Based on his Makerfield campaign Count Binface will stand in Clacton on a manifesto including pledges to conscript people who use speakerphones on public transport and the abolition of auto-renewal of online subscriptions. Those are both ideas I can get behind, even if some of his other previous policies are less directly relevant to me, but what others would get you rushing to put your X next to his name? Just for starters:
Train guards to be issued with extendable batons of the type police officers use and empowered to administer a smart tap on the ankles of passengers who put their shoes on the opposite seat. I’m not asking for permanent disability, just a limp for the rest of the day and the opportunity to reconsider some of their life decisions.
The consumption of fast food on late nights trains to be banned, but rail companies would be obliged to sell less noisome sustenance on board.
All beers which mimic European brands but are actually brewed under license in the UK to have that information printed in at least the size of the beer’s name.
Vote early! Vote Often!! Vote Afterword!!!
The information contained in the vinyl run-out groove to be printed on the outside of the sleeve, so that we can tell if an record is pressed at GZ before we buy it.
CDs to have DR numbers printed on the sleeve.
CDs mastered from LP, and vice-versa, to be displayed on the sleeve.
All records company release dates to be made public so that we can tell if the deluxe edition is going to be released shortly after we buy the standard version.
It’s almost like you are an almost retired sound-obsessed audiophile geek with an unhealthy obsession re Camper Vans ..
It’s a fair cop.
How about the police to mount compulsory stinger operations for any white van drivers who overtake dangerously simply because the car in front is pink and displaying L-plates?
They’re often surprised to see a middle-aged ginger man behind the wheel. I can’t go any faster, Mr Deathwish, I’m driving a Fiat 500.
Talking of sound-obsessed audiophiles…. Today’s Wimbledon woman’s final is now officially to be known as the “Sound Engineers Final” as is Czech one two.
Arf!
Adverts on streamed subscription services to be banned and the corporate execs who gleefully pushed this into existence to have their goolies flicked with an elastic band.
Vocal Fry to be made illegal. Repeat offenders to be obliged to take elocution lessons until they sound like Valerie Hobson.
I would add a subsection to your first one banning presenters from reading the ads on their podcasts, so it’s easier to know when to stop when you try to skip past them.
Also – vocal related- immediate censure to any singer who attempts to fit 18 notes into one phrase. All power will be switched off at this point (and auto tune rendered useless)
Key changes to be restricted to “only if absolutely necessary”
The use of water cannon on noisy neighbours to be legalised.
Anyone who is affected by – or has a friend or family member affected by – cancer, shall, on coming across someone wearing an ‘anti-vivisection’ badge or otherwise declaring support for such an organisation, be allowed to give them one good, open-palmed, slap across the face.
All bus journeys to be free of charge. This will be funded by very hefty fines for (a) passengers who listen to music or videos without using headphones – especially the man who regularly travelled on my bus and seemed to enjoy horror films or torture porn to an unhealthy degree (every day – EVERY SINGLE DAY – we would all have to hear the screaming from his smartphone, but he had the look of a man who probably liked a bit of torturing himself, so nobody dared speak up), and (b) those who refuse to give up the spare seat next to them because their bag is apparently more important than the elderly, disabled, or pregnant person standing in front of them.
Any cinemagoer who makes a mess with their popcorn or drink must stay behind and clean it up, or be banned for life. See also anybody who looks at their phone when they’re sat in front of me in the cinema – conscription’s too good for ’em, I say.
Being annoying – standing in a shop doorway to look at your phone, remaining at a busy bar after you’ve got your drink, or stopping suddenly the middle of the pavement – means a few hours in a cell.
Harsh but fair, I’m sure you’ll agree. Civilised policies for civilised people!
Can we add into the phone legislation twats who walk along the street on speaker shouting into the microphone should have their phone crushed and be required to use a Nokia Mars Bar phone like a 9 year old. Also for train use.
Twats who drive around with the car windows open and deafening music blasting should have their windscreen smashed if they like fresh air that much. As it’s usually fans of some urban genre they should only be allowed to play pan pipe music in the car for 3 years
Re the urban-loving drivers: anybody who thinks music magically sounds better if you turn up the bass so much that the very Earth vibrates as they drive along is to have their ears syringed until they learn that they are wrongity wrong.
Armed Police to quickly remove all persons using their phone (or a mobile) speaker to play their music and / or conversation / streaming choices to shared communal spaces. Objection will lead to detention in a holding cell, where the silence will be broken by the Cliff Adams Singers, Henry Cow, Napalm Death, and the St Winifred’s School Choir.
There’s a related name for this: Haddaway’s Syndrome. It dictates that anyone playing loud music in a car with the windows down will, inevitably, be playing some form of Eurodance music.
Rap over here
Around Newcastle, it’s known as Haddaway and Shite Syndrome.
What’s wrong with treating fellow road users to the joys of Blowzabella?
Bravo!
Cinema goers who can’t get through 2 hours of their lives without buckets of popcorn, fizzy pop or catering-size bags of Minstrels to be banned from cinemas for life.
Please add cinema goers who can’t get through the duration of the film without talking.
Perhaps they can have their mouths sealed up, as in that rather chilling bit in The Matrix during Neo’s interrogation: “What good us a phone call if you’re unable to speak?” Indeed.
Triple the price of the already over-priced dross.
Those fuckers that stand in a supermarket aisle, trolleys at 90° angle to the shelves and stand in the middle having a chat. Like some kind of flesh and steel tennis net.
People that take their small children to outside gigs and put them on their shoulders. Actually, people that take their small children to gigs.
Proposed amendment re. small children. Extend to include theatre other than age appropriate productions.
While we’re at it, twats arriving late for theatre/gigs only allowed in at suitable break point. No drinks allowed in all seated venues.
Agreed amendment sir! They are fine in restaurants provided they do not run around, in which case, the parents need to pay the bill for all other patrons.
Amendment re: seated gig/show etiquette.
Bars to be strictly no-access during the performance.
Patrons taking toilet breaks during a performance only to be readmitted at break points.
On a more positive note to win over more gentle voters: all national treasures – David Attenborough, say – and whoever is about to make a breakthrough regarding a cure for cancer or dementia are to be offered immortality if they want it so they can carry on their good work for as long as they want. I admit I’m a bit uncertain about the science involved, so maybe Elon Musk and his ilk can be forced to put a few billion into making this a reality.
Thinking further afield, an aide to our ambassador to the USA is to be appointed to follow Donald Trump wherever he goes. Each time DJT tells a lie, this person is to sound a klaxon, ring a bell, or blow a swanee whistle. Each time Trump says something silly or unpleasant, our representative is to jiggle a big orange rubber hand across Trump’s face, like the one in that Tango advert back in the day.
Unfortunately I think musk would just use any chance of immortality on himself, which is a terrible thought.
Can I suggest 24 hour news channels are just reduced to the news and not inviting someone in to give their thoughts on the news article, we have just seen. “just the facts, ma’am” as they said on Dragnet.
I’d rather have children at gigs than groups of middle-aged fuckwits chattering, getting the beers in and exchanging great-laff bantz during songs.
Bring back heavy-handed bouncers for these idiots.
Mrs Brown’s Boys to be expunged from history.
Little twats with face masks on electric scooter are bikes to be shot on sight
(bit harsh, maybe just smacked around the head a bit)
Only a matter of time round our way (northern NSW) before one of those little e-bike teenage toerags actually does get shot on sight. They persecute their elders and betters out for a toddle by running their bikes at them and occasionally knocking them over, take the pedals off and turn them into lethal little motorbikes, do wheelies up the main street on the wrong side of the road, suddenly shoot across pedestrian crossings with absolutely no warning, carry passengers on bikes not built for them, chuck smoothies at windscreens, etc etc. I blame the parents – no, I really really do. These bikes cost a good couple of grand each FFS.
Fortunately the fuzz have finally woken up to the problem and have started confiscating bikes and destroying them.
Around here a large proportion of the e-bike/scooter riders are drug couriers. The parents are not necessarily paying for them.
I suspect they could be getting the bikes from their dealers.
The publication of autobiographies to have a lower age limit
More of a club rule than a law, but any spectator at Wimbledon who chants, ‘Let’s go Arthur let’s go 👏 👏’ [replace name of player as appropriate] to be identified and scolded by the umpire who is then to be gently applauded by the rest of the crowd. Honestly, what do those pricks think they’re adding to the occasion?
Lock up anyone who does the following:
Starts a sentence with ‘So’
Any journalist that uses the phrase ‘in earnest’ when describing a tragic event
Any journalist that uses the phrase ‘the tributes are flooding in’ following the death of a notable person
Anyone who pronounces plastic as ‘plarstic’
Anyone who incorrectly uses ‘erstwhile’ when referring to a friend or colleague who thinks it is a term of praise when it actually means a former colleague or friend
You haven’t explained if they’re to be punished or rewarded.
I have now
See also, experts on gardening programmes who describe a garden as ‘a space’. It’s a fucking garden. Space is where we should send Trump.
Parents who complain to my school when there are problems with a WhatsApp Group that has been set up by those parents out of school. Kill them all.
That’s too niche, Fred. Simply kill anyone who joins a WhatsApp Group*.
Want to chat? You know where I live – come round and I’ll put the kettle on.
(*) possible exemption for direct family members.
I think the members of my WhatsApp backgammon group will be startled to read this.
A ban on Grand Designs.
Enormously wealthy architect couple “risk everything” to build a violently horrible pointy grey concrete building and go off-grid with solar panels and some pot plants on the top. They defy convention by having it stick out stupidly from an idyllic hillside so that they can have rooms with 50 foot high ceilings and massive windows that will look great for about 3 days until the weather, insects and birds make it look like a Travelodge duvet cover under a UV light. Unbearable in the summer.
The couple spend 3 million quid which they can easily afford but pretend that they may end up living on the streets if the Egyptian concrete mix they insist on doesn’t set in time for winter.
Kevin is almost lost for words as he paces around the giant, echoey and impractical living space with impeccably tasteful art and furniture. A kitchen island with two sinks in the middle has a mixer tap dangling on a chain. Some washed, fresh leeks rest perkily in one of the sinks.
A giant, winding porcelain staircase leads to a mezzanine floor with pristine board games and unused toys accurately scattered as if recently left there by happy, boisterous grandchildren.
We leave the couple as they enjoy the sunset on the freezing outdoor precipice – next to a fire pit that’ll work for about 10 minutes before you have to top it up again. The kitchen is miles away and if you left your phone upstairs, then there’s the Captain Oates trudge to go and get it.
Kevin reflects that the house is bold and confronting but also simultaneously at one with its environment – you certainly can’t help but notice it … but somehow it feels like it’s always been here. Have they pulled it off? “Why yes…I do believe they have!”.
Call the Midwife music plays as we see a crowd of people – perhaps the couple’s family and friends (but you sense not all of them are) chat happily and gather round the barbecue and the kitchen island – all of them wide-eyed with wonder.
I rather enjoy Grand Designs NZ, for the wild impracticability of most projects.
I do actually enjoy some of them. It’s just that you can tell they inject a bit of jeopardy and/or bleat on about the environment.
I like your passion, BC. I do occasionally like some of the architecture involved, but when one of the projects gets out of hand, wildly over budget, or very late indeed, and the couple are moaning about having to sell off their second home or Italian villa to pay for it all, I want to ask them, “Have you ever actually watched Grand Designs? This always happens!”
But they always go wildly over budget and then just smile smugly and say it was worth it.
We’ve been watching an Irish show called The Great House Revival, and in which architect and all-round amiable cove Hugh Wallace helps hopelessly naive but enthusiastic people bring houses back from the dead – ruined houses with no roof, old post offices and village shops, in one case a castle with no roof. Ireland’s full of derelict houses, it turns out. It’s often rough going – people run out of money and work stops for months, a lot of COVID knock-on effects, e.g. no tradies, soaring materials prices, mortgages are granted but come with unachievable conditions, etc.
Grand Designs it ain’t. It’s a real roller-coaster ride, but compulsive viewing over 6 series. Not available for your viewing pleasure in Blighty, sadly, but worth keeping an eye out for.
The new series has avoided £1000 taps etc and tried to be as normal as people who want to do this are. Personally I have a horror of using tradesmen to do anything as they always let you down, over charge and do a shit job
..and proper tradesmen have a horror of working for clients who want a top-notch job but want it done at a shit job price and “While you’re here, can you do this, this and this as well?”.
Another 3 hours work, which they won’t want to pay you for.
Well said, that man.
Both can be true.
My plumber works on a time and materials basis. Usually cheaper than a fixed price quote, and always absolutely top notch. If he asked me to set up a home computer for him, it would also be on a time & materials basis, as, like him, I know that in order to do a really good job, you must accept that it’s impossible to predict exactly the required duration of the work or the extent of additional investment needed along the way. So we have identical approaches to doing things well.
Shame, then, that politicians and the corporate world they both serve and regulate, are obsessed with fixed price models for a lot of things, an approach which they insist offers better ‘value for money’.
I blame the accountants, who know the price of everything, and the rest of the phrase.
Compromise: advertise and describe the programme as ‘Comedy’.
After all, a couple of hundred years from now, if the thing is still viewable anywhere, the only sane way of understanding why it was ever made will be to assume that it’s a deeply ironic self-parody of the sort of consumerist fantasy that led to the near-extinction of the species.
Smoking to be positively encouraged. It helps the exchaqour income and ensures lower taxe rates.
See also booze … health concerns? It’s all about balance and the greater good
The use of the following words and phrases on social media:
Wanna, gunna, imma, y’all etc
This is the hill I’m going to die on (particularly favoured by Oxford comma advocates)
I was today years old.
Unpopular opinion
I’ll go first (as in ‘What’s everybody’s favourite Beatles tune? I’ll go first.’ Of course you bloody well will.
What is the best Beatles tune and why is it A Day in the Life?
Let’s look at the math.
What is it about Boomers.
Feel free to add your own.
I worked with a man 40 years ago who rejected every Americanism going. Even if you said “hi” to him…he would respond tetchily with a response like – “Its ‘hello or ‘good morning’ – we live in England. I’m not ‘The Fonz!’ “
That’s going too far even for me.
I’ve added ‘Maxxing’ as in Twatmaxxing to my lexicon of loathing. It’s just so not awesome and I absolutely mean that 100%.
Super.
Totes agreeballs.
I’m not ‘the Fonz’ is very good though. Explicitly rejecting any level of cool is quite cool I think. I like the cut of his jib but I wouldn’t want to sit next to him on a flight.
Also British people commenting on social media
“I’m exhausted by the negativity” (someone defending posting a pic of their cat licking an ice cream)
“I am not going to undertake this the emotional labour of educating you” (why the ice cream is fine for the cat to eat)
“Do better” (responding to a throwaway disparaging comment about the cat’s predicted bowel movements”)
“Educate yourself” (when things really get nasty)
Ever fallen among chemtrail loons? You get all that and more…this is a recent gem.
“Yes people ,dont believe your eyes and senses ,this complicit muppet says were all daft. Yea i dont doubt your unvaccinated ,as those as up to their necks in agenda 2030 knew it was poison ,just like those ‘ contrails ‘ so you are either a bot or a genocidial maniac , if ur not a bot ,i hope its was worth the ride ,its hell of a hot where youre going 🤡👿☠️”
I don’t think I have the capacity to write that badly. It would take too much effort. I am perfectly capable of typos and misuse through ignorance. But that is elite level shite grammar. Whoever wrote that is more accomplished at writing badly than Jude Bellingham is at being great at football.
Name of Jade, oddly enough. They all have a strange conflicted relationship with COVID vaccines. Either you’re vaxxed up to the hilt, in which case you’re a sheeple who will do anything “they” tell you even if it means you’re being poisoned from the skies; or you’re unvaccinated*, as here, in which case you’re one of “them” and in on the dastardly plot and a genocidial maniac.
*correctly spelt, NB
I am always reminded of the t-shirt I once bought (back in my younger days before I banned t-shirts with phrases on them) which said:
“Actually, the best form of medicine, is medicine”.
It was also in a beautiful typeface* made up of pill capsules.
* I have recently learned the difference between font and typeface.
Emailing someone who is sitting two desks away. Immediate defenestration. if the window’s high enough you’d probably get a WhatsApp from them saying AHHHHH!! with a scream emoji as they fell.
Also; getting on trains at stations before people have got off, and/or standing in the middle of the gap when the door opens and looking disgusted that the departing passengers seem to expect you to move.
Chris Mason to be locked in a bare room with only an AI of himself for company until the end of time or longer if at all possible.
What is wrong with Chris Mason?
Seems like a decent Yorkshire chap to me.
I don’t mind him either
I was making a tongue in cheek reference to a previous thread where I and others made our feelings and reactions to the little weasel plain. I have an atavistic gut reaction to him. I am not alone in my distrust and dislike of him.
Anyone pronouncing the word ‘nuclear’ as ‘nucular’ to have their tongue removed and stapled to their forehead.
Anyone letting their dog shit on a public footpath to be forced to eat said turd and wash it down with a glass of piss.
This seems to be the exact reason the phrase “harsh but fair” was invented.
Why should they have the pleasure of easily washing it down? They should be told to masticate it carefully with some dry cream crackers.
That’s covered by the phrase “harsher still but still fair” I would think.
All men over 50 to be fitted with heat, sweat and motion sensors and collectors that absorb and convert the energy into battery form.
Such ‘outrage generation’ helpfully contributing to the ‘indig’nation’s power grid.
Can we make sure they wear shirts at all times though?
Only during normal power use. During world cup match breaks and other moments of power use surge, it will be compulsory for shirts to be removed, generating additional, fume-induced capacity.
I have just experienced the following and I now wish it to be added. When there are 3 pumps in a line in the row. The furthest one (from an exit point of view, it’s at the front) is taken but the middle and the end one are free. you follow a car in and expect him to go to the middle pump so you can join the back one. Instead, he stops at the first one and leave the pump in the middle free.
Why?
I did successfully reverse into the space (one of my moderate talents is reverse parking – even the kids are impressed) and I did ensure that he miscreant had to reverse back a bit in order to exit.
I’m not sure I can think of a suitable punishment – I’m still at the hang the bastard phase.
On balance, does appear to be correct punishment
I’ve given this some thought and yes, hanging is appropriate in this situation
Any fact-denying, smug, wilfully ignorant YouTube posting Flat Earther to be chosen at random by the US Air Force on a monthly basis and strapped inside a U2 sub orbital reconnaissance aircraft to be shown the earths curve.
Then for them to shut the fuck up
Making YouTube Shorts a switchable feature would be good.
Or just rescind their passports. If you can’t understand flying around the world, you shouldn’t be able to fly around the world.
The twats that film themselves sitting on a commercial flight at cruising altitude with a spirit level on their tray table, with the bubble centred. Pointing at it and demanding ‘where’s the curve?’
The stupidity is infinite. Ironically possibly greater than the visible expanding universe
C’mon surely this makes sense.
Precisely this. And I was awake. During Geography with Mr Keenan when this was explained.
I was at a school reunion earlier this year and was talking to a contemporary of mine who became a geography teacher. It brought this to mind as we discussed flat-earthers but couldn’t find it until now.
I did check his page….oh dear.
I’ve never met a flat-earther in person and I’m not on FaceBleurk. When I see signs like this, I tend to start off assuming it’s a wind-up – but it’s not, is it? Stick ‘em all in a boat and send them off to find the edge of the world*
(*Associates ref)
If it is a spoof it’s a very good one. Alas I don’t think it is.
It’s a strange world.@fitterstoke.
It’s as if Lovecraft was writing for today’s audience…
or L. Ron Hubbard.
Nah, there’s something of Cthulhu in the narrative above…
Flat-Earthers, chemtrail conspiracists and people who don’t believe birds exist (no, really). Those are the ones I struggle to believe can be serious. Yet Naomi a Wolf, plainly a woman of some intelligence, is on the chemtrail wagon. Baffling.
Sadly (or not) the birds aren’t real conspiracy theory is a joke, thought up by one Peter McIndoe. Which is not to say that nobody believes it of course.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birds_Aren%27t_Real
Whales are fish – they live in the sea and swim, can’t walk, what more evidence do you need? Etc, etc…
Actually whales are aquatic birds cos they have flippers like penguins.
It’s a matter of lyricism. ‘For the Bonny Ship, the Diamond, goes a-mammaling for the whale.’ just doesn’t work.
At Wimbledon, or any other tennis tournament for that matter, the player serving shall be given a single tennis ball to serve with. They will not be allowed to demand three or four which they take an age over working out are all identical before dropping two or three on the ground for the ball boy/girl to retrieve.
The server shall then be allowed to bounce the ball once before serving.
A five set match should be done in about an hour and a half.
And the BBC television cameras should not focus on the player’s coach/family or the celebrities/non entities in the royal box after EVERY SINGLE FUCKING POINT! Unwatchable coverage
Both excellent laws.
As somebody whose knowledge of tennis extends to just watching the occasional game during Wimbledon, I can’t understand that ball business. Presumably they are all bought in new, especially for the tournament, and aren’t they all exactly the same? Even if they’ve been knocked about a bit for a game or two, or maybe for a set, can that really make that much of a difference to a professional player who over a year probably plays many thousands of shots? Do they have to be quite that fussy?
And yes, the shots of the Royal Box and the coaches/family are largely pointless. The celebs don’t show much emotion – they’re not shouting for their faves, singing terrace chants, questioning the umpire’s eyesight, etc., they’re just sitting still in smart clothes. And the coaches and relatives are doing pretty much the same thing – it’s not a sport where the gaffer can be shouting from the touchline or the player can go to their corner for a reassuring word, so I don’t need to repeatedly see people I don’t recognise just, well, sitting there.
If we have to have shots of these people, then I demand captions explaining who they are: “This is Joe Actor. He is in that show about the maverick detective. This is Suzy Girlfriend. She is engaged to the tall guy with the racket.”
If you’ve seen or read Stephen Potter’s one-upmanship or gamesmanship then you’ll understand the ball business.
I remember Oneupmanship being a TV sketch series when I was probably too young to understand a lot of the jokes. Barry Took and Richard Briers were involved.
As seen in ‘School for Scoundrels” I was probably out when the series on television was on, in public hostelries.
I shall seek it out.
At least they stopped the poor ball boys/girls having to fetch towels for players to towel down after EVERY FUCKING POINT, even if it was an ace or a double fault . Nadal was a pain at doing this
You’re right – I hadn’t noticed that the ball boys/girls have been relieved of sweaty towel duty.
Strap yerself in for England v. Norway in Miami.
Why? Because a player who represents the very nadir of English football will surely be sitting pride of place in the very centre of the VIPs, at the place he calls home.
Of course, whoever the other VIPs are – politicians, comedians, actors, baseball stars, singers, John Terry, the FIFA mafia – they all would have played the same number of semi-finals (Euros and World Cup), the stage the terrific post-Beckham England are striving to get to ‘yet again’ tonight, that Beckham and his pals did.
That number is ‘none’.
To be fair on most of the World Cup commentators, they’ve generally joked about the fact they have no idea who the (presumably famous) person in the stands is – they all recognise John Terry though!
How on earth has it come to pass that John Terry has managed to wangle some cushy ambassador type role?? Shame on whoever agreed to that.
Yeah. Who’s he sleeping with?
Playing golf with Harry Kane probably.
*shudders*
Unthink! Unthink!
It always used to be Andy Murray’s mother.
John Terry is sleeping with Andy Murray’s mother??
No that was the former radio 5 sports presenter called George who was sacked for sexual activities against colleagues.
Eh?
The Guardian to be banned from writing any further Gen Z articles: they are obsessed. ‘Why Gen Z are Shunning Celery’; ‘Why Gen Z are no Longer Acknowledging Gravity.’
..also, there should be dire consequences for anyone saying Gen Zee….. even if it’s just reading it in their heads!
Here’s an interesting article from the BBC
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yzjlgr7zlo
Their stupid review columns where they recommend £300 jeans or trainers you must wear this summer can go too.
Even the bloody Guardian does this…you’d think the paper read by public sector employees would read the room a bit better
I wonder if the choice of reviews are related to their “free if you want” funding model.
More drivel from the Graun.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/jul/14/summer-etiquette-47-essential-rules-from-sex-to-sunloungers-to-shopping-in-swimming-trunks?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
This is the one you really need:
https://www.theguardian.com/thefilter/2026/jul/12/currentbody-skin-multi-light-therapy-led-mask-review
Classic.
Don’t wind me up.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/gallery/2026/jul/10/what-to-wear-watch-england-world-cup-quarter-final
Establishment of National Hi Fi Health offering free stylus replacement
I’d vote for that.
Anyone who uses any contrived insults such as ‘wankpuffin’ or ‘cockwomble’ should be forced to watch Richard Curtis films on repeat in a locked room for 3 days
Well said – I’d vote for that policy!
Strongly agree. Cute contrived insults like that make me grind my teeth.
If one of the Richard Curtis films that offenders were forced to watch was “The Boat that Rocked”, that would be a cruel punishment indeed.
Anyone who uses any contrived insults such as ‘wankpuffin’ or ‘cockwomble’ should be forced to watch Richard Curtis films on repeat in a locked room for 3 days
*Locked in with Caitlin Moran, Alan Carr and Olivia Colman.
Only a complete bumpustule would vote for this.
You utter utter ballboil!!!!
Introduce a law banning the use of the phrase “broken hearts” (or variations thereof) in a football-related context, in any medium. Newspapers should be heavily fined;
ex-footballer commentators should be immediately slapped by a member of the studio staff employed specifically for the purpose.
Ex-footballer commentators instantly switching into Tuchel-critic-mode less than 60 seconds after the final whistle of a semi-final, after three previous weeks of uninterrupted praise for the poor guy, to be instantly dismissed from serious consideration and banned from any future broadcasts of soccer matches. I’m talking about you, Richards.
Not to make you feel like a heel for writing that…but it seems that Micah Richards was told just before the game that his father had died unexpectedly.
Very sorry to hear that.