In a moment of extremely crap diary management, I have managed to double book a Procurement Conference in Frankfurt with Stewart Lee at the Reading Hexagon on 29 February.
On the basis that none of you want to go to the conference, I have a pair of tickets (decent seats – centralish on the 5th row of the balcony).
Face value only – £59 the pair. Let me know if you are keen.
I’m interested in the Procurement conference, but only because I’m booked onto a Leadership Behaviours workshop.
What a pair of corporate flunkeys we are.
Leadership Behaviours workshop. Assume you’ll discuss the latest trends in management:
In:
Cartwheeling into team meetings, including those held online
Whiteboard markers than don’t squeak or smell (a miracle of modern science)
Improving team morale by ending each working day with the announcement “We ride at daybreak!”
Out:
Pointing – if you must indicate where something is, adopt the “schwing” motion a la Wayne’s World
“Accidental” nude selfies included in presentations a la Jonathan King (“Oh sorry, how did that get in there?”)
Bumming your secretary – it’s not even retro kitsch any more, Mrs Davison
If it includes no saying “For f***’s sake, what are you doing? Don’t do it like that!” I’m going to be taking it personally.
I love the smell of whiteboard markers in the morning.
I’m so glad I’ve retired.
Mrs F is a couple of years older than me and planning for an early retirement in a year or two. I hadn’t really considered it much before but, the more I think about it, the better it sounds. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is a few years away. Those records won’t play themselves!
Last I was in full time employment was 1997. Prior to that I was actively preparing for retirement with a time/workload solution adapted to my lifestyle philosophy; do as little as possible, but do it well.
So good they are only held once every four years.
But enough about your balls, MC.
Is everything all right at home, HP? I worry about you sometimes.
What? Oh yes, yes thanks. Damn wallpaper – always hated the stuff. Grinning.
I’m interested in both but only because I’m booked in to collect new glasses at 4.30 on that day.
I used to do that job. Very tiring, but you get to drink all the dregs = result!
The first sentence of Leedsboy’s post is a Stewart Lee gag. Taking it out of context drains it of the live experience hilarity.
*pretends to eat crisps for 25 minutes*
I’m keen. I’ll PM you my details and you can send me the £118.
This gag just gets better each time.
118 sovs is a bit steep for an old Phil Collins album etc
I’d rather go to the conference (well, someone had to say it…). (Repeats “I’d rather go to the conference” with different emphases on every syllable until the end of time. Audience creases up at every new iteration…).