I paused the TV less than ten minutes ago because The Light hadn’t shared the pain of the Rod Stewart single One More Time. Now he’s turned up on Graham Norton playing the same song, so she has suffered it twice in quick succession.
It’s like Ed Sheeran had rewritten Galway Girl for his horny grandad to sing and creep everyone out at a wedding reception. It’s hard to pick the worst line. ‘Together we smashed it’? ‘You taught me how to nasty’ my vote goes to ‘the sex was immense by a good old country mile’. And the video – Rod and a group of blonde women with characterful faces strut around London while he mimes the lyrics.
I wouldn’t have known this unique conflation of words, music and images existed if it wasn’t for Twitter, but now that I do, and have inflicted it on my other half, you’ll have to see it too. Be strong – it might seem like a fortnight in Northampton but it’s really only 4 of the longest minutes of your life. Press play. It has to be seen and heard to be believed.
It’s awful agreed but it’s no Fun Fun Fun by the Quo.
Not a patch on Bula Bula Quo itself…
Caught the arse end of it on Norton. My first thought was a few days ago on here we were worried about those that had lost their voice and should retire. We should have been more concerned about those that had lost any semblance of respect for why they ever started singing in the first place. Embarrassing doesn’t even begin to describe it.
He goes on ..,“You’ll always be on my speedial”.
Is that right, Grrrrandad?
He probably has one of those big-button phones for seniors who are baffled by technology.
*squints, zooms 200% so he can read that comment*
Oh yes, the old bastard!
Yes, it should have been “you’ll always be one of my favourites on my contact list and an exception when I change the settings to Do Not Disturb”.
Oh that’s cringey. If you close your eyes and try to ignore the voice and the lyrics, it sounds like inoffensive bland ‘celtic’ music. But that’s impossible while Rod is smirking out of the screen at you in that weird frock coat thing he wears.
I can’t believe he still has fans who want to hear him singing this kind of stuff, does he?
There’s something of the Adam Ants about that coat. I guess Rod is Prince Alarming-ah, Prince Alarming-ah.
Good for the upcoming panto season, I suppose.
Edit: I must be right. I’ve just remembered that ridicule is nothing to be scared of.
But, Rod being ridiculous has been his game for a long time now? I think he knows?
I agree, but how would he react if called on it? If Graham Norton had said, ‘Let’s be honest Rod, you’re just taking the piss now aren’t you?’
He would probably joke about it. “I’ll let you know when I finish counting the money…” or something.
Still waiting (probably in vain) for the Blues Album produced by Rick Rubin.
Please allow an ageing man his fantasy !
If Tom Jones can do it …
In April 2001, Rod Stewart told Mojo, that he was doing an album of standards “not done in an old-fashioned way, but the way Enigma would do it or Deep Forest – very contemporary“
He then ruined it by saying “I’m going to call it my shagging album.”
He then ruined it further by releasing the bland American Standards series.
Enigma? Only one step up from a service station pan-pipes CD.
I thought Peter Kay did that video better. I lasted up until the two young ladies joined him and he mad the worst baseball swing whilst sing “smashed it”. He reminds me of Leapy Lee in Palma Nova 1988. With a bigger budget. And ego.
Having spent the past fortnight in Northampton I can safely say that it’s more fun than Rod’s new single. Smash Hits used to refer to his type as ‘Uncle Disgusting’ didn’t they?
I look forward to Burt Saucepot giving the album a favourable review.
His voice has never been the same since his vocal nodes op. His other inexecrable song about football called Touchline came on my Spotify Release Radar yesterday while I was driving up the M5 and I almost had to stop the car when I heard him sing – “A sturdy man of Caledonia and principles
But of course, we all believed him to be invincible”. Who’s writing this tosh? He sounds like a strangulated chipmunk on helium. I needed a palate cleanser so had to put on True Blue and EPTAS.
The “comedy nonce” album for me. It’s got a great, fat sound. And I suppose no matter how bad his actual records get, he at least got his worst sleeve out of the way before anyone outside of London knew who he was.
Clean your lug’oles! Turn it up!
Remember him this way. Come on…
I’m not sure I have any sympathy for the suffering of anyone who voluntarily watches Graham Norton!
She enjoys it. I find his ‘interviewee number 3, it’s time for your second prepared anecdote’ routine wearing but I did have half a bottle of Malbec inside me.
I have always liked Graham Norton and I am pleased he is so successful but I stopped watching his show years ago. Harvey Weinstein invited himself on it – just to say how powerful he is. Tom Cruise would only be interviewed by himself (but he has since relaxed a bit).
Anecdotes from film stars are thunderingly dull. Pop stars are generally more interesting – Taylor Swift very funny. But it’s the film stars with their stories.
“So, yeah, it was crazy! I had this sandwich, right, which I thought was just generally available and it turns out it is was for Bobby! Robert de freakin’ Nero! And now he’s arriving saying “where’s my mother-fuckin sandwich?” and I’m all like “hey, I don’t know…” and he sees I’ve got mayonnaise on my FACE!
(Norton, guests and audience explode for 10 minutes)
I’m not sure my view of him is entirely objective (I’m not sure The Afterword would exist if non-objective opinions were removed!).
I saw Maria McErlane as a standup once (she was still Maria Callous then) and she was so funny it hurt. I was then excited to see she was on TV show. I’ve just looked it up and that show was Carnal Knowledge which was an odd short lived gameshow. Her co-host was Graham Norton. I think it was the first I’d heard of him but he ruined it so I’ve had a (probably unreasonable) grudge ever since!.
Urm … I can forgive Rod for most things off the back of the Mercury Years and Faces period.
Atlantic Crossing (the album he apparently “lost it”) and A Night on the Town and Foot Loose & Fancy Free aint that bad either.
But this one … nah. Pretty lame by all accounts, and whoever said it was a good idea needs a talking to,
I know he’s got a sense of humour, but with this one the joke isn’t funny anymore
(Rod Stewart does and album of Smiths covers – now there’s an idea?)
Oh, and Graham Norton is a bit of a tit – but the BBC must somehow justify the £200million contract
So what’s your new one about, Rod?
It’s me using flattery to beg for a break up shag!
…
It coins the verb ‘to nasty’ as well!
………… [night closes before a response that is both true and kind, or not untrue and not unkind, can be formulated]
That verb used in even more dubious circumstances by Frank Zappa in 1967.
“Only thirteen and she knows how to nasty”
….now wash your hands.