I understand as much as the next person how easy it can be to confuse the Massey Ferguson website with the Massive Fergie portal, but surely this, added to the many ‘base’ political oversights of the last weeks and months will truly have done for this wretched government?
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.

I used to have a thing for tractors the dirtier the better, now I’m over it.
You could say I’m an ex-tractor fan.
Fingers crossed for a trouncing on Thursday.
Maybe he was muddling his Caterpillar with his Centipede?
Whatever lights your candle, as they say: https://drmarkgriffiths.wordpress.com/2018/12/02/farm-assist-a-brief-look-at-tractor-sex/
My vocabulary is now enriched by the phrase “Kentucky tractor puller”
I daren’t even access The Afterword in my workplace – and let’s face it, it’s rarely worth a wallop.
Moose’s “workplace”:
Ah a poo with a view.
There have been complaints from the nunnery opposite.
Tell me about it. It’s mainly about the singing.
Which is a bloody cheek – some of them are hardly Hildegard of Bingen. Everyone’s a critic….
The highest valued property listed on Rightmove in Sunderland.
… and the only one with an indoors loo.
Free copy of the Daily Mirror and 10 Capstan Full Strength for cash buyers.
Bath full of coal just out of shot.
Anthracite, please. Hull’s a smerkless zern.
I have a photo I took in Death Valley – the hottest place on Earth – of a roadside portaloo made of aluminium.
Given that, outside, it felt like being in an oven, I did not open the door.
I took another photo of an outdoor crapper in the Ozzie Outback, which looked more like a garden shed. Given the extremely low population density, a locking privvy door was probably overkill.
You mean a dunny, not a crapper, surely. I hope you checked under the toilet seat first, if only to put Kaisfatdad’s mind at rest.
Apparently three and a half weeks in the country is not long enough to “go Troppo” and learn the lingo.
My worldwide travel photos always seem to feature at least one shot of a khazi in an unusual location. Maybe I should have an exhibition?
Only yesterday I accidentally accessed a dark web site and downloaded simple instructions for making a neutron bomb from an old vacuum cleaner and four pints of stout. These chaps from GCHQ simply refuse to believe me though, and it looks like this will be my last ever post on the Aft
Arf!
How do you parent an 8-year-old with all the blatant out-and-out lying of the “great and good” (all dodgers, of course – every single one of the bastards) of 2022?
I’ve just realised that, for 99% of history, the human race consisted entirely of dodgers – explains a lot..
Cornhub.
Parish used to be a district councillor at the district council I worked for, and was universally hated. He was one of two Members (fnargh, fnargh) who essentially ran the politics of the authority. The other’s dead, now Parish’s career is.
Lots of my former colleagues and I absolutely bathing in schadenfreude.
Must have been confusing when he was referred to as Parish, councillor.
How I wish there was an English word for “gloating”.
Sorry. Gloating, howling with derisive laughter.
I guess that he was looking for a website in relation to pulling something or another.
In the day job I have to assess all sorts for psych reports, including a variety of characters found in 70s and 80s Frank Zappa songs, “Arnold Layne” types, etc. Googling information to understand these worlds is fraught with complexity and misunderstanding, and requires a delicate, and, indeed, elegant approach to search queries. So I am , of course, deeply sympathetic to the misunderstood MP, who is likely to “enter”, as it were, a canon that includes Stephen Milligan and Ron “looking for badgers” Davies.
Ron also used the “moment of madness” excuse. As someone who oce bought a David Essex single, I shouldn’t throw stones.
There’s no shame in that. Rock On is a great single.
Dang right! One of my Desert Island Discs.
It wasn’t Rock On, it was Nightclubbing.
I could have said Nik Kershaw there – I don’t think that would have garnered any argument.
There’s a website I use to buy electrical stuff – think Maplin on steroids – called CPC.
There’s an altogether different type of men’s interest to be found at CPCP.
I have to double-check the URL before ‘entering’.
Until recently, those arriving to Macclesfield used to be greeted by the sight of S&M Supplies opposite the station. For all your hardware needs, apparently.
Mrs F, raised as A Foreign but having lived in the UK for the last 35 years, was recently alerted to S&M for the first time via a joke on Have I Got News For You.
“S&M. Is that Sausage and Mash?”
I thought I would die laughing.
In a way, she’s entirely correct.
Someone on Twitter suggested that his wife should write him a John Deere letter.
Correction. It seems to me that everyone on Twitter suggested a John Deere letter.
Apart from those of us kicking ourselves for not thinking of it.
Or even kick starting ourselves.
Some lateral thinking has taken place in the offices.
The 6th best selling tractor manufacturer in the world is the Escorts Group
I have a strong feeling that the advice to say that the viewing of porn was a mistake made “looking for websites about tractors, funnily enough…” comes directly from either the PM or the people that advise the PM.
The PM said that he had a hobby that involves making big red buses out of cardboard – which he knows is a bizarre thing to talk about. It means searching the internet about “Boris” and “Red buses” won’t necessarily offer up the huge Brexit/NHS lie.
Now everyone’s making jokes about tractors and the previously-unheard-of MP falls on his sword. Completely manageable. At the same time another MP resigns somewhat under the radar after being convicted for sexually assaulting a child.
Even the PM knows that a grubby little man looking at porn in the HoC is bad. But if you turn the scenario into “a funny story, actually…” it becomes a saucy seaside postcard situation rather than what it actually is.
^ This.
Oddly helpful to have a good old-fashioned Tory sex scandal on the front pages instead of other things. Of course in the new reality, a guy who watches porn on his phone at work might be a bit “cheeky”, but at least he’s on the other side of the culture wall from the woke killjoy snowflakes.
Just saw the Sunday Times headline: “Tractor fetish that drew Neil Parish into muck of a different kind” and it reminded me that where there’s muck, there’s (no) bras.
There is a lot in this story to question but I am surprised that no one seems to be question the morals and taste of that waistcoat thing.
As someone commented on FB, it came down to a choice between paying his tailor or his porn subscription.
I did see him likened to Bob Fleming from the Fast Show.
In my mind, this is how I see Baron Harkonnen.
The worst thing about this story is the terrifying idea that it might prompt The Wurzels to make a comeback.
Have they stopped? Adge’s death wasn’t much of a blip, and they must have a spare drummer; one of their tribute bands would lend them.
In sporting news, Somerset County Cricket Club celebrated their first win of the season on Saturday and their loudest supporter – known as ‘Tractor’ (it says so on his t-shirt) is possibly pondering a name change.
The Wurzels are appearing at an event at my local rugby club shortly…no, I won’t be going.
All those big strapping lads in the room and not one of them prepared to do the decent thing….
In an ironic twist of fate, a Google search for tractors is now chock-full of references to Neil Parish. (I was just looking for a friend).
What about Man 2 Man Meet Man Parrish?
I am tractor-curious.
I never liked the nickname of my football team (Ipswich Town) coined in the early 2000s when they had some short-lived, nosebleed-mungus success in the Premier League. I like it even less now.
April, how could I not have seen
April, you coming?
Daily Mail has a sensational picture of Keir Starmer eating a curry with Frank Dobson (whose image has been cropped out). Dobson died in 2019.
They are just so, so crap at this.
And the photo is actually lifted from a story published in 2015!
More of the PM’s genius in evidence today. Comprehensively humiliated by an interviewer over the cost of power for pensioners, he is then told that that Lorraine (Kelly) is waiting to start her programme. Instinctively, he says “who’s Lorraine?”.
Do you see what he did there?
He knows this will be the bit that people remember. For those outside of the UK, Lorraine Kelly has been a daytime TV permanent presence for about 30 years. It seems incredible that any PM would not know who she is. So…now we’re talking about that and not the starving pensioners.
When porn stars let themselves go.
Think the white one is a David Brown.
All the way from Huddersfield.
How the mighty are fallen.
The other’s a cement mixer, put-ti put-ti