Anyone fancy doing the Colbert Questionnaire? Here are the questions:
1. What’s the best sandwich?
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
3. What is the scariest animal?
4. Apples or oranges?
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
6. What do you think happens when we die?
7. Favorite action movie?
8. Favorite smell?
9. Least favorite smell?
10. Exercise: worth it?
11. Flat or sparkling?
12. Most used app on your phone?
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?*
14. What number am I thinking of?**
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
* For number 13 Colbert points out that this doesn’t mean listening to it on repeat, but every time you choose to listen to music this is the only song you’ll hear.
** No one has guessed the correct answer to number 14 yet. (Might be 14!)
Some of the interviewees come across as very natural and spontaneous, others (Sting, Bono) like they’d given a lot of thought in advance as to answers that might make them look cool.
I liked Nicole Kidman’s recent answer to question 13 (John Cage’s 4’33). Keanu Reeves’ answer surprised me: Love Will Tear Us Apart. I liked Jeff Goldblum’s answer to question 3 (“T.rex, velociraptor or the house fly”).
Number 7, favourite action movie, is a toughie cos define “action movie”. Does “Distant Voices Still Lives count (things do happen in it!).
Here are the celeb answers:
Tom Hanks – The Dirty Dozen Meryl Streep – The River Wild (Answered by Stephen, because she was stumped) George Clooney – Die Hard Billy Crystal – Raiders of the Lost Ark Jane Fonda – Empire of the Sun, The Towering Inferno (because Empire of the Sun doesn’t really count) John Oliver – Saving Private Ryan John Krasinski – The Dark Knight Seth Rogan – Terminator 2 Jon Stewart – Finding Nemo Bruce Springsteen – Vanishing Point Jeff Goldblum – Seven Samurai, Kill Bill, Team America: World Police, Skyfall, Casino Royale (2006), Goldfinger, From Russia With Love, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The French Connection, Apocalypse Now, Lawrence of Arabia, Isle of Dogs, No Country for Old Men, Jurassic Park, Rio Bravo, One-Eyed Jacks, Bullitt, Jaws, Badlands, Blade Runner 2049, Dune (2021), Bonnie and Clyde, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Mad Max: Fury Road Sting – The Magnificent Seven Keanu Reeves – Rollerball Bradley Cooper – Blade Runner Martha Stewart – Dr. Strangelove Sandra Bullock – The Matrix Daniel Craig – Raiders of the Lost Ark Elvis Costello – The Great Escape Shaquille O’Neal – Superman Josh Brolin – Lethal Weapon Jon Batiste – Forrest Gump Robert De Niro – (joking) “40” Shades of Grey, Bambi, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Ethan Hawk – Die Hard James Taylor – The “Bourne” movies Bono – Anything with Liam Neeson in it (Stephen (joking): Love Actually) Cate Blanchett – The Mel Gibson movie where he had a mullet but not The Patriot or Braveheart (it’s gotta be Lethal Weapon), Dirty Harry, (joking) Bambi Emily Blunt – Raiders of the Lost Ark Michelle Obama – Jumanji (2017), Black Panther Prince Harry – Gladiator Nicolas Cage – Enter the Dragon Nicki Minaj – Gladiator, Black Panther André 3000 – Couldn’t think of one Arnold Schwarzenegger – Titanic, Terminator 2 Matt Damon – The Matrix Carol Burnett – Dances with Wolves, The Shawshank Redemption Ryan Gosling – No Retreat, No Surrender, First Blood David Letterman – Once Upon a Time in the West Billie Eilish – The Dark Knight RuPaul – Mr. & Mrs. Smith, any Bond movie (favorite Bond: Roger Moore) Jude Law – Raiders of the Lost Ark Julia Louis-Dreyfus – The Bourne Identity Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson – The Expendables Seth Meyers – Raiders of the Lost Ark
I haven’t written my answers yet. I want to think of things that will make me look cool, just like Bono and Sting. So here’s Ringo:
1. Bacon
2. Almost everything.
3. Hippo. They kill more people than you’d think.
4. Apples
5. Yes. Tigger (in Florida – he kindly obliged)
6. Our molecules break down
7. Erm…don’t watch them. Terminator 2
8. Top of a baby’s head
9. Mendacity
10. Of course
11. Still
12. There are apps on my phone?
13. Mozart’s Requiem
14. 43
15. Fit, healthy, long, exciting, interesting
1. Mozzarella, rocket and sun-dried tomatoes
2. A Tascam Portastudio from 1983
3. Guinea pig. If you drop one of the kids’ beloved pets while transferring it to the cage then watch it scuttle into the bushes at midnight after half a bottle of wine.
4. Oranges
5. Shane MacGowan, Oxford Poly 1984, on a matchbook
6. Our children have to throw all our shit out.
7. Top Gun
8. Baking bread
9. Dog smell in houses.
10. Yes.
11. Sparkling
12. Google Maps (Chrome doesn’t count)
13. Station to Station
14. 93
15. Fulfilling the retirement spreadsheet.
Oh-oh – you’d hate my abode! I have enough dog smell in my house to bottle it and market it as a cologne.
Human shit is of course the answer as we are wired to find it disgusting but dog second for me sorry.
Ok, here’s my answers to this already alarmingly popular thread:
1. Cheese and onion (white sliced bread, thick wad of mature cheddar, couple of slices of raw onion).
2. I’m the opposite of a hoarder. I love decluttering. So, nothing (except expired stuff in the fridge).
3. Spider. Not the house spiders here, but the ones in UK, like eratigena atrica
4. Oranges. I eat kilos of clementine oranges when they’re in season (just ending, alas). Not the small ones with the tighter peel that are like mandarins. They’re rubbish. The big, sweet ones that are easy to peel.
5. Once. John Pertwee. I was about ten.
6. Same as before we were born.
7. Sticking to movies usually descibed as an “action movie”: Terminator 2.
8. Freshly cut grass (boringly common choice, I imagine).
9. Human feces (ditto).
10. Absolutely! Essential! (I’ve just treated myself to a home gym!)
11. Flat. I used to love sparkling when I first became all continental but I got bored of it, flat’s much nicer.
12. LiveTranscribe. An app for deafos. I quite enjoy being deaf and this app makes day-to-day life considerably easier than it would otherwise be.
13. And talking of deaf, I’ve thought about this one a lot! Junior Murvin’s ‘Police & Thieves’ would be my choice. Hopefully the 12″ that goes straight into Jah Lion’s ‘Soldier & Police War’. (But if a piece of music is allowed instead of a song: Köln Concert Part 1).
14. Fuck knows. 47?
15. Don’t know. Anything could happen.
1. Cheddar cheese, chopped onion, Heinz salad cream
2. My many hang-ups
3. Pretty much anything that lives in Australia
4. Apples
5. No
6. There’s lots of paperwork
7. I hate action movies
8. My own farts
9. Everyone else’s farts
10. No
11. Sparkling
12. Dodgers
13. Go Your Own Way
14. 15. Never look back
15. Long, shorter, shortish, shortest, dead
Salad Cream … so there is someone else in the world who eats it.
@Rigid Digit … growing up a lettuce and salad cream sandwich on a Sunday afternoon in the sun was a real treat , I still love salad cream
Fish Finger and Salad Cream – my second favourite sandwich
(number 1 listed below).
Then again, I like Sandwich Spread too, so any culinary tips from me may be questionable
(and according to Mrs D, I have the diet of a 12 year old)
Somewhere, there’s a pre-teen going hungry.
Great gag, and from the same pallette:
Ate a ploughman’s lunch today … he was livid
1. Roast Beef, rocket & wholegrain mustard
2. Kids books and videos (they are now 20+)
3. Crocodile
4. Apples
5. No
6. We decompose
7. Any of the Bond films
8. A good malt whisky
9. Rotting rubbish
10. Yes
11. Flat
12. Threes
13. Has to be prog – I’ll go with Cinema Show
14. 74
15. All left to play for
1. Ham, on white bread with no butter (can’t stand the stuff) and with a bit of Branston Pickle.
2. A garage full of junk that I would take to the tip if it wasn’t so much effort.
3. Sharks, or anything living in the really deep sea. I always remember snorkelling in the Med, looking down into the depths and imagining some unknown beastie rising out of the darkness towards me. Still gives me the fear.
4. Oranges. Can’t eat apples.
5. Lots of 80s-era comics and celebs at a golf pro-am. Frank Carson was hysterical.
6. It’s all black. None more black. I’d like to think there’s a Valhalla or something similar, but there’s probably nothing.
7. Fave film The Lord of the Rings is probably stretching the definition of an action film. So Mad Max: Fury Road, or John Wick 2 or 3.
8. Freshly made Christmas cake: marzipan, icing, etc.
9. Too many to choose from, but probably vomit.
10. Definitely, though I need to exercise more.
11. Always flat. Sparkling has the empty taste of Soda Stream (remember that?) before you added the flavour.
12. Probably Facebook, mostly for keeping up with niche bands I like.
13. Vienna by Ultravox, of course.
14. 23.
15. Onwards and upwards, fingers crossed.
“Too many to choose from, but probably vomit.”
Afterword caption competition winner
1. Ham, on white bread with no butter (can’t stand the stuff) and with a bit of Branston Pickle.
2. A garage full of junk that I would take to the tip if it wasn’t so much effort.
3. Sharks, or anything living in the really deep sea. I always remember snorkelling in the Med, looking down into the depths and imagining some unknown beastie rising out of the darkness towards me. Still gives me the fear.
4. Oranges. Can’t eat apples.
5. Lots of 80s-era comics and celebs at a golf pro-am. Frank Carson was hysterical.
6. It’s all black. None more black. I’d like to think there’s a Valhalla or something similar, but there’s probably nothing.
7. Fave film The Lord of the Rings is probably stretching the definition of an action film. So Mad Max: Fury Road, or John Wick 2 or 3.
8. Freshly made Christmas cake: marzipan, icing, etc.
9. Too many to choose from, but probably vomit.
10. Definitely, though I need to exercise more.
11. Always flat. Sparkling has the empty taste of Soda Stream (remember that?) before you added the flavour.
12. Probably Facebook, mostly for keeping up with niche bands I like.
13. Vienna by Ultravox, of course.
14. 23.
15. Onwards and upwards, fingers crossed.
1. Brie with plenty of salad on granary, roasted garlic mashed into the butter
2. Boxes and boxes of stuff I moved house with last year, haven’t unpacked and haven’t missed
3. Pretty much anything fiercer, bigger and faster than me.
4. Apples
5. Yes, several times though not for a while.
6. The only thing left of us is in the memories of others.
7. T2
8. Petrichor
9. Off milk (fresh milk isn’t far behind)
10. I imagine so
11. Flat
12. Does the camera and photo editing app count? Yes? Good. Then that.
13. Dark End of the Street
14. 4
15. A steady but managed decline
Sandwich? Not a sandwich person, but would be banana
Should throw out? Souvenirs of my most awful experience
Scariest animal? None of those I’m likely to encounter. Otherwise – polar bear
Apples or oranges? Oranges, but whenever I eat a nice green apple I’m reminded how much I like them, then don’t eat another for a year
Autograph? Would never.
When we die? Some of the people we’ve known will be very upset
Action movie? Aliens
Favourite smell? Pretty sure I don’t have one
Least favourite smell? Vomit
Exercise? Regular exercise is obviously worth it, but my personality lends itself to feverish activity followed by long periods of nowt, so a big problem for me
Flat or sparkling? Like Boy George, I’d rather have a nice cup of tea
Most used app? Spotify
One song? Higher And Higher by Jackie Wilson
Number? Pi
The rest of your life? Like this, but increasingly worse
1. Quality bacon and HP Sauce in buttered seeded wholemeal bread.
2. Ancient stuff in my freezer.
3. Mosquito.
4. Apples.
5. Never.
6. Our molecules disperse.
7. Get Carter (original).
8. Toasting wholemeal bread.
9. Pig’s (or lamb’s) liver that’s gone rotten (smell of pigshit x 50, believe me!)
10. Probably.
11. Still (water/wine).
12. Google Mail.
13. I’m with Nicole Kidman’s choice of 4’33”.
14. 9.
15. I am not Mystic Meg.
1. Chip butty
2. Naked photos of a girlfriend from the 80s
3. Crocodiles. It’s the stillness
4. Apples, duh!
5. Nope
6. Back to where we were before
7. Die Hard III – the Sam Jackson one
8. Bacon
9. Houses that smell of cat piss but the owners can’t smell it
10. Yes, more now than ever
11. Water or beer? Sparkling
12. Email
13. America – S&G
14. 14
15. Less is more
1. Fish fingers and ketchup
2. A scratched-beyond-listenable LP of wish You Were Here
3. Our cat when he’s in one of his wild moods
4. Apples.
5. Yes members of Fairport Convention at our local theatre in 1994. A bit cringey when I think about it now.
6. I don’t know but I’m not in any rush to find out
7. Baby Driver
8. Daffodils
9. Roadkill
10. Yes worth it, but only the enjoyable sort
11. Flat
12. Apple Music
13. Close To The Edge (Yes)
14. Five
15. Uncertain, hopeful, challenging, happy, sad
Great call on Baby Driver. It might sway me…
1 Chip butty
2 Every time I throw something away I regret it.
3 Rats
4 Apples
5 Yes once, Helen Morgan, who was crowned Miss World in 1974. The title was taken away from her when the organisers found out she was a single mother.
6 We return to a state of peaceful non existence.
7 Batman (1966)
8 Rain on a pavement after a downpour.
9 Cigarette smoke
10 No
11 Flat
12 Youtube
13 Theme From A Summer Place
14 51
15 Hanging on in quiet desperation
1. What’s the best sandwich?
Sourdough with multigrain sprinkles, humus, avocado, Old Amsterdam gouda cheese, Schwarzwalderschinken, mayonnaise and black pepper
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
My fear of the unknown
3. What is the scariest animal?
Man – ammiright or ammiright?
4. Apples or oranges?
Both, when sung by Syd
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes, Everett True, as student joke at a Kim Gordon gig in the Leeds Duchess of York that backfired
6. What do you think happens when we die?
Life goes on, just without us actively present in it.
7. Favorite action movie?
Last of the Mohicans with Deedee Lewis. It’s a ride I can take again and again in my head, accompanied by such stirring music.
8. Favorite smell?
I don’t have a sense of smell. I seem to have lost it somewhere.
9. Least favorite smell?
Lynda. I am joking, she is a goddess
10. Exercise: worth it?
Yes, sports, no.
11. Flat or sparkling?
Always sparkling
12. Most used app on your phone?
Firefox, to get to this site (use other browsers for everything else)
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?*
To My Love: Bomba Estereo
14. What number am I thinking of?**
∞ – but is it a number?
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
54321!
En souvenir de la duchesse d’York.
You, sir, are wearing a Seiko SKX 009 on the factory rubber strap.
That’s cool.
That was the chap in front of me.
Ah.
You, sir, are not wearing a Seiko SKX 009 on the factory rubber strap.
That’s cool
1. Peanut Butter, Cheese, Ham & Marmite – on fresh white bloomer bread
2. Broken coffee machine that I’m never going to repair. It’s just sitting in the corner of the dining room gathering dust.
3. Rats
4. Oranges
5. Yes (a few actually, one was Jonathan King (who signed) another was Gary Glitter (who turned his back and walked off)
6. Nothing
7. James Bond – Spy Who Loved Me if I had to choose one
8. Curry
9. Amonia
10. Nope (but the “correct” answer is “yes” and I really should do more)
11. Assume you mean water .. Sparkling
12. Facebook
13. Slade – How Does It Feel
14. 417?
15. Hanging around nearly achieving something
1. What’s the best sandwich? Bacon
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? Huge family-sized tent that’s seen better days
3. What is the scariest animal? Stag beetle (childhood trauma)
4. Apples or oranges? Apples
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes, Barry Norman. He was standing next to cricketer Chris Old who initially signed it thinking I was after his scribble. I hadn’t recognised Chris.
6. What do you think happens when we die? The switch goes off and that’s it
7. Favorite action movie? Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
8. Favorite smell? Toast
9. Least favorite smell? Vomit
10. Exercise: worth it? Yes
11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling
12. Most used app on your phone? Facebook
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?*. Never Let Me Down Again, Depeche Mode
14. What number am I thinking of?** 1561
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Going out with a bang.
1. My classic BTS (better than sex since you ask) sandwich. Prawns, thousand island dressing, tomato, raw mushrooms, scallions all on handcut thick slices of buttered granary bread.
2. My severed ponytail from around 1997. It frightens the kids.
3. An attack dog of any description.
4. Red Apples.
5. Daley Thompson among others. Edwyn Collins after his brain hemorrhage. Fair play to him, he did it.
6. I’d love to think that we are absorbed into the collective unconscious of our species.
7. Aliens
8. Our front garden in the corner where the lavender meets the out of control mint.
9. Parmesan (same as baby puke)
10. Totally
11. Flat
12. Google
13. Crosseyed and Painless from the Name of This Band is Talking Heads (vinyl version of course).
14. 27
15. Parenting, retirement, financial security, leisure
As Bamber has picked Aliens too, can I change my answer to Kung Fu Hustle..?
1. What’s the best sandwich?
Club. Or Ruben.
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? Box of old cables.
3. What is the scariest animal? Elephant.
4. Apples or oranges? Apples.
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Lynn Davies.
6. What do you think happens when we die? We compost.
7. Favorite action movie? Ronin.
8. Favorite smell? Dior Homme.
9. Least favorite smell? Dog shit.
10. Exercise: worth it? Yes.
11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling.
12. Most used app on your phone? Podcasts
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* I Need My Girl
14. What number am I thinking of?** 47
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Hopefully defying all medical science.
1. BLT
2. Loads of back copies of Q.
3. Horse
4. Oranges
5. No. I just don’t ‘get’ autographs.
6. We decompose.
7. I don’t do action movies.
8. Duck fat.
9. Off chicken.
10. Yes
11. Flat
12. WhatsApp
13. Easter Theatre by XTC
14. Anaesthetic.
15. Eating Cycling Singing Dancing Sleeping
1. Cheese and tomato toasted
2. The pair of trainers that I recently consigned to (dumped in) the garage store room.
3. Komodo dragon (not that I have ever seen one and nor am I likely to).
4. Apples (preferably Pink Lady)
5. No
6. I think that we end up being absorbed into the material that makes up the world.
7. Favorite action movie? … um, not sure I have one. Let’s say, one of the James Bond ones with Sean Connery.
8. Fresh bed linen
9. The sickly sweet smell of rotting rubbish
10. Exercise: worth it? … yes!
11. Depends what, but let’s go with sparkling.
12. Google
13. Oh Lori, Alessi Brothers
14. 100
15. Keep on going on and …
Surely all movies are action movies otherwise without action they’d be just a still photograph.
Scariest animal I await an answer from our antipodean afterworders with anticipation.
What about Derek Jarman’s ‘Blue’ though but? Eh? Eh?
Ah but all film is made of still photographs and because of persistence of vision we see the movement.
So although we don’t perceive movement in Jarman’s blue it is still moving through the projector, I’m old school.
1. What’s the best sandwich? Peanut butter and cucumber
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? My dining table
3. What is the scariest animal? Black mamba
4. Apples or oranges? Oranges
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes
6. What do you think happens when we die? We go to heaven
7. Favorite action movie? Heat
8. Favorite smell? My dog
9. Least favorite smell? Shit
10. Exercise: worth it? No
11. Flat or sparkling? Flat
12. Most used app on your phone? Facebook
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* Life on Mars?
14. What number am I thinking of?** 12
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Just me and my dog
1. Properly constructed Reuben
2. A box full of defunct hard disks
3. Eastern brown snake
4. Apples
5. Yes – Carl Perkins, Chuck Berry, Roy Orbison
6. We leave a gap in other people’s lives, with any luck
7. Saving Private Ryan
8. My farts
9. Other people’s farts
10. Yes. Do I do it? No.
11. Flat
12. NYT Games
13. Sleepless Nights, Everly Bros
14. 29
15. Short, not nasty or brutish.
Yes. I have a stack of old hard disks that need to be disposed of too.
Tip: Drill through them first with a sharp metal bit, until you hear the discs inside shatter.
1. Cold, thinly sliced boiled potatoes with a pinch of salt, on walnut bread with a little butter.
2. My old bed.
3. All venomous snakes. And some of the non venomous ones too. Closer to home: Pigeons. 🙁
4. If raw: oranges (provided that I can juice them and remove the pulp). If for cooking/baking: Apples.
5. Yes, in solidarity with a school friend who took it up but didn’t want to ask alone. Threw them all out thirty years later.
6. Someone turns the lights out. Hopefully we then get to dream lovely dreams.
7. The dumber the better: The Day After Tomorrow.
8. Vanilla.
9. Asphalt. The one smell that can give me a panic attack.
10. After knee surgery – YES!
11. Flat and ice cold if water.
12. Still refuse to have one (mobile phone, that is).
13. Either Lively Up Yourself from Bob Marley Live! or You Ain’t No Street Walker Mama, Honey But I Do Love The Way You Strut Your Stuff from the Taj Mahal live album The Right Stuff (probably that one, because it goes on for 18:56). Both are uplifting music that would give me a great start to every day.
14. 11
15. Work, retire, create, read, explore
1. Bacon and egg
2. The crap in the loft
3. Dog. “They never usually do that” etc.
4. Apples
5. Gretchen Peters
6. People remember you (hopefully) with affection
7. The Terminator
8. Pachouli
9. BO
10. Obviously
11. Sparkling
12.Podcast Addict
13. Dixie Chicken, Waiting for Columbus version
14. 42
15. Exciting though not long enough
Changed my mind. 7 = The Warriors (director’s cut).
Here goes:
1. Cheese toasty on sourdough, with harissa.
2. A rack of ties
3. Crocodile
4. Apples
5. Nigel Kennedy, Jackie Leven and, oddly, also all of Fairport Convention, c. 1982
6. Nowt; we rot, if we aren’t burnt.
7. Does Apocalypse Now count?
8. Warm baby
9. Rotting corpse (and yes, I am familiar)
10. Depends…
11.Flat
12. Mailbox
13. Gresford Disaster
14. 14
15. Fair to middling, home straight.
With regard to 9, I once had to verify a man who stood on top of a train and touched the overhead cables. He was burnt to a crisp and the smell was on another scale. At least it was quick.
7 – no. Nothing happens in AN.
That is just my sort of action film, then. (But it does. Just slowly, give or take Robert Duvall.)
I had never heard of this before, but here we go:
1. Sausage with red sauce
2. Several pairs of old trainers
3. Mosquito
4. oranges
5. Yes, when I was a kid. Probably the most famous was Graham Hill who we bumped into on holiday in Spain
6. We are dust
7. What counts? I’ll say Raiders of the Lost Ark
8. A fresh pot of coffee on a Sunday morning
9. Slurry spread on the nearby fields
10. Absolutely. but not in a gym
11. Flat
12. Spotify or the Weather app
13. The final movement of Beethoven’s 9th
14. 1066
15. Fun and frolics I hope
Well, okay then…this is weird.
1. What’s the best sandwich? Peanut butter AND whey butter, on thickly cut white sourdough
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? My old “work” suit
3. What is the scariest animal? Deep sea crustaceans
4. Apples or oranges? Apples
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes – Bruce McLean
6. What do you think happens when we die? Reabsorption into the void then rebirth for further refinement – repeat.
7. Favorite action movie? Where Eagles Dare
8. Favorite smell? Cooking bread and brewing coffee, preferably simultaneously.
9. Least favorite smell? Maturing cat shit
10. Exercise: worth it? Nah! Well, maybe…. Nah!
11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling
12. Most used app on your phone? Music, probably
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? And You and I
14. What number am I thinking of? 77
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words? Depression, apprehension, elation, contentment, contemplation
13 – excellent choice.
What’s the best sandwich? Cheese n pickle on oatcakes
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? Lots of dvds.
3. What is the scariest animal? Man
4. Apples or oranges? Oranges, I believe they’re not the only fruit though.
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? I’d take photographs, print them off and get them signed the next time I saw them. Lately I’ve got the photographs taken that day signed on the tablet.
6. What do you think happens when we die? F.K.
7. Favorite action movie? None
8. Favorite smell? Too many
9. Least favorite smell? The fart a student did nearby I nearly threw up as did others. That’s about 40 years ago I still shudder.
10. Exercise: worth it? Yes
11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling apartment
12. Most used app on your phone? My phone stopped working over a year ago never replaced it.
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* ‘Casta Diva’ Callas
14. What number am I thinking of?** Is this the one you were thinking of when you asked the question or the number you are now thinking of?
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Slowly slowly slowly slowing down.
Also – don’t they spell it The Colbert Questionert?
They do! I never noticed. (Someone should tell them they’ve got it wrong.)
1. Smoked back. bacon in toasted granary bread with butter and English Mustard
2. Old office furniture still in the loft when that was my office during lockdown
3. Donald Trump
4. Apples
5. Yes. Karl Wallinger of the World Party, Leeds Uni late 1986. 6 people in the audience. We shared the sandwich rider with the band after the gig. He signed my ticket with the message ‘World Party Next Year’. He was correct.
6. Carbon returns to the earth. The spirit carries on elsewhere.
7. A Bridge Too Far
8. Newly laid tarmac
9. Wet dogs
10. Yes
11. Flat
12. BBC Sounds
13. The Waterboys – The Pan Within
14. Something less than eternity
15. Solvent, independent, happy, adventurous, travelling
For a brief moment there, I thought Donald Trump had been the answer to the autograph question.
1 Greek chicken pita with tzatziki sauce. More a wrap, but M & S type sandwiches are boring
2 Too much to mention
3 Lion
4 Apples
5 Loads. Geoff Boycott comes to mind
6 I don’t know
7 Mad Max 2
8 The smell of spring
9 My late mother’s freezer after it was left for months full of stuff and the power was turned off
10 Yes
11 Sparkling
12 Opera web browser
13 Strawberry Fields Forever
14 4096
15 25 more years I hope
1. Strong cheddar, raw onion in a crusty roll
2. Mojo magazines from issue 1.
3. Crocodile
4. Oranges
5. Too many to mention
6. We rot
7. Independence Day
8. New mown grass
9. Lush shops – they make my eyes water
10. Exercise is definitely worth it
11. Flat
12. Messages
13. Mr Tambourine Man
14. 1
15. Full, interesting, surprising, healthy, happy.
1. M&S Prawn
2. Cricket Books – I don’t think I’ve ever read a Cricket Book
3. Jellyfish
4. Oranges
5. Hundreds – including JPR Williams in a shower, but mainly cricketers
6. We go to sleep
7. Paths of Glory – if that counts, it’s got action in it
8. The strawberry smell in the scratch-and-sniff book in Kindergarten
9. Cannabis
10. No
11. Sparkling
12. Not applicable, thank God
13. Evil Hearted You by The Yardbirds
14. 8
15. Get the bugger over with
1. What’s the best sandwich? Croque madame
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? A suit
3. What is the scariest animal? Man
4. Apples or oranges? Oranges
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? No
6. What do you think happens when we die? Life goes on and nobody’s that fussed
7. Favorite action movie? La Femme Nikita
8. Favorite smell? Frying onions
9. Least favorite smell? BO combined with silent but violent
10. Exercise: worth it? Yes
11. Flat or sparkling? Flat if water
12. Most used app on your phone? Weather
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* Echoes by Pink Floyd
14. What number am I thinking of?** 33 and a 1/3
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Hanging on in quiet desperation, but I can’t have Roger Waters getting involved. Worstward ho! Bring it on..
1. What’s the best sandwich? – butchers Cumberland sausage on buttered white farmhouse bread with fried onions and HP sauce
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? – lots of landfill 7” singles from the early 70s
3. What is the scariest animal? – drop bears
4. Apples or oranges? – apples
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? – not since I was a schoolboy at Sheffield speedway
6. What do you think happens when we die? – exactly the same as what happened before I was born except there’ll be some different organic matter decomposing
7. Favorite action movie? – Alien
8. Favorite smell? – puppy
9. Least favorite smell? – I worked for a long time with old people suffering from dementia, make of that what you will
10. Exercise: worth it? – never seems so beforehand, sometimes does afterwards
11. Flat or sparkling? – I like both but could live without sparkling easier, after all who wants fizzy Bovril?
12. Most used app on your phone? – Audible
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* – I’d rather not have any than just have one
14. What number am I thinking of?** – pi
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. – the rest of my life
Ooh that is indeed a fine sandwich
1. What’s the best sandwich? Chip butty (s&v, no tk) if in Yorkshire. Elsewhere, ham and mustard eaten in a car with Sarah and a flask of tea, preferably near a churchyard.
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? Electronic drum kit, unplayed in the loft for about four years.
3. What is the scariest animal? Snakes in the wild. Not overly keen on crocodiles either. Too many Tarzan films as a kid.
4. Apples or oranges? Apples for convenience, big juicy oranges for extravagance.
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Jam, Banshees, Skids as a lad; dozens of comic creators with my lad.
6. What do you think happens when we die? The WB ‘That’s all folks’ theme plays once and that’s it. The TV is turned off.
7. Favorite action movie? 101 Dalmations
8. Favorite smell? Grapefruit. Shame about the taste though.
9. Least favorite smell? Meat when it’s starting to cook – Christmas turkey about 30 mins in is so sickly.
10. Exercise: worth it? It had better be.
11. Flat or sparkling? Fizzy, neat or with a splash of lime cordial.
12. Most used app on your phone? Does the camera count? If not, Audible or (Probably) Facebook.
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?* Crazy in Love by Beyoncé not my favourite song ever, but it always lifts me up.
14. What number am I thinking of?** 23, obviously.
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. One damn thing after another
Answer at 15: I wish I’d thought of that! Spot on!
I’m beginning to think this whole thread is just a Trojan horse for Gary to get a nifty playlist of action movies and a selection of tasty sandwich options to enjoy while watching them..
Darn – busted!
Perhaps Gary wanted the smells selection…
I see Elton took the questionert this week. Song choice: Smile, Nat King Cole version. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words: rather bizarrely he seems to respond “my bum is like a magnet”. Colbert occasionally asks “Window or aisle?” (instead of “Flat or sparkling?”, I think). Elt had literally no idea what the question could possibly be referring to.
I also watched Elvis Costello’s answers. His song choice was “whatever Ringo chose”.