Here’s how you play this Wonderful new game!
Imagine you chance upon a “compact disc” with the above title in your local “record shop”!
You study the track listing enthusiastically, pick up an extra couple of copies for “friends”, and hurry to the “check out”!
Now – the album has just twelve “tracks”, each by a different “artiste” – what, using your skill and judgement, might they be?
Set to it, “Afterworders”! Teamwork makes the dreamwork!
I’d have thought that the following acts are shoo-ins, although I couldn’t guess which one song might be their most Afterword-Friendly:
Beatles
Bowie
Kate Bush
Elvis Costello (gone a bit quiet?)
Van Morrison
Richard Thompson
Pink Floyd
And already I’m struggling. Jackie Leven, very possibly. Ry Cooder. Bob Dylan? Not many US artistes would seem to qualify.
Doesn’t have to be a personal favourite, just music you’d accept as generically representative of the Afterword’s taste.
Empirical evidence suggests that there would have to be a ‘tune’ from Half Man Half Biscuit.
Sounds reasonable. He’s in.
And that tune would have to be Irk The Purists
Sample verse:
Give me Love, give me Can, give me Meat Loaf
Give me Rush, give me Marquee Moon
Michael Ball, or The Fall
I could listen to them all
In the twilight or the afternoon
The man is a genius.
I am too late for this, as ever, but my reaction scrolling down the thread has been one of mounting incredulity as the one name I expected to top the list got not even a passing mention. Surely the Quintessence (no, not them,) of the Spirit (not them not neither) of the Afterword, guaranteed to three-quarters-fill the arts centre of a medium-sized Middle England town every three years or so, boils down to one act – a dim memory of a one-hit-wonder novelty act for millions of other people they may be but here they’re always in are forts. Because this list ain’t big enough for the both of them, layzun jemmin, so give it up for … *checks notes* … Sparks!
Don’t understand the second sentence – is it in Thai?
Do Little Feat deserve to be featured, Lodey?
Introvibly
Obviously, we need a Finnish nose-flautist that nobody has heard of ( for Duco) and some avant garde jazz noodlings that nobody has heard of ( for Tigger & Pencil)
To be included on this comp the act has to be familiar to most A-Worders. Individual songs, such as the Oyvind Falström Ocarina Ensemble Of Wuppertal’s stirring version of “The Final Countdown” may indeed be A-Word Friendly, but as nobody other than KFD has heard it it is sadly ineligible.
Oyvind? Oy vey!
How about ‘ Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm’?
Makes for a problematic album cover though.
Where the bloody hell was the proof reader when he was needed?
Point of order – that name requires no hyphen breaks.
Bloody Emily Dickinson fans
Pasted in on the phone. I couldn’t be bothered to take them out!
So. Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Kate Bush, Van Morrison, The Beach Boys, The Stones, Taylor Swift, Pink Floyd, Joni Mitchell, The Fall, HMHB and Jackie Leven.
Don’t know how you’d sequence an album with those artists. Also, to be truly 2023-Version Afterword-Friendly it would have to be all non-obvious tracks too.
I give up! Beyond my capabilities, I’m afraid.
Neil Young is in, I think. The Beach Boys? Haven’t seen them get the requisite fawning devotion over the years. The Stones – maybe. There are a few voices shouting their name loud here, but I’m not sure if the general A-Word reaction isn’t “meh”. Taylor Swift – whose name must not be uttered unless in respect and awe – is too “polarising” (can I say that without getting sledged by a Swiftie?) to join our Pantheon of Eternals. Joni Mitchell, on reflection, is probably in, but may get edged out. The Fall? Needs some support from the Massive to be included here.
That’s the second time I’ve read that Taylor Swift is too polarising. Didn’t we discover on the last post about her, that she was about the least polarising act on the planet?
Everyone seems to quite like her as a person, some of them listen to her music, some of them don’t.
It seems we can’t even refer to her as being polarising. I take it back.
Er… yeah… I’ll get me Ready Reckoner out on that one.
I’ve just read that 25,000 Swifties are flying from Brisbane to Sydney or Melbourne to attend her gigs. They’re putting on 64 extra flights. Could probably put something in about the planet here, but I can’t be arsed.
Her own emissions raise the eyebrow of concern.
Obsessed.
PHWOOOAAAAARRRRRRGH!
If the Stones are in then @baron-harkonnen wont be buying it. He is not a fan these days.
“Little Hector try hard to amuse his chums, even if his tom the foolery amuses some of our more excitable pupils, but he really really must try harder”
So – Henry Cow, then?
Nice response. I’d have been happier with ‘Good Point’, but, as I said, nice response. Maybe you were serious. Henry Cow, mind, the autodidact’s Fall, no, ta.
How can you be lighthearted about “The Cow”? But yes, the didact’s Fall don’t even make the sleevenotes.
I find them rather listenable, myself.
Indeed…
HOORAY! HENRY!!
ABBA are the elephant in the room.
This is a good choice. Abba are in, and not just the room.
Pas du tout! As demonstrated in the exchange above, Henry Cow are the “elephant” in the “room”! In a very real sense…
Ivor Cutler or Ivor Biggun or Bon Iver.
Interchangeable
I’m looking askance.
I’ve folded my arms and am staring at my feet, for some reason.
Ok then. The Michael Schenker Group.
You and yer Michael Schenker Group!
That’s the second time you’ve mentioned them in…. 15 years!!
I used to love ‘em! First and second albums were corkers. Sort of.
You would need some prog bollocks on it as well but I couldn’t say what.
Billy Big Prog Bollocks, at that.
ROBERT FRIPP. Thank you. He’s just pushed Joni Mitchell into the vicarage shrubbery.
Clearly something by King Crimson…or The Yes.
No mention yet of Dantalian’s Chariot?
Hey!! How about Dantalio- … oh.
Think of this more as The Afterword-Friendly !2 Golden Greats, rather than one of those snooty deep-catalogue “An Introduction To” Island Records comps.
We may be talking double album here!
What no Mahavishnu Orchestra?
It’s a double album, norra friggin box set
No one has mentioned Steely Dan yet, so I might as well. How about Steely Dan?
They edge out Little Feat. Well done.
Whittling this down to 12 is definitely a job for the rough and toothless.
Can the Dan edge out Van the Man?
I think not. Van is in many ways the cornerstone of this collection, and the Afterword itself. I suggest he is represented by In The Days Before Rock N’ Roll. None more Afterword than this:
Justin, gentler than a man
I am down on my knees
At the wireless knobs
I am down on my knees
At those wireless knobs
Telefunken, Telefunken
….And we let the Abba Gold go
Nobody edges out the Feat, not in any club that I’ve joined. Not even the Dan. Meet me out the back by the bins for a showdown. Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight, and be sure to alert your undertaker.
This is what I’m talking about! Keep the Feat and the Dan – bin the Van man!
Sounds like a job for Van the binman.
The People Have Spoken. With the increased budget for a double album, there’ll be no problem featuring them both.
Can Roxy Music depend on your support?
You can indeed. Hopefully you won’t have to remake/remodel the list to fit them in.
On every dream album, a heartbreaking omission
I did ask HP what track he would pick and he said it was strictly confidential. I don’t know why the need for secrecy…
This thread is blowing my mind.
I’m too busy minding my blow.
Try not to sneeze (as REM said)
Gerry Rafferty? I know he’s been a bit quiet recently, but still …
He will be mentioned in Colin Harper’s sleevenotes.
Printed at 8pt, they fill up the inner gatefold, broken only by a couple of grainy photos of (improbably) Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts and Sailor, clipped from an old copy of Sounds.
Whither the U-Boat?
Finally torpedoed? (damn them….)
Woody Woodmansey’s U -Boat? Now we’re talking:
Never heard of ’em.
This just in: we have label approval for a double album, so twenty acts, mebbe 22, 23 …
That’s torn it…discipline’s gone to the wall.
I prefer Indiscipline to Discipline.
If we have the rare single edit of Swastika Girls, we get Eno as a bonus Friendly!
Surely no-one makes the list unless they’ve done an Eno collaboration at some point
That’s not what I’ve heard, ducky
Fairport. Pentangle. Trees. Johnny Flynn. Surely Collins.
Come on fellow ‘worders, where’s yer folk jazz rock credentials?
Judy or Phil?
Surely not.
Arf!
Fairport would of course include two A-Word stalwarts – Thompson and Denny, so they edge out the beret-botherer as a solo artiste.
I think the beret* is now banned. Last year I saw him wearing a baseball cap** and for his latest tour poster it’s some sort of fisherman’s titter.
* I know it’s not.
** Horrors.
When the kraken rises and the mermaids sing, the fishermen titter.
Ooooooo, ‘ark at Eric Cantona!
Bloody autocorrect, Titfer.
Fisherman’s titter – cod laughter
Yes probably makes the cut on the prog front. Hard to tell about the mighty Vish or Van Deer Graaf Generator. They get a bit of discussion but I suspect the same few people each time.
What are you implying?
If the cap fitterstokes.
Van Deer Graaf Generator do mostly stag nights these days.
Buck all money in that these days.
I thought they were only in it for the doe.
The least we can do is bleat at each other. (AW t-shirt)
The Bonzos “My Pink Half of the Drainpipe” keeping us safe from the Normals.
A heartwarming suggestion, Hubes! But unless someone else votes for the Bonzos, they’ll have to wait for Vol. II.
… still waiting …
Playing the long game.
I too dig Bert Weedon and wait five weeks for my shirts to be cleaned.
So is that a for Moosey? Just so we can let HP know.
Yes, so therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Unfortunately due to a software glitch Moosey’s votes don’t show up. Blame the Mods.
Hanging chads be damned
Looking at the entries so far, there’s only one place for this Double Album – straight back to the charity shop
Which, as luck would have it, is where the A-Worders are. I’ve done me research.
Nothing after 1979? Nothing modern such as e.g. Blur, Whigfield, Flock Of Seagulls?
Actually, I’ve just remembered the most quintessentially A-Word artiste of all time – Nick Lowe.
No Flock of Seagulls but how about Flock?
Ha ha, he thinks there’s music after 1979!
If Jason Isbell isn’t included to add a bit of stodgy fibre to this meal there is something rotten in Denmark Street. I often think Americana is the AW default setting.
I know nothing of Jason Isbell but understand he is much cosseted by the A-Word *community*, so unless someone else under sixty gets suggested he’s in.
As it’s Vally’s Day, can I say I wish I could meet someone who looked at me the way The AW massive looks at XTC and Teenage Fanclub..?
Two excellent suggestions. XTC definitely get their moment of glory, somewhere towards the end of side three, but I do wonder if the Fannies are not quite up to the high standard of Friendliness we’re setting here? If we let them in it’ll be Del Boy And His Amitris next.
Surely the only shoe-in is Sainted Dave who, ironically, would be the only shoe-in in any such poll. Daily Express’s Top 10? Don’t kid yourself that Sainted Dave wouldn’t be in it. He’s the moderately-priced avant garde option for fans of Robbie Williams’ and Lighthouse Family.
Therefore, bit of a double-bluff admittedly, but on no account should that which is Sainted be anywhere near this compilation… unless it’s a Pye b-side.
*shoo-in*
Great idea. Dave Bowie it is. I suggest Boys Keep Swinging.
Hardly Afterword specific, even yer Aunt Ena might know it.
It has to be something post-Let’s Dance, and something only Paul Morley could like.
Get him on the dog and bone right now.
Ian Fish, UK heir.
Nahhh – It’s No Game pt.1…
…and as for Paul Morley…well, words fail me…
Surely you’d have to include Fred Again just for the amount of times Bingo bigs ’em up?
I’m saying nothing. Except for those three words. Well, eight. Eleven.
Them?? Fred again is a “them??””
Pfffft
This is how the world ends, with PRONOUNS. It’s as if…. oh shit I just used one…
I said ’em rather than them. I think he’s a him really.
This thread clearly illustrates that you can’t always get what you want.
But the ocarina can give you exactly what you need.
And if you find Oyvind Falström a tad rowdy, the fragrant April Chang will waft you away on a warm, damp wave of mellow wellness.
Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. It’s a perfectly natural feeling.
“This is only heaven for the people who can’t get into the real heaven. The platinum heaven.”
It’s like being at the physiotherapist’s only without the physiotherapy. So not really like being at the physiotherapist now I think about it.
Eh?
That clip immediately reminded me of the music they play at the physio’s.
Very nice – the physio here plays local radio…
Sometimes they play what I assume are dolphin noises, so it’s swings and roundabouts but probably better than BBC Radio Suffolk.
Dude, that’s Bon Iver!
They’ve passed me by so I’ve just had a listen to the first one of theirs that popped up on you tube. I managed a minute. The singer makes dolphins sound like the marine equivalent of Barry White.
Is Barry White?
Is James Brown?
Is Cilla Black?
Is Bette Bright?
Is David Blue?
Is Jason Orange?
Is James Blunt?
As it happens, no.
Was Cecil Sharp? Yes he bloody was.
*Afterword prefect voice*
In point of fact what I think you will find is that his name was Sharpe
Is Jello Biafra?
I think you’ll find it’s C♯
Very good. My joke fell ♭
Mine was like 🎶🎶🎶🎶
Here comes Cecil Sharpie on a song collecting trip.
Ewww, Tw*tter seems to have got involved in that one. I can assume that bike is about to explode
Is Quentin Crisp?
Is Taylor Swift?
Is Ice Spice?
Is Beverley Craven? Or John for that matter?
Is Marvin Gaye?
Does Stevie Wonder?
Is Hank Marvin?
Is Conway Twitty?
Is Roy Acuff?
Is Nick Lowe?
Did Benjamin net any ahu?
Iver is indeed pretty Bon.
Particularly if you like film studios.
No Nick Drake? Gentle Giant? I’ll get my coat.
Don’t leave via the Back Door.
Yeah, there’s a black-eyed dog there.
Nick Drake is a “shoe-in”. Excellent choice. Gentle Giant … eeeuuuuhhhh …
You can’t treat the Giant that way! That’s it!! I’m gonna burn this whole thread down!!!
I thought they were known as “the Gents”.
I see The Church mentioned a lot. Never bothered listening to them, mind.
They get that a lot.
Oi! Get them in.
The Rutles
And please God no one say Rick Fucking Astley. I’m in a grump today
Mr. Parfitt and Virginia? The mind boggles.
Maybe that garden wasn’t as secure as she thought.
Right, the votes are in, and I’ll be *curating* the album tomorrow (my time). I am disappoint that a Mr. Isobel [sp.] is the only artiste not to qualify for a buss pass, though but. The compilation may give the entirely inaccurate impression that the Afterword is for elderlies.
Last chance for shout-outs, and nobody wants to hear “why-oh-why didn’t they include [YOUR FAVOURITE]” whining.
(Hubes has kindly agreed to produce the cover artwork via his robot Etch-a-Sketch when the finalised tracklist is published, and Colin is cracking his knuckles at his typewriter. Happy days!)
Only if the Bonzos are on.
*sigh*
Every single musician/band/artist proposed for inclusion in this bit of a lark is white.
I know this is a lighthearted thread but nevertheless that is rather sad.
“Bit of a lark”? “Lighthearted”?
Are The Church white? I’ve never seen them.
I’ll give you one quess. Perhaps the album could be titled Crackers.
yep ,an ex Brit out front Steve Kilbey and a revolving band of white Aussies.
It’s a disgrace.
surely just the whole of ‘No Parlez’
Disc 1 – BOOO
Disc 2 – DOWWWWWW
That line-up in full!
The Beatles
David Bowie
Kate Bush
Elvis Costello
Van Morrison
Nick Lowe
Pink Floyd
Half Man Half Biscuit
Little Feat
Jackie Leven
King Crimson
Abba
Steely Dan
Roxy Music
Bonzo Dog Band
Nick Drake
XTC
Fairport Convention
Jethro Tull
Jason Isbell
Twenty exciting “rock and roll” tracks across four sides! And a more diverse range of acts you’d be hard pushed to find! I’m guessing he who would claim the Afterword is for elderlies is smiling on the other side of his face with egg on it now! Jason Isbell brings us bang into the twentieth century, with Half Man Half Biscuit representing the latest in “indie” sounds! And leggy lovely Kate Bush balances out the testosterone with her oh-so-feminine approach!
Yes, there’s “something for everyone” in this sumptuous double “L.P.”! When your grandchildren gather at your knee, asking “gwampy, what does an Afterword sound wike?” simply drop these discs on the spindle and watch their little faces light up with joy! And there’s a special limited brown and orange vinyl edition for you “collectors” out there!
(Hubes – lend credibility to this whole sorry initiative with a cover, please!)
Can I buy the special edition that doesn’t have Kate Bush, King Crimson, Abba, Roxy Music, Bonzo Dog ( none has aged less well), Jethro Tull, XTC, Nick Drake, Pink Floyd and the Beatles on it?
Of course! Simply send 438 guineas (plus ten shillings and sevenpence to cover post and packing) to me at the usual address and I’ll forward your Special Edit Edition with those tracks buffed out with a Dremel.
Buffed out with a Dremel? Absolute filth!
I bought my wife a dremel for Christmas – she locks herself away in the studio and all I hear are contented sighs…
I should add I had no idea what a dremel was until she oh so subtly hinted (by showing me the web page) it would make an ace prezzie…
I’m not going to google it. I want it to remain mysterious.
It’s all a bit woke really.
More like a bit sleepy. But that’s good, too.
Mr @h-p-saucecraft, as it’s late at night and no-one’s listening, may I raise a quibble about this list please?
If the aim is to compile a “Now That’s What I Call Afterword Friendly Music!” album and the one known rule states “to be included on this comp the act has to be familiar to most A-Worders.” I believe that the following deserve to be included:
Bruce Springsteen
Donovan
Prince
You will see that I have taken The Troublemaker’s thoughts on board. In fact, I would personally have nominated a further 3 contenders ( Jimi Hendrix, Marvin Gaye and Bob Marley) but a quick search of the “blog” indicates they are actually seldom mentioned, which certainly puts me in my place.
I know which 3 acts I would delete to accommodate my alternatives but I’m not saying.
I’m sorry, Peanuts, but the voting is closed! It was never going to be possible to please “all the people all of the time” (as P.T. Barnum so memorably put it!) but I like to think this very special double L.P. record (39s 11d at all good “record shops”) makes a pretty decent “fist” of representing the broad and diverse tastes of this lively online community!
Here’s hoping your choices appear on Vol. II!
Fist of Fury!
Each cover is lovingly hand-tooled and hand-crafted with a deemed and posted out under cover of darkness in a sturdy brown card package. Embossed on gilt is the wording ‘Personal Test Results to be opened by the recipient only’.
A masterpiece! I want one!!
Rather pitiful looking “glory hole” there.
This cold weather’s terrible.
…the “owner” looks thoroughly cheerful though but!
Oh I say.
Dremel not deemed.
shouldn’t the cover be a bespoke painting by @pencilsqueezer to make it even more AW friendly
A white male artist? I know this is a lighthearted thread but nevertheless that is rather sad.
Oh dear. Another rather sad comment by a white male.
That’s exactly the sort of comment you’d expect from a rather sad white male
I’d like to point out that the African-American community is represented by Sam Clayton, conga-botherer with the Little Feats. And sultry songstress Kate Bush was a womyns last time I looked, so that’s another so-called “minority” proud to march under the Afterword’s rainbow banner!
Notwithstanding the banter, there is plenty of love for jazz .blues, funk, reggae artists – all largely black artists. Well populated in youtube posts, album and concert reviews.
I merely offered up an observation. The reaction to that observation has been predictable and boorish. Quelle surprise.
Oh I say.
Oh for goodness sake
Heavens to Betsy.
The vapours!
The fainting couch!
Wot no Stackridge? Cancel my subscription etc.
You. Outside.
Well I asked but Bing wasn’t playing game, but who wouldn’t want this album?
In case we have any coulrophobia sufferers I decided not to put that one on.
Excuse me AI…I’d like a picture of a giant multicoloured pigeon jamming the decapitated head of a smiling hippy between two resting young lovers while Sir Keith Joseph seranades them at the foot of their bed.
I’ll go with the rest but there is no way that is a pigeon’s beak.
This is the best album artwork I have ever seen. Well, in this thread. at least.
A young Victoria Coren, a Rumours-era Lyndsey Buckingham, and some bloke out of Abba (possibly), being serenaded by Colin Harper! What could possibly go wrong?
This cover implies that young women might enjoy this music, so it’s a no from me. It might as well be a T***** S**** record.
She Who Must Not Be Named! (I mentioned her once but I think I got away with it.)
You’ve polarised me, you monster.
You can’t say p******** here, mate.
Still – Can, eh?
PHWOOOOAAAAARRRRGH!
Yeah – the offending words were Swiftly deleted.
H.P., are you like one of those blokes who pre-empt texts to radio presenters with the phrase, “I know you won’t read this but…”?
I don’t think I ever sent texts to radio presenters, unless you’re counting those dick pix to Kirsty Young?
No, you sent Dick’s Picks to Kirsty Young. No wonder she went off sick
I have some doubts about that, Moose…Kirsty Young is famous (even notorious) for her devotion to the mighty Grateful Dead. The only issue with sending her Dick’s Picks is that she has them all already, neatly filed in date order, on cassette!
Far from going off sick, she’d have been dancing around the kitchen in her underwear, singing “oh, frabjous day!” (Probably).
I am really pissed off that there is no Edgar Broughton on there – I will be boycotting this purchase.
Uh-oh. A Broughtie enters the chat.