Who lives in the Blue House?…………………………………Mr. Blue
Who lives in the Red House?………………………………….Mr. Red
Who lives in the Yellow House?……………………………….Mr. Yellow
Who lives in the White House?…………………………………Donald Trump?
No! Mr. Orange!
Thanks Twang Jr.
Time for a joke thread
by 33 Comments
For older, and British, readers:
What did Malawi used to be called – Nyasaland
What did Zimbabwe used to be called – Rhodesia
What did Iceland used to be called- Bejams
Also…
How much is a Mars Bar? 60p
How much is a Milky Way? 62p
How much is a Marathon? 26 miles
I had a little snicker at that.
😉
You are paying way too much for a Milky Way!
Oh god, I knew someone would says something like that.
The Afterword: Where Pointless Pedantry is an Oxymoron.
Ah, but it could be the US Milky Way.
Isn’t Milky Way just a Galaxy?
What’s this?
One of those.
What’s this?
A flock of those.
(you need your hand for this one)
As heard on Blue Peter:
How did Mr Cheese paint his wife?
He double Gloucester.
PInched from Twitter :
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.
A truck carrying red and blue paint overturned on the motorway.
Traffic was marooned.
I went to an Indian restaurant last night.
What did you have?
The Chicken Tarka.
Don’t you mean Chicken Tikka?
No, Chicken Tarka. It’s like Chicken Tikka but it’s a little otter.
A quiet pub on a Saturday afternoon, a blind man and his dog arrive. The man asks the barman if he could turn on the radio for the football results? The barman obliges just as the final scores start. The man and the dog sit in silence until :
“Aston Villa 0 Rotherham United 3”
The dog shouts “Bloody hell! We lost AGAIN! ”
The barman stares at the man and the dog, amazed. Sensing this, the blind man chuckles, strokes the dog and says “you’ve always got something to say when Villa lose, haven’t you boy?”.
The barman asks “what does he say when they win?”
“Don’t know – I’ve only had him for five years…”
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Dayjav
Dayjav who?
Knock Knock
I think this must be the best knock knock joke I’ve ever heard 😀
Off topic, but saw this recently @minibreakfast …
“Served until 12 noon.”
Hurr.
…the point at which the car boot sale packs up.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you’re a poo!
I am not at home to I. Dunnop!
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!!”
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
On a visit to the zoo, I was unimpressed by the meerkats.
They knew nothing about Car Insurance
Grandad joke: These animals are dangeroos.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Irish Stew.
Irish Stew who?
Irish Stew in the name of the law.
This bloke was obsessed with pictures of tractors until he got the thrill of his life – a ride on a real tractor. Unfortunately, it crashed, rolled over and he spent months in hospital in a full-body cast, having his broken arms and legs set. He went right off tractors after that.
On his journey home from hospital, he passed a burning building. Getting out of the ambulance, he realised it was a primary school with the kids and teachers trapped inside. He broke a window, stuck his head through the hole and took a deep breath in, extracting all the air from the building and extinguishing the flames.
When the fire brigade arrived, a fireman asked him how he did it.
“It was no bother, I’m an ex-tractor fan”.
Here’s Clement Freud with rather a funny tall tale:
I love that one.
A woman went into a cocktail bar and asked for a double entendre.
So the barman gave her one.
The next customer was a sound engineer. So he gave him one too.
An old favourite of the video department
Why do sound engineers count “one, two”?
Because on three you have to lift something.
A Roman centurion goes into a bar.
“A Martinus, please, my good man.”
“You mean a Martini?”
“Look, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for a double!”
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer
……….. Leave it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers.