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  1. Copied and pasted in case it disappears from Craigslist.

    (Article is accompanied by photo of the cutest kitten you’ll ever see, curled up asleep.)

    “I found this kitten in the Ditch and named him Ditch Kitty. He is not sweet or nice or even the least bit thankful that I saved him from certain death. He’s an asshole all the time. Let me tell you about this kitten.

    One- never look him in the eyes. The second you do, he loses his fucking mind and for the next three hours, he runs around doing general piece of shit things like attacking your feet and chewing on lamp cords and sharpening his claws on all the nice furniture.

    Two, he can’t just eat, like a normal cat. He knocks his bowl over and scatters the food all to fuck and back while he licks the bottom of the bowl. I think he’s the cat version of a retard.

    Okay, three- he loves playing in the litter box and tracking his shit all over the house like he’s redecorating, and no, I don’t “like what he’s done with the place”.

    Four- he begs at your feet like an entitled little bastard if you so much as take a sip of water. That’s my fault though, because I gave him a piece of cheese popcorn one day, and now he’s like a crack addict begging for a fix every time I take a step into the kitchen.

    Five- he will not cuddle. Every time you touch him, he attacks you and tries to chew your fingers off, so maybe you could put him near your front door and use him as a guard cat or something, I dunno.

    Six- he does no grooming whatsoever and he smells like an old hotel room full of sweaty fat people, it’s disgusting.

    Look, I could go on and on about this little asshole, but you get the point. It’s like living with the cat version of Medusa. I peek around corners with mirrors, and I tiptoe around the house when he’s sleeping, which oh btw, is only during the day. I should have left him in his ditch, but I didn’t, and now I’m just begging somebody to come and get this kitten before he murders me in my sleep because I dont have any cheese popcorn to give him.

    See above for a picture of the asshole in question. He’s cute I guess, I’m not really into cats, so I dunno. He’ll be awake in about an hour though, and lord help me then.

    $25 rehoming fee and you can take all the kitty litter and food I bought him too.”

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