Priti Patel has announced that all those identified by the security services as ‘socialists’ are to be deported to Rwanda next year. RAF Brize Norton is to be re-purposed as the exit point, and the Government intends to begin the process by vetting all known members of the Labour Party before flying out any confirmed reds in redesignated Airbus A400M troop transporters.

A Labour Party spokesperson is quoted as saying, “There’s only a few socialists left in the Party, so that won’t take them very long. I doubt they’ll fill more than one transporter aircraft.”.

It is understood that, on arrival, each deportee will be given a copy of ‘Teach Yourself Kinyarwanda’ and RWF 100,000 (about 75 quid).