Bit of a strange one, last night was.
I’ve buggered up our mattress, rendering it uncomfortable for the two of us to occupy. Mrs Biggles is also partial to a little bit of snoring – not necessarily an issue, but on school nights when it occurs it doesn’t make for a harmonious night’s kip, so off I went after a couple of hours to the spare room.
I was awoken at 05:20 today by noises at the front door. Mrs B swims 100 lengths every morning before work, so my initial reaction was that she may have had an alarm malfunction and was up an hour early. Not true, as noises were also emanating from the “master bedroom”…
…began descending the stairs, now concerned, as there was a distinct stink stink of booze and fags (neither of us smokes). Witnessed a shadowy figure legging it out the front door. Thought of giving chase, but in just boxers and slippers (why did I even bother with the latter?) decided against it. “Secured the premises” – I did have to give lengthy police statements – awoke Mrs B, we determined that nothing had been nicked, and then called 999.
Can’t fault responsiveness/efficiency/thoroughness of local police force (won’t bore all with full details), and the scumbag wot seemingly done it was apprehended across the road 10 minutes after police arrived (he was hiding but was curious to see the flashing lights!).
It seems we were lucky, as others nearby had things stolen.
Anyway, main theme here is a chat I had with the “fingerprint man” later in the morning, when he spotted my indoor golf club (putter) and asked what I would have done if I had grabbed the felon…
… it would appear that punching him to the ground and restraining his movements until the police arrived is fine, but if I’d landed a good ‘un and then proceeded to further physically emphasise my concerns on his person and/or restrained him by breaking anything, then my custodial sentence would have been longer than his may be.
Further concern felt when another officer noted my fortune that I had not apprehended him, as he is “really not a nice person, and certainly one that you don’t wish to tangle with”.
Am I really wrong to think that if I had caught him in our house stealing things I should have not attempted to beat the living daylights out of him?
p.s. I may not be fully recovered, as for most of the day I decided to listen to my U2 rarities collection…
Am I protecting or punishing? That would be passing through my mind. As I clapped the 5kg fly weights together on his worthless f***ing heid.
I realise this doesn’t help.
How about 40 hours of community service in the back garden, and only then ring 999?
Initial reaction is to beat the crap out of him and worry about consequences later. However hide that U2 rarities collection as it would be evidence to Police that you may unhinged.
They say everyone’s a liberal. Till they get burgled.
I keep a cricket bat upstairs, but to be frank if I was confronted with a burglar and tried to use it I would probably end up hitting myself in the face. No idea really what I’d do or how I’d react. I only have myself to protect at home, not a family. If they were threatening wife and family, I’d react differently.
A cricket bat is a terrifying weapon. It suggests that you’re going to get hit continuously for up to five days.
(Pausing only for tea)
Well done for staying so calm. I’d have been petrified.
What happens if, say, your dog attacks and hurts the burglar? Is that your fault, or does the burglar have to accept the risk?
We lived in a flat above a pharmacist for a while. There were occasional break ins from impatient methadone users, some of whom were not particularly open to rational discourse. The alarm would summon Mr. Plod, who would arrive promptly, as the nick was 200 yards away just around the corner. Trouble was, young officer Dibble had no intention of entering the premises until the door had been opened by the key holder, yours truly. So I had to descend to the ground floor, let myself into the pharmacy and then into the shop, traverse the room and open the shop door from the inside. For the purposes of this hasty and potentially dangerous journey, I kept a four foot length of iron bar under the bed, and learned to use it as a Samurai might whilst doing weights. Sergeant Dixon was always pleased to see me through the glass door, and never once questioned my personal weaponry, which I was quite prepared to use in anger and with intent to disable.
Sgt Dixon never questioned my personal weaponry either, though I suppose I should have at least put a robe on before coming downstairs.
I used to work in an environment where staff were occasionally at risk of being assaulted by various unsavoury members of the Great British Public. On one such occasion, when the Gentlemen of the Constabulary strolled in after all the excitement was over, Officer Plod explained to me at great length how much force it was reasonable to take into one’s own hands in such circumstances. He finished off his explanation by a piece of unofficial advice, along the lines of “if you kick the shit out of them first, it saves us the bother”. He was joking. I think.
He could have said, “Do you not have staircases here as well? wink, wink”
I knew an ex policeman who said he kept “a piece of kit” from his former job to hand (he never said exactly what it was) in case of a similar situation arising. He said he didn’t advise others did the same as you were likely either to do way more damage than you’d be able to justify, or more likely, have it taken off you and used on you.
I have a 3/4 size baseball bat under the bed and if anyone enters my house uninvited it will be in my hand. The tip I got from someone is aim for the side of the knee or shoulder and they will be disabled beyond being a problem. Also you are unlikely to accidentally move them on to the next world…whereas with a head shot, beloved of movies, there is a great risk of facing a charge of 2nd degree murder….
In practice most burglars just want to leg it if they’re discovered, so unlikely to get into a bundle unless they are cornered.
A bloke I work with was mugged in Kings Cross station in a quiet underpass. Unfortunately for the mugger he was an ex Marine and disarmed the knife wielding assailant, dropped him and pinned him down in the process broke one arm and dislocated the other. They were both arrested, one for mugging and the other for GBH!
The second cop was right; how much force you’d theoretically use is usually irrelevant in practice – most of them are not the type you want to confront.
Even if you’re a bit handy in the combat situation (and most of us aren’t), they’re much better than you (often with prison experience) and usually carrying something sharp – it’s a requirement of the job. There’s also the shock of having to immediately fight someone who’s ready for it and desperate to not get caught; they’re not going to wait until you fetch your nun-chucks.
I speak as one who met a burglar and, after eventually realizing he was a burglar, was utterly useless. The cop I reported it too explained that mine was the standard response.
I would expect the lowlife to run faster, and hopefully in the opposite direction, if I was waving something hard – he has no idea that I’m not likely to know how to use it. They’re certainly not going to want to leave any blood at the scene.
…if I was waving something hard – he has no idea that I’m not likely to know how to use it. They’re certainly not going to want to leave any blood at the scene.
Crikey, you’ve got some pretty vicious punishment in mind.
Good to have you back Moose.
Thank you. I thought that one was particularly disgusting even by my standards. Perhaps I’m hitting my peak (hurrr)
I think the one below is probably worse. Or better, depending on your perspective.
Dude, I mentioned Fleshlight on some other thread today. No depths will go unplumbed.
(hurrr)
Assuming you’d have the presence of mind and time/ability to get hold of that thing and wave it before the burglar prevented you from doing so. That’s a major assumption that – as the cop explained to me – most people (mistakenly) hold.
He’d also have a pretty good idea that you’re statistically not as likely as he is, to know how to use a weapon. Or how to use a legally-owned object as a weapon; it’s an assumption they (correctly) make all the time.
A Flash with bleach spray has a useful range of about 4 feet and a useful spread of delivery. One full squirt in the face should be enough to buy sufficient time to deliver the finisher with something more solid.
This is why all pyjamas should have a bleach spray holster by law.
But what if you squirt in someone’s face by mistake? It could blind them.
I’m asking for a friend.
I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but if anyone breaks into my house over here, I can shoot them. And that’s it.
“Burglary? And you shot him? Ok. The coroner will take the body. Stay safe. Bye”
A South African told me that a common thing is for homeowners to shoot a fleeing burglar then drag the body back onto the property in order to make it legal.
Or in the case of a well known athlete shoot your nearest and dearest and say it was an accident.
Geoff Capes shot Hylda Baker? Can you prove that?
There seems to be an assumption in most of these posts that a burglar will -want- to use violence if caught. I doubt it, personally.
I reckon most will want to get the hell out, first and foremost, and if confronted they’d sooner leave empty-handed than get into a tussle with someone. Most would be just as useless and unwilling to fight as any untrained person. A person already prone to violence would be a mugger rather than a burglar. Mugging is a much easier proposition for a violent person.
If you approach a frightened burglar in a violent rage, they may panic and end up sticking a screwdriver in you that they had no intention of using beyond as a tool to break in with. Then you’re both in deep shit.
Suggest broadening the OP question.
What is an acceptable level of force with which to respond when someone disagrees with you at a meeting of UKIP MEPs?
Don’t insult those people, you sneering metropolitan liberal.
Do you want a f888ing smack?
With colleagues like that, anyone would think they’re a bunch of violent, racist, thugs.
There is no acceptable reason to be present at a meeting of UKIP MEPs, so the question is irrelevant. (Nothing less than a canister of Zyklon-B would do).
I found the pathetic level of my combat mettle when someone tried to break into my flat once a few years ago.
I awoke to hear noises at the front door about 5am. I was a trusting soul and I hadn’t even locked the front door, just connected the security chain. Anyway, I came out of my bedroom to see a hairy arm reaching around the door trying to unhook the chain.
Dear reader, adrenaline a-flowin’, I sprung into action. What do you think i did? Grab a kitchen knife and slash the arm? Slam the door on the arm? Break a finger or two?
No. I unhooked the chain, opened the door and asked politely, ‘Excuse me, can I help you?’
Luckily, it wasn’t a grizzled thug waiting to lamp me and steal the flat screen. It was a dazed and dozy individual, staggering about and mumbling incoherently.
I still don’t know what I was thinking. I must be missing that survival instinct gene. When the zombie apocalypse comes I won’t last a day.
(The police came and took him away, by the way. They were very nice).