In the Blatter thread, Vulpes suggests that since we invented the game, we make some changes to the rules, sorry Laws, of the sport.
I think this is an excellent suggestion. I propose the following to stamp the inherently English origin of football back on the game.
This is what I propose:
1. Insist that all players wear woolen shirts and plus two trousers.
2. Rename positions such as Midfielder to Yeoman Half-Eighths and Striker to Advanced Bowman Major.
3. Insist that all transfers are calculated in Guineas and paid as their Farthing amount.
4.The pitch be the same size and dimensions as the graveyard of Winchester Cathedral. Graves and headstones an optional extra that the Home team may impose.
5. The goals should be unfeasibly small at one end and unfeasibly large at the other.
6. Only one “half” known as a “half” should be played. Thereby, giving the team winning the toss and choosing to kick towards the unfeasibly large goal an unfair advantage.
Addendum to law: Needless to say, that any English team winning the toss will always choose to kick towards the unfeasibly small goal, handing an outrageous advantage to their opponents.
Gentlemen and Ladies (if they be present) I commend these changes to the house. Thus restoring the proper role of lopsidedness, gentlemanliness and the capricious mechanism of Fate to its rightful place at the heart of our beautiful game
Any other suggestions for rules of Sports various to be redrawn under more nationalistic guidelines welcomed herewith and heretofore.