It’s a slightly scary thing as you gaze into the toilet bowl of eternity.
Trimming Your Ball Hair
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Musings on the byways of popular culture
Musings on the byways of popular culture
It’s a slightly scary thing as you gaze into the toilet bowl of eternity.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Did mine yesterday. Steely nerve. Steely blade.
I feel a bit queasy. Have you seen ‘The Duellists’?
No hairnet?
No hairnet required with bald balls. You could be onto something though. A niche market.
A gentleman must always be gusseted, be it swimming shorts, jockeys or trouser. Commando is for vulgarians and the uncouth. Richard Madeley goes commando. Let that be a warning to the curious.
I think you will find a nation of kilt wearers may dispute this point! Pants are for pansies.
Speaking as one of broad Celtic lineage, they are merely using their repressed urges to be deliberately obtuse, sir.
A safety razor is a much less intimidating option than scissors. And don’t rush. Whatever you do don’t rush.
WHAT?!
Ever had a hernia operation? The whole lot had to go. Inner thigh on the affected side to.
No. Blimey. Sorry to hear that. I just don’t fancy wielding a Bic down there, let alone an electric job, considering the possible complications of the latter.
Not a sure a biro is the right, er, tool for the job.
Indeed. Has to be indelible, and black rather than blue, unless you want to get stalked and assassinated by Smurfette.
I don’t remember prepping anyone for a hernia repair in my nursing days, but I can certainly remember prepping patients for cardiac surgery when I was doing my cardiology placement. The reason that has stayed with me is that I once slipped with the razor and took the end of a bloke’s nipple clean off. Took an age to stop the bleeding, but fortunately the old chap was far more forgiving than I would have been. Those razors were rubbish and barely took the hair off, so it was some achievement.
Blimey.
I remember those razors, light blue, shaped like a classic single blade safety razor but with regular gaps in the guard edge, apply any downward pressure and your patient had a multiple stripe scar!
They’re the ones! I haven’t seen one for decades, but I remember perfectly what they looked like, especially the one that had a bit of nipple stuck in it! Trying to shave an old bloke’s whiskers with one of those was like trying to peel a potato with a pencil.
I hope I’m not opening myself up to too much ridicule here, but…why? Did I miss a memo?
It’s just a bad dream Mike. As you were.
You and me both, Mike, you and me both.
Is this something required by other halves? I can honestly say I’ve never been asked to do such a thing. Chin minge, yes…
I think maybe I’m just lucky I’m not very hairy.
Just a few danglies worthy of an imminent invasion alert.
Give it time. It’ll sound like a veritable unspoiled jungle habitat when you switch the telly off.
Really, Mike. Chin minge? Bad TEFOL Chinese restaurant jazz tribute band?
I’m glad someone else asked that because I’m equally baffled. Not something I’ve ever considered!
I suppose I could be done with the bother of it. Perhaps rock some ball dreads? Would that be cultural appropriation?
Scissors.
Not since my vasectomy.
Succinct advice.
The thing is, you do it the safest way, with a pair of small scissors, or kitchen sized for the Oscar Eckenstein minded types.
Why bother..? Asking for a friend….
Perspective?
Aerodynamics?
You have no idea what could climb in the night.
Because my scrotum hair is beginning to resemble the beard of a Taoist sage.
Or Arvo Pärt, possibly.
Had to google Arvo. More of an upper neat trim.
Cover them in Immac and then stand about three feet above a recently boiled kettle to get the steam working.
Has worked for me for the last 23 years!
Not sure that is advised – to whit this gentleman’s reported experience.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD
unless you know different, of course. 🙂
I believe, unless you have kept a large stock of Immac, that this may be untrue.
Immac changed its name to Veet many years ago.
@Uncle-Wheaty
My stash of Immac has now been depleted as you suggest.
I know like to listen to Blondie during said procedure and I Veet To The Beat.
Depleted or depilated? @Uncle-Wheaty
Traditionalist. I like that.
Before I saw and responded to the comment from @uncle-wheaty , I was going to suggest that, if you are anything like me, make sure you put your glasses on before commencing. You wouldn’t want any unfortunate nips.
Oh. My. God
Doesn’t it just grow back in harder, wiry form and you have to keep shaving it? Bizarre.
Nah. Just longer. Greyer. Saruman to the left of me, Gandalf to the right, stuck in the middle earth of scrotal husbandry conundrums.
I use Occam’s Razor so I don’t have to bother.
Occam was a parlour man on the sly.
That’s the obvious solution really
An interesting conundrum.
If you really must I would suggest a pair of those really small finger scissors with the turned up points. Keep the ‘smooth’ sides of the blades to your scrotum and the pointy side facing away from danger.
If you are really confident a hedge trimmer. If you can make a half decent job if it with a hedge trimmer, just think how fab your hedges would look.
A quick wave around ’em with a cigarette lighter would be pretty effective. Keeping a damp flannel handy, of course.
No wonder Avast keeps telling me that my webcam might be spying on me.
I didn’t think the tag line at the bottom of the page “Stay Home, Stay Safe, Post Bollocks” was meant to be taken that literally…….
Hah! Arf Arf!
Any excuse to lower the tone.
Trimming Your Ball Hair – TMFTL
Perhaps some advice from our lady contributors would help here? Not that I think there are any, but I may be wrong.
I wouldn’t let a gentlemen’s barber near my chin, and not even Kate Bush with a nasal hair trimmer down south.
Seriously. This waxing business. God alive. Why don’t these chaps just admit that they’re rampant hard core masochists weirdos.
I would imagine it’s only the lockdown stopping most of us getting down to the salon for a full back, sack and crack ?
I’m very much a live and let live type, but some things genuinely baffle me.
I have a distant memory of an episode of Russell T Davies’s Cucumber series on C4, when a group of ageing gay men compared lengths of stray hairs they’d discovered growing on – and there’s no other way of saying this – their shafts. Not quite as harrowing as the golf club scene (by which I mean a single golf iron rather than the establishment), but upsetting nonetheless.
That’s a very odd location indeed. I would be most perturbed indeed. Phew!
I’m more concerned with ear and nasal hair to be honest. I’ve only had to dispense with the nether regions hair once, when I was sixteen. I caught a dose of the crabs from a nymphomaniac Nurse. Family Doctor was most amused. Set me at ease though, until he told me I’d have to make sure that all the beddings and coverings in the house would have to be thoroughly dealt with! I didn’t utter a word.
Insecticide or bonfire? Nasal hair’s a doodle with trimmer. Not much of a problem with the ears. Maybe the odd stray wisp on top but lughole clear.
insecticide coupled with freaking out. I’ve never told anyone about this before, Father.
Tweezers. Nasal hair? Yikes, man!
I know. Nobody warned me.
Splashing them with aftershave/cologne is one of those things that you only ever do once in this life.
Thanks, Henry.!
If you ever get crotch crickets again, Kerosene might do the job, but don’t spark up and if it’s hash, a meteorite could prove most unfortunate. Might sort your nasal hair at the same time, mind.
As I peruse this post, I wonder why we seem to be lower than ever in our roster of “afterbirds “, wondering why. Maybe we could ask Toyah’s advice?
Is it because we call them ‘Afterbirds?”
My inverted commas denoted a smattering of irony, but, anyway, was it not a term dreamt up by one and much missed @drakeygirl ?
(I guess your response was potentially somewhat arch too, btw. But maybe not.)
Arch as Archie, it was 🙂
It’s a thing, apparently. This just turned up on YouTube.
https://uk.manscaped.com/
There’s one item missing from the array of tools etc. in that ad.
Mirror on a stick, so you can admire your handywork when you’re finished. How else would you know you haven’t missed a bit towards the rear of your undercarriage?
Perhaps like a short selfie stick, so you can replace the mirror with your phone and record for posterity. Maybe send pix to your loved one(s) (yourself, more likely than not).
OH YES!!! I love that site, and I love you too Mike, for leading me to Scrotum Shambala!!! That Lawnmower looks like some seriously cool kit! No need for Crop Reviver, it’s a Fantastic Voyage complete with machetes and pith helmets down there man! BALL TONER I LOVE YOU!! Deodourant? Not an issue generally speaking, but what the heck, let’s PARTY!!! OW!! YEAH!! GET DOWN BABY!!!
Raquel Welch is probably a bit over that sort of thing.
Talking balls, that’s exactly what Matt Hancock is doing right now on The Gollum Show.
The Dalai Lama. What do you reckon?
Hey! Eds! My balls have vanished from the side bar!