As I was stitching together my Halloween costume the thought occurred to me that the title of the movie “There Will Be Blood” has a fantastically economic efficiency to it. I wondered whether the formula could be applied to other media. I came up with
70s Glam Era Revival Show: There Will Be Mud
Rumpole Of The Bailey Boxset: There Will Be M’lud
Celebrity Bake Off Dessert Edition: There Will Be Pud
Paul Newman Movie Retrospective: There Will Be Hud
Orson Welles Movie Retrospective: There Will Be Rosebud
Trainspotting 2: There Will Be Spud
New Order’s Complete Album Collection: There Will Be Brotherhood
My Coffee Table Book Exclusively Featuring British Bands From The Late 80s/Early 90s With One Word Single Syllable Names: There Will Be Cud
Of course, it’s enormously restrictive adhering to words which rhyme with “blood”. Lose this and a whole universe opens up –
New AC/DC album: There Will Be Riffs
New HBO show: There Will Be Boobs
Jools Holland’s Hootenanny: There Will Be Roland Rivron
Anyone else want to play “There Will Be…”?
There Will Be….
The Big Book of Dodgy Dossiers: There Will Be FUD (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt)
Iraq War Weaponry Encyclopedia: There Will Be Scud
The Anti-Dredging League: There Will Be Flood
Sensi Galore: There Will Be Bud.
Also used for when there’s no decent beer.
Ubiquitous contemporary music production: There Will Be Flood.
Frat house Halloween parties: There Will Be Bud.
Medieval Outlaw legends: There Will Be Hood.
Double acts featuring Peter Cook: There Will Be Dud.
Bath Time. There will be suds.
Anthology of Words Mis-Spelled in the Songs of Slade: There will be Gud.
Stars who were massive in the eighties and you just don’t see these days: There will be Judd.
Bugs Bunny cartoon – There Will Be Fudd
Animals Tribute Band – There Will Be Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
They Might Be Giants CD collection – There Will Be Flood
Blokes smashing up looms – There Will Be Ludd
Meeting of recent Home scretaries – There Will Be Rudd
Swimming Lesson, Oh No I forgot My trunks! – There Will Be Nud
Gulf war 3 – There will be Scud
Lee Scratch Perry Anthology – There Will Be Dub.
A Ramones reunion – There Will Be Brud
Well I thought folks might expand from the rhymes with “-ood” idea (nice one, deckards), but to round things off
70s Nostalgia Show About Ladies In Sitcoms We a Rather Fancied: There Will Be Barbara Good
Gardeners Question Time Special: There will be slugs.
Training course for apprentice furniture removal men: There will be thud.
Madness merch table and after-show meet and greet: There will be Suggs.
Surprise Party for the Fat Controller: There will be chug.
Viagra – there will be wood.
Borgen – There Will Be (Sidse Babett) Knud(sen)
1991 NME Gig Guide – There Will Be Cud
Coarse fishing for a species that greatly resembles roach: there will be rudd
AC/DC drummer Phil who recently got into all sorts of strife: there will be Rudd
Erstwhile Aussie prime minister Kevin who resembles a character from Tin-Tin: there will be Rudd
Sex Lives of the Potato Men… There will be Spud