This popped up tonight. I haven’t played it in years, yet it is one of my favourite Springsteen songs. I spent the length of the song thinking about why I haven’t played it more, especially recently. Then it hit me. It’s because I associate it with the unhappiest time of my life. And I am really happy, at the moment.
When my first marriage was caving in, I would spend nights downstairs, after she’d gone to bed, delaying going to bed myself, and playing the Tunnel Of Love album. This was always the last track I would play before giving in to the responsibilities of work the next day, and climbing the stairs. I haven’t thought about that for years.
After weeks of suspicion and phone calls that went dead if I answered, I confronted her. She denied the affair. I walked out of the house and spent the rest of the day buying the 300 paracetamol, the brandy and the various things I needed to kill myself. The fact that total liver failure takes a few days, and a smart young doctor’s persistence, meant that I am still here, happily fifteen years into a second marriage.
When people ask me who my favourite band or gig is, they are sometimes surprised at the speed and enthusiasm of my answer. It will always be Bruce Springsteen. He has been part of my life for 40 of my 59 years. He helped me when my Dad died, when I was 27. He was the first that I turned to when Mum died, when it was me that found her. He has been at some of the best nights of my life, in arenas and stadiums, when I have whooped and yelled and sang and cried. He has been in my headphones, in the dark, on long, long nights, when my mental health has ebbed away from me, like some receeding wraith. Nebulous and mystical.
So tonight, I played this video, over and over, and fell back in love with this song. Reclaiming it feels like a small victory. Finally, after 21 years, I have moved on.
Nice post Niall and one I am totally empathise with as I am sure most others can on this site. I am slightly ahead of you as my happy second marriage reaches 19 years in March. Did I ever think I would be this happy at the time of my first marriage breakdown? No way – even though I was assured by all and sundry that I would. When you are in the depths of despair you don’t listen. I well recall the nights I sat listening to my music whilst my ex-wife was ‘at a friends house’. The times I asked her and the answers of denial. All bullshit of course and completely water under the bridge now but sat the time this song was the theme of my life. Strange that it no longer tears me up liked it used to:
Great post. This is the Springsteen I love. I go to his shows and enjoy all the running around and general mucking about but, if I want to listen to Bruce at home, this is the stuff I reach for. And, of course, this is the stuff that most people don’t think of when they think of Bruce Springsteen.
I’m sure you’ve seen Martyn Joseph’s line by line deconstruction of One Step Up. It really demonstrates the level of complexity that he’s hidden beneath the seemingly basic language and three chords of the song. Martin suggests job of art or songs is to make you feel that you’re not alone. For me, I think Bruce Springsteen does that better than anyone else.
Wow.
Another wonderful post Niall. Thankyou for sharing your story, and thankyou for re-introducing me to a song I haven’t heard for many years. And thankyou for prompting Johnny B to post the astonishing little vignette above from Martyn Joseph. What a joy on a wild and windy day.
Wow indeed. Thanks for that. It made my day.
A friend of mine had a very tough time a few years back, and he says one of the things that kept him going was listening to the Darkness album over and over.
It might be a bit daft to say about one of the most popular artists in the world, but I always think Bruce is underrated. The idea of him as the tubthumping bandana’d Yank seems to have faded as people have actually listened to Born In The USA properly, but I think the general perception of him now is as a superb big crowd entertainer who throws the best rock and roll party you’ll ever go to. Which is true, as far as it goes, but it misses out the introspection and subtlety of his best songwriting, and doesn’t take account of the artistic merit of his records. This is one of my very favourite of his songs, tucked away at the back end of a 4CD outtakes collection. It’s a great piece of storytelling, with an unforgettable last line
Thank you so much for bringing this set to my attention. For the price of a curry I now have 4 CDs of superb music. Never mind a ton of Dylan, this is much a more varied and possibly better considered collection of brilliantly constructed songwriting.
Beautifully expressed @niallb. Like you, I can easily recall my life story, played out in songs of significance.
Springsteen doesn’t hold any significance for me, but man, he’s a damn fine writer and performer.
Thanks for this, I think I’ll listen to more of the Boss. I’m sure he won’t disappoint. ❤️
Thanks all. Although I love a Bruce party, it is always the quiet, reflective songs I come back to. This one never fails to wrap it’s arms around me.
and this one takes me off into another world.
http://youtu.be/ZdUNborSaE4
I concur with all the above; much prefer Blue Bruce to Bombastic Bruce. Tunnel Of Love is possibly my favourite of his albums, though ironically I received it as a birthday present from my future wife at the start of our relationship (still going after 27 years, folks!). I really empathise with the melancholy and regret of his introspective songs, and they have some devastating lyrics – “I slam the door/On another battle in our dirty little war” from One Step Up being a prime example, another that’s always affected me being from Stolen Car: “She asked if I remembered the letters I wrote/When our love was young and bold/She said last night she read those letters/And they made her feel one hundred years old”.
A few years ago at one of our darkest hours, I compiled a mixtape to help my wife through a desperately grim situation she had to deal with alone. This was a pivotal song on the tape, and retains a great resonance for us:
My separation and divorce soundtrack wasn’t Bruce, and especially not Tunnel of Love. Far far too right, and close to home. I went with Greg Dulli.
(That Martyn Joseph clip is wonderful)
He’s been a mainstay since I was wee and my Dad inculcated me with Born to Run. I’m not a completist, but I have most of his oeuvre, and he gets regular airtime. At his best, he speaks to a shared human experience and the Joseph album does a great job so stripping his songs down to their essence.
He does also speak to a portion of America that doesn’t really get much attention outside the US – the blue collar, paycheck to paycheck, no prospects of escape, working class. He knows whereof he speaks, and he captures it perfectly.
The shows are great fun. But I would pay massively over the odds for an intimate acoustic session.
Great post. I can definitely relate to that as Bruce amongst others has got me through rough times. Interesting that he’s had suicidal depression in the past and he’s been in therapy for 30 years. He once said of his drive and achievements; “You cannot underestimate the fine power of self-loathing in all of this,”
It’s amazing that someone can take their own hellish experience, turn it into a song and that in turn can become someone else’s therapeutic device.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNLOowlGGt4&list=FL6vwbZpJeMfvGHTQtRnbBgQ&index=88
Many years ago I was going through some very hard times, and found comfort in the lyrics to Badlands, ‘I want to find one face that ain’t looking through me / I want to find one place / I want to spit in the face of these badlands’. Springsteen has always had the uncanny knack of being able to connect to people through his music. His life and mine are thousands of miles apart in every way, and yet I found he spoke for me then, and still does.
Great, if heartbreaking, thread.
Not going to go into the details, but it’s Highway Patrolman that always gets me. Someone very dear to me went well and truly off the rails for a spell and I wished desperately for them to straighten out and come back. They eventually did, but Highway Patrolman levelled me the first time I heard it, and still does so to this day.
Amazing that one artist can have proved an emotional touchstone in this way for so many of us.
The Joseph clip is interesting in that it (sort of) confirms he isn’t necessarily always the best interpreter of his own songs, Sure, fond of Bruce, a Bruce where Nebraska is his best and anything much after Born in the USA isn’t. But the roster of covers of any and most of his songs reveal songwriting masterclassery way beyond perhaps the best bar band in the world. (Yes, I’m torn as the live Bruce, once, 1999, was beyond fabulous and I love the bombast, but…..)
Here’s a favourite
Lovely post Niall and others. Bruce has a way of just nailing simple emotions perfectly. I spent many a late night after my Dad died with a large whisky and “Walk like a man”, and even now I can’t hear it without the old ducts moistening. In fact they are now.
Love your posts, and indeed everyone’s posts on this thread
Nice post.
Brilliant post. I’ve also preferred downbeat Bruce since hearing this on Born In The USA:
The most heartbreaking dream is the one that turns out to be just a dream. The wild, lung bursting run home. House is still empty, she’s still gone.