Songs that nobody in their right mind likes. Because shit.
Vegemite Songs
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Musings on the byways of popular culture
Musings on the byways of popular culture
by 125 Comments
Songs that nobody in their right mind likes. Because shit.
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I’ll see your Shaddap ya face and raise you a dance move practiced to this day all over the globe.
Pure Vegemite!
Like Kryptonite only worse.
Then we have the likes of VDGG and Bauhaus, which gets us into the poncy realms of Gentleman’s Relish music.
I recall Peter Gabriel saying (years ago) that he wanted the Birdie Song played at his funeral!
Listen pal, I much prefer vegemite over HP Sauce
And whatsamadda with Joe Dolce? Why ya lookin’ so sad?
Classic puerile singalong.
It has that classic ingredient. People who think it’s funny, which they’re entitled to do, free country and all that, think that performing a poor imitation of an already poor original will be a hilarious guarantee of social success and the admiration of their peers.
I don’t think you can call Marmite an “already poor original” without expecting some justified backlash, Gatz.
You know what? I’m indifferent to Marmite. That’s right, you heard me. I neither love nor hate it and everyone else will just have to deal with that.
Do I have to deal with it, or can I be indifferent?
Choosing not to deal with something is itself a manner of dealing with it Grasshopper.
I am indifferent to choice. There is no “Marmite”, no “Vegemite” – only the quality of spreadness, which is ineffable*.
(*and, in Vegemite’s case, inedible).
If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice…wise words from Rush!
Can’t beat a bit of Freewill.
Is that something to do with a whale?
Free Willy is the sign outside Rob C’s house.
Yeah, Joe’s record is not very good, but it annoys ‘serious’ music fans that it stopped Vienna from being No1. Worth it for that alone.
That’s the main reason I like Shaddap. Is there a more portentious, pretentious and boring pop song out there than Vienna?
There isn’t. It really is the most pompous piece of empty, overblown, meaningless, tedious tripe.
And as for Midge Ure’s pointy sideburns…
Well that’s just nit-picking, isn’t it?
He could probably spear a nit with those sidies…
I think someone once described Vienna as being a well lit empty room.
It used to be a running gag, back in the Lying On Somebody’s Front Room Carpet years, to launch into a German accent and reminisce about Vienna. Why – I have and had no idea. But it would reduce us to weeping giggles every time.
“Ach! Vienna! Spiele das guittaren unter das blossom trees!” – that kind of thing. Always began with “Ach! Vienna!” Yes, they were simpler times. Higher, too.
It’s not a Goon show or Milligan reference is it HP?
Sounds like you had an excellent grasp of High German.
Sometimes, a cover version really does a song justice.
The definitive version.
All hail the Belgian Police
I bailed at 1:23, which is more time than I’d give the original.
You missed the polka section. Get back on it Hewlett.
Right on cue, you will now be able to get it in all it’s high resolution / surround sound glory, courtesy of of Mr S Wilson……
https://www.superdeluxeedition.com/news/ultravox-vienna-40th-anniversary/
That would just make its awfulness even clearer wouldn’t it?
I think so, although I read all the technical specs and it meant nothing to me…….
Ach, Vienna …
I found them mystic and soulful.
My favourite song about a cat, of, like, ALL TIME!!!!
Agadoo-doo-doo
No! I refuse to post it.
In fact, is there anyone who will defend Black Lace’s entire happy clappy party singalong nonsense
See, HP has once again got it Wrong. Novelty songs no matter how awful have their rightful place in the Pantheon of Pop. They don’t pretend to be anything else, harmless fun for (mostly) harmless idiots.
It’s shite like this that should be ridiculed
Well played, Sir! The Euro version of “The Brotherhood of Man”, themselves.
I can hear no difference between this and the other songs nominated for a “Veggie”, Mr. Wrongness. They are all Vegemite, regardless of where they fit in your frankly sniggerworthy “Pantheon Of Pop.”
Lodey’s comment reminds me how we all used to sing 🎵There was something in the air that night
It smelled like shite🎵
Easily amused, we were back then. And now..
Well, Señor Sauce, you post a clip of a comedy/novelty record – the easiest of all easy targets at which to condescendingly snigger.
I counter with a real shocker like Fernando (oh, where is Disappointing Bob when you need him and thank god Dai’s on his hols) you resort to insult. Mind, I’m looking at ways of changing my middle moniker to Sniggerworthy.
Vegemite is Vegemite. It crosses all boundaries. No genre is without its liberal serving of the rubbery food substitute.
Vegemite is vegemite, la la la la la.
Big ABBA fan me. But Fernando is not much cop though a bit harsh to put it on a par with some of this novelty pap.
Careful, I still have access to the internet. Fernando probably wouldn’t be in my top 20 ABBA songs but it is still a thing of beauty and (occasionally) moves me to tears.
You’re weirder than Bellows and he’s weird
Oi! I’m still here, Mr Wrongity-Wrong.
Just call me Sniggerworthy, everyone else does
Well…the boys from Black Lace did their “Hamburg” years in Spain and struck up a friendship with Salvador Dali – whose work inspired much of their oeuvre. The writing credits for El Vino Collapso include “Senor X” – widely thought to be the great artist himself. This checks out – because the Black Lace crew didn’t know a word of Spanish, despite living there for three years!
I certainly agree with Lodestone about novelty songs’ place in the Pantheon of Pop.
But then, how about this viciously infectious Spanish ear worm?
I place it in the Pantheon of Poop but back in the day there were many cheery Latin grannies who Would scurry And scamper onto the dancefloor whenever it was played.
… and that’s how you met your wife!
You cad! How did you find that out.
It is true. Our eyes met across the dancefloor and as we did the Pajaritos dance together we realized we were birds of a feather.
And then, as though he could read our thoughts, the DJ played John Paul Young….
She was several decades older than me and already a great-grandmother, but Amor is Amor!!
I like that ⬆️ song.
It’s a damn good song. The arrangement is Vegemite, though but.
Let’s press the button shall we. Some people make it pass the first chorus, no-one makes it past the second…
First time I’ve heard this. Vegemite with a crust!
(Bailed after three seconds)
So you missed the line “He’s been in trouble with the law, for grievous bodily harm” then?
That must make it unique. Lots of songs mention crimes, but I don’t recall GBH ever being sung about.
Its probably unique too in the use of the swazzle. I can’t think of another ‘song’ that incorporates one.
Maybe I’ve led a sheltered life.
That is really really bad. Really bad.
You know, I think she might be singing about having it off.
I opened up the site to post Joy Sarney’s “Naughty Naughty Naughty”, but I see that moseleymoles got there before me.
“Naughty Naughty Naughty” … words fail me. It’s so horrible, so abysmal, that it makes “Shaddup ya face” sound like Bach’s solo cello suites.
Yes, but watching Joy Sarney (sandwich delight) reminded me of Geneviève Bujold, which is no bad thing.
Am I wrong but is there an atmosphere here developing?
It is a party to be having!
I recall seeing this when I was a kid. I thought, “Who’s that embarrassing old codger?” Russ was only about 36.
Paging @beany
I’m keeping silent. I own all the above records but prefer this version of Shaddap. I met Andrew at a function and when I told him I had the single he exclaimed, “you’re the one that bought it!”
“at a function”
People just don’t talk like this any more. It’s a damn shame.
It was shorter than saying “charity fundraising dinner at a Park Lane hotel”. Not really swanky because it was our charity so we had to be there but I did get to meet Joe Brown and Pete Murray and… (stop namedropping. Ed.)
Seems I forgot to post the video. https://youtu.be/KS3Ouh21jqA
I preferred it when you forgot.
Good to reminded this kind of shit sold by the lorry load in the best years of rock music, so was more normal for many. it was positively pushed by the light entertainment dept of the BBC. Note almost any TOTP episode: always some unfunny song or novelty hit.
God those awful civilians! Should never have been allowed to buy records. Messing up the purity of the glory years of rock. Really though I think it’s all part of pop’s rich tapestry. It confounds in a good way. I don’t see the appeal of TOTP reruns mind you. Too much dross (not the UD hitmaker). Even fast forwarding on youtube there’s slim pickings/pickens. See also OGWT for the ‘proper music’ bores. Not much there either. A one hour compilation of decent clips at best, from years of episodes.
Are there less novelty hits* now than ever before? No songs about Grandma, Grandad, Milkmen, Cards, Pushing Pineapples, Star Trek, Spraying or such like. By that measure, pop music has never been better.
* Russ Abott’s Atmosphere is a pop gem and is in no way a novelty hit. See also Ken Dodd’s Tears**.
** Ken Dodd’s Tears – TMFTL
On the other hand it could be seen to reflect a ruthless, careerist, humourlessness in modern music, which, I put it to you, is not a sign of a healthy pop scene. Then again, no Cheeky Girls. It’s hard to say. Good old cheesy shit or new, soulless shit.
Star Trekkin is a bonio fidee classic.
The Firm’s previous – Arthur Daley (Es Alright) is another novelty vegemite worthy of inclusion. Actually, more marmite because at least one person (ie me) likes it
The singer on this is Tony Thorpe who was guitarist with the Rubettes.
Only on the Afterword can one enjoy these pearls of wisdom.
My God! A Proustian Madeleine! (Oh, ‘ark at me)
It got to the line ‘cheap jibe Terence, try to understand…’ and it came flooding back I had this on a beloved cassette of taped off the radio bits. This was the last track on it. Christ knows why. I think I might have been amused by the fall off the back of a lorry gag at the time.
Have you never heard of the Lancashire Hotpots or even the Pound Shop Boys?
So glad your question has been dignified by silence. Novelty song dreck of the worst order. And don’t get me started on rhe wretched Bar Steward Sons of Val Doonican.
Cannot stand the Lancashire Hotpots. Not one little bit. At least a Doonicans song is funny the first time you hear it (I’ll grant retro that they don’t have a great deal of sticking power).
Marmite Songs! Vegemite Songs! What next? Yosemite Songs?
https://youtu.be/PzARh2usRhI
Any song on Chris Blackwell’s Thighland label.
*takes deep breath; flinches*
https://youtu.be/gGyPrmbgan0
First record I ever owned, but what the jiggins is she singing? Is it ‘Little baby bird/dove/don’??
Baby bird surely? Hence ‘chirpy chirpy etc.’
It should be, but listen again, if you dare. She ain’t singing ‘bird’.
If it’s meant to (sort of) rhyme with gone, it must be “little baby done”. Either the mama is done looking after that baby, or the baby no longer receiving care is told that its life will soon be over and done with…
Chirpy indeed!
Fledgling abuse, clearly. One for the Woke Offence Archaeologists.
Where’s your mama gone?
(Where’s your mama gone?)
Little baby, Don
(Little baby, Don)
Where’s your mama gone?
(Where’s your mama gone?)
Far, far away
Where’s your papa gone?
(Where’s your papa gone?)
Little baby, Don
(Little baby, Don)
Where’s your papa gone?
(Where’s your papa gone?)
Far, far away, far, far away
Last night I heard my mama singing a song
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep, chirp
Where’s your mama gone?
(Where’s your mama gone?)
Little baby, Don
(Little baby, Don)
Where’s your mama gone?
(Where’s your mama gone?)
Far, far away
Where’s your papa gone?
(Where’s your papa gone?)
Little baby, Don
(Little baby, Don)
Where’s your papa gone?
(Where’s your papa gone?)
Far, far away, far, far away
Last night I heard my mama singing a song
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep, chirp
(Let’s go now)
Last night I heard my mama singing a song
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep, chirp
(Altogether now)
Last night I heard my mama singing a song
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
Chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep, chirp
(Altogether now)
Last night I heard my mama singing a song
Ooh we, chirpy, chirpy, cheep, cheep
You been basing some eel fat, son?
This is my Sunrise Mantra, Rob.
I now have a truly beautiful image in my head. Thank you for placing it there, Sauceyji.
That drummer.
William Shakespeare?
By George, I think you’ve got it!
Lyrically this seems quite bleak. The sentiment seems to be: you’re a baby bird, you’re old enough to fend for yourself now, so your parents have fled the nest and left you. Deal with it.
It’s a masterpiece of avian existentialism. Or am I missing something?
It’s lyric nihilism is amplified by the Guantanamo orange jumpsuit melody. I’d confess to anything rather than listen to this.
Poo poopy dooh!
This topped the charts in 18 countries.
The same demographic that turned Pinky and Perky into megastars.
P&P invent Houses of the Holy: speed everything up to make it sound better.
Can’t believe this has not been posted yet
Thank you.
That ‘Crazy Frog’ ringtone noise from a few years back.
Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding and so forth
Downloaded by children of all ages at the time. I hope they all now have blackened souls. And piles.
I hate everything about this
Two silly boys who fell into a vat of John Bull printing blocks and a multitude of ink pads. They look like twats as a result.
And now I’m mortified that it’s in my search history.
“Ed Sheeran” – he’s new, isn’t he? I’ve never heard him before. He’s horrible. I didn’t hang around for “Justin Breibart” either.
I’ve embraced the fact that all pop music is daft. Even serious stuff like King Crimson, Bob Dylan and the Vengaboys. Enjoy it one moment, hate it the next, it doesn’t matter in the overall scheme of things.
The Afterword is done.
You’re right, provided of course you can list the precise order of how much you like each song/album/artist.
Public service announcement: if you want proper Marmite in Australia (and who doesn’t, apart from 99% of Australians) it’s called Our Mate, and is to be found under British in the world foods section of major supermarkets, along with Tunnocks and pot noodles. It travels from the Marmite mines in Blighty to New Zealand, where it is relabelled and shipped on to Oz. There is something called Marmite in Oz which is even worse than Vegemite, if you can imagine such a thing.
Wait a minute – There is something called “Marmite in Oz” or – There is something called “Marmite” in Oz ?
I was intrigued by your description of Our Mate. Now I know what it looks like.
https://www.bobinoz.com/blog/13711/buying-typically-english-food-in-australia/
Invaluable knowledge for someone living in Sweden!!
“Marmite” in Oz, or “Marmite in Oz”, take your pick, is made by a health food company called Sanitarium. Draw your own conclusions.
https://www.woolworths.com.au/shop/productdetails/79628?cmpid=smsm:ds:GOOGLE:Woolies_8458_BAU_Shopping_Smart_Others_WW-0001:PRODUCT_GROUP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn9fW9aSI6wIV1HwrCh1-pQ1ZEAYYAiABEgK3MPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
But don’t forget your face masks and your social distancing …
Now there is a song with a bizarre history, Martin.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eviva_Espa%C3%B1a
It began life as a Dutch pop song, and then was translated into many different languages and became ridiculously successful. Franco was still alive when it was first released.
Syvlia (Vrethammar), who did the English version, is Swedish and the version in her native language was a big hit here. In fact she is still singing it occasionally!
Something tells me that @Beany has a few versions.
Most odd of all is that it became a big favourite of Spanish football supporters!
https://www.goal.com/en-gh/news/4375/comment/2014/06/27/4845719/no-victory-this-time-but-viva-espana-will-always-be-the
Pop music, eh?
I reject the premise of the OP. Lightly spread on toast of a morning, it’s magic. If you’re slightly hungover, combine it with a banana smoothie and you’ll be back on form. A ‘vegemite song’ might be more accurately attributed to those that are an acquired taste and show a willingness to look past accepted wisdoms and cultural stereotypes. Good thread though.
Is it the coating on ‘Twiglets?” Because if it is, I like it.
Lordy! I was right all along! It WAS the Butler.
(NOTE TO MODS: My last hamper was stopped at customs. They only let the Corsair Tinned Chicken through and scoffed the rest. Can you make this hamper just Corsair Tinned Chicken, please. Big hit with the dogs, once they’d got the tin open. Thanking you for your consideration ectect.)
Still gives me nightmares
Someone please click this for me while I hide behind the couch.
During his Thin White Duke period, Bowie used Marmite to slick back his hair.
As you were.
Well past the hamper threshold and no one has posted Escape (The Pina Colada song)?
I am disappoint.