Now I’m not usually of a lavatorial (u-)bent, but I have been up all night smoking sage and onions and have had a genius idea. Halfway through my final herbal refreshment, I let one go. I mean this really ripped. It was impressive; a world-class trouser trumpet. I got to thinking, wouldn’t it have been great to capture a recording of that and share it with my chums at the Afterword! Yet sadly no audio or video evidence was taken, so you will have to take my word for it: It was the intestinal earthquake to end them all.

For a while I despaired, saddened by the knowledge that no other human being would be able to share in my glory. Then it came to me. There is a way for all humanity to benefit. Get your digital devices primed today people. Learn from my error. When you feel one brewing, hit record. Put them out there on the ‘net. We need to hear your farts!