To recap for those stuck in ’71:HGY (Hepworth’s Golden Year).

Fergie (née Stacy Ann Ferguson) used to be one of the Black Eyed Peas, a musical act that built an unparalleled reputation for wil(-i-am)ful godawfulness. On Sunday night Fergie performed her unique version of America’s National Anthem at an all star NBA match. Operating under the misguided belief that Marilyn Monroe singing I Wanna Be Loved By You represents the high-point of female jazz voice, and with a vocal delivery that mangled so many consonants it caused a mass outbreak of Irritable Vowel Syndrome in millions of viewers, she vainly attempted to project the hitherto comparatively dull image of the American flag blowing in the breeze as the lyrical equivalent of a booty call.

As if her performance wasn’t proof enough of her lack of self-awareness her subsequent apology has raised the vanity bar even further reaching peak hubris with the following comment:

“I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone.”

Ignoring the fact that the only artistic risk she’s ever taken is choosing her stage name in tribute to the man who engineered the 1999 treble her statement begs the question: » Continue Reading.