. Birth School Work Death – The Godfathers
20. He’s A Whore/The Model – Big Black
21. The Albums Of Jack – The Bachelor Pad
22. First We Take Manhattan – Jennifer Warnes
23. This Brutal House – Nitro Deluxe
24. April Skies – The Jesus And Mary Chain
25. You’re Gonna Get Yours – Public Enemy
26. Someday – Ce Ce Rogers
27. My Favourite Dress – The Wedding Present
28. Saturday Night – Schoolly D
29. Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley
30. It’s A Sin – Pet Shop Boys
31. Alex Chilton – The Replacements
32. The Godfather – Spoonie Gee
33. New Mind – Swans
34. Downtown – Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu
35. I Am The Law – Anthrax
36. Beaver Patrol – Pop Will Eat Itself
37. Letter From America – The Proclaimers
38. All You Need Is Love – Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu
39. There’s A Ghost In My House – The Fall
40. It’s Not Heaven – Blind Mice
41. Beats And Pieces – Cold Cut
42. Rock Da House – Cookie Crew
43. What Have I Done To Deserve This – Pet Shop Boys
44. There Ain’t Nothin’ Like Shaggin’ – The Tams
45. Chasin A Dream – Tashan
46. Indians – Anthrax
47. Lolita – Ar Kane
48. What’s My Scene? – The Hoodoo Gurus
49. La Isla Bonita – Madonna
50. The Kray Twins – Renegade Sound Wave
51. Brilliant Disguise – Bruce Springsteen
52. Sho’ You Right – Barry White
53. Jump Start – Natalie Cole
54. Mary’s Prayer – Danny Wilson
55. Shoplifters Of The World Unite – The Smiths
56. Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Noise – Age Of Chance
57. Walk Away – Surf Drums
58. Build – The Housemartins
59. Touch Of Grey – The Grateful Dead
60. If You Let Me Stay – Terence Trent D’arby
Biggest surprise to me about that list is that the NME liked Anthrax
Not to me, they got behind what was then referred to as Speed Metal early in ’87. Slayer, the ‘Thrax, the ‘Tallica and the ‘Deth all got coverage. Scott Ian wearing a Beastie Boys t-shirt was probably the turning point (probably the 1987est thing in the world)
^Bloody great list of records that. Victory over the c86 mob? I think so.
Not arf. C86 defined the end of my 13 years avidly reading the NME and deriving all my received wisdom from it’s savant journalists.
That’s a stellar year in my book: Always on My Mind, La Bamba and I Wanna Dance With Somebody alone would have seen to that, let alone when you throw in It’s A Sin and Stand By Me.
T’Pau’s debut album is a marvellous record and one I still play today.
You missed out the JAMC’s Darklands. My favourite album of 1987.
Quite a few of Dai’s good ones in my 1987 list, to which I would add the following:
Rosanne Cash – King’s Record Shop
Bryan Ferry – Bete Noire
Nanci Griffith – Lone Star State Of Mind
John Hiatt – Bring the Family
Lyle Lovett – Pontiac
John Mellencamp – The Lonesome Jubilee
Joni Mitchell – Chalk Mark in a Rainstorm
10,000 Maniacs – In My Tribe
Suzanne Vega – Solitude Standing
Warren Zevon – Sentimental Hygiene
I find this narrow, conservative idea of studenty type bands, Prince aside, kind of dismaying. The charts have always been full of dross, even in the 60s and 70s. Take those TOTP re-runs people hopefully turn to, wanting to re-live that buzz of watching it at the time only to be dissapointed, lucky if there’s more than one great song. We talk about 1979 quite often. That was a charts revival and continued into 81. But there’s lots of 80s chart hits to talk about.
You’ve got Cyndia Lauper, Neneh Cherry, Madonna, Kate Bush, Madness, A-ha, OMD, Bowie, Pet Shop Boys, Bronski Beat, Chaka Khan, Shannon, Laura Branigan, Journey, Evelyn ‘Champagne’ King, Bomb The Bass, MARRS, Run DMC, Salt n Pepa, Donna Summer, Joyce Sims, Inner City, Princess, Propaganda, Gwen Guthrie and many more. Soul and dance music is usually the answer if you can be more adventurous and not fixate on the obvious rock route.
Some more: Shalamar, Scritti Politti (had a hit or two), 808 State
Scrimilataloo hop hegly doo wuff schuff Don Henley.
Chaka Chaka Chaka Chaka Khan Chaka Khan Chaka Khan Herbie Hancock
Missed that it was late 80s. Embarrassing. Still some of that stuff applies, the dance/hiphop stuff.
This is a work of brilliance (the song). State of the art 80s dance pop:
1983. 😩
Even as a confirmed 80s boy I accept something shifted in 1987. There was still loads around that suited my hedonistic pop loving ears though. It was peak clubbing, 2 week holiday abroad time so loafs of great stuff to drunkenly shuffle to on a Friday and Saturday night. The thing is though SAW could be amazing, we’ve discussed them here many times . I really enjoyed Simply Red, The Blow Monkeys and other chart stuff. I hated the American stuff at that time Bolton, Starship etc though. So no, it was no 81,82,83,84 and yes it was clearly a transitional period in popular music but the worst? I think that came later…
@hawkfall
Think your theory is a good one, after all the mighty Krokus didn’t release anything in 1989.
I started my obsession with recorded music in 1980/81, was an A-level student earning a decent weekend wage in 1986-88, and an undergraduate in 1988-91.
I had absolutely no problems finding good records to buy in any year. I still don’t.
Yebbut, per the OP, there must have been years when lots of your purchases were regulars on the charts and others when barely any had a sniff.
1987 is a very significant year for me, in that, I was having such a great time I kept missing Top Of The Pops and, for the first time in my life, big chart hits wot I would have really liked crept out months before they were brought to my attention by my less cool friends..
If you had asked me in 1986 and onward I would have agreed that most of the music played on the radio was unlistenable shite. But I’ve become very tolerant with age, and now when they come on the radio as “golden oldies”, they usually cheer me up and make me hum along.
My teen self would be disgusted with me, but I don’t care! 🙂
Same. My teen self was a douchebag, what did he know.
“It Bites” rescued the end of the 80s for me.
Shout out to Jane Wiedlin for “Rush Hour” (1988): terrific power pop. I think there was a positive shift in chart music around that time with Soul II Soul, “Keep on Moving.”
Rush Hour is a cracker, I bought the 12″ in a bargain bin not so long ago.
Technology had a hand in the musical shift of 1987. Sampling became affordable to almost anybody with a keyboard, which was good and bad. For every Soul II Soul, 808 State and A Guy Called Gerald there was an Altern8.
I find this quite difficult. That 1987 list is memorable for me but mostly due to the memories that come flooding back. 86-89 was a pretty low period for me. I think some of the songs there are just about OK but will always represent a time and a place. Weirdly for me the location that came to mind was a little cafe in Torre, Devon near the college I was going to back then. Chip butties and cans of Coke.
It was getting to be more of a time for albums. 90s rock emerging. Less of a time for singles compared with earlier in the decade. Fine Young Cannibals though. S-Express. Neneh Cherry. Lots to like. I remember it as a good time, being a student, in a relationship, going out quite a bit.