Start as we mean to go on, eh chums?
Top five playground gun noises:
1. Dugga-dugga-dugga (WW2 aircraft gun)
2. Peee-yowww! (cowboy gun with ricochet)
3. Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh (machine gun)
4. DOOOOFSCH! (slow-mo action movie shotgun blast)
5. Pffit! Pfffit! (silencer effect)
A comment. Leaving. Just testing
Top five Latin Homework (lack of) excuses:
1) Sir, my mum used it by mistake when she changed the bedding in my mouse’s cage.
(pathetic appeal to Latin master’s rodent keeping propensity)
2) I dropped it on the way to school sir, and it fell in a puddle.
(desperate last second attempt, foiled by good weather)
3) I thought it wasn’t due until next Wednesday (insert convenient day of week), sir.
(buys time until Thorning comes back to school (see below) but risky if he’s really sick)
4) Sir, my little brother set light to it, sir. I gave him a thick ear, but it’s just ashes I’m afraid.
(almost guaranteed to get a detention, or a thick ear for self; difficult to refute, but open to mockery)
5) Thorning is off sick sir, so I couldn’t copy his under threat of giving him a nasty Chinese Burn.
(cavalier, six-strokes-guaranteed, huge kudos, class guffaw tactic, only to be used when feeling rash/immortal).
Six of the best for you, Fox minor!
Top 5 English placenames
5. Snailcreap Hanging (Wilts)
4. Praze-an-Beeble (Corn)
3. Bagwy Llydiart (Herefs)
2. Bewaldeth and Snittlegarth (Cumb)
1. Nempnett Thrubwell (Som)
Shame not to have room for Indian Queens!
WhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooARGH.
Zulus attacking Rorke’s Drift, Milknowe Primary School, circa 1965.
I watched ‘Zulu’ many years ago in a roomful of tw*ts.
We decided that the chant the Zulu’s made just before commencing their charge sounded uncannily like ‘Who Far-Ted!’ And, when charging, were all shouting ‘Poo!’
Next time it’s on ITV4 have a look.
Playground Sounds: Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner
Possibly with a thumb pressed against the nose and waggling of the fingers
More Playground Sounds: Aaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caused by Christine Smart kicking me in the bollocks when I tugged her pigtail, aged 6. Never done it since.