The Afterword

Musings on the byways of popular culture

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Mojo arrives with a charlatan on the cover. Subscription under threat.

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No, it’s not that Rees Mogg arse-wipe, and neither is it George Hunter (if only), it’s that monobrowed Manc charlatan who has somehow stretched a thin song-writing ability – just enough to produce the odd half decent Beatles pastiche – into a platform that allows him to spout arrant self-aggrandisement pretending to be self-effacing yet so loaded with hyperbole he even has the arrogance to name drop people like David Bowie.

Is it possible to get a subscription to Mojo that omits any mention of the fool, and are there artists for whom you wish the same sort of editing were possible too?

Well, that’s that then. Anyone else done the quiz?

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As eny fule kno, my political opinions are faultless, beyond reproach and sensible to the nth degree, and having done the 38 degress Brexit quiz, my results clearly show that we need to reject Breixit and remain in the EU while working to improve its future fortunes and direction.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is a smelly twot and will have their head put down the toilet while it is flushed.

*wobbly screen*

I would like to be the next Prime Minciter, due to my extraordinary leadership qualities and clear vision for our Nashnul Perlitical future. Apparently all I need is 48 votes or something. Er,

*screen wobbles again*

Hang on, I seem to have suffered a short-lived major neural catastophe just then there; I morphed into a Leaver for 30 seconds!

I certainly don’t want the poisoned chalice, any more than the Maybot does, but I have a huge advantage over here; I haven’t spent the last five decades mimsying about in local Conservative Clubs, giving anodyne speeches about traditional values, judging jam making contests, smiling inanely and raising funds for the local Round Table.

How much more of this chronic display of ineptitude are we prepared » Continue Reading.

Sunday quiz question, like, jus’ fer a laugh, la.

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Checking out the new edition of Mojo, I’m on pages 76-77, where Macca is pictured sitting in front of some shelves of vinlys. My eye is immediately drawn to an interesting detail.

Can anyone else tell me what the connection is between Paul and the album – a long time favourite of mine – that very clearly appears twice on the shelves behind him?

Garry the Fopp Big Issue guy

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I’ve been working in central Bristol these last few months, and unfortunately for my wallet, the office is less than five minutes’ stroll from the wonders of Fopp. As my CD collection has inexorably grown over the months, I’ve come to know something of the chap who flogs The Big Issue outside the Lord Mayor’s Chapel, which is right next door to Fopp.

Most days we have a chat, and we often chin-wag for some time if the weather allows. He’s a cheery fella, and I’ve learned that he does a lot for the homeless community in Bristol. He and a mate have plans for later this summer; they are going to walk about 1100 miles (that’s 2.2 Proclaimers) from Lands End to John O’Groats. No mean feat. I asked Garry what the funds raised would pay for, he thought a few moments, and said, “Well, the last time we did a walk (this is the Big One – they’ve done two shorter walks before) we raised enough to pay for about 65 Birth Certificates.”.

It took a few seconds for the penny to drop. This huge effort is designed to pay, amongst other things, for identity papers for » Continue Reading.

ATM: BBC Two has gone to pot. Is it time to put the covers on the green baize?

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Seriously, who gives a flying fart about snooker any more? It was fine in the 80s, on a fat cathode ray tube when it was raining all the time and the only thing on the radio was the feckin’ Smiths, but these days? Really? All damn evening FFS? Two ugly blokes I’ve never heard of, who probably haven’t got a single Magma album between them (or even know who they are) potting reds and sweating profusely? Give me a break. On the other hand, don’t. Roll on Springwatch.

There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.

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Now’s your chance to take the current when it serves, if you have a mind to watch the National Theatre Live production of the Shake’s ‘Julius Caesar’, this Thursday evening, April 26th, at 7 p.m. in the Vue cinema, at Longwell Green on the outskirts of Bristol.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, my buddy who was coming to see this with me can no longer attend. So we have a spare VIP seat ticket for Thursday night’s perfomance going spare. Drop me a line if you’d like to take it.

Show starts at 7 sharp, and you’d get a withering glance if you turned up late and shuffled in apologetically, but there’s no need to worry, as I’ll be taking my seat at 7 sharp with or without passing on the spare, so you must be there on time!

http://ntlive.nationaltheatre.org.uk/productions/ntlout26-julius-caesar

Friday night. Week done. Chill time. Curry. Beer. DeeVeeDee. You?

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We’re off to the pub with mates tomorrow night, and I’ve got tickets for Tull on Monday night, so a quiet Friday evening sounds like a plan. It’s chicken tikka masala, veggie samosas, garlic & coriander poppadums, pilau rice, several bottles (I’ve already had the first) of St. Austell’s fabulous ‘Proper Job’, and a couple of episodes – at least – of ‘Father Ted’ from the spiffo boxed set. We are on to episode 4 now on our, ooh, probably fifth run through.

Whatcha up to yerselves tonight?

https://youtu.be/bF-T1FB3Yno

CD Swap 2 – the laggards and ne’er-do-wells

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Collating the results of our recent swapathon is good for snarky chuckles and sage-like nods of the head, comparing each others’ reactions when hearing our various anonymized mix tapes.

The experience would be complete were it not for the various missing parts of the story, as follows:

Tracklistings from:

@moseleymoles, @metal-mickey, @pizon-bros, @Johnny99, @wheldrake, @geacher, @carl, @happy-harry and @Wilson-Wilson.

PM them to me folks and I’ll bung ’em in the spreadsheet toot sweet.

Reviews are still AWOL as follows:

@pizon-bros reviews of wheldrake’s effort. @geacher – reviews of the carl and Wilson-Wilson CDs @carl – reviews of the geacher, happy-harry and Wilson-Wilson comps @Wilson-Wilson – commentary on geacher’s CD

The eagle-eyed will have spotted that a disproportionate level of late homework is attributable to the bad boys group of four, who are hereby given detentions every Saturday afternoon until they jolly well hand in their late replies, and show their workings.

John Major: Legend in my own lunch hour.

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Well, there I was, sipping my facking flat woite and wondering what nosh to scoff fer me lunch, when I accidentally took a gander at the BBC News live feed. There’s old Sir John, innit, and he’s off on one, good and proper, and boy is he talking some sense about this Brixit malarkey. Puts old Tony to shame, he does, what wiv ‘is generous diplomacy and all. No gurning, no Joker smiles. None ‘o that. Not ‘avin’ a bash at anyone by name mind you, the cheeky chap, (we know ‘oo the bastards are anyway, duntwe?) but laying it right on the line. Facts and figures, innit? Gonna be a lot of silly muppets ‘avin’ an ‘ard time if we stiffs this exit up. ‘ad to be said by someone, and I spose we coulda thort it would be ‘im; Mister Maastricht an’ all. Luvaduck, no wonder ol’ Edwina ‘ad the ‘ots for ‘im, bless ‘er, ‘cos he’s a proper operator is Sir John. Love it!

America, where are you heading?

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I miss our former contributor ‘myamericanmate’ at the moment. I keep wanting to despondently shake my head at, er, I mean, discuss the rampant dysfunctionality of so many citizens of the United States, as they descend inexorably into an even deeper pool of foetid stupidity than the one that the country that I call home seems to have its sat-nav set for. The latest retrograde neanderthal to raise his skinny little fist and bang the table in rage is the moron in charge of the N.R.A. But he’s just the most recent in a long line of rabble-rousing bigots who wilfully exploit a constitutional law that belongs where it came from; the late eighteenth century. Some sort of seismic change might be looking more like a possibility, maybe if young Americans really get the bit between their teeth and start kicking off?

Stepping away from my rant-box, what do the rest of us think? Is the U.S. heading for a violent internal political upheaval? Will it all blow over and we’ll slip back to Illuminati control; anodyne politics that placates the American Gothic mid-west and shakes its head at the commies on the East Coast and those dippy Californians? Can » Continue Reading.

Spiro, Leveret & Three Cane Whale – Bristol tickets – great seats – takers?

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Madame Vulpes will be accompanying me to see Spiro, Leveret & Three Cane Whale in a folktastic acoustic triple-header at St. Georges in Bristol on Sunday 4th March. This is something to celebrate, as this promises to be a humdinger gig; it’s damn near sold out, so I’m not the only one who thinks so. In fact, I’ve been so excited at the prospect that I’ve accidentally bought twice as many tickets as I need, due to profound inattention to detail and congenital stupidity. So…..

If any pair of Afterworders would like to take the 2 spares, they are yours for the asking. Just give me a shout and we’ll hand ’em over outside the gig on the night, or I’ll post ’em to you ahead of time if you like.

Have no fear, you’ll be sitting a fair way from where we will, so there’s no need to be anxious about musky Vulpine pongs or fleas and that.

https://www.stgeorgesbristol.co.uk/event/spiro-leveret-three-cane-whale/