One of the consequences of my recent exercise regime (I’ve lost 25kg in a year!) is that I churn through audiobooks. I tend to waft through genres, moving on when I get bored. A couple of months ago I stumbled into the Modern English Detective Story and have wince listened to ten or so books in the genre. It’s unusual for me, as my taste in detective fiction was previously confined to short stories from the Golden Age. I think I’m ready to move on to pastures fresh, so thought I would share my observations before doing so.

1/ There must always be a pantomime villain, and they are never the culprit. You are usually sympathetic towards them by the end of the book.

2/ When the penny drops and the protagonist finally figures out who the culprit is (usually many chapters after the reader), they must go and confront them alone in some remote location.

3/Regional English police forces are chock full of attractive, but jaded, young policewomen and rugged, bruised middle-aged men who live alone in dishevelled apartments.

4/ Senior Officers must speak in management jargon and care only about PR.

5/ Coffee must always be served in » Continue Reading.