Coming late to the realization that I’m not going to win the World Heavyweight Championship Of The World, or compose a symphony before I hit my twenties, I find myself basking in the smaller achievements of life. Yesterday, for example, I completed the Oldie’s “Moron” crossword in about twenty minutes. Particularly pleased with 19a skua.
So what’s your small triumph? The smaller the better.
http://i1318.photobucket.com/albums/t642/burtkocain/fonz-motorcycle-bonhams-2-410_zpsk6aybp98.jpg
H.P. Saucecraft says
Boooooiiiiiiinnnnnngggggggggg >>>>>>
Black Celebration says
I fixed a hole in the wall a few weeks ago. Took a little advice from YouTube and followed the advice.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Kudos! The Fabs did a song about this.
Mousey says
I fixed a music stand. It’s one of those tripod ones and two of the brackets that attach the legs to the centre pole had detached. I didn’t have the right size bolt and nut so I just got a big screw and rammed it in. Not pretty but it worked and it lasted the whole gig
H.P. Saucecraft says
Nice! Nut screws washers and bolts.
Mike_H says
Rummaged through my box of redundant computer software CDs, separated them all from their sleeves and/or cases and put the lot in the recycling.
dai says
Today I ran 1km, probably the most I have managed in 20 yrs (when not playing football or squash)
Lodestone of Wrongness says
After many, many attempts I finally made a sourdough loaf that was almost edible yesterday. The struggle continues, I shall prevail (or quite possibly I shall not)
bungliemutt says
I slept all night without having to get up for a wee.
H.P. Saucecraft says
You peed in the bed?
Junior Wells says
Had a crap.
Martin Hairnet says
I managed to undo a knot that I had once given up all hope of undoing. Approaching the problem with a clear head, and without googling, I decided to soak the knot in water and then use a small, fine tipped screwdriver to start working away at the tight coils. Took about ten minutes.
Junior Wells says
wouldn’t the water swell it and make it tighter
Martin Hairnet says
Good point, and I can’t really answer it, except it probably depends on the type of rope. My rope was probably coated in non-absorbent urethane (it’s the pull cord on a petrol strimmer), and the water made it ‘slippier’ and looser.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Oh – it was rope?
Martin Hairnet says
I was being modest
H.P. Saucecraft says
*snort*
There’s nothing worse than coming in out of the rain to find your shoelaces bound into an intractably solid mass. Nothing.
minibreakfast says
I mended a loo roll holder this week. Using tools n stuff.
Grrr.
H.P. Saucecraft says
With Mister Breakfast s
hitting patiently on the bog.minibreakfast says
Obviously.
Incidentally, my late Grandad, a precision engineer, invented a loo roll dispenser for the disabled/elderly which required much less effort to pull/tear the sheets off. He named it “The Snatch”. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. (It never got patented before he died.)
H.P. Saucecraft says
The Patent Office is clogged with applications for inventions improving the toilet experience (fact). It’s where a lot of thinking gets done, obviously. Unfortunately most of that thinking is centred around the near at hand.
minibreakfast says
Hence the Bum Gun.
ernietothecentreoftheearth says
We rarely watch TV and it always seems to be accompanied by hideous techical difficulties. Last night, after 2 hours trying and failing to get the Freesat box to work, I managed to get into Netflix using my son’s Playstation. I consider this to be an achievement on a par with the discovery of the human genome.
Sorry, but I won’t be available for interviews today.
H.P. Saucecraft says
I have no idea what this is about but find it deeply impressive. Rather like Mahler’s Ninth.
Jackthebiscuit says
FWIIW, I used to have Freesat & I found it to be the most user unfriendly piece of kit that I have ever bought.
Beany says
I rescued a juvenile blackbird that was dazed and confused amongst my strawberry pots yesterday. I kept it safe and warm in a comfy box overnight and will see if it has recovered sufficiently to be released in the morning. If not I shall take to a local bird sanctuary or force feed it on large portions of breadcrumbs until Christmas. Every cloud etc.
Johnny Concheroo says
Hopefully he’ll recover well enough to be heard singing in the dead of night before too long.
Beany says
EDIT: it died in the night. At least it’s final hours were comfortable.
It was only waiting for this moment to arise. *sobs*
Johnny Concheroo says
It’s the shock, you see. It gets them every time.
H.P. Saucecraft says
That and the lack of air in its “comfy box”.
Johnny Concheroo says
Are you still talking about Junior’s bowel movements?
Beany says
Plenty of air. I gave it cheese & onions crisps and Prosecco because I read somewhere that birds like that sort of thing. A meringue?
Kid Dynamite says
Made me think of Calvin & Hobbes, and the baby raccoon
http://i1058.photobucket.com/albums/t407/maggieloveshopey/tumblr_m0wtn4tBB91qdl7ho_zpsv06jqzlv.gif
The raccoon strips are all here: http://calvinandhobbes-daily.tumblr.com/post/19577066756/ch-baby-raccoon-storyline
H.P. Saucecraft says
We’re seeing a lot of resourcefulness, a lot of determination, skill, and the kind of modest heroism that gives me hope for the future of mankind. And we’re seeing Junior Wells take a dump. So much for Australian vote.
Keep these stories coming – carve your names with pride in a legacy thread you’ll be proud to show your grandchildren.
nigelthebald says
I changed the magnets in a set of humbucker pickups recently (replacing ceramic with Alnico 2 and 5).
I watched a couple of online demonstration videos first – because the first one was done by someone useless at explaining, whose hand was in the way much of the time – then took the plunge.
The sense of achievement was immense, and the tonal improvement gratifying.
nigelthebald says
I should have mentioned that the process necessitated borrowing a hairdryer from my neighbour Angie (to soften the wax in the pickups), which caused much merriment.
H.P. Saucecraft says
It’s as good a pickup line as I’ve heard, Nige.
nigelthebald says
😀
Mousey says
I made a nice lunch. Tin of tuna, tin of butter beans – drained, cucumber – halved lengthwise and diced, cherry tomatoes – halved, salt and pepper and a bit of red wine vinegar.
Lovely with a cup of tea.
retropath2 says
I unblocked the hoover and the lavvy with my same all purpose tool. (No, come back, it was my trusty unravelled wire coat hanger, which I am currently in discussions with Dysons about.)
ernietothecentreoftheearth says
What retro omitted to mention is that his suit jacket was still on the hanger
Kid Dynamite says
I uprooted a small apple tree in the garden, replanted it a bit further back, and it hasn’t died. The exciting thing is I actually moved it about six months ago but I’ve had to wait until spring to see if it would flourish again. I like playing the long game.
Junior Wells says
I say that, so far, my achievement shits on the rest.
Mike_H says
Not supposed to shit on the rest, Junior.
Supposed to shit through the hole in the rest into the pan.
Tsk…
H.P. Saucecraft says
“into the pan …”
This is an outback dunnee, Mike. None of that fancy porcelain nonsense.
Junior Wells says
You may mock but I had to work on that crap
bungliemutt says
Work on it? Has it been sculpted into a scale model of The Beatles?
Mike_H says
Ah yes. The hole in the ground beneath the hole in the “rest”.
Bring your own shovel.
Wilson Wilson says
I put up two new shelves in the kitchen about a month ago, and they remain attached to the wall. I mean, I’ve been scrupulously avoiding putting anything heavy on them, but still…
H.P. Saucecraft says
Feel good about yourshelf, Wilson!
Wilson Wilson says
*beams with Saucecraft-approved pride*
Gatz says
Several years ago I repainted the internal window frame in my living room, and replaced the handles on the huge casement windows while I was at it. I got the positioning of the bar (a length of brass with two prongs) about 1mm wrong on one side, so when the window was closed only one of the holes in the arm matched a prong. The other, the one further from the casement, sat uselessly to the side of its prong and the window never felt quite fully shut. I live opinion a second floor flat, so security isn’t a particulate concern but be nevertheless my sloppy workmanship made me feel inferior whenever I shut that window.
A few weeks ago it occurred to me that a few taps with a hammer might be all it took to align the second prong and allow me to regain me sense of manhood. 30 seconds later and the job was done, and the window closes perfectly. Now I can’t close the window without pausing to gaze at it for a couple of seconds, before nodding in satisfaction and going about my day. Or closing the curtains, whichever comes first.
Gatz says
That ”in a second floor flat’. I have no idea where ‘opinion a second floor flat’ came from.
H.P. Saucecraft says
This inspiring story embodies the fine qualities that made the Empire feared and respected the world over. It’s all here – sheer gumption, a keen interest in the material world and a job well done, and years of vague disatisfaction resolved in quiet victory.
Junior Wells says
that and 2 years of procrastination
Gatz says
More like seven.
nigelthebald says
It’s what we do best.
(I did consider waiting two years to post that, but feared Trump might bring about Armageddon before I had time.)
Moose the Mooche says
One of my trumps could certainly bring about Armageddon.
retropath2 says
2 years of procrastination! No wonder you’re so proud of that shit, Junior
Black Type says
Completed another job application this morning. Can life be/i> any more exciting?
Black Type says
Thankfully, I didn’t need to use italics in the application…:-(
Moose the Mooche says
I successfully taught a 9-year-old boy the “Dunnop” joke. And that when you are doing a comedy German accent you must say “Cherman”.
Passing on the wisdom of the ancients? You’re welcome.
Mavis Diles says
Bought a packed of mint Club biscuits for £1, almost half price. Club biscuits still exist! In 2016!
Wilson Wilson says
My mum always has a pack of mint Viscounts available despite the fact I haven’t seen them in a shop this side of the millennium.
Martin Hairnet says
Green and white wrapping, with silver foil inner? The raisin ones (purple wrapper – I think) were always my favourite. Then there was the pale blue plain wafer ones and a few others I can’t remember. Used to be some incredible folding on those biscuit wrappers, but I bet there’ll all plastic sealed now.
Mavis Diles says
Similar wrapping, but now milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. I think there used to be two layers of biscuit inside the original ones, pretty sure this was of simpler construction.
chiz says
In our house, the time between my wife asking me to do something and me actually doing it is called ‘nag lag’. So conversations go like this:
Her: If you’re not doing anything would you mind digging that old mahonia out of the garden?
Me: Uh huh
Her: What’s the nag lag on this going to be?
Me: …couple of years?
Anyway, today I have achieved three things around he house and garden which had a nag lag of between six months and three years, so I feel justified in taking the rest of the day off. If you’re interested, and why would you be, they were strimming the verge, potting the lillies and pruning the quince, all of which sound like foreplay, and sort of are, actually.
bricameron says
“Nag Lag”. That’s hilarious. I love that.
Moose the Mooche says
It’s also a type of horsehair pipe insulation.
H.P. Saucecraft says
*DING*! So! It’s the time between a wife’s request and the completion of that task, and – or should I more properly say “or” – it’s a type of insulation made from horse hair.
Moose the Mooche says
Your combover rules.
As does my bow-tie.
On The Fence says
Despite having misplaced the instruction manual, I sort of managed to reconstruct my son´s Lego Imperial Walker. It´s a bit lob-sided and one of the legs doesn´t move but I´m pretty proud of myself.
JQW says
Upgraded my phone to Android 6, and then enabled the new “adaptable storage” feature via various bits of command-line trickery.
H.P. Saucecraft says
Sorry, JQ, blacked out after “upgraded” but I’m sure your Small Victory is a worthy addition to the canon.
the californian says
This morning, I finally managed to get sound to come out of my new Tannoy Revolution XT speakers. It had been a simple oversight on the input/output front. In celebration, I played my vinyl copy of Springsteen’s The Wild, The Innocent etc. which I bought in 1972. Life is good.
Moose the Mooche says
“a simple oversight on the input/output front” …hurrr
the californian says
Age does not come alone
JustB says
Given my contribution to the Gardening thread (tl;dr version: fuck gardening, right in the ear), I am proud to say that today I pruned the climbing rose on the front of the house and sprayed it with Apocalypse Now quantities of aphid spray. I even gave the ungrateful creature some water with expensive green feedy shit in.
I love the smell of Rose Clear in the early afternoon.
SixDog says
I buffed a scratch out of my rear wheel arch that some toss bag left in Sainsbury’s car park yesterday.
Had to go to Halfords and find the right numbered polish spray from a catalogue which indie with no assistance from the teenage staff too busy pissing around with sub woofer speaker controls.
SteveT says
This morning I made scrambled eggs. The last time I made scrambled eggs was about 30 years ago and I didn’t know if I remembered how to make them properly. But they were dead good.
pencilsqueezer says
Sharpened three pencils with a scalpel and only cut myself once.
Gave Mr Paul Waring formally of this parish free advice about repairing a severed lawn mower power cable.
Busy day.
Sewer Robot says
“Formerly?!”. He told me we were just “taking a break” ?
Beezer says
Echoing WilsonWilson above I recently put a new coat rack up in our hall.
I could just stop there, I suppose. But, no. I used Homebase’s own brand ‘No Nails’ stuff. Essentially, then, all I did was gum a plank of wood to a wall.
I should have made sure by inserting the two screws (supplied) into the appropriate holes (pre-drilled). I did not.
Therefore it was a long tense hour while I waited for the No Nails to dry and hang a coat on it. It must have felt the same on Apollo 13.
Moose the Mooche says
Texas Homecare, we have a problem.
retropath2 says
Fucking no nails, no schnails….
I used their scam some years ago, in the kitchen. They sagged. So I put in the middle screws. They sagged. I had to go and buy a while set of brackets and carefully put them flush underneath. Look good now tho’
davebigpicture says
Inspired by the recent cross trainer thread, I started to use mine again on Monday. On Thursday I put up a small shelf next to it to hold a phone or iPad which I use to play Netflix on a screen which is in front of the cross trainer. This morning, my back went in the shower. Not sure when I’ll be back on the machine again.
Junior Wells says
Those showers can be dangerous places
Moose the Mooche says
I regularly get sprained in mine. Hurrrr
Clive says
Well obviously not small but all of my ‘triumphs’ can take a back seat because on Wednesday my mum passed away and solely due to my almost two year sobriety I was able to step up to the plate and deal with it how a son should. In the end it was just me and her and I said everything I needed to say and then she slipped away holding my hand. And for that I shall be eternally grateful.
minibreakfast says
Blimey Clive, so sorry. But well done though xxx
Tiggerlion says
Bloody hell. That’s a major triumph not a minor victory, Clive!
Kid Dynamite says
Seconded. Condolences
H.P. Saucecraft says
Well done. Life (and death) doesn’t get better than that.
Black Type says
Sincere condolences, Clive.
pencilsqueezer says
Good man. Good son. My sincerest condolences Clive.
ivylander says
What others are saying more eloquently.
Junior Wells says
Emotional stuff. Complete triumphClive
nigelthebald says
Just what a son should do, Clive, and I’m not looking forward to it.
Sorry for your loss.