It’ been a few months since we were off air, and it has been a strange and difficult time for me.
My boozing had reached Olympic levels, and it was not doing my mental health any good at all. I have been living on a dwindling supply of capital, and it ran out in February, so that I had no money left to meet my obligations, most important of which was my youngest daughter’s 15th birthday.
To cut a long story short, the rope seemed the best way out. So I strung myself up, while very pissed (I understand that this is relatively commonplace) and awaited developments.
My beautiful girlfriend came home early (unexpectedly) and cut me down. Apparently my face was white, my lips were blue and my eyes were goggling. Police and ambulance came, my neck was strapped up, I had a brain scan, and was threatened with being sectioned when I tried to walk out of the hospital.
For the last 4 weeks I have been resting at home, trying to get better. 4 weeks without the booze on next Tuesday. I have thrown myself upon the pro’s at the local NHS recovery service, and have really gritted my teeth to try and get better.
I am haunted by several things. That I nearly left my 2 beautiful girls without a Dad. That I would have destroyed my dear old Dad and my old brother. Most of all, that I put my darling ~Sandra through having to see me like that, having to panic to get me down, and having to love me back to health.
She’s away this weekend, playing darts for Norfolk against
Leicester. When I last heard, they were getting thrashed. I wish she was here with me now, I love her so much.on my guitar because it would make my girls squirm, but listening to it several times, I realise that young Mr Sheeran has got quite a bit of talent. The song is rather lovely, and it has some interesting guitar moves in it. I am going to have it nailed down by Sunday night, and singing it is going to be my present to Sandy when she is home with me.
I decided to learn the attached song
Needless to say, we need an edit facility. Christ knows what happened there.
Please be assured that loving my GF on my guitar does not make my girls squirm etc etc etc.
Gulp Man! really dunno what to say except there are wiser people on here who CAN help. All I can offer is an ear, mail me if need be. I stared into the eyes of the Black Dog but he flinched, and I won.
Glad you are still here. Stay strong.
Gee vim that was a shock to read first thing on a crisp morn. Many of us on the blog battle that darkness. But ou were right in all those things you listed as being horrible consequences.
I hope it has helped to share the experience.good luck with the professionals.
Vim I hope sharing this on here helps with your future.
My thoughts are with you mate.
I forget to mention it was good advice on here that made me beat the Black Dog.
Arra best Vim mate
James
Bloody hell – is about the most useful thing I can say after first reading that.
Stay strong pal – always welcome, and best of luck nailing the tune (even if it isn’t one I’d choose personally)
Fuck’s sake, Vim. Keep strong for those who love you and your own sake. All the best.
Stay strong Vim, you obviously have people around you who care and love you and there`s people around here who do the same.
Bloody hell Vim. All of what’s been said above: hang in there mate.
Shit Vim had no idea you had such demons. Your guitar is your friend – a box of good karma with strings on it.
What the fuck can one say? Really sorry to read that. I hope it helped to try and put things into words.
Good luck Vim! Just remember you have a lot of friends here who you can turn to. You haven’t met many of us but nevertheless we’re rooting for you and keeping our fingers crossed that you can turn this thing around.
I hope that knowing that Team Afterword is watching out for you and sending good vibes (and probably naff music!) your way is some kind of help.
Take care !
It’s a relief to know you are still alive, Vim. I hope the worst is over. Keep going one day at a time.
To all those who are indifferent to Mr Sheeran, I would say:
1. My dad knows his dad
2. I love it that you still don’t have to be beautiful to be a star
3. ginger is not the kiss of death
4. He seems like a really good bloke
5. He made it, against the odds
6. Thinking out Loud is a really lovely piece. If you do not like it, then fine, but why not try to be 16 again and be hopelessly in love, It’s dead easy to be old and cynical, but perhaps we can remember what it was like to be 16 years old, with our bodies on fire and all our dreams resting on hope for the world.
He’s extremely talented, and has made a whole generation of kids take up the guitar. He supports worthy causes. His recent sparring with Noel Gallagher has been very entertaining. Whilst not my thing exactly, he’s got some good songs. More power to him I say! I have a friend who also sings the song above after some hard times, it moves people.
I’m glad you made it through. You are loved and you love. Try to take strength from that. And you’re right about Ed Sheeran as well.
Vim,
Just wishing you and yours the very best for the future.
Stay strong.
Christ, just read this. You can get through this, because (as Leedsboy says above) it is obvious how much love is all around you. But don’t you dare sing her Love Is All Around, that would be unforgivable.
Live in the moment.
If you still have my phone number Vim and ever need it don’t hesitate to use it. If not email me.
Keep the faith brother.
How brave? Life’s a tough gig. You’ve always been supportive of my writing and my troubles. Give me a shout if I can help.
Life can be terribly sad and it often seems like a dreadful struggle – I think more people than you might imagine walk the tightrope, Vim. It sounds like you have some real positives in your life: cling to them. And whoever the b*****ds are, don’t them get you down.
Vim, most of the people we blether on about on here sing songs about how important love is. It’s not just that it’s a convenient subject – it really is the most important thing there is.
Most drinkers would have driven away the people that love them by now…so it’s far from over for you. Well done Vim – posting that takes guts. You’re doing all the right things so I think you’ll be back on form in no time.
Keep on keeping on.
Best of luck Vim, stay strong
Very few people can go through life without falling into a dark hole at some point. But most people get out of it, and what they have in common is that they recognize that they need help and ask for it.
You’ve done that, so you’ll be fine again, even if it takes a while.
Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the big questions and make any big changes that may be the answer to those questions. And hold on to your family and friends, they won’t let you fall again.
Trust me; been there, almost done that…life can be beautiful again!
Alcohol is a bastard. I have reduced from about 6 pints a night to a similar amount per month over 3 yrs, inc some periods of complete abstinence and some severe relapses. I try to be very aware of slipping into bad habits and at the moment I simply cannot drink to excess because of some medication I am on. I know look forward to 2 pints maybe on a Sat night and if it’s 2 less or 1 more it makes little difference
I never reached the depths you did and I am truly shocked at where you almost ended up. To be loved is a wonderful thing. I am truly more aware of how beautiful life can be since I stopped getting wasted every day. Its a relief to not have to do it. Get string and stay strong, life will get better.
I’m really chuffed for you, dai. Well done. And you should take all the credit. Even if you ‘shouldn’t’ drink with the medication, that doesn’t stop some people.
I bet you feel fitter too!
Fuxake Vim. That was a bit of an eyeopener.
All I can do is offer my best wishes.
Sorry for typos
Although my own mental health is ok (touch wood) I lost my father to depression and have many other dear friends who are affected by mental health…I’m struggling to think of anyone who’s life hasn’t been touch by this in some way.
What is abduntantly clear is that it’s good to be open and honest and talk about this stuff. So many of us are affected by this and I’m glad this website is a place where people feel comfortable talking about it and sharing their experiences.
I’m very glad you are still with us. As well as love, you have your love of music; the fact that this is still strong is a great sign. I believe very much in the healing power of both playing and listening to music, above almost everything else, and that line from ‘Levi Stubbs’ Tears’ often comes back to me- ‘When the world falls apart, some things stay in place’.
Have a lovely Sunday evening. x
Bloody hell Vim, must have taken some guts to write that. I can only echo what the rest have said, wish you the very best and take strength from all those who love you.
Crikey, Vim. Really sorry that things got so shitty. I hope your recovery continues well – I’m sure it will, as it sounds like you have some great support from your girlfriend, plus you have the thought of your girls to help.
Also glad you’re out of the Sheeran closet – that’s two us us now, we should form a support group or something 🙂
Hi Vim
Thinking of you reading your post.
Well done sharing.
Dark thoughts shrivel when exposed to the light.
You are going in the right direction.
Remember it’s only 1 day at a time.
I normally only post fun and of course music topics here but this reminds me The afterword is a wonderful community.
Thanks to all.
I’m sure the best birthday present yer daughter could have is her old dad stickin’ around for a few more years yet to see her grow into a beautiful young woman. Ye’ve stared into the abyss & hopefully can work yer way back to finding a way through life’s crappy bits to finding what’s meaningful in yer life again, friends, family, love & laughter & music! Lovely, lovely music, a salve for the tired ol’ soul.
Been where you are, many moons ago now, & not planning to go back any time soon. Go easy on yerself & take what help you can get. Onwards & upwards, one step at a time. Wishing you peace of mind & glints of joy back in yer life as soon as is possible. Big bearhugs to you & yours.
Have some Howe if it helps xx
So glad you’ve come through. What an awful experience. I guess some of us have had nightmarish dark times – I know I have – but not as brave with sharing them. When I first saw your name back here a few days ago I felt a certain relief you were still here as I remember you’ve been struggling with the drink for a while. Now you have grasped the chance from near tragedy to tackle the drinking, which is a major jump on the road to recovery. Wishing you all the best x
As with many here, Vim, I was surprised to read how close the black dog had come to ruining things. He’s a bastard, that son-of-a-gun. I’ve met him too, though I’ve only been barked at; I’ve never smelled his breath. Pretty much everyone here will be sending you good vibes as they write a response to your bold post, and no doubt many of us will also curse the lack of edit facility to what written sense isn’t making.
Hang on in there mate, nail that song, and love the moment when you sing it; moments like that are pure and priceless.
Remember your name and it’s meaning in Latin: you have shown more of it in sharing this than the deed the drink despised you enough to consider.
Thanks mate. It can be done
Lawks. Not a nice thing to read on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and infinitely worse to go through of course. Good luck, stay strong, you’ve got a second chance – make the most of it. All good wishes to you and yours.
Jesus, Vim – thank God your girlfriend came home early. Take it as a sign that someone is watching over you, urging you to get better. Sounds like you have good people around you, lean on them as they can help you. Best wishes.
Vim, that was truly shocking & upsetting. You’re a big man for sharing this with us & we’re all rooting for you…x
Like others, I found that shocking and upsetting, but well done for posting on such a difficult subject.
The fact that your girlfriend found you in time is a real piece of good fortune and it was a turning point or epiphany for you, as you are now seeking professional help and help from those closest to you. That’s a real positive, as is posting here. Keep talking about your problems to those around you and on here. Thanks for posting and best wishes.
I’m not sure I’ve read anything quite so raw, so naked, so unashamedly personal. And in being so profoundly honest you have touched us all. Wishing you all the strength, hope and love you need to take you to happier places and better times.
Holy fuck. I’m glad you felt able to post that and I hope the support helps.
Really good that you felt comfortable enough here to talk so candidly about such a personal thing. The world can be a shitty place sometimes but it’s also full of joy and wonder. It’s hard to see it sometimes but it’s there and it’s worth looking for. All the best Vim.