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So I’ll tell you about my recent near death experience

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Images in comments but hey you Brits it’s Imgur.

Long heavy limb pretty much last survivor of a v old mess mate eucalypt Clothes line under it. Very windy. Hanging washing and heard a crack but with wind noise I was unsure of the source. Shoulda run.I picked the basket up.
Kerrrackkk !!!
From 10 metres above the ling horizontal branch estimated by emergency rescue at 3-400 kg plunges onto the clothes line tangling me in it glances off my head and shoulder. I think it ko’d me. I think I tumbled forward resulting in 7 cm gash, nay de something or other where the flesh is peeled back… debriding??? under my chin.
The branch has wedged me on the ground. My neighbour came out after hearing the crack to hear me pleading for help. Ingrid ( Mrs Wells) was out. The 75 year old scaled the fenceand helped me up.But I couldnt walk as my ankle was hurt in the process. He me a chair where I was propped when the State Emergency Service cut a path through the tree and mangled clothes line for a stretcher. The ambo took me to the local footy ground, for chopper to Royal Melbourne Hospital 40 minutes away in gusty winds. Why there? Multiple potential issues and unusual incident. No scenic trip was this as I staring at the ceiling 15 cms above me in a brace the whole time.
A day later plastic surgery for 7 cm torn flap under chin and a screw in fractured ankle. I await assessment tomorrow.

Everyone says how lucky I was. The clothes line broke and deflected the crushing weight. It would have killed me. And the fall onto the branch could have gone straight through my neck. As it was it was close to an artery. On the other hand I was only bringing in the washing !

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Comments

  4. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Maybe should have waited for the concussion to wear off fully before committing the tale to print, but on the other hand I rather like the dazed tone.

    • Not me but a work acquaintance, known for dodging London traffic as a pedestrian. His luck ran out by Victoria Station when he was hit by a double decker and broke 8 ribs, spending about 6 weeks in hospital. All I can say is that it was typical for him, he’s a guy that things happen to. A lot.

    • A man urgently ran towards me on Oxford St, grabbed me and pulled me away from the edge of the kerb just as a bus clattered past at speed – its wing mirror whistling by my ear. He’d disappeared in the crowd before I had a chance to thank him.

  9. Crikey!

    Now that you’ve had plastic surgery, how much younger do you look?

    I had a nose-job in my early 20s, because I’d broken it as a kid (playing cricket). It made me look even more like Feargal Sharkey.

    • I’ve had 3 lots.
      This
      The necrotic hand due to dog saliva in an open wound.
      The removal of my left lacrimal sac ( tear duct) due to cancer.

      Guess I should have said ,,, “while you’re there”.

  12. Holy moly…I’m glad I wasn’t having my dinner when I looked at picture no.2!!
    That was lucky having your neighbour there to help (cue annoying TV theme playing in my head now…) Best of luck with the recovery ahead.

    If you have more old trees in your garden, perhaps this is a cue to have an arborist take a look if any other branches needs to come down.
    Your wife must have gotten a shock when she heard what had happened and saw the state you were in before the surgery…but also very lucky that it was you and not her that took the washing in – she might have had worse luck. Close call all around – make sure to celebrate being around to tell the tale!

    • I wish you hadn’t commented Locust. I took a quick look this morning and thought the branch pic was it. “Ouch! Poor chap,” I thought and went merrily about my day. Now you’ve mentioned a second pic I made the mistake of looking. Argh! I don’t mind any amount of blood and guts and gore in movies, but seeing the real thing always makes me extremely squeamish!

      Best wishes for a quick recovery, Junior.

  13. Unable to see the photos and that’s probably just as well, judging by the reactions of those who have.
    Glad you survived to tell the tale. You’d be sorely missed if you went.
    Get well soon etc. Enjoy your painkillers.

  15. “What’s that Skip? Old Junior’s been flattened by a branch?”

    Cue catchy theme music 🎶 (followed by all the know-it-alls saying “he’s clearly a wallaby actually…”

    Best of luck recovering to your full faculties.

  19. Jeez Junior – sorry you’ve been in the wars mate. Can’t see the photos and have got a feeling I’m kinda glad I don’t have to put my squeamish self through it. Get well soon dude.

      • 15+ years ago, my cycling-mad colleague clipped his bike’s front wheel against a kerb, as he was being overtaken by a taxi, whilst on his way home… from the pub.

        He rang me in the morning to say he wouldn’t be in, as he’d spent the night in A&E, and had broken teeth, a black eye and a bloodied nose.

        “Christ, Colin! Is the bike alright?” I asked.

        Very rarely have I ever had the phone slammed down on me…

  26. Fuck me mate, what a thing to wake up to! (And yes, I looked at the pix 😬) Hard to talk of luck in the circs, but boy you were lucky. Sounds like you’re in good hands, so hope you’re out and about soon. And yes, get an arborist in pdq to check out the widow-maker!

  28. I hope you are on anticoagulants. My near death experience involved a pulmonary embolism (clot in the lungs) after a repair of a broken ankle (a plate and ten screws).

    I wish you a speedy recovery.

  29. I can’t view the pics, but I believe you! Get well soon matey.

    Reminds me I had a narrow escape quite recently – driving slowly up through the local park and just ahead of me a huge branch from an old oak tree came crashing down onto the road. Luckily no one was underneath it as there were a fair number of people around.

  32. Bloody hell! That sounds horrific. Having to get the washing in and all. The tree part sounds pretty awful too.

    Get well soon. And at least you don’t have to make up a hoary old anecdote to explain away the scars.

  34. What a nightmarish accident. What a relief to read about your miraculous escape.

    Time to call in a lumberjack. or perhaps relocate to Iceland.

    Australia is a remarkably dangerous country. If the snakes don’t get you, getting the washing in will.

    Take it very easy and get well soon.

  37. In other washing-related hazard news, I got bitten by a horsefly in the summer, when taking the washing off the line in my back garden. Next to the honeysuckle bush, it was. I had to go on prescription super-strength antihistamines.

    I’m considering taking on domestic staff, just to be safe from harm. Imagine – endless cups of tea, without having to boil the kettle myself. Perhaps, with sufficient training, they could turn records over at the end of the side.

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