Musings on the byways of popular culture
21/06/2018 by H.P. Saucecraft 167 Comments
21/06/2018 at 05:58
21/06/2018 at 06:24
How did the Mekong Mini Mingle with Ianess go? Any interesting tittle-tattle, scuttlebutt, blether or prattle?
H.P. Saucecraft says
21/06/2018 at 06:36
Ian was (and probably still is) a total blast. He doesn’t look old, not like Frank Skinner. We had a right old natter, I can tell you. I think we covered most of the burning issues of the day to our satisfaction, and wept openly as we recalled the Imperial Period of the Afterword, before all the smart and witty people left.
It’s one of the reasons I posted. Seeing the blog today is like meeting an old friend, fallen on desperate times, barely recognisable, bumming coins in the street. Here’s my 10p in your cardboard cup, Afterword!
21/06/2018 at 06:46
Show us the pics, HP! Let us see the debauchery. Lady boys and heroin all round, was it?
(Apologies for the casual racism, I just wanted to see if we can get Bob back as well)
Moose the Mooche says
21/06/2018 at 07:03
Casual racism is no use. Put your back into it, man!
21/06/2018 at 06:35
21/06/2018 at 06:37
Christ yes. He does look old, dunnee. Oh dear.
21/06/2018 at 09:44
‘Ere, ‘ees aged a lot worst than ‘is dawter, Kaffy.* Innit.
*played by the lovely Gillian Taylforth in a somewhat prone-to-resurrection stylee.
21/06/2018 at 07:04
This thread will die faster than Frank Skinner’s skin cells.
(he said, adding another comment)
PS. “bumming” – tee-hee!
Lodestone of Wrongness says
21/06/2018 at 07:09
I thought I told you, HP, to fuck right off? Thought you would come back one last time for one last dig, one last “remember when everybody on here was smarter and better and everything than you sad lot”?
ps Welcome Back
Black Celebration says
21/06/2018 at 09:04
Sing Hosanna! The clouds have parted and rays of celestial sunshine now dance across the once-grey skies of the Afterword. A grateful Massive rise as one, bow their heads and solemnly genuflect. For He has returned to us.
Yes, Frank Skinner *does* look a bit old these days.
Baron Harkonnen says
24/06/2018 at 12:14
21/06/2018 at 09:09
Nice to see you along HP. I go off for a rest and when I get back you’ve gone. It’s all go here isn’t it.
21/06/2018 at 09:18
52 years of hurt will do that to a man.
Junior Wells says
21/06/2018 at 09:22
More importantly – who is Frank Skinner ?
21/06/2018 at 09:28
He is a… *consults notes*…. popular entertainer on the televisual medium, m’lud.
Neil Staughton says
Frank Skinner : a person who puts the skins on hot dogs.
21/06/2018 at 11:38
I saw Mr Skinner on the Tube They Call You, doing a comedy show about the news. I remember him as gimlet-eyed and whippet-thin. Now he looks like a homeless drunk (the human equivalent of the Afterword Blog) after a fight with a dog. It brought home to me how we all suffer from the ravages of time. Except for ianess and me, apparently. We’re still bracingly youthful and slender, exuding boyish charm tempered by manly wisdom.
23/06/2018 at 20:59
Before the Frank Zappa pops them on the skillet
Leicester Bangs says
21/06/2018 at 09:30
Today is my favourite day in the sporting calendar. Ascot Ladies Day!
21/06/2018 at 09:49
Ohhh! Me heels is killing me!
Tahir W says
21/06/2018 at 11:03
If it isn’t Cubans it’s stilettos.
21/06/2018 at 11:17
Calves of steel, I’m telling you.
21/06/2018 at 11:41
Nice to see the gentlemen observing the correct dress code. Punching ladies whilst wearing a suit jacket would be considered very poor form.
Wilson Wilson says
21/06/2018 at 09:57
21/06/2018 at 10:07
What is it with you and men with no shirts on?
21/06/2018 at 10:36
It’s been a difficult morning. I should probably just post This is America and get the hat-trick.
21/06/2018 at 10:57
It’s Ladies Day – the correct procedure is to suddenly and mysteriously lose your shoes, skirt or trousers. But the shirt stays on – decorum, don’t you know.
21/06/2018 at 11:20
21/06/2018 at 11:39
How one misses Blighty!
21/06/2018 at 12:04
Gee, you Briddish are so claaaassy!
21/06/2018 at 10:38
Cilla’s looking a bit ropey round the edges these days too. Just saying.
Have you seen the state of Gerry Rafferty lately?
21/06/2018 at 11:45
She died round at Gary’s place, you know. She and Dame Judith Chalmers (looking none too frisky these days either it has to be said) were performing a private erotic pageant for him on his patio, and something went terribly wrong, catapulting her off the exercise trampoline through the French windows and into his George Foreman Sandwich Toaster.
21/06/2018 at 11:49
Formby. Not “Foreman”. Formby.
21/06/2018 at 12:24
A George Formby Sandwich Toaster turns your paninis out nicely (hurr)
21/06/2018 at 17:12
I’m sure all us IT-savvy know-alls are aware of the various free softwares that ‘clean’ your Windows laptop or PC. Meaning it deletes all your temp files and cookies and whatnot in one go, rather than you trying to do it it yourself in several fat-fingered goes.
I’ve often (yes, often) thought it should be called Formbyware.
That’s all from me.
21/06/2018 at 19:27
So Cilla and Judith were in a threesome with Gerry Rafferty – was she singing Stuck in the Middle with you?
24/06/2018 at 12:24
How do you know Stevie, you`re hardly a `Ladies Man` as once wisely observed around here.
21/06/2018 at 14:05
Only a massive paninist would say that.
(O shit, I said i’d ignore this post and the ramblings of our own Morrisey, smiley smirk)
21/06/2018 at 15:21
I like your “our own Morrissey” – oh bugger I have fallen into the same trap…
David Kendal says
21/06/2018 at 15:37
Ooh, isn’t he bold!
21/06/2018 at 15:45
Woah, did it just get saucier in here?
[I know I’m late to the party, but I been out picking up the prescription drugs.]
HP, you blew back in like a gust of slightly funky wind.
21/06/2018 at 17:14
Ok, let’s stop this at 38 comments shall we? Unless of course you want another “I remember when me and Mojo and Ianness…” thread?
(Unless of course I am in the pay of His Royal Smugness and my job is to keep this all going until Morrissey awakes and bestows his pearls of wisdom on us mere mortals?)
((Unless of course I am not so secretly in love with Burt and I so wish he was back among us?))
21/06/2018 at 17:38
Don’t worry Lodes, I’m sure HP will be beaten to the coveted ‘Best Start Up Thread of The Day’ title by ‘Songs about fish and/or funny sounding names.’ Which would disappoint him terribly while simultaneously proving his point.
21/06/2018 at 18:04
No, can we have another “My friend who is stoned” thread please?
21/06/2018 at 21:47
Bri’s going through a tough time tight now
22/06/2018 at 00:09
Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? But before I go; Afterword Posterboy (and let’s face it, there’s not much competition now) Chiz is being uncharacteristically modest. He may well have posted about this elsewhere (*shudder*) on the blog, but there’s no way I’m venturing outside the warmth and light of my own thread to look. Your Man Chiz has won the equivalent of the Mrs Joyful Prize For Rafia Work, and it may be even more prestigious than that. The words “light” and “bushel” come together, possibly for the first time in the tow-headed youngster’s life.
It [MYSTERY AWARD] simply could not have gone to a nicer, warmer, and more awesomely talented human being. And friend! Dear, dear friend. I had a cry, I did.
STANDING OVATION FROM THE AFTERWORD! (Those of you who can still get to your feet without a sprung chair and matron’s arm).
22/06/2018 at 03:09
just teasing us with a comeback then? Oh well, it’s been emotional.
Kid Dynamite says
22/06/2018 at 05:38
It’s like when a band you love releases a comeback album. It’s thin stuff but between a few naked retreads of former glories (the old raffia prize again!) and your own desire for it to be good, you tell yourself you like it. But you don’t listen to it that often, and then the band quietly splits again, and after a while when you think of them you forget that last LP ever happened.
22/06/2018 at 06:48
Oh pish, Mr Sourpot, ’tis a mere baguette. He’s talking about the prestigious title of Least Likely To Be Invited To An Afterword Mingle which I’ve inherited from the Mekong Misanthrope himself now he’s got all cuddly with his new best friend Ianess.
23/06/2018 at 01:38
Chiz, I know this is probably a highly inappropriate thing to say on such an issue-sensitive forum, but could you have a look at your junk?
23/06/2018 at 09:10
I’ve never needed an invitation to do that… I see your filthy fingerprints are all over it. Grateful thanks.
22/06/2018 at 07:07
Remember that routine James Brown used to do with a cape…?
22/06/2018 at 01:09
22/06/2018 at 08:44
This comment isn’t as good as it used to be.
24/06/2018 at 08:06
Neither is this one.
25/06/2018 at 09:36
22/06/2018 at 15:04
I prefer his old posts.
He was excellent in Twin Peaks.
Black Type says
22/06/2018 at 16:33
22/06/2018 at 23:47
Tony Hadley. Have you seen him? Mind you, he never looked exactly young, did he. He looks like your fat uncle at the golf club now. Ooh, he does look old.
Sewer Robot says
23/06/2018 at 09:28
Criticising someone who sings as Tony Hadley does for their appearance is like objecting to someone associated with the Trump administration for the cut of their coat – it’s “my rapist’s aftershave didn’t half pong” logic.
23/06/2018 at 09:55
Sew, do you mean:
– who sings, as Tony Hadley does, for their appearance … [ie sings for their appearance as they would for their supper]
– who sings as Tony Hadley does [ie laughably badly]
– who sings as Tony Hadley does for their appearance [as in, sings for their, not his, appearance]
– who sings as Tony Hadley does [ie impersonating Tony Hadley’s vocal style]
If you’d be so kind as to unmuddy these particular waters we can move on to the second clause of your comment. Did you get that crate of soup greens I sent you bytheway?
23/06/2018 at 11:09
What he means is, criticising someone who plays pool like Albert Einstein is like objecting to John Lodge of the Moody Blues’ choice of holiday destination – its ‘let’s go halves on a tuna bagel’ logic.
23/06/2018 at 11:16
By the way HP, do you think we can keep this thread ahead of the ‘Songs about Fish’ clip list? It’s got five times as many views, but only a couple more comments, so we’ll have to work hard to stop it floundering, getting reeled in, caught, etc
23/06/2018 at 11:36
Talking to yourself again, Burt?
Just like old times.
23/06/2018 at 11:37
Oh, I’m playing the long game here, Chiz. In the absence of Old School Afterword Bantz, I’m going to use this thread as an extended meditation on loss, and an investigation into our inability to communicate in a post-postmodern world.
Either that, or knob jokes.
23/06/2018 at 11:40
I see minibreakfast has sashayed into the thread, unable to resist the manly allure of my pheromones. Don’t judge her – she’s flesh and blood. Actually, rather more flesh than there used to be. Let herself go, you ask me. Shame.
(Hey, mini – what’s with using FLOTUS as an icon?)
23/06/2018 at 11:45
23/06/2018 at 12:32
I don’t like FLOTUS. Sounds too much like floaters. Melania Trump is many things, but she is not a buoyant turd.
23/06/2018 at 16:13
No, that’s her husband.
“Gemini, and my name’s Donnie”…
23/06/2018 at 17:02
It seems extraordinary that as late as 1977 a soul group could still be doing this “wearing a suit and bow-tie and coordinated shuffling” routine that had been passe ten years before. Mind you, they were slightly ahead of their time too – two or three years after this, every single rap record would include an inventory of the star-signs of everyone on the record, including the engineers and some bloke who had come to repair the studio’s kettle.
23/06/2018 at 14:40
That H.P. Saucecraft – dunnee look old?
24/06/2018 at 02:50
In an effort to add value to this desperately flagging thread, I offer this:
Simply upload that selfie photo of yourself that you took of yourself, and some insulting algorithm at microsoft© will tell you how old it thinks you look.
In the interests of transparency, I just did this, with a none-too-flattering photograph (well, they all are) and the nice algorithm told me I looked all of 63. As I’m crowding 65 I’m not too unhappy with this. Not too happy, either.
Go on! Have some fun! It’s free!
24/06/2018 at 02:52
Hahalol I did it with Archie Valparaiso’s photo and HAL thinks he looks 67 hahalol! FUCK OFF GRANDAD!!!! Lolhaha!
24/06/2018 at 09:10
“Hahalol I did it with Archie Valparaiso/Mojo Working/Ianess/Niscum/FauxGeordie/El Toro/Patrick Crowther/Burt Kokain/Badger King/DisappointingBob etc etc’s photo and HAL thinks he looks 67 hahalol! FUCK OFF GRANDAD!!!! Lolhaha!”
I see your game, old timer!
24/06/2018 at 09:26
HAL looks 9000 to me.
Archie Valparaiso says
25/06/2018 at 08:44
Hey, it worked.
25/06/2018 at 18:37
Welcome back Mr Archery Lessons!
24/06/2018 at 06:45
Good to see you back here Mr S.
24/06/2018 at 06:54
I don’t need an algorithm to tell me you’re eight years old, going by your icon.
24/06/2018 at 08:23
I tried that link you suggested and it told me my photo of me as a ten year old was someone aged 49! Unfortunately I don’t seem to have that pic of my “avatar” any more – God knows how that would be interpreted.
I’ll take an eight year old though – hmm, 1962, just started the piano, happy as Larry (you know him), didn’t need glasses yet, a lovely innocent time. How ’bout you?
24/06/2018 at 08:33
My avatar is 12. Very disturbing.
A picture of me got “we couldn’t detect any faces”.
This is not a happy morning.
24/06/2018 at 09:30
I have no specific memories of being eight years old, Mousey. But I can understand why your first baby grand would be a landmark for you.
Why don’t you post your selfie here, Moose, and I’ll take a stab at guessing your age? If I’m wrong, you can have any prize you like, between this Kewpie doll and this pizza-in-a-cup.
24/06/2018 at 10:25
Turns out my phone won’t recognise my face as a face either.
Where’s my bloody Etch-a-Sketch now I need it? I got a jones for a pizza cup.
24/06/2018 at 11:08
You’ve aged badly since this morning.
24/06/2018 at 11:24
It’s all the sunbathing.
24/06/2018 at 12:41
Well fuck that for a game of soldiers. A reasobaly complimentary pic of me came in at 59, two years under but Mrs Wells , in same pic, came in at 36. Admittedly she is younger than me 50 in Nov but 36?
She now hopes to license the software.
24/06/2018 at 12:42
The software specifically flatters women. They nearly always come out as substantially younger. Somebody knows what he’s doing.
24/06/2018 at 13:10
They need the boost. Scientific studies* have proven that us men gets handsomer and more intrestin’ and sexy an’ that as we gets older like.
24/06/2018 at 15:26
Well these young chaps simply can’t compete in several crucial areas:
1. Washing up. Young guys just leave suds everywhere. Tchuh.
2. Critiques of other people’s driving. A simple “Knobhead!” or “Fuck is he doing?” is all they can offer.
3. Wearing jeans in the correct manner – ie fastened just below the armpits.
4. Nasal hair. Even if they have any they remove it. Poor fools!
5. Making lists.
24/06/2018 at 14:17
Well this 51-but-looks-44 year old finds the technology powerfully convincing. Though I remember having a cig outside a pub several years ago when a couple of blokes we didn’t know insisted we guess each others ages. I was 42, and delighted when one of them said I was ‘37/38’. Then his mate burst my bubble by saying, ‘Yeah, fat blokes show the wrinkles less, don’t they?’
hubert rawlinson says
24/06/2018 at 14:28
It says I’m 82 cheek I’m only 81
25/06/2018 at 12:12
Ooh today I’m 67, and the years simply fall away
Vulpes Vulpes says
24/06/2018 at 17:02
Christ, will the rain ever stop?
24/06/2018 at 17:18
Complaining about the weather – that’s another thing old guys are better at.
24/06/2018 at 23:27
Men age like wine, getting richer and fruitier. Or cheese. Crustier and more pungent. Age becomes us, somehow. It embraces us kindly, bringing out features only dormant in youth. Nasal hair – that lion’s mane of proud masculinity! – has been mentioned here, but that’s only one treasure in a rich storehouse; liver spots sprinkle their bounty on our flesh, our ears enlarge to epic proportions, our bald pates gleam like a warrior’s shield. And our stomachs! They are as mighty oaken barrels. Our legs diminish flatteringly to waxy tapers, lent mystery by an aura of gossamer-like hair. Yes, an old man is the best thing to be. If only he could remember what he came into the room for.
25/06/2018 at 02:59
You forgot bushy eyebrows.
25/06/2018 at 06:53
Nearly all the hair on my legs has disappeared, and they have become mysteriously shiny. Something to do with the Australian sun, perhaps.
Since you asked, I am 64 with glasses on and 69 without. That’s be the luggage.
25/06/2018 at 09:35
Your glasses or ours?
25/06/2018 at 09:53
You changed your avatar just for me? I am flatter. Er….
25/06/2018 at 21:40
Dude, that’s just a tiny mirror.
25/06/2018 at 11:46
Not that I’ve been coming back every five minutes to check or anything – I have a full and varied life, with many demands on my time – but (in a private email) one of the mods has congratulated me on reaching “the ton” in the comments section. Apparently it doesn’t matter that half of them are my own because (as he puts it) “the content is of such high quality”. But I must be humble here, as it would be niggardly (look it up) not to give credit to the thousands of Afterworders who have, each in their own little way, made this thread the resounding great triumph it is. I obviously can’t thank you all individually, and sadly cannot return your entries if you didn’t enclose a SAE, but my thoughts and prayers are with you in this tender moment of sharing. Bless you!
25/06/2018 at 18:50
Pah! Return my entry, you varlet!
25/06/2018 at 21:00
He was the first Briton to use an ATM, you know.
28/06/2018 at 10:18
Well I suppose any practice, no matter how disgusting, had to start somewhere.
28/06/2018 at 19:29
It was bad enough visualising the cheeky, greasy-coiffed and diminutive Varnster thumbing the buttons of a Bank-O-Mat. Now this. I am nauseate.
28/06/2018 at 19:30
I ‘ate you butter…. I mean Butler
25/06/2018 at 20:51
I prefer blackguard. Varlet hints at youth.
25/06/2018 at 23:42
An’ I’ll tell you who else looks old, an’ all. Them out of Top Gear. Clarkson’s got a bald patch you could doughnut a Twingo on, and May looks like my Gran in a flowery housecoat. Dreadful. Hammond’s not looking too bad though I’ll give him that, some kind of Devils And Dust-era Springsteen thing he’s got going. But really.
26/06/2018 at 04:43
There you see the value of half an hour on the hamster wheel every day.
Well, that and the fact that he’s basically been a cyborg since the big crash…
26/06/2018 at 05:36
He has a wheel? I always saw him in one of those transparent plastic balls, rolling round his immaculately-landscaped grounds and dropping off the ha-ha (lol).
GCU Grey Area says
26/06/2018 at 08:18
Charming little car, the first Twingo. A Renault 4 for the 90s. One trim level (‘Boff’), one engine, central instrument cluster, fairly wipe-clean interior.
26/06/2018 at 09:16
“Fairly” ? There’s a world in that.
26/06/2018 at 11:14
I actually had a Twingo, and I’d defend it to the death as a very nearly completely shit mode of transportation. Being French-designed and fabricated (“built” is too solid a word), nothing fitted. Everything fell off, out, or over at some point. The French are incapable of bonding two things together permanently (and that includes people). The Twingo was basically a kit car inexorably reverting to kit form. Once, during moderately high winds, the driver’s door blew off. Snapped right off and hung by one hinge which obviously failed the QC process. The electrics were a complete mystery, especially to Renault garages. This is why they lost the war, you know.
26/06/2018 at 12:02
I had a Citroen Dyane 4, the rich man’s 2CV and the poor man’s Dyane. The accelerator pedal was a ramshackle organ pedal affair made of tin, which used to collapse flat on the floor if your touch was anything rougher than fetherlite®. You then had to hook it upright with your foot before the car coasted to a complete stop.
26/06/2018 at 12:13
Changing a tyre… jack+Dyane
26/06/2018 at 14:48
And here it is…must have been that pesky A1.3164 that was the problem.
View post on imgur.com
26/06/2018 at 16:34
No wonder it didn’t work; none of the bits are joined up. Our MGB’s accelerator pedal (BHH1971) is a lovely, robust bit of work. If only the same were true of other bits of said car.
Still, at least its not built from the finest spiders’ webs, unlike a Lancia Beta.
26/06/2018 at 17:03
The thing about the Dyane was the all the parts that should have been made of metal were made of rubber, and all the parts that should have been made of rubber were made of metal.
26/06/2018 at 17:57
Metal tyres? Wow…. futuristic!
26/06/2018 at 23:12
The only thing not shown in this provocative diagram (surely due for an Afterword Porn Award) is the tub of household paste (brush in lid) used to join the bits together. I love the way the footplate has the sides bent down for rigidity. That’s engineering.
27/06/2018 at 06:10
In retrospect it’s weird how if you were driving a cheap banger you just put up with this sort of thing. Around the same time I had a Fiat 600 (the limousine version of the 500) which among its other dubious attractions featured a completely missing third gear. Because it was the kind of car in which you had to change down on gentle motorway gradients, changing from fourth to second was…dramatic. And you had to thrash it in second to build up enough speed to change up to fourth. I put up with this for months because I couldn’t afford to get it fixed.
27/06/2018 at 07:27
I had a Mini Clubman once – no, hear me out – which suffered from a pedal fault which caused it to stick at full throttle. The only options were to a) crash into something, most likely the car in front, or b) stuff it into neutral and reach down into the footwell to pull the cable back, all whilst stamping on the brake and swerving off the road. Looking at this diagram I am convinced it’s the enigmatically un-numbered part that looks like a … like a … er … biscuit, that was at fault.
27/06/2018 at 07:41
The fault probably lay somewhere among this lot.
27/06/2018 at 11:22
The worrying thing is that Mr Area is identifying each component and rebuilding this in his head.
28/06/2018 at 14:44
I once drove my dad’s Morris Minor round a bend. The front passenger wheel fell off.
28/06/2018 at 15:09
Same thing happened to my brother-in-law, on Brighton seafront.
28/06/2018 at 15:13
Seeing this in Updates I assumed it was a reply to Lodey’s awks convo with the Wurzel Gummidge hitmaker.
I am relieve.
(as it were)
28/06/2018 at 15:29
Finished putting all those bits together.
28/06/2018 at 15:31
*heads for bunker*
26/06/2018 at 12:54
In fairness, I done never said I’d want one, and that word charming was doing a lot of heavy-lifting. My fantasy garage would have a DS and an SM, and my very own personal live-in hydraulic specialist.
26/06/2018 at 12:58
Woah! First the wiping and now with the hydraulics? Where’s this coming from… is it the heat?
26/06/2018 at 13:35
Yes, sorry, Miss Doi-ane. . .
26/06/2018 at 16:57
The Citroën Saxo is in objective fact the shittest car ever made.
And, while we’re here, what’s with those bizarre rubber door sections on recent French cars? They’re reminiscent – and in aesthetic terms a very close equivalent – of the elbow patches on a geography teacher’s chalk-dusted sports jacket.
Lando Cakes says
26/06/2018 at 21:15
Such as the Citroen C4 Cactus? It seems that even the French think that’s a bit much – the video for the new version makes them disappear:
26/06/2018 at 23:05
There’s a car called a “Cactus”? At last! The Austin Aspidistra, the Morris Magnolia … the Porsche Pansy …
27/06/2018 at 08:48
The Saab Nisturtium (tumfuttle)
29/06/2018 at 11:41
You know when there’s an open casket funeral, right? And you draw eyeballs on the corpse’s eyelids to make the mourners think it’s still alive? C’mon, we’ve all done it … that’s what this comment is like! LULSIES!
29/06/2018 at 13:06
Doing that when Konstantin Chernenko was lying in state was in poor taste, even if you did end up kickstarting Perestroika.
29/06/2018 at 13:10
Jeezus HP. You still giving CPU to this thread?
Why not move on to the love fest for Tigger ?
29/06/2018 at 13:38
Love fest for Tigger
Ice cream for Crow
No Orchids for Miss Blandish
29/06/2018 at 16:25
29/06/2018 at 16:42
The Hon. CPR Shirley was a useful middle-order batsman and slow left-arm bowler for Worcestershire. He scored 45 not out and got 3 for 72 for the Gentlemen in the last Gentlemen v Players match before the First World War.
30/06/2018 at 00:07
Here, Mike, have a Werther’s. Go on, take the whole bag.
30/06/2018 at 06:56
Thank you. I wouldn’t want to spoil my lunch, so I’ll pop it under my panama for later.
30/06/2018 at 07:02
….there’s nothing under Panama, Tunisia beat them…
…sorry, I’ve just woken up.
30/06/2018 at 08:01
In future, Moose, don’t comment before Nurse Diesel has given you your early-morning wipe-down.
30/06/2018 at 08:02
…so many towels…
30/06/2018 at 08:10
The arrrnswer lies in the night soil.
30/06/2018 at 08:13
Fire up the macerator!
30/06/2018 at 08:37
“Fire up the macerator!”
Afterword Adult Diaper slogan
30/06/2018 at 08:55
We’re doing those now? Wow, the AW merch offer is really expanding.
But then… it needs to be.
30/06/2018 at 11:54
Apparently the mods are considering marketing the following niche products through the Afterword brand franchise:
– Stair lifts
– Old Mens’ Pants (choose from tan or pale yellow – XXL only)
– Own Brand “Werthers”-style sweeties (extra-soft)
– Morrissey bedpans
– Tigger cardigans (“football” buttons)
– Thermal Cravats
– Fleecy slippers (choose from Vertigo Swirl or West Bromich Albion motifs)
– Pat Keysell toothmugs (plays theme from Vision On)
30/06/2018 at 12:04
The pants are certainly very niche.
The luxury stairlift plays the orchestral glissando from A Day in the Life when going up. The other way plays Down Down by the Status Quo.*
(*NB. Standard model plays Top of the Pops album versions)
01/07/2018 at 13:01
Hey, Moose … seeing as how we’re alone here. You know … together? Just … us guys?
A man gets to thinkin’ … you know. What it would be like? I mean, I’m not gay or anything – notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat … it’s just that, I was wonderin’ … if you were wonderin’ … and how funny that would be! Two guys, perfectly normal guys, find themselves alone .. unobserved .. I mean, they could do anythin’, right? Is it hot in here or what?
01/07/2018 at 13:03
Funny i was thinking there is something wrong with that …
29/06/2018 at 22:14
To me, tigger represents everything that’s wrong about young people today.
29/06/2018 at 22:17
Quite right – they’re too bloody old.
29/06/2018 at 23:38
Yes. Recklessly compiling lists in their wild “cardigans” and eating sprouts.
30/06/2018 at 03:24
Don’t be daft. There’s a heat wave. I haven’t worn a cardi nor eaten a sprout for a week.
30/06/2018 at 08:00
Ah yes. That good old U.K. “heat wave”! Mind you remember your thermals, now …
01/07/2018 at 13:05
After trekking through Africa I landed in London and it was fucking hot in a muggy unpleasant sort of way.
02/07/2018 at 18:04
You blessed the rains down there then.
23/09/2018 at 12:08
Well i thought that was funny
28/03/2019 at 17:45
I still do.
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