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If The Afterword Massive were to form a political party for the General Election what would be called and what would our policies be?

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Down with the Tories and up with Prog.

Other more politically related opinions are welcomed!

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  3. Anyone who has a friend or family member affected by cancer, heart disease, stroke, dementia, one of the myriad of genetic diseases, or any other condition currently in need of better treatment, shall be allowed to bitch-slap anti-vivisectionists.

  13. Prime Minister – The Right Hon Sir Paul Maccington de-la-thumbsaloft-waheyy! McCartney

    The other cabinet positions will be filled by specific experts in their field with full autonomy (see below). The Govt’s official title will change to “Sir Paul McCartney’s UK Government”

    Home Secretary – Morrissey and Sir Paul McCartney
    Chancellor – Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney
    Education – Roger Waters and Sir Paul McCartney
    Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster – Kevin from Musical Youth and Sir Paul McCartney
    Lord Privy Seal – Adamski
    Culture Secretary – Any remaining members of Scaffold and Sir Paul McCartney.
    Defence Secretary – James Blunt and Sir Paul McCartney
    Minister without Portfolio – Sir Richard Starkey.

  14. Breaking News is that Kevin from Musical Youth has sensationally resigned! “The post just doesn’t make sense!” he said to a close friend. “I’m a 10 year old boy from 1982 and it strikes me that I only got this job because “Duchy” is in the title! “.

    Sir Paul has responded with all best wishes and a thumbs up emoji to Kevin. “Hey! Look – no hard feelins from me. I’ll just keep an eye on things while I look around for someone else to take the role. Might take a bit of time, but don’t worry – I’m totally across this.”

  17. Roger Waters is another dissenter, it seems. He tweets – “What the fuck is this? I thought I made it clear in my hit single from late 1979 that I don’t really rate education at all. No idea why Sir Paul chucks this portfolio at me. I’d have thought I’d be the last person to appoint. I’m not even an elected politician!”

    Sir Paul responded: “Hey Rog! It’s all cool, y’know…receiving you loud and clear, my friend! I’m in the corner now, with me Dunce hat on, yer know what I mean!?! (They actually had them hats when we were lads, eh?). It’s somethin I can look after while me team werks out ‘oo to ask next. By the end of the yurrr, we’ll probably have someone doing the job but in the meantime I’ll just oversee the department.”

    • Given they are both well known to Macca, surely Dear prudence or Mean Mr Mustard would both be better choices as CotE?

      MMM would probably just shade it for keeping “a ten bob note up his nose”,
      Presumably in case of global financial crashes

  20. Final (fast-forwarded) instalment.

    Prime minister Sir Paul McCartney releases details of his cabinet reshuffle just a day after taking office. In a good-natured presser outside Number 10, he is accompanied at the podium by Ringo, who smiles broadly and occasionally flashes peace signs as Sir Paul talks:

    “Er …yeah! So thank yooo ladies and gentlemen for coming to our little (head wobble) ‘soirée’ ! You may have ‘eard that some of me Cabinet appointments have been put on ice for now….”
    Ringo (leans over to the mic) – “ALL of yer Cabinet appointments”
    Paul – (laughs) “er…yeah! ALL of me Ministers have been in touch to say that they were flattered, y’know, and everything…but weren’t quite ready for high office. Which is cool with us, like.” (shrug)
    Ringo – (leans in again) “Peace and Luv!”
    Paul – “So…me and be old pal ‘ere are going to be running things. For now. It’s all cool. Y’know, when we were in the Beeeatuls, we are a huge global concehrn, y’know. And I ran all of that meself!
    Ringo nods in agreement.
    Paul – “So me and ‘im are gonna give it a whirl in thurr (gestures to No 10) and we’ll see what ‘appens and get things movin’ ! As John once said, All you need is love!”
    Ringo – (leans in) “Peace and l…”
    Paul – “Yeah yeah we know, Ring, we KNOW. Ey! Talking of getting things movin’ – that line in Hey Jude where I sing ‘the movement you need is on your shoulder…’ yeah? Well…those words were just meant to be meaningless placeholders but John said ‘it’s the best line in the song!’ …so it stayed. Anyway back in ‘amburg we ‘ad to do 15 shows a day and….”

    (Everyone wanders off)

  22. “Level up” the country’s live music scene. All venues to have a PA System and Backline grant – no more knackered old 4×12 cabs.

    New touring bands motorway network directly linking the UK’s music venues for easy touring. No chance to get lost on the ring-road, as every motorway junction takes you straight to the venue loading bay. All to be constructed with no sharp corners, and lane widths suitable for overloaded Transit vans.

    Northampton Roadmenders to the Camden Falcon, to St Austell Coliseum, to Dudley J.B.s, to Nottingham Rock City, to King Tuts Wah Wah Hut, to Bath Moles club, to Cambridge Boat Race, etc.

  23. STFU at gigs to be enforced in law
    Bragging about your charity shop purchases on social media to recognised as a mental illness
    As above, but posting your Wordle score
    Every album must include at least one song in 13/8 time
    Everyone must rank everything in their house from favourite to least favourite, including their children, and maintain updated lists.
    National anthem to become the whistling bit from Wind of Change by Scorpions
    University entrance criteria to be based on knowledge of Kinks’ B-sides 1965-76
    Paul McCartney to be quietly replaced (again) by MI5 when he dies (again)

  24. Good spell in the Army, plus National Service, for all jessies. Thugs get the Findhorn treatment. That’ll have them seeing the error of their ways.

    A new A level qualification in the NME 1973 to 1985, with the option of a degree and post-graduate progression. No child to not be familiar with the works of The Kinks, David Bowie, the first 20 years of Stevie Wonder, and, if scientifically inclined, Hawkwind.

    ELP’s “Jerusalem” as the national anthem for England.

    Juke boxes to return to all pubs and cafes, but to have a mandatory option of a silent track, as well as Songs by Napalm Death and Daniel O’Donnell.

    All national institutions designed around classic situation comedies set in them (hospitals, “Carry On” films, public transport, “On the Buses”, etc).

    (I wrote this unaware of Chiz’s contribution. Seems we’re onto something.)

  26. Where there are fuckwits may we bring silence.
    Where there are songs may we bring concept albums with gatefold sleeves.
    Where there are movies may we bring clear and well enunciated dialogue.
    Where there is discord may we bring Al Green.
    Where there are people having a good time may we bring Captain Beefheart.

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