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The Afterword’s Greatest Break Up Songs

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In between enjoying some of the superb churlishness over on the Taylor Swift Is Ace thread, I got to thinking about Idiot Wind, and how it’s not really my idea of a great break up song. Too heavy handed, too on the nose, says way more about the person who wrote it than the person on the intended receiving end. If I’m being completely honest, I think All Too Well (particularly the new, longer version) is quite probably better. I was always more of an If You See Her Say Hello man anyway.

The above lead me to wondering: what are the great break up songs, and where does this rank in the pantheon?

Ten minutes of exceptionally deep thought later, I landed on the following list….

1. Ex-Factor – Lauryn Hill

The song that has it all. Brilliant hip hop/reggae/soul infused production and arrangement, incredibly spare for what it is, a tremendous vocal by one of the better singers of her generation, genius lyrics (no song on this list contains a better couplet than “Tell me who I have to be/to get some reciprocity”), and an unbeatable sense of loss and yearning. The absolute mack daddy of breakup tunes.

2. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrissette

Alanis was 19 when she wrote You Oughta Know. 19! If Ex-Factor puts its finger squarely on the longing and loss end of things, YOK takes care of the rage and vengeance. It’s also ageing like a fine wine, and will presumably continue to delight future generations who have need of a sonic template to channel all their anger and vitriol at that individual what wronged them so.

3. Nothing Compares 2 U

Quacked on about endlessly already on other threads. Will spare you the same here.

4. Ms Jackson – Outkast

Probably the happiest breakup song imaginable, and I’m a happy sort of guy so it has to chart high. The breakup song that occurs after the smoke has cleared and the bodies have largely been removed from the battlefield. Apologies, promises to do better, and that immortal, glorious “Forever. Forever ever. Forever ever?” that nods to the sad reality behind most break ups. Real talk.

5. Dancing On My Own – Robyn

6. Tracks of My Tears – Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up
With you

One of the greatest moments in all of recorded music. The whole vocal is fire.

7. Purple Rain – Prince

This has to be on the list because it’s freaking Purple Rain, although there’s an argument that the lyric is the weakest thing about it (still a high bar). Difficult to relate to during an actual break up because (a) it sounds more like he’s on about interior decorating preferences than actual emotions; and (b) it’s quite difficult to imagine a lovelorn Prince. Still; it is a break up song, and it is Purple Rain, so on it goes.

8. I Want You Back – Jackson 5

Another stellar vocal. My favourite bit is the young Wacko’s joyful shouts on the fade out; a break up song recorded by someone far too young to understand.

9. Always On My Mind – Elvis

Generally prefer the Pet Shop Boys version, but if we’re going for heartbreak this is a bit of a high watermark. A never more mournful Elvis showing that he could do vulnerability better than most, and a lyric that would surely win back even the most disinterested of former lovers.

10. Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus

“I can’t live a lie/running for my life/I will always want you”.

Probably THE break up song for a generation younger than any of us on here.

Also adding a bonus selection for I Know It’s Over by The Smiths; probably the best song to listen to during an actual break up because of the way it brilliantly parodies how utterly ridiculous you’re being about the whole thing. “Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head” – what an opening gambit that is.

Also considered for inclusion: Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean, Someone Like You by Adele, Don’t Speak by No Doubt, Mr Brightside by The Killers, Dreams and half the catalogue by Fleetwood Mac, Leave (Get Out) by JoJo, I’d Rather Go Blind by Etta James, Back to Black by Amy Winehouse, Maps by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, Tangled Up In Blue by Bob Dylan, Crying by Roy Orbison, I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself by Dusty Springfield, If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher, End of the Road by Boyz II Men, Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson, Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton, Teardrops by Womack & Womack.

So – what have I missed? Where does Taylor Swift land? And what’s your own number one?

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Comments

  2. Billy Bragg’s early stuff is littered with wonderfully sulky break up songs from all the stages of grief:

    Denial:
    A Lover Sings: You and I are victims of a love / That lost a lot in the translation

    Anger:
    The Saturday Boy: In the end it took me a dictionary / To look up the meaning of ‘unrequited’/ While she was giving herself for free / At a party to which I was never invited

    Bargaining:
    The Man the Iron Mask: As long as you come back to me / I will never ask / For you I will be / The man in the iron mask

    Depression:
    Walk away Renee: I went home and thought about the two of them together / Until the bath water went cold around me / I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts / And the point where their bodies met

    Acceptance:
    The Myth of Trust: For the facts of life are not man and wife / But man and woman sadly / And the apple that doesn’t want to get eaten / Will still fall off the tree

  4. I bet this is different to anything else that gets mentioned. Written and recorded during David Sylvian’s break up with ex Prince collaborator Ingrid Chavez, mother of his child.
    I prefer this to both All Too Well and Idiot Wind.

    Some of the verses are deeply personal and almost painfully raw:

    I fall outside of her
    She doesn’t notice
    I fall outside of her
    She doesn’t notice at all
    And mine is an empty bed
    I think she’s forgotten

    Put the brakes on
    Cos I’m fading fast
    Can’t find the link
    Between me and her

    And the trouble is there’s no telling
    Just who’s right or who’s wrong

    Don’t tell me that love is all there is
    I know don’t I?

    Like blemishes upon the skin
    Truth sets in

    Life’s for the taking so they say
    Take it away

    But one verse falls more into the cripes-that’s-awfully-shite category:

    Her heart’s a foreign place
    I visited for a while
    And although I tried to please her
    She came at night and stole my visa

    Oh and I also like Dry Your Eyes by The Streets.

  7. Barry Manilow’s (yes I’m going there) “Can’t Smile Without You” is a brilliantly simple break up song.

    Justin Currie is a master at these things and “If I Ever Loved You”, to me at least, is him saying “up yours” to a partner that’s moved on.

    “Love it can make your world
    Bring you alive
    But I wasn’t dead before
    So baby, you ain’t hard to survive”

    And of course there’s always ABBA. “The Winner Takes It All”. Ouch it hurts, gut punch after gut punch..

    “But tell me, does she kiss
    Like I used to kiss you?
    Does it feel the same
    When she calls your name?”

  8. I think the ending of Call Me By Your Name is one of 21 century cinema’s most memorable break up scenes and Sufjan Stevens’ Visions of Gideon suited it perfectly. I have loved you for the last time…

  9. Carol King’s It’s Too Late is great. I particularly like the opening couplet:
    “Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time,
    there’s something wrong here there can be no denying.”

  12. Dylan again, Don’t think twice it’s all right
    Beatles – For No One (this one once had me in tears driving aimlessly around Toronto)
    Springsteen – Stolen Car

  14. I immediately thought of Elvis Costello’s I Want You, in turn as spiteful, plaintive, self-flagellating, wallowing as it gets, and then I discovered this version by Fiona Apple with EC and the mighty Attractions accompanying her (Steve Nieve in particularly fine form on the keys). All blood, no chocolate.

    • I expected this to be in here, because that’s why I’m on here. Definite “standing outside her house while it’s pissing down, knowing that he’s inside” vibes.

  15. My first thought was “Are The Children Happy?” by Cathal Smyth (aka Chas Smith from Madness) from his fabulous album “A Comfortable Man”……

  18. The Walrus of Lurve had a voice made for break up songs. The upbeat arrangements ensure that it’s hard to feel too down when listening to him though. I almost picked the great You See The Trouble With Me, but decided on this gem instead:

  19. My Life Story with You Can’t Uneat the Apple … ‘I know that it’s all better now
    And I know that we’re all through
    But you can’t uneat the apple now
    But I want to say
    Thank you
    For leading me yeah yeah yeah
    Into temptation

  22. Patsy Cline – Crazy

    .
    A proper country tearjerker, written by Willie Nelson.
    The Jordanaires sang backing and Floyd Cramer played piano. Patsy had had a near-fatal car accident 2 months before. One that caused her to spend a month in hospital. She had difficulty hitting the song’s high notes, because she was still in pain from the accident, so the backing track was laid down and Patsy added her vocal to it in one take, a week later.

    • Didn’t Willie end up selling the rights to that for something like US$50?

      Asked if he regretted doing it years later, he shrugged and said he had no money to buy groceries for his family that week

  23. I don’t know if this is a break up song in the sense of the ones above, but it came out just after me and the wife separated last year and affects me every time I’ve watched/listened to it…which I have just now – I shouldn’t have opened this thread minutes after enquiring whether the decree absolut has been applied for yet.

    I don’t care for Travis and only watched this video initially cos of the presence of Ms Hoffs, but it’s a lovely song, even if it makes me really sad when I hear it. The only other song that provokes a similar kind of reaction is Three Lions, but that’s a football thing, rather than a relationship one!

    • Oh, lordy, I really love this, mainly it must be said due to the presence of La Hoffs, but it is a genuinely sublime song. It almost inspired me to buy the album. Almost.

  30. From the pen of Mr Taupin – ‘Tonight’ by Elton from ‘Blue Moves’. Not quite a break up but just about to snap.. there’s an air of utter despair matched by the cinematic musical setting.

    George Michael thought it sounded so ‘adult’ when he first heard it (he bought the album on the day of release).

    Tonight
    Do we have to fight again
    Tonight
    I just want to go to sleep
    Turn out the light
    But you want to carry grudges
    Nine times out of ten
    I see the storm approaching
    Long before the rain starts falling
    Tonight
    Does it have to be the old thing
    Tonight
    It’s late, too late
    To chase the rainbow that you’re after
    I’d like to find a compromise
    And place it in your hands
    My eyes are blind, my ears can’t hear
    And I cannot find the time
    Tonight
    Just let the curtains close in silence
    Tonight
    Why not approach with less defiance
    The man who’d love to see you smile
    Who’d love to see you smile
    Tonight

  31. Break up songs, has to be Jackie Leven, as it is to almost any song question. Here’s two of many Leven songs that fit this topic. If I recall correctly the first is partly reflections on his then girlfriend running away the Dali Lama’s bodyguard. a subjectof which there can’t be that many songs.

    And one about the dreaded walk up the Chevin for that ‘talk’

  32. Joni.

    Just before our love got lost you said
    ‘I am as constant as the northern star’
    And I said ‘Constantly in the darkness, where’s that at?
    If you want me I’ll be in the bar’

  33. Bob Dylan’s ‘Most of the Time’ is a classic of the genre of the unreliable narrator ‘really, I’m over it’ song – see also 10cc’s I’m Not in Love

  35. And then there is Bacharach and David with their perfect marriage of melody and lyrics. Bingo has already mentioned ‘I Just Dont Know What to Do With Myself’, but lightning struck more than once….

  36. I love this, even though it’s cheesier than an exploding Frenchman in a Dairylea factory.

    I think the “amicable” songs, like the mighty Cathal above, are more powerful. The guy in this song is still in love but recognises that the relationship is totally and utterly bollocksed… he’s just trying to salvage some dignity from the situation “…bow out gracefully”.

  37. This will be an unpopular choice for sure. The song Letter From Spain by ELO. It’s a very weird song and mostly is disliked by their fans and it sounds like the Flying Pickets or something. I think it’s a song of deep heartbreak. He’s trying to reply to a letter from an ex, and can’t find the words to say. That’s why (I think) nothing in the song rhymes. There’s another by ELO, Is It Alright? – which seems to be almost part 2 of Letter from Spain but much more defiant/angry.

    More seriously, Tracks of my Tears is unbeatable IMHO.

  38. I don’t know whether the guy in this song is divorced or widowed. Either way he’s trying and failing to pick up the pieces.

    Weird Russian video chosen to avoid the unconscionable mulletry in the song’s real video.

  39. Courtney Marie Andrews’ lovely last album Old Flowers is one break-up song after another. The album finishes with this song, which seems to be looking back with a distance, some affection, and a coming to terms with the end of the relationship.

    I also note that this performance is filmed at the Parthenon in Nashville, location of the final scene of the magnificent Altman film ‘Nashville’

    • That’s a great song and a great shout. I’ve been scrolling down this list thinking that none of you serious music loving devils would mention “Say Hello Wave Goodbye” and that I’d have to mention it.

      I was right, and this is the best place to post it. We can issue them both as a double A-side (“with pic bag”) and have it advertised on the back page of Smash Hits.

      • Say Hello…is a great shout. A spineless man deciding he’s too good for her and telling her that if they ever meet socially, he will pretend that they don’t know each other.

        Most break up songs are quite tender and even-handed but some are flecked with bitterness and others are just plain nasty. Carol Bayer Sager – take a bow

    • Simon Nicol said it seemed like Richard Thompson had spent his and Linda’s marriage writing songs for her to sing when he left her. Here’s a version from the infamous ‘divorce tour’ when he just had.

      Linda, her dress hanging off her because it’s one she wore when she was so recently pregnant, clutches on to the mic stand for support while she sings. ‘Where’s the justice, and where’s the sense / When all the pain is my side of the fence.’ Phew.

  51. It probably couldn’t be released these days, on account of the hanging out with kids in the park bit, but this takes some beating in the plaintive stakes. I was 7 when it was in the charts, and when Fluff Freeman played it on the Sunday night top 20 rundown, my dad would say ‘No’! after each ‘Have you seen her?’ refrain. He did the same with ‘Do You Know The Way To San Jose?’ Funnily enough, he never said anything to Sylvester’s ‘Do you wanna funk?’ query.

  54. On a more positive note, this from Mr Gough’s last album struck a chord with me, being once-divorced and now on great terms with my ex-wife/mother of my daughter

  56. Nordic Angst
    ” I can still hear our screams competing, you`re hissing your s`s like a snake, now in the mirror stands half a man, i thought no one could break”
    See also Summer Moved On, Barely Hanging On, The Way We Talk, Crying In The Rain, ect,ect..

    • “Full of surprises”.
      Yep, surprised anyone else on here has heard of Enuff Z Nuff

      Cue of slew of comments saying “what are you on about ya pointy fingered pillock!” …

      • I remember a good night out at Manchester International 1 or 2 in the early 90’s at an EZN show. They opened with Magical Mystery Tour if I remember correctly and were really a power pop band dressed up for glam metal mtv. They were too late to capitalise on that wave and too associated with it to be successful as grunge replaced it. Had some good tunes though.

  59. As always John Darnielle is there for these occasions.

    I think it could be very well a song about grief after death rather than a breakup but its lovely, poignant and sad in either case

    “The first time I made coffee for just myself I made too much of it
    But I drank it all just ’cause you hate it when I let things go to waste
    And I wandered through the house like a little boy, lost at the mall
    And an astronaut could’ve seen the hunger in my eyes from space”

    And I sang oh, what do I do?
    What do I do?
    What do I do?
    What do I do without you?”

  61. I MUST give a GREAT shout out for the RAG ‘N’ BONE MAN – check out his “Human” – “Guilty” – “Alone” – “Skin” & ESPECIALY – “Guilty” epitomises Break-Up or Fuck-Orf?
    His voice etc just made for great break-up songs/sounds
    “Life left in Her”
    Some kind soul could put U_Tube for us??
    “You are Blacker Than Black”
    Colder than Ice…………..

  65. They don’t all have to be so sad’n’mopey…

    Trivia #1: Fellow onscreen at 00:48 is John Farrar, who wrote and produced most of Olivia Newton-John’s hits in the 70s including “You’re The One That I Want” and “Hopelessly Devoted To You” from the “Grease” movie.

    Trivia #2: The bopping groover dancing at the lower right onscreen at the one minute mark is Oz music scene legend Molly Meldrum (who claims he was on the roof during the Fabs’ Savile Row gig – I shall be keeping an eye out for him in the forthcoming fillum).

  66. Norman Blake’s 6 songs on the recent Endless Arcade are peak middle-aged heartbreak, ruefulness and regret. Straightforward words coupled with his happy/sad melodies make some of the best middle-aged music (a good thing, I like it when people make music that reflects their age and life) ever I reckon. But Back in the Day is the winner. ‘With each new passing day I see that old world passing away/ I just can’t seem to find the peace of mind that I knew back in the day.’ Sob. StatsforSpotify tells me it’s my most listened to song on Spotify *ever*.

  68. For me it has to be Roddy Frame’s Surf album, particularly the title track. Heartbreakingly honest words. “Take her face out of the start of the day for me
    I’m half crazed, wondering if I should follow
    Or let it go”.

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