Here’s an extract from a review published in the NME. No clues: no year, no journalist name – and I’ve redacted three words which might give it away. Please note that the odd-looking “mediocrity” is transcribed exactly as it appeared. MOR – oho!
Which album do you think is being reviewed?
“Much as I’d like to drag (…) up from the depths of MediOcRity and say (…) has found the candy floss and bubblegum appeal of once sadly boring acts like Dollar, I’m afraid to say that (…) has missed the boat…”
Scritti Politti – Cupid & Psyche 85?
The Police – Zenyatta Mondatta
Dare? Or the Lexicon of Love?
It can’t be the Lexicon of Love, as I don’t think that the writer is talking about a debut album.
And this album marked a change in direction, so Dare definitely might fit.
I’m going to suggest Style Council’s Cafe Bleu. A new band but not a new artist.
The Dead Kennedys – Too Drunk to Fuck?
Incidentally – ‘once sadly boring acts like Dollar’ – i wonder if that mean they’re no longer sadly boring?
I wondered that, too…
“NME – Masters of Syntax!”
Masters of Syntax – TMFTL.
Ah we talking “I’m grown up and like classical music now”, Paul Morley?
Any thoughts on what album was being reviewed, Vincent?
He had a thing for Dollar, IIRC. Otherwise, I’d say it was snark about Phil Collins’s “Face Value”.
I’m prepared to say that it is NOT a review of a Dollar album.
Is it a review of a Dollar EP or maxi single?
No – Dollar was a comparison, but not the subject.
I’ll give it about 24 hours in total – so I’ll be back to post the answer at about 13:00 GMT.
Perhaps if anyone gets/has got it right, I should send them a dollar…*
*(not really)
I could send my copy of The Dollar Album. It only cost me a
dollarquid.@fitterstoke
Is it rapper 50 cent?
I’m also going with Paul Morley (with the Morleyesque MediOcRity), who was at the NME from 1977 to 1983. Dollar were active from 1979 to 1982 so it has to be a band in this time frame. I initially thought it might be Bowie, but Morley was a great fan of his. So I will go with Queen and their album The Game.
Got to be something after Dollar, and before Morley left the NME. A relatively small window, so something from 1983 ..
Paul Young – No Parlez
Abba’s ‘The Visitors’?
It’s so obviously Reek of Putrefaction by Carcass.
Number of the Beast Iron Maiden?
It’s Diamond by Spandau Ballet
To be fair, I don’t think even the Spands like Diamond.
I know this much is true
Please tell me it’s not the no-hits, my world will turn on its axis if it is… I’d be on the dreadfully dour Manc dodger’s side!
Believe me, that has NEVER happened before.
“up from the depths of MediOcRity and say” is it The Bends?
Kate Bush, The Dreaming. Hahalol.
Let’s Dance or Rio
I’m going for Let’s Dance.
No, Let’s Dance had a very positive review by CSM, if I recall correctly.
In that case I will plump for Yes – 90125.
Dollar’s fortunes were revived by Trevor Horn – so it’ll be one of his other projects; I’ll take a punt at Malcolm McLaren and his “World Famous Supreme Team”
Well, I note that we have a correct answer above – so we’ll finish early.
The reveal:
The album being reviewed was The Dreaming by Kate Bush
The journalist was Leyla Sanai, writing in the NME in September 1982
And HP Saucecraft wins the white carnation! Care to say a few words to the audience, HP?
I am astonish. I’m not up on ‘eighties music, but I know the writhing vipers nest of Bush Love that is the Afterword and considered it a Good Joke.
I will, in that spirit, wear my white carnation between the silky pillows of my butt cheeks.
Well, if I’d known that was your intention, I’d have baked a cake!
But surprising, but did get fairly lukewarm reviews at the time and sold poorly, now regarded as possibly her masterpiece (either that or the massively successful follow up Hounds of Love)
Well, yes – lukewarm, maybe – but suggesting that La Bush hadn’t dragged herself up to the artistic level of Dollar…well, all that suggests to me is that the NME had decided on a hatchet job before the reviewer was even passed the LP.
And yes: I bought it at the time and still consider it to be her masterpiece, so maybe I’m biased.
I was an avid reader of the NME up to 1984. It got to be hard work, though. The double-think by both the journalists and readers got me oriented to the post-modernism that would be so hip in the next few years (at least in my bit of Edinburgh University). And I always thought Fucks Bizz and Dollar were toss, though they were clearly the bands ABBA could have been.
I suspect that HP used a new technology occasionally called Artifice Intelligence (which is powered by Google) to get that lucky guess just right.
Appalling, if true – it’s an honour thing!
What a scurrilous slur, sir! Take back those words or it’s pistols at dawn!
*whacks Leedsboy’s face with haddock*
I miss the knowing clever clogs school of journalism, a well crafted demolition something of some joy. Or even just a witty put down. Has to be bloody good, though, to avoid being just a formulaic snark. A detailed negative carries more information ( and love) than a blurred Polaroid of the press release.Try telling that to any editor or publisher, mind, these days.
I confess, I don’t miss that school of journalism one bit – but then you could tell that, couldn’t you? 🙂
IMHO, It was formulaic snark much more often than witty put-down, certainly toward the end.