The lonely souls DFB and RubyBlue meet to discuss mental health again and specifically if – like the late great Bob Hoskins claimed – it’s good to talk
Whether it’s you, your friends, loved ones etc it’s hard to know what’s best to do.
We perhaps don’t have any answers but perhaps our own experiences can help others
empathise and give a couple of pointers. But – like many things – this podcast is
mainly for our own benefit and anything else is a happy side effect.
I have nothing constructive to offer other than:
Thanks to you both for that
Thanks to DFB for hosting and Twang for uploading. 🙂 And to Rigid for the thumbs. 🙂
Very very interesting listening – thanks to both contributors.
Less Bob ‘Oskins, I thought, more Sir Ray of Winstone. Sage stuff. Well done, our ray of doggedness and the west country blues-antidote called blue. (Well, I caught a twang there.)
North-east twang, way aye canny lad, yaboogerman etc. etc.
Thanks for the comments, all.
Hoooooooooooooooooooowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay canny lass, yabooga!
To be honest it’s Teeside, so more like this:
Ah, but living doon sooth, canny lass, you’d be more unTeesided now, I guess?
I am. I even wear a coat outside now.
You are Gina McKee and I claim my five pounds.
Oh, how I wish…..
Didn’t Dexys’ salute Gina with an anthem about some incident back in ’68 in a sweaty club?
Yes, on ‘The Celtic Soulsby* Brothers’. Obviously.
*One for ‘Our Friends in the North’ fans, there.
You’re sure it wasn’t on their ‘Dinna Stand Me Doon’ album?
Or ‘Too-Rye-Way-Ay-the Lads’.
*gets coat*
Followed up, of course, by ‘Jackie Wilson Said (I’m In Jesmond When You Smile)’…
On a related point, Mrs Moose hails from Northumberland. She grew up thinking that the Isley Brothers were singing about summer breeze blowing through the Jesmond of my mind.
Well done you two, these things ned to be talked about. Lots of “yes yes” moments.
I’m so glad for this. I have a relative who has has his normal life robbed from him due to schizophrenia. Having said that his meds work and he is a beautiful human being that often gives his family a different perspective on our lives. I am guilty also of judging people with what I perceive as emotional damage as opposed to having a genuine illness.
Not the easiest listen at 7am but nicely done, you two!
As someone who has worked with people with illness discussed in the podcast all I can say is thank you x a lot.
A good listen. The description of anxiety attacks sounded very familiar – I don’t think anybody ever notices, apart from the person having the attack.
Great stuff, thank you to the both of you for doing that. Our daughter has been struggling with anorexia and anxiety these last 5 years (started at Uni) and I recognise much of what you say around the challenges of how to support and help someone, and the challenges for them in dealing with it. The huge turnaround for her a year ago was acknowledging to herself that she needed to deal with it, and then having CBT. She was also lucky in the NHS lottery – she got brilliant help from her GP and then a therapist on the NHS. A year on she’s in a whole different place…
Thanks for the feedback. I’m so glad to hear about your daughter- that’s brilliant news and I hope she continues her recovery.
I too had anorexia at university and didn’t get help (there just wasn’t the climate that there is now) and maybe if I had it would have helped prevent 30+ years of subsequent problems. There was also a very medicalised approach in those days- I had later outpatient treatment at a famous psychiatric unit and it was very mechanical- weighed, examined for side-effects, fed, etc.
Best wishes to you and your daughter.
Thanks Ruby. It’s awful watching someone you love struggling but to see the determination and strength with which she has dealt with it over the last year is truly wonderful. One day at a time, of course, but she’s doing great. And for all that it is still difficult to talk about these things, the fact that people – like you – are prepared to be open, and the fact that there is wider understanding of these issues generally than there was back in the day can only help.
Great podcast, thank you!
As someone who has suffered from these issues, it’s interesting to hear others perspectives on
how it affects them and what treatments work.
I have a family member that has some mental health issues.
Thanks for doing this podcast it was good discussion.
Confession time.
I cant bring myself to listen to it. I am sure it is worthwhile & interesting, but I am so tied in knots trying to be sane, rational & I dont know, just normal I suppose & its going to be the death of me.
Major crisis in my family life (step daughter likes a drink – cant/wont say any more), is creating massive family turmoil & all I want to do is scream.
I really do wish I was dead. Except I dont, I have a devoted loving wife, 3 wonderful grandsons & a granddaughter due in October. Just started a new job, but the hours are killing me.
So when I say I wish I was dead, but I dont, I actually do & its awful.
I have a genuine, powerful feeling of paranoia, that people are laughing at me behind my back, that I am sad fat & useless because I deserve to be.
Yet the “chin up Les” continues & on the surface I am strong while underneath I (constantly) feel that the world would be a better place without me in it.
I cant hold a thought in my head for long, my powers of concentration have all but disappeared & I am permanently worn out.
I hate myself & nobody knows & it is horrible.
One request before I finish, please keep any comments (if anyone wants to respond to this self centred, self pitying guff) on this site & not on the facebook site.
Regards,
Les (JTB)
Les
I’m not posting here very often at the minute, but I saw the above and I had to respond.
We’ve never met, but I’ve always thought of you as one of the absolute gentlemen of this community – a proper class act, with a big heart and enormous regard for others.
I am truly sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I don’t know all your circumstances, but please do find someone close who loves you and talk to them about it all, no matter how hard that may seem. Life is too short to feel the way you describe, and you deserve far more.
All the best to you, I hope that things pick up soon and you’re able to find a better equilibrium.
BL
Precisely what Bingo said. You’re absolutely one of the good guys, Les – a funny, open-hearted proper gent. Always a positive word for everyone, always such consideration for others’ feelings and a deep desire not to hurt (so many times you’ve worried aloud that a totally benign comment of yours might be seen as trolling, when it never ever could be because of your absolute goodness and decency).
You’re not just a gentleman, you’re a gentle man. A kind man, and your adoration for your family comes through so clearly whenever you write. I honestly have no higher praise than that: kindness, gentleness, family-centredness. You’re someone whose example I wish I followed more, someone I wish I could be more like.
Plus you’ve got a filthy fucking sense of humour. I love it.
As for the anxiety, depression and paranoia – I can relate, you know I can, and if you want to talk in a more private forum, I’m always here. And more meaningful help – medical and professional help – is there for you too. It’s brain flu. Not a cold: flu. Serious shit, and not your fault. See the quack if you haven’t already.
Massive hugs to you, fella. Drop me a line any time if you need anything. x
Wow. Thanks for sharing, Jack, it must have been difficult to write all that down. I’m sure others here can actually be helpful and insightful, but from me it’s just my very best wishes, as that’s all I have. Hope things change for the better soon, and that you get the support you need xxx
^What they said.^
There’s nothing worse than feeling trapped.
You sound like a guy who is straining every nerve to do the right thing under very difficult circumstances. You should be proud.
…easier said than done. Good luck, pal. I mean that.
Hang in there, Les. You’ve come through bad times before. Please seek some help.
Take care and let someone take care of you.
Oh Les, I’m so sorry to hear this.
Do you have anyone else to talk to?
Keep posting if it helps; we’re listening.
Sending lots of love. xx
Les, I can only echo the comments above.
The first part of the solution is admitting there’s a problem, so you’re already part-way there. It’s not your responsibility to fix everybody else – the most important person right now is you. Everyone else will just have to cope (like you already do).
Please seek help, probably initially via your GP. I’ve been through the process and I can thoroughly recommend it.
I can only repeat what everyone else has said, but hang in there and stick with it. We’re all rooting for you. I’d definitely try to see your GP. If you can be half as honest with them as you’ve been with a bunch of idiots who talk about the Beatles too much, they’ll be able to see you right.
And yes, Les, if you want a break from real life to talk bollocks for a bit, you know where we are.
Today’s tragic news about another man’s premature death only underlines how we need to tackle the taboos, the stigma and the reticence of men particularly between 25-45 in the UK to ask for help.
Not blowing smoke up my own podcast but it’s a conversation that bears repeating