On the grounds that there are no wrong questions, but some are quite silly, and that it’s not easy always pretending to be grownup and having all the answers.
But also, that it’s entertaining making up ridiculous answers and that the stupidity of crowds is as valid as assessment of humanity as its wisdom.
Here’s one to start with:
Why is water wet?
Because it is …
I don’t know – but is a wet stick of liquorice wet, or is it sticky?
Neither. It’s wet AND sticky.
I’ve always thought there should be a market for dehydrated (I.e, dry) water. Just think – you could easily transport it to all those parts of the world that suffer from droughts…….
Ahem.
Define “wet”.
You may not use Ed Sheeran in your answer.
Wine is wet yet some say dry ? Go figure.
Sandpaper is wet and dry at the same time
This seems to be the first question (let’s not get hung up on water, though)
Water is a quality of liquids and means something that flows but has tangible volume – so it will take up the shape of whatever it is poured into – like the mould of international pop stardom
(Is there a Sheeran reference there?)
Why is water wet?
Because when two gases get together and like each other very much…….
Arf!
Water is a threesome.
That should be an AW t-shirt
H2Ohhhh
Waiter! Give me a glass of HTO.
Re salwarpe
Why is water wet?
Congratulations for taking the blog to a new l’eau
Wasser point in doing anything else?
Enough of these linguistic aquatics, S
Talking of water, my favourite chemistry joke……..
“Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says, “I’ll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It’s the end of the day and there’s no need to talk about work.” The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.”
….Afterword version: The second one says, “This is a bar, they’re hardly likely to be stocking Hall and Oates records”
Another Afterword version.
Here’s your glass of water and – listen up – here’s “I Dream to Sleep”; as requested.
Nice moustache on the guitarist.
Peak beard is already here. When will we reach peak moustache?
We went through a period of about twenty-five years (1990-2015) when the non-ironic heterosexual moustache seemed to have been banished from the face of the earth, literally.
Now it has returned. Everything comes back, eventually. Except those shoes…tut tut.
Except in Liverpool, Shirley? Yosser, Terry Sullivan in Brookie, JohnAldoAldridge etc..
Terry McDermott – a notorious tache wearer (I think he had a timeshare with Alan Kennedy).
Steve Heighway grew a tache and rarely played for Liverpool again. Jimmy Case’s top lip hair saw him banished to Brighton
Yes, football was the last refuge of the N-IHM.
H to O rings a Van der Graaf bell somewhere.
Let me be the first to say…. I don’t get it…
Can someone who took Chemistry please explain this joke?
H2O2 = Hydrogen Peroxide
Yes it does. But how does the first chemist know that the second chemist was going to order water too? I hate jokes with poor internal logic.
See also: chickens have no concept of roads. Crossing one is just “going over there” as far as they’re concerned.
They also have no concept of ‘going’, ‘over’ or ‘there’, to be fair.
They may not be Cartesian chickens, but they have short term goals, as much as we have through our reptilian brains somewhere up there below the thinking cap part of the grey stuff in the skull.
I see food/safety/hot cock crowing. I’m going to cross that road.
But it’s not a road to them. They’re not crossing. They’re just… going.
BTW I think I may have have Cartesian Chicken in a Soho Deli.
Errata:
have have should read have had.
Soho Deli should read Piss Poor Provincial Gastropub (TMFTL)
Hey guys — isn’t the REAL question “why is there a road across the chicken’s natural environment?”.
Makes you think, huh?
It’s outside Tesco, obviously, visiting relatives. Cuh.
The chicken lives in a hipster’s tiny back garden and has broken free. The road is Streatham High Road.
….all this explanation adds so much to the humour of the joke, n’est pas?
Not Cartesian. but Corsair.
He’s been planning it all day – feeding the guy peanuts, making him play a couple of games of squash, saying things like “we should really rehydrate before we start drinking!” bribing the barman to have some poison on tap, and making sure he orders first – but if you put all that in it kinda ruins the joke.
Bribing the barman, and giving him an elementary chemistry lesson and a good lawyer.
Nah – just a mate who’s a hairdresser. He’s already studied at the bar
You never see a dry cleaner laugh out loud, do you?
What’s a wet martini?
No gin.
Thais have a touching faith in the ability of water to flow uphill, a belief I think they acquired from seeing it come out of taps. Many Thai roads boast storm drainage grilles mounted on the highest part of the road, remaining usefully dry even during floods. The rainy season always catches them by surprise. Nobody buys an umbrella unless it’s actually raining. Drivers of boutique 4×4 “offroad” vehicles will regularly swerve to avoid even the shallowest puddle. A gigantic Buddha statue, really enormous, was recently completed at Mukdahan, with no thought to rainwater drainage. I’m guessing the surface area must be at least one football field. Built sensibly during the dry seasons, the rain poured down into the lavishly tiled and decorated floors below the statue, bring ceilings down and creating vast interior lakes. Who knew?
Bet it’s popular during songkran
Swerving round little puddles in 4x4s is not just a Thai thing. I’ve witnessed it on country lanes in the UK home counties too.
Something to do with molecular tension
I had that… bought looser trousers, problem solved!
Casting my mind back to O-level Chemistry, I remember being told “Water is not wet. The dipole moment causes it to form drops. Water is sticky.” And you think I’m dull…
A friend’s son, when a child, used to refer to his daddy’s special drinks as “sticky beer”. The wee tyke clearly had a point.
“Daddy’s special drinks … had a point …” Oh dear.
Next question. Why does music sound so good?
Follow up question – why is music something we enjoy hearing time and time again as opposed to a joke – which has a shelf life of two, at best three, listens and then you never want to hear it again?
But I’ve been making the same joke on here dozens of times a day for nearly ten years and…
…why are you looking at me like that?
Hurrrr.
See? It’s not funny when I do it. It’s the way you type ‘em.
It doesn’t all sound so good. I just had the misfortune of listening to a song called ‘Big & Chunky’ by will.i.am.
Avoiding that question, if water was dry we wouldn’t be able to drink it.
But we could eat it.
Impeccable logic.
I think.
Wash it down with a cool drink of water.
Because rhythm taps into the heart, melody (based on the cadences of speech) taps into the soul. And because most people who make music, do so to make it sound good.
Oi, Tig! The OP says stupid answers! That is profound and meaningful and captures the essence of what good music does in 31 words.
(Thank you)
Oh. I didn’t realise. My apologies
Don’t be silly. I really liked what you wrote.
Just don’t do it again. OK?
Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best.
And rhythm is a dancer.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
And Norman Wisdom is firing an arrow into the eye of Harold Grimsdale
How serious are you about that? @moose-the-mooche
It’s the way I tell um.
But are we human or are we dancer?
According to Reg Holdsworth, knowledge is power.
What does Jools say?
That girl must be praketing richcraft!
Have I had me tea yet?
Noone ever comes to see me…
On his own, or with his hermits?
I couldn’t have me tea – cos it was too wet..
Very good, Sal. Made I laugh. Someone I used to work with had that surname, and was always referred to as ‘No-one’.
Music is the food of love and everbody’s got a hungry heart.
Why, Diddley … that’s …. beautiful! *snurfle*
You have all been extraordinary generous with your comments, and in some cases, have offered answers of such resonance and genuine reflection that I find myself in a quandary. Do I dare to continue to prime the pump with more daftness? Or should I consider myself a lucky beggar for getting away with such froth, and call it a day, before someone calls the cops on me?
Faint heart never won fair hamper.! Keep going until you get the prize and abruptly stop. That’s what I teach my kids.
You don’t get (or fairly earn) hampers by continually commenting on your own thread. The perfect hamper thread would be one where you launch it (preferably with a select few mots justes), and retire to watch it soar like one of Moose’s protrusions.
I am by no means an expert – most of my threads tend to summon tumbleweed from all corners of the earth – but if there was a Masters degree in the subject, “curating” a thread is an effective method – like scoring quick singles in cricket.
To stretch this thin analogy even further, the Beatles being overrated or Brexit are short boundaries. However, a skilfully weighted cover drive can flummox the fielding team and before you know it something about Fray Bentos pies or wheelbarrow parts bobbles over the rope.
I don’t know what skillfully weighted cover drive means, but I can deduce its function in the sentence.
I’m not really interested in hampers. I do like it when there’s at least one thread on the go which sets a low bar for contributions, so all can pile in – the party thread, the public bar thread,if you like.
If nobody else is doing that, I regard it as a public service to host one myself.
“Host one myself” – hurrrr
Heavenly.
I’ve no idea what the innuendo about ‘host’ is, unless there’s some sort of ‘in your end. Oh!’meaning