I seem to be making a habit of getting myself into some serious and strange health shit. Readers might recall that around this time last year some dog saliva got into some broken skin resulting into rotting flesh, running up the nerves of my arm. My hand was saved after 43 lots of slicing bits off me. When I look at it , I can hardly see the scars. Maybe just hard to discern on my weathered Aussie skin.
Fast forward to ths year and people kept asking me about an enlarged tear duct, or partof it – the little pea like bit next to your nose. Contrary to common expectstions tears don’t form their -they drain there. Anyhoo, a blocked tear duct was diagnosed but 2 bouts of surgery didn’t fix it and biopsy identified wart like pre cancerous stuff, now here is the tricky bit , inside the tear duct. Off to see a top dog Professor /surgeon and he says this is rare, very rare only encountered a couple of similar thingsin 30 years. Due to the risk of regrowth he recommends whipping the whole fucker out. So a week ago I go in for 3 hours surgery for them to find the growth had morphed into something “more nasty unquote and a tumour the size of half your thumb behind the eyebsll. So the bit in the corner of the nose was just the bit squeezing out. Erk !
Tear duct is now gone, the tears just eventually pool and overflow. Tears at bedtime are a particular as the tear fluid just washes back when you are horizontal.
The stitches come out tomorrow.
So from going to a Doc mainly coz I was sick of people asking me about something that was causing no discomfort I have 8 appointments, 2 biopsies 4 general anesthetics and a 3 hour operation all in the space of a week.
So my question to the massive what weird stuff have you copped?
Correction – not the whoe tear duct. Just the drainage bit, the gully trap referred to as the nasolacrimal duct.
Oofah! Sorry for your troubles, Junior
Anyone else ever get scabies*? No? Just me and a 100-gallon drum of calamine then.
*Followed up by chicken pox and shingles in a sequence fated to end with dropsy, staggers, walkin’ pneumonia and the boogie-woogie flu.
Ooh. Did mates call you Rat?
Yes, yes they did.
I worked in hospitals and care homes for many years, if there was an outbreak of scabies you couldn’t avoid it, over the years my skin has absorbed quite a lot of Derbac (Malathion).
Bloody hell, mate, you’ve been through the wars haven’t you? Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery, and I’m just glad that you were badgered into going to the doc while it was operable.
Must admit you are looking particularly attractive in that photo! As Gatz says, well done for getting there in time!!
A battle scar! Now you can claim you got into a knife fight with a biker gang and saw them all off!
Seriously though, glad you’ve been to the doc and got that sorted out.
Nothing to report with my health, thankfully, apart from the usual age-related shit and a cold that I’m currently battling.
Bizarrely, the first op under general was in the same hospital and same month as last years “hand job”.
I’m wondering what is in line for next year.
Off to bed – good luck for the election though you seemed to be fucked whatever happens. Toodle pip.
Holy Christ, Junior!
That makes having a camera stuck up my backside pale into insignificance. There is a back-story to that, but we’re a family show.
Stitches maketh the man Steve.
It was an optical fibre camera, not a SLR with 35mm wide-angle lens, so no stitches required.
Jeez Junior that sounds horrible, all the best to you
I got an antibiotic pill stuck in my throat once and nearly choked to death. I’m not joking. I had tonsillitis and had to go to A&E in an ambulance because the cure was trying to kill me.
An anti Chiz pill. Could have done with a bottle of them last Ashes series @Chiz.
“The Cure Was Trying To Kill Me”
Afterword T-shirt
Blimey…wishing you a speedy recovery…
Get well soon.
Nothing rare, but I have been to the emergency department at nearest hospital 3 times this year, broken shoulder having fallen on ice (in Feb but it still hurts a bit), then I fainted after running a half marathon, an ambulance was required this time (probably dehydration rather than a heart attack). The third visit was a few days after that when I felt awful, was diagnosed as probably having a virus.
I have also recently lost a front tooth (see thread somewhere else), and am currently getting over shingles.
I hope 2020 is better health wise for you and me.
Best wishes and a speed recovery old bean, it looks bloody uncomfortable.
I have palindromic rheumatism, which so few people suffer from that none of the bods in white lab coats bother to look for cures or treatments.
I twice contracted quinsy, an abscess in the throat which can be fatal if untreated. The first time I got it there wasn’t much time to mess about with anaesthetic, so it was just a quick spray down the throat and then brace yourself while we stick this bloody great huge needle into it to draw out the pus so you can carry on breathing. Did for George Washington the doctor told me.
Palindromic rheumatism Gotta be a joke there. Do you so aching reversal of words?
A mate has rheumatoid arthritis and says cannabis oil is incredibly effective. Funny coz he is a stoner anyway so i guess the cannabinoid stuff must be turned ip to 11.
Oh dear! Junior Wells’s Healthcare Nightmares! Poor you!
Hope you get well in time to enjoy Xmas..
If you need any dried toadstools, wolverine pee, crumbled reindeer droppings or any other exotic, holistic Nordic ingredients, just let me know.
Fucking hell! Get well and keep well, sir
Nothing rare or weird, but last year a sod of a bout of sciatica eventually made it clear I have a spinal stenosis and lumbar problems.
Which is as you know absolutely nothing in the scheme of things, merely the result of 30 years of commuting, sedentary work and just not quite enough running and jumping in between.
It does on occasion though hurt like a massive bastard. I have to stretch my piriformis regularly and arch my back and all that physio jazz. I have a blue yoga mat.
All of this highlights the fact I’m 56. Which is a pity because until the sciatica bit me last year I was only 28. I was positive.
Ouch!
A friend of mine contracted shingles which developed an affinity for his tear ducts – eventually they scarred shut and he had surgery to add two tiny pieces of pipe which enable his eyes to drain into his nose.
Apparently artificial ducts are an option down the track if things are all ok.
However, I keep getting thoughts of pipe cleaners.
Jeepers Junior! You must have angered the infinite improbability Gods or sumfink!
Good bragging rights with that piratical lopsided scar and maybe an eye patch (even if you don’t really need it) – get those simpering girlies all flustered and motherly.
This time next year I advise you spend your time in a refuge for the unlikely yet clinically targeted, preferably on some remote island with no dogs, cats or other varmints. Either that or you say BAH! to the bugs and conditions and volunteer at a home for PTSD salties.
Get well soon chum, and hope you are feeling fully recharged in time for the winter solstice!
That’s going to be a great scar. You’re going to be able to make up all kinds of things to explain how you got it. I’ve got one running straight down my neck from the back of my head to a couple of inches below the collar. I never really think about the scar cos I can’t see it, but I get asked about it a fair bit and, depending who asks, I concoct all kinds of stories.
If I knew how to attach photos, sticking into the sites guidelines, I could not only show you the scar, but also the inside of my spinal cord with a great big tumour sticking out. I was in intensive care and the surgeon came in and said ‘I’ve got your photos, I’ll stick them under your pillow’, so I lay there all night and the next morning till my missus came in, so I could ask her to have a look to see what they were of (for I was paralysed for a bit post-op). Mine was a rare case too. When I moved back up north and transferred my care from London to Sheffield, my new neurologist got very excited, cos he’d never seen a patient who’d been through what I had. Left me with all kinds of problems though, as you’d imagine.
On the subject of pooling teardrops, when I was an A&E nurse, in a kids hospital in Liverpool, we had a young kid, 6 or 7 years old, who’d been knocked off his bike and came in, flat, strapped to a stretcher, cervical collar in place, but fully conscious, etc, and seemed well in himself. Anyway, the (relatively young) SHO came into resus to examine him and whilst she was doing her checks started flapping and wanting to get the neuro surgeons and anaesthetist, etc, because there was spinal fluid coming out of his ear (this is something you really do have to check for with head injuries), but I had to point out that when little kids get hurt they tend to cry and he’s sobbing at the moment (mainly because of the thought of his Everton shirt being cut off), and that he’s strapped to a bed flat on his back, and that gravity tends to send the teardrops in a certain direction…
Pooling Teardrops spin off band from Teardrop Explodes
Wow, Junior! That’s some weird shit. I hope all heals well and you get no further problems. At least your ears are still intact.
What?
Holy moly – with bad luck like that you should buy a lottery ticket, fate ows you something!
I haven’t had any odd or exotic health scares, just the dull ones. But – speaking of eyes – a former colleage of mine had several operations to correct her wonky eyes, it got slightly better but not perfect. But a few years after the final operation she started to get a lot of pain behind her eyes, and when they checked up on it they found a ton of stitches in big knots behind her eyeballs (which they had to pluck out in order to get the stitches out, and then plonk them back in again…ouch!)
My Mum had a turned eye and other issue. So in their 1930s wisdom they made her wear an eye patch to “strengthen” the good eye. Did nothing to help, made seeing much harder and a source of embarassment.
Fuckwits.
I occasionally help out my carpenter stepbruv and his workmate Tim (who has a glass eye, lost to a stray nail when fitting a floorboard).
Tim’s party trick is to say “Sorry, I can’t see you properly. I’ve got dust in my eye” and pop it out into his hand. “That’s better!”
The first time he did it, I went right off my sandwiches. I once watched someone faint.
Get some photos of yourself wearing a grey Nehru jacket, stroking a white longhair cat….you’ll be halfway to world domination.
All the best mate. You seem to be in good hands. And it could be worse – the country could be on fire. Oh hang on…
I have Superficial Siderosis ( had to tell a new GP once, he said ‘I’ve never heard of that’) very rare condition. Basically blood leaks onto the surface of the brain (what little there’s left), affects balance and has given me a weakened right leg. Conditions will deteriorate over the years. The tablets I take 100 to a jar costs the NHS £4,200 a jar, over £60,000 a year. Costs to me nothing though in a few years … On a positive note I have now got a blue badge and a disabled person’s bus pass.
I also have a cavernoma (a cluster of abnormal blood vessels, usually found in the brain and spinal cord) mine is in the spinal cord.
Two rare conditions and I cannot even win the lottery.
Could the two be related? Small seepage of blood from cavernoma leaking into the sub arachnoid space which then circulates around the brain?
There is a chance that the two are related, I seem to get better followups than I did before. Two weeks ago I had botulinum( Botox) injections in the affected leg to help with the movement.
I’m guessing that surgery to remove the cavernoma is out of the question?
Unfortunately cannot have surgery as the torso can’t be kept stationary during surgery as the chest moves as I breath.
Otherwise it could be blasted to thicken the cell wall with a gamma knife.
That gamma knife sounds cool.
A friend’s mother had it done on the cavernoma near her brain. The head could be clamped so it didn’t move during the procedure.
Alas can’t be done for me.
Blimey! I wish you a speedy recovery Junior. Since you asked I have a little tale to tell.
I went to Specsavers to have an eye test and get some new glasses. All went to plan. A couple of weeks later my wife thought she had better get hers checked too. She needed some new glasses and asked if I’d go along and help her pick some frames. While we were looking at the frames the optician who had checked my eyes a couple of weeks before came out and said to me “Have you got a minute I’d like to have another look at your eyes?” I said yes (I had picked up my new glasses and had been wearing them for a couple of weeks). He examined my eyes again and said: ” I think I’m going to refer you”. I said – “To ‘Moorfields'(a famous London eye hospital)?” “Yes” he said. “When would you like me to go?” “Now”. He asked me if I practised any contact sports. I said “no”. He said I think you have a loose retina. I had no symptoms. I went to Moorfields and after seeing three different specialists they referred me to the ward upstairs where I spent the night and had an operation the next morning to put a buckle behind my eye. I was off work for a week and my eyes are back to ‘normal’ now. I often wonder what may have happened if I hadn’t been with my wife that day?
I would have hoped he would have given you a call. Reminds me I need to get mine checked, haven’t been in years.
Hi Junior, I hope you make a 100% recovery.
About 40 years ago while I was working as an electrician in the coal mines of the UK I was walking along an underground tunnel to a breakdown when I tripped and fell. I fell head first and as my face hit the floor of the tunnel a piece of wood struck my left eye digging in above and below my eyeball and through my tear duct.
I was alone and managed to pick myself up. At first I thought I was blind in my left eye until I saw Red through it, the red being of course blood.
In a coal mine in the U.K. at the time there were telephones and tannoy systems for communication never more than 300 mts apart so I was able to summon help quite quickly.
I was taken to hospital where I had 16 stitches around my eye and was told how lucky I was not to lose my eye, although I didn’t need telling.
The scar tissue from the accident blocked my tear duct up. An eye specialist recommended that I have an operation to insert a plastic tube. After an operation where I lost a lot of blood because the surgeon had nicked a vein during the operation. The nursing staff did not listen to me when I informed them that I could feel and taste blood running down the back of my throat. They did take notice when I threw the blood up 4 hours later during visiting time!
The plastic replacement tear duct? About 3 months later l woke up one morning feeling something in my right eye. I looked in the bathroom mirror and the plastic tear duct had started to come out. I went to the hospital where they tried shoving the thing back in! I shouted for them to stop and asked what the hell did they think they were doing?
An follow up appointment was made for me to see an eye specialist. I attended the appointment and guess who it was, the very same butcher who had operated the first time. He didn’t remember me and must have thought I was seeing someone for the first time after my injury. He actually said to me “We can fix your tear duct for you”, I replied “is that correct”. He said “Yes we can put a plastic tear duct in”, I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out, you’ve guessed it, the very same plastic tear duct he’d used the first time and said to him “One like this?” The look on his face, I suggested he looked at patient’s case notes in future prior to appointments and left his office.
The tear duct? Your eyes water continuously to clean your eyes hence the existence of tear ducts. I carry folded up soft tissues to dab my left eye when needed.
Jeezus Baron, that is weird. First how you got it and that you too have lost your tear duct.
I think we should start a clique here on the blog.
I think that’s a given!
It certainly brought a tear to my eye, Junior.
It certainly brought a tear to my eye, Junior. I still have a bit of a scar on my upper eyelid.
I see I referred to my right eye in my post at one point, it should of course be left. eye
Even more cliquey.
Those missing their left tear duct.
Christ, not just Junior but Luna and Baron as well. All the best, fellas.
Thanks!
I did fall over on my round 3 weeks ago. I tripped while walking up a drive delivering two parcels. Landed head first, broke my glasses, gashed my head open and felt my left eye swell up to the size of a large egg in about ten minutes. After a ride in an ambulance, 4 hours in A+E, two X Ray’s, an eye test and being patched up I was allowed home. The eye opened 3 days later and I back in the madness of Royal Mail after a week . And of course the NHS was brilliant.
I have mentioned on here that I suffered with urinary strictures for about 25 years. This is a narrowing of the urethra, so basically you can’t pee. Lots of ops over the years but it kept reoccurring until 2013/14 when it really came to a head. I had a supapubic catheter in for 10 months and 6 various ops that year with the last urethraplasty lasting 5 hours. The urethraplasty is where they take a slice from the inside of your cheek and rebuild the urethra. I have to catheterise myself everyday but since then (touch wood!!) I have been fine. And again the NHS was fantastic.
And of course a get well soon to the above and the best of health to everyone on here.
Fuck, i crossed legs reading that.
Your stoicism is to be commended Mr Postman.
The combination of catheter and touch wood made me smile! Talk about making life even more difficult for yourself, a real uphill task. (Um, downhill, I guess, assuming you are standing.)
Well, you can’t say my education has been wasted.
I had my spinal cord de-tethered a couple of years ago. No, not really in the same class as above but still recovering. Anyway, here the Magnetic Fields with a song about Weird Diseases: