I put my hand up six weeks ago.
After 40 years, I put my hand up and asked a question.
“Can you help me? Because I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
Luckily, the person sitting three feet from me was a GP.
“I can,” he said.
He sat and listened to me for twenty minutes, moving his chair so that he was directly in my eye line, even though I couldn’t make any eye contact. It’s a symptom of my depression.
He was wonderful. An anti-depressant prescription and a referral to Talking Therapies. He gave me his mobile number and told me to come back in two weeks. When I shook his hand he held mine in both of his. I looked into his eyes for the first time.
“ Trust me, that was the hardest thing you will ever do. That twenty minutes has taken you fourty years to get to but you will look back someday and it will be the best thing you have ever done. Well done.”
A week later I asked to speak to a particular lady in H.R at work. She could see I was distressed, got me a cup of tea and took me into a room. Three hours later we had both shed tears as I told her about my depression, my suicide attempt in ’94, (she remembered me being off work for a few weeks but had no idea why) and my viral pneumonia of two years ago which robbed me of so much.
And of Des’s death and everything that had come with it.
She was wonderful, and has been ever since. My immediate bosses were brought in and were caring and considerate too.
Six weeks in and my friend’s funeral has passed, the Citalopram is working brilliantly and the therapy has started.
I find myself humming when I get up at 5.30am. My wife says I have become such fun to be around. I am enjoying my job and the people I work with.
I realise I am one of the lucky ones. Perhaps I knew that, after 42 years working for the same company, the right people would react in the right way.
My love of my music has never left me. In the depths of the worst black pit, the worst dark hole, music is always with me.
This has been my ‘getting better’ song, this past six weeks. I have adored it since Tusk came out, swooned over Stevie’s voice, marvelled at Mick and John’s syncopation and wallowed in the sadness of the lyric.
Anyway, I know I still have some friends on here, so I just wanted to let you know why I’ve been away. Please post your own ‘getting better’ songs in the thread. You never know, I might find another gem to wrap myself up in.