Little bit of humour to brighten up this damp and dreary Friday
1. Political cartoon toilet books about how terrible the Tories are
2. Grudgingly-used pasta maker
3. Framed poster from art exhibition abroad that you actually, physically visited
4. Photography book with cocks in
5. So many canvas tote bags that it’s actually environmentally catastrophic and plastic would be better
6. Box set of The West Wing, watched to death
7. Three children to prove you can afford it
8. Two cars, complete with scrutiny-proof excuses about the terrible state of public transport in this area
9. Handcarved Kenyan wooden stool that’s not actually comfortable to sit on so is piled with magazines
10. Cabinet of artisanal small-batch flavoured gins, ignored in favour of necking a litre of Bombay Sapphire every weekend
11. Vinyl collection only embarked on because everyone else was
12. Ukelele, obviously
13. Storage unit full of all the stuff you got rid of to be minimalist like one of the homes in the Weekend magazine, then you got new stuff
14. Moleskine notebook containing unused outline for autobiographical novel, unused outline for travel book, unused outline for parody Twitter account, shopping list
15. Hilarious anti-Brexit sign that not one of those bastards photographed on the march so you’re saving it for the next one
16. Privilege, checked daily
If you click the link you can also read how Jony [John, Johnathan, or even Johnny] Ive achieved so much success at Apple…
Framed photo of yourself and son/daughter in front of veggie stall at Glastonbury.
Almost unused bicycle that cost as much as a car in the garage.
Piano.
Stripped pine floors.
Afterword longevity medal 🏅 and a framed photoshop of an online spat with Ianess
I’ve only got one (the exhibition poster). Am I at least still allowed to do the crossword?
One of the main characteristics of people who read the Guardian seems to be mocking “Guardian readers”. But here’s another amusing list along the same lines, this time from the Telegraph about Glastonbury.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/25-things-will-definitely-happen-bbcs-glastonbury-coverage/?WT.mc_id=tmg_share_tw
Out and proud as a Guardian reader.
I score 8 out of 16.
You forgot the incredibly badly-paid Eastern European cleaner. (“Yeah, we love free movement of people, because it means free people”)
They misspelt ‘ukulele’ so I gave up at that point.
Guardian readers won’t tolerate spelling mistakes.
Ukelele and ukulele are both correct. But Pandora says it’s all about the handpan now.
Please tell me Pandora is your wife 😃🤭😜
Open the box…. hurrrrrr
For the last time, Pandora’s the babysitter. My wife is Terpsichore.
I told you all this at the anti-Trump protests.
Did Tarquin join you or was it his monthly Trust Fund meeting?
Number 17 is a nom de plume that they use for Guardian below the line comments, where they can express the suppressed, raging right winger that lurks within.
I’m a Guardian reader and didn’t even score one.
Does that mean I won’t be allowed to read it?
Step away from that newspaper, Carl.
Hands where we can see them, please.
🤣
I read the Guardian (via the website) every day. The only one I match on that list is the West Wing box sets – last watched from start to finish last Christmas/New Year.
Ditto on the reading front (I really should start making a donation). I too score 1 but on the canvas tote bag collection which increased by one last night at a Joan as Policewoman gig. Must have about 20 of the damn things.
I score two. Nearly three.
Grauniad reader since 1979, I now only buy on Saturdays* and occasionally Fridays.
*The comics are now wrapped in a bio-degradable bag, which goes in the food waste caddy. Huzzah. It often splits in use. Huzzoo.
8. Two cars. Guilty. Only need one now really. But if the MG goes, so do I. I intend to have a Viking funeral in it.
14. I have several Moleskine notebooks – different sizes and thickness of paper, used for drawing, sketching and notes. Also, a couple of ‘Seawhite’ notebooks. I have a mild stationery fixation.
15. Partner is currently wearing an ‘I love EU’ t-shirt at Glasto, and we fly an EU flag from the pole on our shed. One of many, including the maritime signal flag ‘Z’ (I require a tug). Oho, and indeed hurrrrrr.
Guardian reader since adolescence. (A very long time ago.)
Zero.
I’m clearly an imposter 🙁
1.5
Two cars and a full DVD set of the West Wing that I have never watched.
Get on to it. You won’t regret it.
A Guardian reader since the early 80s, but one with waning commitment.
I only scored 1. We’ve got loads of photography books with cooks in – Jamie Oliver, Nigel Slater and his sister, Nigella, and all that lot.
*shuffles off to find reading glasses*
Framed exhibition poster, two cars, and of course privilege checked. I too have dipped in the last few years from a daily purchase to just Friday and Saturday. They’re fucked aren’t they?
It seems they’re breaking even, though I have no idea how much manipulation is needed to reach that conclusion https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/may/01/guardian-breaks-even-helped-by-success-of-supporter-strategy
Oh that’s just gorgeous. Can’t wait to read it out to the famalam at Gin O’clock!
Maybe save it till your hollibobs as a special treat?
Yes along with some munchies from Waitrose – nom nom.
A Squatty Potty.
Go on, google it.
No.
Considering I buy it every Saturday and a couple of times most weeks, the list simply doesn’t work for me.
I scored 3, 5 and 8 (twice over), and although I do have a rather nice moleskin notebook, it’s just got sketches in that I do whenever we are overseas. Oh, hang on a mo…….
Tuscany daahling?
I thought I was going to have to give up my Saturday read – thank goodness for no. 12. Really must learn to play it one day.
Please don’t 😉
I’ll just keep it next to the melodica then…
Aaaargh!!!
I jest. Nothing wrong with a melodica in the right hands (and the right context):