I’ve been watching the 1981 run of Top of the Pops with particular interest as this was the era I started being a bit more aware of music and I remember where I was sitting down to watch it. There was some astonishing music in 1981 – The Specials, Madness etc (even Bad Manners appearances are always entertaining and ridiculous), Dexys, AntMusic, Britfunk bands like Beggar & Co and the now obviously tongue-in-cheek Imagination, yer New Romantics, early Human League and Depeche Mode (Depesh-ay Mode as Simon Bates and Peeder Powell like to call them), and NWOBHM is in full swing so bands like Motorhead and Saxon are charting. On the whole a vibrant and very varied scene – with the still extraordinary ‘Ghost Town’ at No.1 – however I think I’ve identified a strain of music in there which is the most useless ever.
Initially I was going to say that terrible retro 50s pastiche thing peddled by Shaky, Coast to Coast, Matchbox et al.
Having seen a recent episode I’m saying the worst genre of music ever is officially the Handclap Medley – and on the TOTP I watched tonight we got ‘treated’ to three of the fecking things – Tight Fit’s godawful ‘Back to the 60s’ thing, Gidea Park’s ‘Beach Boy Gold’ (wince inducing if you actually *like* the Beach Boys) and of course the diseased Stars On 45 Volume 2 with all those 60s hits – clap- joined together – clap – and quantised to the -clap – same lumpen – clap – beat. Absolutely no redeeming qualities- rotten cynical records, horrible tempo/key changes and an insult to the music that is subject to handclap hell. To make matters worse this all came back in the 90s with Jive Bunny – it may come back again. C’mon Everybody Everybody Everybody –C -C-C’mon Everybody etc.
I would wager even @beany would struggle to enjoy this stuff… So there we have it – but I’m prepared to stand corrected if anyone can think of something worse…
And at exactly the same time as these cynical, meritless, cash grab Stars On 45 style records were out I was being made to feel guilty about making tapes for my mates by a stylised skull-and-crossbones on the inner sleeve of my records over the words “home taping is killing music”..
Don’t worry sunshine, we’ve still got our eye on you!
By an astonishing coincidence, not 5 mins before reading this thread I was chucking out a pile of rubbish records ready to go to the charity shop. I always keep the inner sleeves, though, as the old ones are like gold dust. Guess which was the last one in the pile was?
http://i.imgur.com/uuyX9Lh.jpg
Charity shop? Well done! One man’s crap is another man’s/woman’s welcome crap.
I doubt if even you would have wanted this stuff @beany.
Shame on you Doc, how can you talk about the handclap medley without mentioning this bad boy, released in – you’ve guessed it – 1981.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=SG&hl=en-GB&v=17dP0QvjsOU
Better still…
I don’t knowingly own any of those records – I still have boxes from the auctions that need sorting out – but I do treasure this record.
That however is a quality item
Hard to argue with the OP, but another genre that has very little value for me happened in the late 80s/early 90s.
It was that curious and thankfully short-lived trend of heavy rock/metal bands doing soppy ballads – and often scoring massive chart hits in the process. You often still hear them as background music in garden centres and big stores:
Extreme – More Than Words
Scorpions – Wind Of Change
Mr. Big – To Be With You
Guns N’ Roses – November Rain
& etc
Film clips usually included a slow-motion scene of someone running out of a church.
I reckon it had something to do with Unplugged craze, because many of those power ballads were acoustic.
Which leads us into another ill-conceived genre – Unplugged. Has anyone ever pissed all over their best song so comprehensively as Clapton did with the Unplugged version of Layla?
And in the outcome producing the proof that urolagnists know so well, that there’s gold in that there piss. One song, 2 wonderful versions. Or more?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNrRt-4pjBA
Yes, that’s a lovely version. The whole DVD is worth watching too.
A few observations:
1) Great to see those jazz musicians smiling in acknowledgment as Eric tears into his solo
2) EC has a lovely head of hair for a man of 71
3) I never thought I’d see a banjo playing along with Layla
Stonkingly good performance, especially when Wynton kicks everything slighty sideways a few bars into his solo, and shows us all that this jazz thang is where he’s at.
Novelty records featuring high pitched vocals created by speeding up playback. Pinky and Perky and Alvin and the Chipmunks spring to mind. Were there any other offenders?
Sheena Easton?
We-e-e-ll…
How dare you. I bought another Pinky & Perky LP on Friday. How can you forget the return of The Smurfs and their Go Pop recording. Wanna borrow it?
https://youtu.be/fJZcs-w36dc
I had a dreadful night’s sleep last night. I usually go off to sleep quickly, and when I wake, return easily to sleep. But not last night. I slept fitfully, after eventually falling asleep. Why was this? I looked back on the day. I’d worked hard in the garden, had drank but a little in the evening, and had eaten wisely.
But I had seen this post before retiring.
The word ‘another’, as in ‘another Pinky & Perky LP’. Dear God, there was more than one? The horror, the horror.
What was the deal with Stars on 45 doing a Beatles medley? Not only did they do the handclap thing, they had a sort of chorus which was:
Remember We Can Work it Out?
Remember Twist and Shout?
And you still won’t tell me why
And no reply – aye – aye – aye
I had always thought the fabs were really precious about their material, which is why you never saw their songs on compilations. So how come this?
But The Beatles had a go themselves and I remember the Hollies one being pretty good.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beatles_Movie_Medley
Oh yeah, Holliedaze. Not very adventurous edit-wise but, naff drum track notwithstanding, the songs hold up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR_Zz3GPvhs
Don’t forget the Squeeze b-side Squabs On Forty Fab
I think Madness did one as well
And The Beach Boys
Damned on 45 appeared on B-Side of Captain Sensible’s “Glad It’s All Over”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAMnZqZgi-Q
(the monotonous drum beat was also a feature of ALL of these medley things)
Also from 1984, was Its The Sweet Sweet Mix
(admittedly in support of a compilation album).
and there’d that drum beat again.
This mix bears the name Sanny X, who was also responsible for the Megarex Megamix in 1985
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouqljCw0oFs
They did. It’s rather good.
PS. Watch out for the cameo by one of the Beastie Boys at 3.15.
Somebody other than me might have better knowledge of this kind of stuff, but wasn’t there a period after the Beatles’ contracts expired (1975?) up to when their rights were renegotiated for the album re-releases on CD (1987?), when the record company had carte blanche to milk the back catalogue and licence all sorts of dodgy projects?
Hence stuff like the Sgt Pepper musical and lots of lacklustre releases like the live Hollywood Bowl album?
That sounds about right – in the late 70s I bought the really very good MFP compilations Rock & Roll Music v1 and v2 and they were only 2 quid.
Between 1976 and 1982 we saw The Beatles Ballads, Love Songs, Live At The Hollywood Bowl, Rock & Roll Music, Rarities (UK and US versions), Reel Music and 20 Greatest Hits.
Most of them were pretty shoddy and significantly, none has ever been officially released on CD.
Despite George Martin’s involvement the Sgt Pepper musical was wholly down to Robert Stigwood and became the most returned album of all time with over four million copies of it taken off store shelves and shipped back to distributors.
Wow. I’m actually curious now to hear it. Was it actually that bad?
Some of it sounds OK now, but it cost so much to make it was a white elephant from the word go.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sgt._Pepper%27s_Lonely_Hearts_Club_Band_(soundtrack)
It may well be “findable”, guvnor, if you know what I mean.
Half is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaYDLU37qGI
Some tracks are OK, but overall, it is another of those awful “cocaine decision” albums/ movies from the arse-end of the 70s (see Xanadu, “can’t Stop the Music”, etc.). Hip scenesters a few years later tried something similar with “Party, Party” and “Absolute Beginners”, so are in no position to feel superior.
Yes, that sums it up nicely
Stars on 45 was technically a cover version as the music was recreated by session bods, not sampled from the original so I don’t think the Fabs or EMI could veto the release of the medley
Yes, it was a group of Dutch musicians under the charge of Jaap Eggermont, formerly the drummer in a very early line-up of Golden Earring (amazingly).
But to respond to the OP, I do have Beanyesque leanings towards the well-meaning but doomed from the start platter – but actual crap, cynical cash-in music does cross a threshhold. Jive Bunny, Stars on 45, Hooked on Classics all need to be piddled on and burned. Unlike Bobby Thompson :
Beanyesque leanings? Have you consulted your GP?
Here’s the back cover of Bobby’s single complete with a poem about him. He also does a bit of stand up.
Any record that features a children’s choir is likely to be an orgy of sentimentality.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh0P-JjiIV0
He was quite a well known standup comic in the north east, K’dad. The b-side of the single was a clip of one of his routines. The only joke I remember went a bit like this:
I went to the kipper cart to get a pair of kippers for me tea. “We don’t sell kippers in pairs” they said. That’s all right, I said, I’ll just have two ones.
Yep.
Booby Thompson – The Little Waster!
Bobby Thompson – The Little Waster!
Dude, that’s satire. I have exactly the same conversation with my nearest ATM on a weekly basis..
Ooops! The Bobby clip is the same one Black posted. Sorry!
I used to like you @kaisfatdad but you have gone too far this time. The St. Winifred’s School Choir tribute to Disney LP has been the best find of 2016 so far. Well that and the Pinky & Perky tribute to Disney LP. I never knew both records existed until I discovered them recently. Marvellous.
Let us not forget this wonderful LP. I’ve got something in my eye already…
Argh, it’s all coming back! http://carbootvinyldiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/car-boot-christmas-countdown-day-5.html
You are so wrong Mini. THIS song is a turkey.
St Winifred’s were a Manchester act, so I can understand your enthusiasm, Beany.
I was fascinated to see that 30 years after their hit in 2009 they made a come back.
St Winifreds from manchester. That doesn’t surprise me. It always seemed the crappest, most sentimental, end-of-the-pier novelty songs, “comedy” acts, 10-year old tenor singers and suchlike were mostly from the north-west and Scotland. Not that I am prejudiced or generalise, like.
Can’t be arsed to watch the SWSC clip, but I saw an interview with the all growed up girls a while back where it was revealed that the one who could actually sing was hooked offstage so that the more amateurish and gummy one could be front and centre for maximum Nana’s-purse-emptying cheese effect..
This is my original 1959 copy of the debut Chipmunks LP showing Alvin adopting a down-on-one-knee pose like Al Jolson.
The cover was changed in 1961 to a different picture showing Alvin adopting a more up to date Elvis pose. The 1961 version is the one used for the CD release, making the 1959 original very rare indeed.
Hey @beany, read ’em and weep
http://i.imgur.com/ief5D5Y.jpg
Pfft. Give me Chipmunk Punk anytime @johnny-concheroo
https://youtu.be/6OpjNavBgrc
It’s interesting how they became less chipmunk-like as time went on. They could be almost any animal at all by the time of your punk clip.
It was when they went mainstream with movies and merchandise.
The only Chipmunks LP worth owning
http://i.imgur.com/4QiTdQh.jpg
Better than Chipmunks à Go-Go?
*shudders*
Actually, that wold be a good quiz night question: what’s the link between the Chipmunks and the Vicar Of Dibley?
I don’t know…what is the difference between the Chipmunks and the Vicar Of Dibley? *boom boom*
I do really,
It’s something to do with the bloke that used to say “No, no, no, no, no, yes” isn’t it? He wrote or co-wrote a big hit in the 60s I seem to recall.
Trevor Peacock – he wrote “Mrs Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter”, “That’s What Love Will Do” (Joe Brown) and “Gossip Calypso” (Bernard Cribbins).
He wrote some others, but I can’t remember them now.
These are the same Chipmunk images as the Beatles cover but recoloured.
Let us not forget the much slowed down version of the Chipmunk Song by The Whales, sadly not on YouTube.
https://www.discogs.com/The-Whales-4-Featuring-Rathbone-and-his-Tuba-The-Chipmunk-Song/release/7702282
Or that other famous Whale song: I Want To Be The Only Whale (To Graduate From Yale)
I was going to suggest the genre Cod Reggae but I would then have to include Stackridge’s version of Hold Me Tight. Instead I will plump for bad cover version’s. The Hot Chocolate Band covering Give Peace A Chance on the Apple label in 1969 SHOULD be a cracking record. It’s not.
versions obv.
I’m in a FANTASTIC mood, Leicester won…..but, but, but…..I’d only put one cover of a 60s Lennon and/or McCartney song above the (brilliant) Hot Chocolate Band one, and that’s ‘I Wanna Be Your Man’ by The Stones.
Then there’s the scourge of Sweden: dansbandsmusik…
Here represented by the awful Flamingokvintetten and Jag ska måla hela världen lilla mamma (“I will paint the whole world, dearest mum”):
However, since a third of the population probably wouldn’t have been conceived without it, I guess we’ll have to cut it some slack…
Jeez Locust, that’s really awful.
And that track isn’t even one of the worst that’s out there, believe it or not!
I’m scared to go back to YouTube now…they will have nothing but dansband suggestions for me!
YT are very good at coming up with suggestions, aren’t they?
But the world needs to know the truth about dansband and you, Locus,t are the woman to do it.
Come to think of it, many countries have this kind of popular music which is never for export. I bet I can find some real humpa horrors from Finland and Bavaria.
How about yodelling. I love it obviously but it is pretty rubbish to most folk.
Even I have my limits. Add a yodelling American girl, Piers Morgan and The Hoff and I am ready to commit yodelcide.
Raved – up versions of kids’ tv theme tunes? Think it was a thing for a short while in 1992 or thereabouts. Shocking records, but great fun, and woeful drug based title puns abounded.
Urban Hype – A Trip to Trumpton
I blame the drugs.
https://youtu.be/aJZUjYaYQtM
The Prodigy got in on the act too.
Prodigy – Charly
A similar “thing” in that it sampled the Public Information Films
This particular oeuvre may well be the worst. Here’s another.
Smart Es – Sesames Treet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odQgfUUegQI
Aaargh! Then the gamers got into it too. Here are the Ambassadors of Funk with their take on the music from Super Mario Land. I was going to post Dr Spin’s Tetris – partly Lord Lloyd-Webber, fact fans – but this one edges it in rubbishness.
I struggle with Tuvan throat singing versions of popular metal numbers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmI0lheiZIg
Wing Sings *insert your favourite band here*
Much love for her at the Beany Arena.
AC/DC
MICHAEL JACKSON
ABBA
Yodelling? Didn’t Frank Ifield release a duo with Sid Vicious titled ‘ I remember you, you bastard’?
The correct answer to the original question is, of course, hip-hop. Just doesn’t connect with me at all. Of course, I’m not who it is aimed at, but still… (ducks…)
I would protect ya neck from several of this parish.
And yet the medley records weren’t the worst Dutch sourced horror to hit the charts in 1981. Those watching the Top of the Pops repeats have yet to encounter The Birdie Song which hit the charts later in the year. I’ve not got the chart reference books to hand but I can recall at least two recordings of the song charting simultaneously, and a third version with added duck quacks also appearing on one of those K-Tel hits compilations.
Weirdly, known in the US as The Chicken Dance.
There is only one Chicken Dance in my household.
It surprises me that we’ve seen few accordions on this thread. It’s an instrument that I am very fond of. But in the wrong hands…….
I don’t think you’re quite ready for a taste of raw Finnish humppa. Instead I’ll post these rather jolly cover versions by Elakelaiset (the Pensioners).
Bavarian twins with accordions!
And Locust thought that dansband was a bit dodgy.
Anyway, back to Alvin and the Chipmunks. I saw an extraordinary TV cartoon of theirs in the 80s where they performed on top of the Berlin Wall. The music beguiles the East Germans so much that the wall is destroyed and everyone has a great time dancing together from both sides. Then it all goes wavy and we see Alvin sleeping. He is woken and he says sadly… “It was all just a dream” – and then he looks to the sky and raises his fist – “But it doesn’t have to be!”.
The Hoff rightly takes a lot of the credit for the fall of the Berlin Wall but I would argue that Alv and his mates prepared the ground.
Hilarious. Thanks BC. A wonderful tale.
Here is that very clip. The music is truly abysmal.
Eat your heart out Roger Waters!
A part of me is really relieved that you found that because I had a niggling feeling that it was bollocks made up in my head. But that’s the one – shame it cuts away before the fist to the sky moment.
@JQW is correct. The summer holiday Euro hit – dreamt up to appeal to families dancing at the campsite weekly disco and blared out over beaches and swimming pools across southern Europe, is the worst genre known to man surely. Here are just a few key offenders:
DJ Otzi – Hey Baby
DJ Caspar – Cha Cha Slide
Whigfield – Saturday Night
Aqua – Barbie Girl
aforementioned Chicken Song
Scooter – Logical song
Baha Men – Who Let the Dogs Out
Cheeky Girls-Cheeky Girls
Black Lace – Agadoo
Opus Life is Live
MC Mker and DJ Sven – Holiday Rap
The Stars of 45 phenomenon is a one/two year smear on the charts. Holiday europop novelty hits give year after year….
All of these are on the triple CD Summer Holiday Hits….along with many more.
I have a lot of affection for some of the holiday Europop hits. Ecuador by Sash! came up the other day and I remembered how much I liked it.
The ones I dislike are the cash ins to a recent phenomenon of some sort. There was a dreadful Europop effort called “ooh ahh Cantona” that people seemed to buy for some unfathomable reason.
@black-celebration even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. There was a period in the mid-nineties when euroclub hits – thinking ATB, Sash!, Modjo etc overlapped with summer hits to make them listenable.
Just in reference to the OP, I have an early Depeche Mode live tape where Dave Gahan introduces the band as “Depesh-ay Mode”, so Smashy & Nicey or whoever weren’t wrong in the pronunciation, though I do believe the band themselves now refer to themselves as “Dippesh Mode”, so it must’ve shifted over time…
That’s right. I had a concert poster from early 1982 with the accent on the last “e” of Depeche.
Attila the Stockbroker agrees
No mention yet of yodelling cowboys? It is a far bigger genre than you’d imagine.
Roy Rogers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u00Y11x16V0
Wanda Jackson
I’ve not got so much time for smooth jazz. But when it’s performed by Metallica, I find myself warming to it.