There are certain news stories that seem to repeat every six months.
‘Cure for baldness’. They’ve made a breakthrough? It’s worked on mice? This ‘story’ has been repeated every six months for twenty years!
‘Massive bar/restaurant bill’. Someone’s eaten out in Knightsbridge? The bill was massive? £26,376 for two steaks, a mineral water and a cola? Here’s the receipt!
What other oft-repeated news stories get on your nerves?
Baldness for Cure – that’s a news story.
The moment Robert Smith can no longer do that thing with his hair, it’s closing time for the Messing About with Puppets In a Wardrobe Hitmakers.
I’m convinced that bloke from Counting Crows wore a wig for a while.
He did https://www.stereogum.com/2065269/counting-crows-adam-duritz-dread-status-haircut/news/
Wouldn’t you?
I mean it would be nice to be able to go out without being mistaken for Side Show Bob.
(and to be honest, I rather like Counting Crows).
One thing that I learnt recently about Swedish tabloids is that they have different headlines on display on the newstands and in shops than they do on line. The former are deliberately targeted at older readers who are less likely to read the paper on-line.
For example, a story about confidence tricksters who target pensioners would be perfect for the newstands.
One story that recurs is to do with the imminent weather, be it very cold or very hot.
Cold front from…Norway/ Russia / Finland
Hear wave imminent from ….Denmark/Scotland/ Germany etc..
A heat wave from Scotland? They must be desperate.
This is Sweden. These things are relative.
Germany is a reliable source of crazy stories for slow news – WW2 pensioner has tiger tank in his basement and the like. Either that or consensual cannibalism.
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-58077039.amp
The craziest story I saw this week, and it made headlines both sides of the pond, was that Paul McCartney revealed that John Lennon broke up the Beatles, as he was the first to say he wanted out. How on Earth is that ‘news’?!? That’s been well documented in many books for donkeys years.
Paul’s new PR lady, Philippa Space, is doing a barnstorming job in drumming up business ahead of the LIB rerelease and Peter Jackson doc jamboree
This might explain why “Paul” is now quite active on Twitter – remembering birthdays/anniversaries with a well-chosen photo to accompany the post.
It’s kind of unbecoming. He’s better than that, normally rising above such bitchy, attention seeking statements. He’s supposed to be the dignified one. A little bizarre knocking The Stones and Lennon like it’s 50, 60 years ago. All together odd rather than now.
I actually started to Google Philippa Space before I twigged…
Somehow that “John said I want a divorce” story was the lead story on Radio 2 Lunchtime News
…even though it’s been public knowledge since John’s Rolling Stone interview as recently as, er, October 1970.
You’ll never guess who won the Battle of Hastings!!
While he might have lost the battle, King Harold won the argument
“Conservatives still leading in polls”
Sorry, that’s every week from most of the papers. Say something often enough etc..
{insert food/beverage here} gives you cancer.
Joe Jackson did a song about it in 1982.
Countered by something being the new superfood.
@thecheshirecat
In Redtopland, something which is hailed as a superfood on Monday, is being touted as a major cause of cancer before the week is out
‘Britain will be hotter than Greece this week!’ They must copy and paste that one every June.
Cut and paste onto the front page of any issue of the Daily Fail
(Insert name of major development here) likely to result in major rise/fall* in house prices
* Delete whichever is inappropriate
Ideal Daily Heil headline: “House prices give you cancer!”
Or perhaps “Something something something Meghan Markle.”
Or pehaps Meghan Markle gives you cancer.
They missed that one so far.
Mind the oranges, Meghan
“Princess Di still dead. Nation mourns our Queen Of Hearts”. – Daily Express
I remember Princess Di wanted Daily Express readers to vote in the Brexit referendum (she told ’em through a clairvoyant). Even by D.E. standards it was a bit far-fetched.
I can’t remember if the Ghost of Di voted Leave or Remain.
If she hadn’t left for France with Dodi Al Fayed, she’d have remained alive
“Scientists have found that Statins can protect against….”
“Research shows that eggs are good/bad for you” (Alternate every 6 months)
Something about dementia on the front of the Express fairly regularly. I wonder why…?
Failing that, The Express will lead with wither Madeline McCann or Princess Di
NOW they are TELLING us it will SNOW!
NOEW THEY WON’T LET US ….select from breathe, eat Wagon Wheels, beat up darkies etc
The “person makes art out of small figures climbing on fruit” trope is starting to emerge as a new one. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-55348596
I have seen this reported on several times in the last 5 years, always a different person, but nearly identical ideas. I guess the news editors haven’t realised how common it is.
Mysterious sighting of Jesus in an Egg Yolk.
As a believer I see nothing mysterious in this. ‘Tis the circle of life, my son.
When there’s no significant news:
BREAKING NEWS “There have been increasing calls for …”
In other words
“What we reckon, right, is….”
BREAKING NEWS – “In a bruising hour of interrogation in the House today, the Primeminister was forced to defend his approach to (thing)…”
what actually happens for most of Primeminister’s Questions session:
Snivelling backbench bumlicker 1 – rambles on an and ends with something like “so does the Primeminister agree with me that his approach to (thing) is entirely appropriate and the best way forward for Britain?”
PM – “I thank the Right Honourable Member for Colon-on-the Wold for his question and I agree that… “(waffles on for several minutes).
And in lighter news :
“A new study released by Woking University, funded by the Fountain Community Trust, reveals that eating lard and only lard increases fitness and extends life expectancy by up to 50 years”
Stacey Lattislaw, Head of Lard Distribution for the UK’s leading producer of lard, Reviva!, joins us now.
“Stacey, this is great news for lard lovers everywhere isn’t it?”
“Yes it is! But it’s not a surprise to those of us that live and breathe lard here at Reviva!. It’s good to finally get the message out there from an independent academic study that is not linked in any provable way to Reviva! itself as an entity.
“We all love eating lard so much – I mean, that’s a given! – but do you really think eating lard all the time and nothing else is as beneficial as the study makes out?”
“Oh absolutely – we should all eat nothing but lard all the time!”
“Well you’re making me drool just talking about it! But naysayers will of course point to other medical evidence from experts going back at least 100 years that lard is actually bad for you. What do you say to them?”
“Hey! It’s a free country! But let’s face it, we’ve all had enough of ‘experts’, haven’t we? We helped set up the Fountain Community Trust to help with chronic underfunding of important academic work like this. Incredibly, there has never been a study of this kind done anywhere in the world before!”
“So how does Woking University fit in to all this?”
“They identified for us WU alumni who have been sidelined by mainstream academia in the past. We reached out to them and we were blown away by how many of them they were happy to put their name – and their reputations – on the line by endorsing the study’s findings. The knock-on effect of this funding will inject thousands of pounds into the local community, particularly the hospitality industry. It’s a win-win!”
“Stacey, it sounds like you’ve thought of everything! So the message is Eat Lard!”
“Ha ha yes – and say it ‘lard’ ! “
“Ha ha – Thank you Stacey. See you later.”
An unbiased observer drops in
That was in the days before the rebrand to Reviva! The logo is a handwritten “R!” .
The whole rebrand project took 2 years and cost 5 million pounds.
“Stacey Lattislaw, Head of Lard Distribution for the UK’s leading producer of lard, Reviva!”
Not many people know this, but the original lyrics were: “I get more lard from my meat” but the record label made her change it.
Yes, the spelling is different in both names to fend off the JTTBH’s legal team.
Also not to be confused with lattice-slaw, which is shredded cabbage arranged in a grid formation.
I’ll get me lederhosen.
My neighbour, a Type 1 sufferer since age 12, says if she had a dollar for every time she’s seen a ”Cure For Diabetes Imminent” headline, she could buy that concert grand piano she’s had her eye on.
It is obviously a quiet week on the BBC Local News site, as one of the top five stories is a link to a FB video about a boy whose feet are growing.
Four shoe sizes in a year. Phew!
@fentonsteve
Soon to be instantly rechristened by the redcaps as “The Bellingham (or wherever) Bigfoot” if he hails from somewhere beginning with a B. Equally quickly forgotten about if he comes from somewhere beginning with any of the other 25 letters of the alphabet.
It’s only a matter of time until all journalism is done by AI writing machines. Probably brought closer by hedge funds like Alden Global Capital.
Same with AI music – made to measure by the meter – no need for human intervention.
Just need devices to read and listen to the crud and humans can do other things instead.
The Crud – I think I saw them at King Tut’s in ’92. Dreads, DMs, song titles taken from 70s Children’s TV – you know the drill.
Yes, I think they borrowed it from Einstürzende Neubauten.
Oh yeah, from that time they were on Wogan together.
Extra strong wig glue that episode, I think.
All part of Brian Eno’s plan to take over the world.
He’s already got Tiger Mountain. Which is somewhere near Hounslow, as I recall.