Not sure if this is a-beckoning tumbleweed or opening flood gates to a tsunami of silliness but I want to know about the things you do. The stupid things you do – as a ritual.
My mum and dad had unfathomable sayings from long-forgotten northern comedians of the 30s and 40s – triggered by mundane events. I realised recently that this is something I do too, but of course with more bang up to date and modern references. So they did it – and I do it – ergo it must be something we all do. Right, pals?
If the name Geoffrey crosses my path, I will blurt out “Geoffreeee” in the style of George, the pink hippo (?) in TV’s Rainbow show from the 1970s. Or, if I am feeling brave, I bring out my inner Zippy. I’m good at both of those voices, if I say so myself. I’m not a monster though, if I actually meet a Geoffrey – this is internalised (but I still do it). It has no bearing on my respect for the Geoffrey in question.
I know – I’m bonkers, eh? But I know that this is nothing – nothing – compared to the bizarre and twisted things that *you* might do or say as a matter of ritual, possibly every day. What lurks behind the pristine white picket fences of the Afterword? Do you quietly honk like a goose every time you see a walnut, due to something that frightened you as a toddler? Is it something you do in the toilet? We’re all adults here – out with it!
Moose the Mooche says
Right, monkey!
Black Celebration says
A promising start – can’t help thinking there’s more to this.
Moose the Mooche says
Ooh, me purse!
hubert rawlinson says
Always thought it was OO er mi purse.
Moose the Mooche says
It’s from a PiF from the 70s. My Dad and his mates adopted the catchphrase “Ooh, my purse!” which was yelled apropos of nothing at social gatherings for years.
The ad is pure Scarfolk – it basically means, “Shut yer face, woman!”
hubert rawlinson says
Tried to find this I’d always heard it as OO er mi purse!
That’s what we used to say.
Glad to be corrected Mr Moose.
Moose the Mooche says
It’s occurred to me 35 years later that my Dad and his friends were probably being slightly rude.
I am shame!
craig42blue says
“Gordon Bennett” (he was my wife’s childhood neighbour)…
“Can you do tall?” said when my petite partner can’t reach…
“Pass the thing-a-m-jig from outta the wotsit” I say to her on a good DIY day.
“Its raining Datsun Cogs” says I when job’s put on hold…
“It’ll be worse in Warrington” she replies…
“Hecky Thumplebar!!”
craig42blue says
Wee’re Lancy lad and Cheshire lass… Tha’ nose…
Black Celebration says
Do you say all of “Gordon Bennett – he was my wife’s childhood neighbour”?
Martin Hairnet says
I also adopted the Latin version Gordonus Bennettus (in the manner of Biggus Dickus), although I pronounced the surname as ‘Benny-itus’.
Moose the Mooche says
Benny-itus – a condition affecting men when they put on a certain kind of woolly hat and affect a comedy Birmingham accent. Terrible to behold.
Moose the Mooche says
Some folk think a tea cosy is for keeping yer teapot warm. Ha ha ha!
craig42blue says
Eh up lad… dorn’t stretch it se much!
Moose the Mooche says
Ooh ‘eck!
craig42blue says
Thats torn it now…..
An thee sez yur from ‘Ull? Tha sounds northern, I’ll gi ya that!
slotbadger says
Y’alreet!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-leeds-44713074/pied-crow-with-yorkshire-accent-filmed-in-knaresborough
Moose the Mooche says
Tek me back… tek me way back thy knows… the voice of Al Read comin’ through t’ ether…
Harry Tufnell says
“Don’t you f**king worry!”, every time I’m going up a hill on my bike and there is a “SLOW” sign painted on the road.
I’m proper bonkers too.
fentonsteve says
My best man (nickname: Norman) has a propresnity for, ummm, “lateral” thinking. His best example being a rotary washing line with an umbrella on top, which automatically opens when it rains. Or, perhaps, just try not putting the washing out on days when rain is forecast? “Oh yeah! Why didn’t I think of that?”
Mention of any useless idea (e.g. self-inflating platform shoes for shortarse Mrs F to be able to reach the top of the kitchen cupboard) results in a loud cry of “NORM!”. We have to shout as he lives in Sydney, and won’t hear otherwise.
First time I bellowed “NORM!” in a work’s brainstorming session, I got strange looks and had some explaning to do.
Rigid Digit says
My conversation is littered with phrases and responses from Monty Python, Blackadder, The Young Ones and many others.
My usual response to hearing a word or phrase which may be a song title is to reply with the name of the artist, year of release and record label.
This has led to a lot of blank looking faces at presentations and in meetings
Jimmy says
Whenever Franck Ribery, erstwhile French footie winger & brothel afficionado, was mentioned in commentary, I felt the need to say “Wibberwy” in the style of Michael Palin’s Pontius Pilate.
As you do.
Moose the Mooche says
I always called him Rubbery which in turn leads to Stump’s line about blubbery blueberry Burberry. Sometimes this shit don’t quit.
Gatz says
I can’t hear Sergio Agüero‘s name without mentally appending ‘Wrath of God’, because of the Kinski filmed Aguirre, Wrath if God. Which I have never even seen.
Likewise if I see ‘Astoria’ written in any context I hear it in my head as Ash-TOE-reeahhh! because Astoria was the subway stop before my hotel when i want to Budapest on holiday, and that’s how the recorded announcement said it.
Vulpes Vulpes says
Margaret Rutherford impersonation (in me ‘ead) , everytime I hear the word “handbag”. I’ve got my mum to thank for that.
Moose the Mooche says
I think you’ll find that’s Edith Evans.
Relax ladies, I’m married.
Twang says
Mrs. T says I have a tell where she can tell I like someone because I give them a nickname, usually some random mutation of their real name.
My other thing is I do the aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh noise when I sit down in an armchair, that old geezers do.
Moose the Mooche says
You missed out the word “other” 😉
el hombre malo says
One contract I worked on, based in Lancashire, involved a rather tense relationship with the crew I was in (testing) and the external verification team. Their lead was Australian, and generally presented himself as Dennis Lillee facing the Poms, with all the courtly manners that go with that.
After the first meeting that I was involved in with him, he cheerily said “Right, Tommo, looking forward to the review this afternoon” which gobsmacked my English colleagues – all of them were only ever referred to by the standard version of their first name, or if they were being held at arms length as “Mr Anderson”, and this was the first time he had anointed someone FROM THE OTHER SIDE with an inclusive name. All went well after that – for some reason, he decided that I was an acceptable person to deal with.
Nicknames are powerful!
Black Celebration says
TV ads are quite the treasure trove for such things :
My brother when tapping on a window to get my attention will mouth “Flora”.
Anything greasy “it’s greasy, Auntie” (Fairy Liquid)r
“That’s handy ‘arry!” (frozen pizzas)
“I’ve been looking for you all over Telford!” (TV ad showcasing the many, many things you can see and do in Telford. You don’t have to be in Telford when you say this)
Moose the Mooche says
“Second class ticket to Nottingham please. Tuuuuunnnnes-ah!”
Before that there was “Nuts and hazelnuts!” which for some reason the four year old me heard as “Nuts hut hazelnuts!” (something to do with the US Marines?)
From the early days of TVAM, my sister and I rejoiced in “Make room for the mushrooms”, quite a trippy thing to be seeing at seven in the morning between Mike Morris and Gorden Honeycomb. Because it was 1983, it included an irrelevant Pino-style fretless bass going “Boowwwww!” which we were forced – forced I say – to incorporate into all vocal impersonations.
Black Celebration says
As a teenager, I watched the Elephant Man on video at a friend’s house. In the film, our hero, with a bag on his head, tries to buy a train ticket at the station. It doesn’t go well. “You need tunes, mate!” I said – getting the biggest laugh I have ever got for anything.
I very much remember “Make Room for the Mushrroms!” I think they were cartoon mushrooms organising themselves like a military platoon.
Moose the Mooche says
Glad you remember that too. My sister isn’t around any more to corroborate that the mushrooms ad even happened, so sometimes I feel that I dreamt it.
I’m probably creating the impression that I think about Make Room For the Mushrooms rather more than is healthy, but that is very much not the case.
BOWWWWW!
salwarpe says
I remember the mushrooms ad, too. I had a phobia about fungi at the time – any mushroom dish could so easily contain fly agaric or death cap – that I had what I now realize must have been a ‘make room’ inspired nightmare where I was vividly trapped in a forest of tree-sized mushrooms, any one of which would kill me if I touched them.
Pessoa says
I remember that mushroom ad as well; it must have its fans as someone has done this.
Moose the Mooche says
Dude, you’ve saved me a fortune in hypnotherapy.
Though I might still have some to find out where I put my keys.
Moose the Mooche says
And as we see from the end of this, mushrooms used to come in those cardboard punnets with steel handles. They were great, much more easily recyclable/reuseable.
Rigid Digit says
“Everyone’s a fruit and nut case” as sung by Frank Muir on a punt
Frank also warned us to Watch out, watch out, there’s a Humphrey about.
Beezer says
‘Course you can, Malcolm’ from the ancient Vicks Sinex Nasal Spray advert. When offering encouragement to anyone.
‘It’s too late, it’s gorn!’ in a panicked cock-er-nee accent from the equally jurassic PG Tips Chimpanzee as a Plumber advert. Whenever anything is about to go wrong/I drop something.
My Dad joke is my response to anyone asking what a movie may be about. ‘It’s about an hour and a half!’
Any combination of these will result in a ‘fott!’ sound and a momentary discombobulation as the back of my head is twatted by a loved one.
GCU Grey Area says
Oh, huzzah, I’m not the only ‘Course you can’-er!
A roughly contemporary AA ad put ‘It’s in the sand’, when asked where something is into my vocab.
‘I was right about that saddle, though’ for someone showing discomfort.
davebigpicture says
A colleague and I do “it’s in the sand” when we know we’re being annoying, followed by “I’m not helping, am I?”
GCU Grey Area says
There’s another AA one; ‘Ohhhhh, wwwwhat-a-stroke-of-luck’.
Or ‘luck-luck-luck, luck-luck-luck-luck ‘ as per Lt George in Blackadder.
Inflation has to be pronounced as ‘Infly-shun?’, from Fast Show’s Channel 9.
If Blackadder, Day Today and Fast Show were removed from my vocabulary, I shudder to think what would be left.
Mike_H says
An old fave that still works is the PG Tips piano-shifting chimps “Dad, do you know this piano’s on my foot?”
“You hum it son, I’ll play it.”
Then of course there’s “Nuts!” Who-ole ha-a-zel nuts!”
Moose the Mooche says
Whole is it? It almost makes sense now.
Beany says
Tony Japanese says
Catchphrases that I’ve heard my wife and her family use in regular conversation
“Must be fried peas” – used to explain anything that appears blatantly obvious.
“Rotate the weasel” – a Vic and Bob reference
“And feeling rather sick he ate some radishes” – to be said when you’re very very full a’la Peter Rabbit.
“Gopping” – to describe something truly disgusting
“‘Ere go bubby” – to be said when handing something over.
“Fank you, fank you Mrs Tittlemouse” – another Beatrix Potter reference
“Come on you bears!” – Originally referring to Warwickshire CCC, but now used to urge people to get a move on.
Moose the Mooche says
That thing of walking past a window and pretending you’re going down the stairs? I do that.
kill me
davebigpicture says
See also that Harry Worth thing
Moose the Mooche says
You too?
Dude, we need a support group.
fishface says
“Ramadan” mentioned on the TV always gets a “Ding Dong”
A second “Ramadan” of course gets a “Ding Ding Dong”
Carpet adds mentioning underlay get a shouted “Heebaa Heebaa”
As a long time Monty Python dick I follow the news by reading the colour supplements and much to my grandkids amusement… (high pitched voice) Know how to treat a female impersonator.
Semi’s and the isle of Lesbos ALWAYS get a snigger.
My wife is convinced I reached puberty just last year….
fishface says
And…”Open the pod bay doors Al” when facing a difficult poo.
Moose the Mooche says
When facing… Does this mean, “about to excrete” or “confronted by”?
I’m worried. In fact, I’m afraid, Dave.
fitterstoke says
You’re my wife now, Dave…
Moose the Mooche says
Dave’s not here.
davebigpicture says
When the kids have asked one too many questions. You’ll have to imagine the Scooby Doo voice….
Kid: asks stupid question
Me: I runno Raggy (I don’t know Shaggy)
Their childhood just flew by!
retropath2 says
If anyone ever suggests their roast chicken is a bit bouncy, as in: this chicken is rubbery, I immediately respond, ah, hank you sah in an authentic chinese accent.
Sitheref2409 says
Even if the chicken is fine, my father does that entire routine
len hyatt says
I still say “pull up a chaise lounge” for visitors because of Filthy Rich and Catflap.
Moose the Mooche says
So many things from FRC that just sail over peoples’ heads because hardly anybody’s seen it:
“….and a showbiz legend was born!”
“That’s why I’m wearing this great hat”
“…and Demis Roussos will be back at number one!”
“They don’t call me fantastic company for nothing!”
“My medicine’s gone up to eight quid a bottle…. and then you have to buy the tonic”
“I’m stretched on the rack of my own genius!”
“Midge… Uuuuure?”
Kid Dynamite says
Loads of Rik and Ade stuff in my daily vocabulary, eg
buying crisps in the pub: “well, everybody likes cheese and onion, don’t they?”. (actually did this on Tuesday night, but fortunately my mate is as sad as I am)
any discussion of household fuel usually ends with me shouting “GASMAN!”
“great days they were, great days”
ad nauseam
also got quite excited once when I was walking up the main approach to Temple Meads and Ace Of Spades came up on the random play.
Moose the Mooche says
Did you start running to Euston?
Rigid Digit says
Great days.
No they weren’t.
Mousey says
My Dad – when someone at the dinner table found a piece of gristle or undigestible bit of something in their food, and therefore attempted to get it between their front teeth to extract it – “found a piece of toenail?”
Or when I or my sister would get ourselves a big slice of bread with jam or whatever in our hand – “got a sore hand?”
And also “what’s for lunch – cold porridge sandwiches?”
Mousey says
Meant to add (the point of the OP) – I still use these with my own family, you can probably hear the Dad joke sighs back there in the mother country
Mike_H says
My Dublin-Irish mum’s retort to “What’s for dinner?” was often “Shit and sugar.”
Black Celebration says
My Irish grandad said that too
duco01 says
Any time I’m at an Indian restaurant and I see a Chicken Jalfrezi on the menu, I say “Oh, I’ll have the Chicken JOE FRAZIER”
I find it hilarious every time. The other people at the table? Maybe not so much.
davebigpicture says
You should ask for Chicken Tarka Masala as it’s Otter.
I’m here all week etc
Black Type says
Whenever I plan to cook a particular curry for the main meal and am asked “What’s for tea?”, my rendition of the ABBA classic “Chicken Tikka, you and I know” provides untold mirth. Every. Single. Time.
Gatz says
When passing a popular high street chicken restaurant do you sing, ‘Can you see the queue for Nando’s?’
stevieblunder says
Arf.
Harry Tufnell says
Bottom has a lot to answer for.
Every time the doorbell rings – “it’s like having to answer the door in Nazi Germany!”
If I’m cooking and get asked what I’m making – “Vodka margarine!”
When the GLW appears in a new outfit – “That’s a smashing blouse you’re wearing”, and obviously;
“Righty-ho young Sonny Jim old fella-me-lad matey-skip me old pal from the briny, let’s fill up the picnic hamper!” Whenever it’s time to go anywhere.
ruff-diamond says
Vodka margarine or Sprouts Mexicain?
Moose the Mooche says
Have you got the crackers?
ruff-diamond says
It’s just the way my trousers hang…
Rigid Digit says
Oh yeah, I can see your point
ruff-diamond says
Why, have my trousers fallen down etc etc
Great days, great days…
Moose the Mooche says
I very often use ‘Lordy Lordy, there ain’t enough hours in de day bwana”
mikethep says
“What, not even a dirty pamph?”
The late Mrs thep, who was an actual writer, used to say when she went to her writing shed, “I’m off to write a dirty pamph.”
Moose the Mooche says
Oh Vic, I’ve fallen…
bungliemutt says
You wouldn’t let it lie….
Moose the Mooche says
…very poor indeed
Moose the Mooche says
…completely redundant…
fitterstoke says
I still use ‘you wouldn’t let it lie’, and ‘very poor’ – mystifies the grandkids…
Mavis Diles says
Another doorbell one… when it rings, I’ll say “d’you want me to get that?” As per Benson from Soap, a series that never made any sense at all, and is largely forgotten. So, blank looks all round for Mavis…
Moose the Mooche says
Our bell that means I frequently answer our front door while singing the theme to University Challenge.
Beezer says
When my daughter was a toddler, whenever the doorbell rang she and I would sometimes go into a protracted ‘There’s somebody at the door!’ routine. Dancing around in a circle singing, as you might gather, ‘there’s somebody at the door!’ Taken from the Rod Hull’s Pink Windmill Show from the early 80’s. Which means I was watching that cobblers during my early 20’s
Also, just recently, I’ve taken to growling ‘Zooooooool’ when Mrs B opens the fridge.
fitterstoke says
Seem to remember “there’s somebody at the door” from Matt Berry, on the IT Crowd – I wonder if they’d also watched Rod Hull?
As for ‘Zoooooooool’ – arf squared! Chapeau!
Moose the Mooche says
Back home my pointless cry of “The phone’s ringing!” was not only my way of telling my parents that I had no intention of answering but also a tribute to George telling Blackadder “Sir, sir! They’re firing!”
Lazy, antisocial and a Blackadder fan – orderly queue, ladies.
Beezer says
She still doesn’t get the reference to Ghostbusters. It’s just another idiot thing I do to be overlooked.
davebigpicture says
Whenever BBC weather man Tomasz Schafernaker is on, to the tune of Walk the Dinosaur, “Boom, boom, Schafernaker boom boom.
Leicester Bangs says
Tap features quite heavily with me. When I say goodbye to the kids at the school gates, I say, ‘Do a good show, all right?’
‘Mucky muck,’ ‘The n-n-n-nerve you display…’ and, ‘It’s a complete catastrophe,’ crop up a lot, too.
Moose the Mooche says
Any sandwich…. “Who’s in here?”
duco01 says
You’ll rise above it, Moosey – you’re a professional.
Moose the Mooche says
…if you will, hurfesional.
Mavis Diles says
In response to any criticism: well, that’s just nitpicking isn’t it?
Martin Hairnet says
Lene Lovich’s ‘Lucky Number’ kicks off in my head whenever a single digit number becomes the focus of conversation. After the Panama game, for e.g., “My lucky number’s six.” etc.
“You told em, Oldham” an ancient advertising slogan from Oldham Batteries, plastered around Maine Road in the 70s, remains a fist pump of probity, decipherable to nobody.
Black Type says
In a similar vein, if I hear the phrase ‘Where do we go from here?’, my default response is ‘Is it down to the lake I fear?’. Cue expressions of puzzlement and/or pity.
Mavis Diles says
Pretty sure everyone in here does that one.
Black Type says
Make me feel special, why don’tcha? 😉
Milkybarnick says
Me, “Roll on Christmas!”
Dad, “Let’s have some nuts!”
Also, I kept singing “Shack Up” by A Certain Ratio whenever Granit Xhaka was mentioned during the World Cup.
retropath2 says
When my wife has been to the hairdresser and, as ever, forgotten the doorkey, I answer the door with: Hello, Pretty Lady. I’m afraid my wife’s not in at present.
O my sides!
And if she phones ahead: I’ve told you not to phone me at home.
It’s a lorry lorra laffs round here, I should coco.
Foxnose says
i emit Language Timothy’ when someone swears.
young people are bemused.
Rigid Digit says
My brother hated that show
Rigid Digit says
Walking along the platform to the train usually results in the chant
“Double seat, double seat, gotta get a double seat”
Moose the Mooche says
In my case it’s “Stop that train, I wanna get on”… because I’m cooler than you are.
Leicester Bangs says
Whenever I’m about to say something blindingly obvious or stunningly dull, I always precede it with the words ‘to be fair’.
Moose the Mooche says
No just you. TBF is the filler de nos jours.
I say de nos jours a lot because I am a steaming great ponce.
Leicester Bangs says
I know! And it grinds my nads.
chiz says
Shouting “…and stay out!” if something gets dropped noisily in a restaurant. It’s practically a tic.
Moose the Mooche says
Broken glass or bottle: “Sack the juggler!”
Beezer says
Or, heard more than once in working mens clubs, ‘charge it to the committee!’
Moose the Mooche says
…he’s not afiliated.
It’s a lost world, as distant now as the Elizabethan Stage.
Hoops McCann says
Whenever I leave the house I will regale the family with “Alan Sithee” in honour of Fred Trueman on T’indoor league
Moose the Mooche says
If it’s tert’ shops or the postbox, it’s the resoundingly Afterword “I won’t be long – yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah – I won’t be long-”
At this point I’m singing to a slammed door that I’ve just been pushed to the other side of.
Billybob Dylan says
Me and my friend Dave, also an Englishman, have a friend (an American, more of an acquaintance, really) who’s married to a Northern lass. Bolton, I think. Anyway, whenever her name comes up in conversion, Dave and I, in perfect sync, always say “Ay oop, what’s going on here, then?” I don’t know why.
Also, while I’m in the bog, I will often start singing to myself an excerpt from Magazine’s “The Light Pours Out Of Me.”
salwarpe says
I change the lyrics of every song that earworms its way into my head to words that rhyme with box.
There. I’ve said it. Better out than in.
Black Celebration says
Better now?
I enjoy replacing song lyrics with “mucking about” . My favourite one is “Too late for mucking about” by Julian Lennon. Sing the whole song in this way and you too will find many laughings.
Moose the Mooche says
When I lived in Mansfield we used to do localised versions of songs such as Marvin Gaye’s What’s Gooin’ Off and Bonn Babby Bonn, Disco Inferno.
GCU Grey Area says
Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson’s ‘Tonight I Sellotape* my Bum For You’.
Sarah Brightman ‘I Fell In Love With A Draught-Excluder’.
*other brands of adhesive tape available.
Moose the Mooche says
In the US it would have to be Scotch-Tape My Butt for you. Very… er, special interest.
mikethep says
There used to be a thing for adding “With no pants on” to the lyrics of The Sheik of Araby.
“Into your tent I’ll creep, with no pants on…”
We made our own entertainment etc…
Declan says
A few favourites:
“Shuddup you little bastard!” – Spitting Image’s Roland Rat’s snout being pummelled with a cricket bat, North of England pronunciation on bastard necessary. Used daily.
“Who’s Queen?” – any mention of the Queen.
“Orrily” – any O’Reilly references.
“I have an awful dreary and monotonous voice, God help me” – helps me through a lot of situations.
“The brothers are all there, straight out of Strangeways, sat around like some very heavy wallpaper” -(Mike Harding). Strangeways or wallpaper triggers this one.
And what a source John Cleese is, any word here will set me off:
“This IS an entertainment show and I am NOT prepared to simply sit here bickering”
“I almost got in at Hendon”
“You heard THAT all right, didn’t you?”
“I’m not interested”
“Krakatoa erupting?”
“You vicious bastard!”
“Packet of otters’ noses, please”
“Well I DO feel a bit peckish”
Etc.
Favourites? I’m enslaved.
Moose the Mooche says
Quite a few from Mike Harding:
“Ah doot’ blues, thy knows” (The Wath on Dearne Cowboy)
“It’s buggery buggeried!” (his Polish stepdad)
“Awww! You can see the Archangel’s bum, miss!” (School Nativity)
Pessoa says
“Blinking Flip” as a mild cuss word from Spoilt Bastard in Viz. Less risky that Grange Hill’s “Flippin’ heck Tucker’
Tony Japanese says
“Is that Des O’Connor’s new one?” – everytime a youthful* co-worker sings an obscure track from this week’s top 40.
*I’m 31.
Moose the Mooche says
I’m not sure there has even been any new Des O’Connor in your lifetime, mate.
(Cue @beany)
Beany says
He is still hip and groovy. Also on Twitter @DesOConnorCBE
Moose the Mooche says
Me and my big mouth.
Mike_H says
Two for the price of one with Ms. Bonnie Tyler:
Firstly, when your in-car navigator loses the plot..
“Turn around..”
And of course..
“Nothing I can do, with a bicycle clip up my arse.”
fishface says
Whenever anyone takes a hard tock on the head….
“Ooh…smell the blue”
atcf says
Listening to the shipping forecast, whenever an area is described as having “occasional rain”, I will immediately reply with “Chilli con carne”.
Junglejim says
After any violent coughing fit (of the sort that induce tears in the eyes & offers of glasses of water) the response is always ‘That’s got it!’ in tribute to the beloved Bob Fleming of Fast Show fame.
len hyatt says
This just came to mind. Every time I watch an ep of Would I Lie To You? After the announcer says….”and now here’s your host Rob Brydon!” I always add quietly “…..and his new hair.”
mikethep says
When I was at school me and me mates had a thing for saying words backwards. I will go to my grave with the following still buzzing round my head: Nodnol Tropsnart; spupeldoop; and llugaes (Welsh village, pronounced thlugeyes).
Beezer says
I did that! Still do it with names. Mr Parkinson at school was and forever will be Mr Nosnikrap.
nickduvet says
In a situation where someone has misheard or misunderstood me, I have been known to enquire “WHY YOU NO RISSEN?” in the style of Benny Hill’s Chinaman. Blank looks all round.
And if someone’s going to the bar – I’ll ‘AVE ‘ALF!, like Jacko from Love Thy Neighbour
stevieblunder says
I beg your pudding?
Moose the Mooche says
Are you incinerating something?
Beezer says
Another one. Sometimes the ‘Learn Swedish the Easy Way’ sketch by The Two Ronnies will come to mind when buying eggs.
F U N E X? (Have you any eggs?)
S V F X (Yes we have eggs)
Rigid Digit says
F U N E M?
Beezer says
S V F M
Bamber says
Having given this too much thought over the years, my best effort is
RUNETOPN?
SIMNETOPN!
FUNEETOPNT?
SIF!
el hombre malo says
A standard response to being asked to do/carry/move something – “what, from ‘ere?” (which is, of course, from the classic Porridge medical scene, when Fletch is asked to fill the sample jar). I know that another member of the parish uses “what, with these feet?” from the same scene, to a similar purpose.
I worked in a steelworks in Sheffield for a couple of years. One of my colleague there loved it when someone phoned for me when I was out on site, because when I got back to our office, he could gleefully tell me that “there was someone on the telling-bone for you”. Every. Single. Time.
Beezer says
The Telling-Bone!
That was from Catweazle.
Moose the Mooche says
I constantly refer to electrickery.
Beezer says
Yes! As I shall too from now on. Everyone shall be so pleased.
I’d forgotten that one.