Randy Van Warmer – Velma from Scooby Doo
Lemmy – a bit like a Lemm
Muse – a lisping cow
Elvis Costello – the price for a greeting from Mr Presley
The Afterword Uxbridge Dictionary
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Holburn – Rapper’s term for gonorrhea
Phantasm – to be sexually excited by orangeade
Counting Crows – entertainment highlight of a holiday in Essex
T’Pau – sound made by punches in Yorkshire translation of Batman comics.
Up arrow. That made me laugh!
Lau – punched villain’s response in French translation of Batman comic.
Phil Lynott – Got a bit of a temperature
That’s brilliant!
Chuck Prophet – operate at a loss
Les Dennis – French Fire Engines
Thin Lizzy – The Queen has anorexia
Rolf Harris – A perverted masseuse.
Biggie Smalls – Outsized undergarments.
Adam Faith – A belief that Adam Rickett former Coronation Street actor is the Son of God.
E.L.O. – A traditional Yorkshire salutation
The Monkees – What you use to unlock a monastery
Fleetwood Mac – please depart from my forest in the Yorkshire Dales, Mr Scottish person
Or coat purchased at motorway services
Adele – generally more reliable than HP
Rihanna – on the subject of newsreader Miss Ford
Puff Daddy – father of Adder
Aerosmith: Someone who puts the bubbles in chocolate
XTC – Drug for clubbers that can’t spell.
XTC – used to go out with Top Cat.
I genuinely thought that was were they got the name.
*where*
Jon Snow – a cold toilet
Goebbels – German area of Glasgow
David Bowie – nude statue with splayed feet
Frank Zappa – Pixies singer’s TV remote
Beiber – sound of a Scottish wasp
Art Garfunkel: A painting of Mrs Hudson’s brother
Lou Reed – books, magazines or newspapers chosen to accompany a toilet visit.
**applauds**
Similarly…
Lou Rawls – Toilet Tissue
Madonna – A Glaswegian’s kebab.
Barclay James Harvest – Jim the banker’s crops
Willie Nelson – an illegal wrestling hold
Barry White – specialist coffee from South Wales
Excellent!
Nick Drake – stolen garden implement
Mike Oldfield – Arthur Scargill says it belongs to him.
Sheryl Crow – Female bird from Welsh seaside resort
Aimee Mann – laid back sharp shooter
Glen Frey – Ersatz American Scotch.
Mick Ronson – Irish table lighter.
Nicky Wire – The cause of Welsh train delays.
Andy Sheppard – fairly good sheep herder
Kenny Wayne Shepherd – Scottish sheep herder that never gives up
Vonda Shepard – sheep herding at the V festival with motorbikes
The man’s on a roll!
Johnny Marr – a useless contraceptive
Phil Oakey – a bit wooden
Van Halen – waving at small trucks
John Grant – Loan for a new lavatory
Kraftwerk – German cheese factory
Johnny Cash – the coinage required for a condom machine.
The Beatles; an insect narrates.
Bert Weedon – A diminutive Scottish academic.
Sandy Denny – Denny Laine on the Beach.
Giorgio Moroder – A new fragrance from Armani with a distinctly North African essence.
Nick Mason – prison stonecarver
Roger Waters – aphrodisiac drink
Pink Floyd – overheated TV chef
Carole King – Wenceslas
One Direction – how you can tell if a wand is excited (sorry)
Andy Partridge – a bird who can hold its own in a fight
B. B. King – The best goddamn shot with an air rifle in the whole of the U. S. of A.
Ivan Morrison – Apple’s Irish app.
Yoko Ono – The only sane reaction to John Lennon’s widow showing up unannounced at your house party.
Grace Slick – A slew of Jeff Buckley albums causing sea pollution.
Fuck Buttons – Christopher Biggins lives in hope each panto season.
Geezer Butler – Danny Dyer’s faithful manservant
Roger Chapman – A determinedly male individual.
Rick Wakeman – He rouses one from sleep with his mighty organ.
Morrissey – Supermarket for dyslexic Mancs.
Morrissey – reminiscent of traditional English dancing
Jonny Greenwood – a rather unpleasant medical condition caused by a reaction to prophylactics
Boxcar Willie – a rather unpleasant medical condition caused by wearing very tight trousers while driving
Mark Knopfler
To be even more Mark Knopfl.
Andy Summers.
Useful calculators
Taylor Swift – a provider of speedy alterations.
Noddy Holder – device to mount on the rear parcel shelf of a car for holding the Churchill dog with a wobbly head
Dave Hill – area of (not quite) outstanding natural beauty, home to the Trigger Appreciation Society. (In the same area is the Jim Lea Valley Viaduct)
Jim Kerr – Wayne’s more appropriately named brother
Pretty Things
Items covered in child friendly glue.
Jackson Browne – Messrs. Bruce, & White with James
Radiohead
A metal supergroup that now can’t exist but should’ve and encored.with ‘Since You Been Gone’, ‘Holy Diver’ and ‘Ace of Spades’
Iron Maiden – Laundry Lady
(and afterwards, Ben Folds)
Nice
Moby: a crowd of slightly peeved demonstrators
Rush: The time between the support band and headliner in bar areas.
Elton John – a Spanish lavatory weighing 907 kilos.
Jimmy Page – an instruction sheet for opening things with a crowbar.
Ozzy Osbourne – a native Australian.
Lee Brilleaux – French scouring pads
Terry Chimes – Automatic damp warning system attached to old-fashioned nappies
Mick Jagger – verbal bully
Bill Wyman – cheapskate who always eats and drinks for free when he goes out with his mates (“Oh, I must have left my wallet at home…”)
Leo Sayer – a talking lion
Don Henley – Oxfordshire mafia boss
Don Arden – Don Henley’s regional manager
ah but there really is a Henley-in-Arden. But you probably knew that.
That was… oh never mind
Hard to tell whether it was over or below my head.
Kaiser Chiefs: what Kaisfatdad’s kid uses to blow his nose
Inspiration Carpets: a prolonged period of writer’s block was finally broken when Al Murray noticed how much the floor covering in his home office resembled that of a pub..
“Inspiration?” Way to spoil a joke spelling Nazi..
Sugar Minott: New range of healthier snacks from the “Reggae Reggae Sauce” guy..