Based on his Makerfield campaign Count Binface will stand in Clacton on a manifesto including pledges to conscript people who use speakerphones on public transport and the abolition of auto-renewal of online subscriptions. Those are both ideas I can get behind, even if some of his other previous policies are less directly relevant to me, but what others would get you rushing to put your X next to his name? Just for starters:
Train guards to be issued with extendable batons of the type police officers use and empowered to administer a smart tap on the ankles of passengers who put their shoes on the opposite seat. I’m not asking for permanent disability, just a limp for the rest of the day and the opportunity to reconsider some of their life decisions.
The consumption of fast food on late nights trains to be banned, but rail companies would be obliged to sell less noisome sustenance on board.
All beers which mimic European brands but are actually brewed under license in the UK to have that information printed in at least the size of the beer’s name.
Vote early! Vote Often!! Vote Afterword!!!
