…I have clambered up on the carcasses of morons (Sir Isaac Newton, obvs).

I have had two fucking brilliant ideas recently. Recognition of these in my household has been more muted than I would have liked, so I am sharing them here.

Idea 1: A new K9-like robotic Dr Who sidekick in the form of a bird/drone, called AVN. Genius, I know.

Idea 2: I am in constant battle with the land around my house which wants desperately to return to rainforest/lantana if left untended for more than a month or two. This requires walking around my steep property with a pair of long-handled cutters and a glyphosate-charged backpack and spray nozzle. You have to cut the plant and then spray the stem (spraying the leaves is a bit too hit and miss) which requires putting down the clippers, changing hands and spraying. Literally thousands of times. For years I have been dreaming of a set of clippers that paints the stem as you chop, so a couple of months ago I bought some cheap clippers and a weeding wand, cable-tied them together and went for it. The system worked beautifully to the point where I’m about to make a » Continue Reading.