A few minutes ago I passed some Jehovah’s Witnesses handing out pamphlets on the street. Atop their magazine stand there was a sign “Request A Visit”.
Has anyone else noticed any suggestions or advice of a similarly redundant nature that they’d like to bring to The Massive’s attention?
That reminds me of when I shared a house in Wealdstone. I came home and had to get past my housemate talking to a smartly dressed man and his bored child on the doorstep.
“Who’s Mark talking to?”
“Ah”, said Colin, that’s the Jehova’s Witnesses.
“Do they know he works for the Blood Transfusion Service”, I asked.
“They do now.”
A rare case of the Jehova’s Witnesses not being able to get away, they were there for a good half hour.
A golden oldie (which in this case happens to be true).
My mother once said to me – “Do you want a smack”?
As an aside, she once said to me “Oh grow up stupid” – So I did.
Do you want some smack? Was your mother Nico?
Or Marianne Faithfull?
I’m a Jehovah’s Bystander. I believe in a supreme being, I just don’t want to get involved.
I’m Jehovah Oblivious.
Never even noticed the dude.
I’m a Jehovah’s Tutter. I believe in a Supreme Being, I just don’t like what he’s done with the place…
I invited two in, had in my front room a miniature pulpit and a couple of pews (it’s a long story). They were a tad disconcerted, we discussed fruit flies as I recall as I’d watched an open university programme about them that morning. After a couple of hours they left, I invited them back and got lots of books ready. They never returned.
Reminds me of my favourite Groucho Marx use of a zeugma:
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I thank you.
A Buddhist friend had some JWs call on him. He made them tea, offered them biscuits and they had a lengthy discussion on matters philosophical.
He invited them back and they did come back a week or so later, with one of their elders or whatever they’re called. Another long discussion with tea and biccies and another invitation back.
He never saw any of them ever again.
My Brummie atheist Asian decent mate just opens the door and says “nah, Muslim mate” and they all go away. He isn’t Muslim. He thinks that might be more tempted to stay if he says he is an atheist ex-Hindu.
I like the J-Dubz’ new tactic of standing forlornly outside railway stations hoping someone will talk to them. A little meekness goes a long way in the god-blethering business and I reckon that sooner or later, in ten, maybe fifteen years, someone’s going to go over and say hello.
On the other hand the Latter Day Saints guys still do the doorstep challenge. I congratulate them on having found the one true saviour straight off the bat, without having to know anything about any of the alternatives, or even that there are alternatives. They move a tiny bit closer together when you say that
Financial advisers (paraphrasing conversation) – “Hey Buddy (sic) I’m calling from Fuckface and Fuckface Financial Advice and Wealth Management. We are fortunate enough to actually have some of our experts visiting your area for this week only. Obviously they’ll be very busy, but I could arrange one of them to come and see you?”
“They’re in my area this week? Wow. Thanks for letting me know. However, the last thing I want to do is to add to anyone’s workload and stress them out. ”
“It’s really no problem. When are you free for a meeting?”
“No, I insist – work/life balance is important”
“What’s a good day for you?”
“I’m sorry, but I know how stressful it is to have a heavy workload. I’m not going to add to it. Thanks for being so upfront about it. Bye now!”
My standard response when I get cold-called by “Financial Advisers” is to tell them that I’m really sorry but I can’t speak right now because I’m fighting a lion. Seems to work most of the time.
Which in turn reminds me of this perfect put down to cold callers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3aCL8PIOuM
It is with regret and also some hilarity that Mrs Attackdog regularly recalls a time as a child when her grandmother came to stay. At some point during her stay she was forewarned by my wife’s mother that JW’s were canvassing the neighbourhood.
Sure enough the following day she spied two besuited strangers walking up the drive at which point she opened the front door and let out two large Alsatians.
I don’t believe there was a bloodbath, but JW’s never bothered them again.
I like the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The few I’ve talked to seemed pleasant enough. Also the artwork on the front of The Watchtower magazine occasionally looks like a New Wave of British Heavy Metal album cover……..sort of.
As my 18 month old son is being kept alive by blood transfusions and platelets, any JWs tend to get rather short shrift when calling round.
There was a very funny programme on Radio 4 a couple of months ago featuring an Australian comedian who had the great misfortune to be adopted by Jehovah’s Witnesses. One interesting thing I learned was that they are not allowed to have sex in anything other than the missionary position.
Given that many JW’s style themselves as missionaries, I don’t see that they could have sex any other way.
Perhaps that’s why The Shadows never signed to the Kama Sutra label.
Ithangyew!
I’ve had several encounters with Hank Marvin in his JW capacity. Thankfully after he’s delivered his opening spiel and handed over the Watchtower, I’ve always managed to steer the conversation toward music and guitars.
Hank: You may like to read this pamphlet, We found it very helpful when my wife’s father died
Me: Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, tell me again about the time you got the first Fender Strat in Europe, only this time in more detail.
Wasn’t it a gift from Cliff ?
Yes, it’s an oft-told story, but briefly:
After the war there was a trade embargo which made it difficult/impossible to import American goods (including guitars) into the UK. This was lifted in the late 50s and Cliff ordered the Fender for Hank. Until then Hank and Bruce had been playing crappy Japanese or East European guitars.
By a serendipitous fluke, they ordered the wrong one. Hank wanted the guitar that James Burton played with Ricky Nelson and never having seen a photo, assumed he must be using the most expensive model in the Fender catalogue, a Stratocaster. In fact James Burton used a cheaper Telecaster.
So what’s believed to be the first Stratocaster in Britain (possibly even Europe) was a happy accident.
I recently heard a related story concerning Hank’s Strat. Apparently UK demand for Strats in that colour (fiesta red) was so strong in the late 50s/early 60s that original models are harder to find in the US than the UK because most were exported to Britain. Such was the popularity of Hank and his red Strat.
In the early 60s, the Shadows got a new matching set of red Fenders (including a bass) and the original one was returned to Cliff. Unforgivably Cliff had it re-sprayed white a few years later and used it onstage with the Shadows to match their (then) white guitar line-up.
It’s since been re-sprayed back to fiesta red and is now in the possession of Bruce Welch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzk1b64yQOk
My sister in-law used to work for outward bound. A couple of summers ago her family were out on the river kayaking and the sort that outdoorsy types do. So, this kid is trapped underwater and Terry saves him from drowning but the kid is still unconscious. She’s pounding on this little boys chest and giving mouth to mouth and the Father is just standing there praying saying if it’s god’s will to take his son then so be it. She ‘s screaming at him to call 911 but,you guessed it they’re JW’s. Long story short, paramedics arrive (someone else called) boy lives. I think she’s still to hear from them. There was a magazine article , I’ll see if I can find it.
And here it is…
http://mamalode.com/story/detail/breathe
And they probably declared it a miracle…
Obviously the magazine article skirts the JW stuff but I got the story straight from the horses mouth.