We’ve talked about the fuckwits who conga-train into the middle of that gig you’ve been looking forward to. But let’s not forget that they are everywhere and operate at all times. For this thread, I’m not looking for the bad parking or the littering type – bastards that they are – but the more subtle behaviours.

Geoffrey Fourmyle (not his real name, but that’s who he looked like, George & Mildred’s neighbour) used to go to a church I went to. He was blessed with a wife and three children – two pre-schoolers, one baby. As you can imagine, their family group was a logistical nightmare, but there they were, right at the front every week. At that time, I was in a similar position and I admired how organised they seemed to be.

One week, we actually got ourselves ready in good time and got decent seats near the front. The proceedings start, and the packed hall pile into singing whatever hymn it is with gusto. I notice a kerfuffle at the very front, Geoffrey is there with his family and they are looking bewildered and distressed – Geoffrey has a baby in his arms. His eyes are » Continue Reading.