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How YOU doin’?

by 216 Comments

It is a tradition on the Afterword (started I think by the wonderful Hannah many aeons ago) to have a check-in thread for the massive to weigh their wellbeing, share their sorrows and joys, to settle in on the comfy sofa by the fire and oof out a bit.

We’re all getting on a bit, even those who kid themselves they are not. Energy isn’t always what it was.

In spite of recent gripes and grievances, we’re a friendly bunch when we confide in each other – (manly hug for Dai here, mute button on the phone for VV, secret Santa presents between Jaygee and Si…)

Let yourselves in, take a mug of something warming and let us all know how life has been for you in 2024.

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3

Comments

  1. I hate Christmas. Seems to be nothing but a source of anxiety from a range of directions every year.
    Quite a few years ago I posted about a reconciliation with my son after a 4 year excommunication following my leaving the marriage. The response on here was heartwarming. . We have been pretty tight but recently he exploded about various misdemeanours of mine, as he saw them, during his upbringing and of course the marriage breakup of nearly 20 years ago. . With what seemed like a letter of demand requesting a full explanation for all he he has cited. ( He’s a lawyer) We’ve been over this stuff all before and I’ve apologised for what I thought warranted and defended what I thought warranted. It feels like cancel culture and I have had some counselling about it. I am not sure there is a way back.
    5 years ago I got results which resulted in me being operated on post haste and my left lacrimal sac ( tear duct) being removed., caused disfigurement, minor others would say and constant weeping- the drainage hole is gone. But it saved the eye I keep telling myself. Scroll forward and I have just been informed I have a “ moderately” aggressive skin cancer on my scalp. He wants to operate ASAP , so its Thursday.
    Maybe it is December that is the problem.
    Despite all this is has been a good year. Mrs Wells and I moved into our newly built house at Inverloch , not Scotland, close to the southernmost tip of Aussie mainland. Winter was no problem, next is the test of an Aussie summer. .
    I have started doing a radio show down here. 2 hours 6 pm Tuesdays. Whatever I want from my collection. No idea how many listeners. Very few I expect but it has been good.
    So, mixed results then.

    • You have at least one regular listener – it makes the ideal soundtrack for database mangling.

      I think I agree about Christmas. Every year I just feel impending dread for weeks, then watch as Mrs F gets delfated by the whole festive build-up/less-than-fairy-tale reality. Honestly, I don’t want to sound like a Miss World contestant, but what I want is World Peace instead of more socks.

        • That’s a big bummer pal. If it helps, Mrs thep has a long history of moderately aggressive skin cancers and has bounced back from all of them. Lately it involves putting on some shit stuff called Efudex on her face (or Edufux as I call it), which makes her look like she’s been stung by a whole swarm of bees, but it passes. I guess you’ll be joining the rest of us in the slaphead club for a while?

          Anyhow, we theps will be rooting for you.

    • Your post really chimed with me Junior. About 8 years ago I took my son (now 34) to Barcelona for a long weekend – a chance for us to enjoy some man time – record shops. Sightseeing and beer – lots of it.
      I was gobsmacked on the second night when he told me that his childhood wasn’t as good as I thought it was. It stunned me – he was 5 when his mum and I split up and 9 years old when my current wife and I had our daughter – his half sister. We always tried to be inclusive and he stayed at our house every weekend, came on holiday every year but not to the long haul destinations that apparently were the stumbling block which 24 years later is a problem that persists in his mind. After the Barcelona visit it was pushed under the carpet I think mistakenly as it ate away at mr for the intervening years and I suspect for him too.
      He has been living in Iceland for the last 6 years.and I visit most years and we also arrange family holidays that I pay for to ensure continuation with his sister who he gets on very well with (she has also visited him in Iceland separately). On my most recent visit to Iceland last month I vowed I was going to address our Barcelona conversation with him which I did. I had thought that part of his problem was that he had misunderstood the reasons and chronology of mine and his mums breakup. Turns out this was not the case and the bugbear was and remains that he wasn’t included in the ‘exotic’ holidays we went on. There are reasons for this both financial and practical and I can admit in hindsight that I probably didn’t handle in the best way. I have apologised but not entirely sure that this has completely erased the issue for him.. On the surface it would seem we are okay but I am not so sure we will ever be where i thought we were.

    • One keen listener here in South Gloucestershire, Junes. 🙂

      Perfect for extended Afterword scribbling sessions, old chum! Nice to hear some Heptones, Spear and the rest the other day – the weather here this week is both windy AND wet, so some reggae acts like vitamin D for the ears.

    • I also hate Christmas. Actually, hate is now far too strong a word because I realised that I hated the whole of December because of the impending ‘doom’ which didn’t seem right. I worked all year and I should have been able to have a nice relaxed break but couldn’t see further than the 26th Dec to look forward to it. I think it was made worse by the fact that everyone around me seemed to be looking forward to it (I’m sure I wasn’t alone though!) It simply didn’t seem fair.
      Eventually, I took the plunge and emailed all my family and said I wasn’t going to ‘do’ christmas any more, so no more present buying, no more thanking people for stuff I don’t want/need. It worked. It turned out I wasn’t the only person on my distribution list that felt the same way.
      I’m now looking forward to just over a week off when Mrs JW and I can do what we want, when we want. The only reason to have planned anything is in case I decide I want to do a bit of DIY when all the shops are shut!

      • I lost interest in Christmas many years ago and it’s been just another normal day to me for decades now. Tinsel and a tree and presents don’t play any part in it. I have friends with young kids who understandably make a big deal of it, it’s a wonderful thing for kids (and great for adults who like that kind of thing). I also have friends who, like me, simply can’t be bothered with it. Thing is, the whole Christmas shtick is so very deeply ingrained in our upbringing that I’m sure there are many people who view ignoring it as sad. Which is a bit annoying as there’s nothing remotely sad about it.

        • I’ve done a few Xmas’s on my ownsome and they were OK.
          I like the family-getting-together aspect of Xmas, but then my close family are all reasonably good company and the distant ones are in fact distant, so I don’t need to think about them. It’s especially promising now that my youngest nephew’s kids are past that age for noisy meltdowns due to excess sugar and overtiredness.
          I like the big ‘ol turkey dinner with a glass of bubbly and the red wine to follow. I like the silly party games in the early evening. The sillier the better, for me.
          I’ll probably nod off in front of the TV again at some point. Hope I don’t snore. Hope there’s something decent to watch on the TV.

  2. Bumbling along a path strewn with anxieties and frustrations.
    A year where nothing much really happened was capped off two weeks ago by the passing of my dog (still got the other two which is both a help and a hindrance).
    Sill upright, still breathing, so we go again
    (Sounds trite, but just keep going – something might happen)

    • Our 12 year old dalmatian has developed German Shepard syndrome (degenerative myelopathy) which means that her legs are gradually losing touch with her brain and it’s horrible to watch knowing that it will only get worse. She’s not in pain, apparently, and still up for a walk but it’s a short and very wobbly one these days (much like myself!)

      Even when you’ve always had dogs and you know what comes along every few years, it’s still never easy.

  3. It’s been the year when age caught up with me at last physically at least. Arthritis in both hips with my right hip being completely knackered and awaiting replacement, the left not so bad but on it’s way and recently my hips have been joined by my left wrist acting up. Oddly this has coincided with a marked uptick in my mental health. I am a mystery even unto myself. My world has effectively shrunk to the four walls of my flat. I venture out only when absolutely necessary as it’s become so painful to walk and yet I have adjusted to this new reality, accepted it and found that for now at least I can cope. It gets damn lonely though I must admit. Anyway onto happier things.
    I think I have finally reached a point of contentment with my audio upgrades. This has meant that I have turned my attention to aquirring stupid quantities of CDs. A state of affairs that is bringing me enormous pleasure. I have determined to fill my remaining days with as much beauty as one individual can handle and as far as this individual is concerned that’s a fuck of a lot. So art music, books, film…bring it on.
    Hopefully sometime towards the tail end of 2025 my right hip will be fixed and if nothing else intervenes I will be able to contemplate raising my gaze and being out in the world a little more but even more important than that on a personal level just to be pain free and able to paint once again would be wonderful. A few more years of vandalising paper would be just the ticket.
    Finally I am quietly delighted to have rejoined this community even if a little tentatively, you really are a pretty lovely lot on the whole so thanks for putting up with me.
    Peter.

  4. Last year after nearly 20 years I gave up my allotment this year it was the gym. Those who have met me know me by my shuffling walking gait as my right leg worsens due to a rare medical condition. I was contacted by the hospital in October to come for a talk about the sciatica which affects my left leg and if they could do anything about it.

    I was a bit confused as I didn’t recall asking for a referral, it turned out my doctor had referred me in November 23 and it had taken until now to be contacted, luckily I’d been contacted by email as the attached letter was addressed to my old address somewhere I haven’t lived for 23 years. I was told I could have a nerve block but it wouldn’t be until the new year, luckily two weeks after there was a cancellation and I was in, needle in back home and rest. The sciatica is still painful but my right leg works better now less of the strange gait.

    Oh and I was 70 last week.

  5. It’s been a funny old year. Still trying to sell my bachelor pad to move us from 6 years of financial struggles to becoming debt free and comfortable. Our youngest has just turned 6 and we’ve struggled since he was born. We’ve had a number of false dawns and it feels like we’re no nearer an end to the process.

    This time last year I was very low and stress was keeping me awake at night; work stuff, health and financial stress were getting on top of me.

    In early September I was able to recognise that I was feeling much healthier and stronger than the start of the year, then out of the blue, I had an episode where I lost consciousness and fell followed a month or so later with major disabling dizzy episodes three weeks in a row. My excellent GP sent me to A&E and I ended up spending 5 days in hospital. I hadn’t been overnight in hospital in 50 years. To credit the Irish health system I had a multitude of tests and, as my friend Joe said, you got a clean bill of health apart from whatever is wrong with you. They reckon it’s either vertigo or delayed concussion from the original incident. A real wake up call anyway.

    Home and family is good. We had a great holiday at Centreparcs in one of the best weeks of the year. My kids are developing into really good all rounders. My wife and I get very little time for US which takes a toll. We vow to do more together but it’s not happening often enough.

    I’ve upgraded my Den stereo system at net zero cost by flogging old gear and buying bargains. It’s been a satisfying process and time spent listening to music there is an oasis of calm. I sold a good guitar to fund our holiday but bought two really nice electro acoustics which have me playing more.

    My regular football game of the last few years has died off and I haven’t replaced it with any regular exercise. I need to pay more attention to this (see above).

    Out of the blue, during my recent hospital stay, my nephew rang to see how I was. He seemed genuinely worried. During our conversation he asked whether I’d consider retiring from work at 60 (next year) rather than 65 which is on my distant horizon. He went on to say that he’s in the process of a multi million sale of his company (with two others) and his in intention has been to “look after”, all of the family. He said that he aims to give me enough money to retire at 60 so I can spend those years with my kids. I couldn’t believe it but I should find out by February how real a prospect this is. Apparently the sale process is quite advanced. Obviously this would be a game changer for our family and my mind has wandered quite a bit since our conversation. I can’t see a downside.

    That’s a fair summary of where I’m at right now.

    • He set up his business four years ago just before the first lockdown here in Ireland. I was at a gig with him and my sister – Supergrass to be precise – and they both had decided to start businesses. There is no history of entrepreneurship in our family so I was very impressed and pleased for them. My sister’s business was doing well then one partner angled the others out as their projects were about to reap serious dividends. She was glad to get out of it and doesn’t seem as bitter as I would be.

      The nephew said back then that he intended to work his backside off with the aim of selling up and never having to work again after the age of 40. He has a partner and young son. It seems like he’s nearly there. I lived with him and his mother for a few years in his early teens having moved back from London. I was a bit of a father figure as his dad was away in the States since he was born. Not that he owes me anything but I hope for all of us that his plan works. I had never considered early retirement as an option but the idea is very appealing having had the possibility floated there recently. Watch this space next December.

    • Wow that’s a lucky break Bamber. Hopefully it’ll sort out the night time stress – I’m a fellow sufferer. If I have nothing real to worry about my brain cooks something up at I wake at 4am, heart racing, with no idea why. Very annoying.

      • Sorry to hear that @Twang To be honest, it’s my recently prescribed Vertigo meds that deprive me of sleep recently. My external stressors are quite similar to this time last year but I’m physically and mentally in better condition to deal with them so they’re not tormenting me and colouring my mood as much. Last year was quite a low for me. Here’s to a positive 2025 for all the good souls on this site.

  6. As posted elsewhere some difficult stuff right now. But also posted that it was a great year for gigs

    Now have an 18 yr old at home which is somewhat challenging.

    Her mother has financial difficulties and I, perhaps, foolishly have helped her out. Hopefully that situation will be improved in 2025.

    Work has been ok, high pressured at time. Am just hanging on really until I can stop. Redundancy in a couple of years would be nice

    Other hopes for 2025, good health for everyone I know (physically and mentally), a Liverpool title win and Wales finally remember to win a rugby game again.

  7. It’s been a year. I think I’m at the stage of life where I just take whatever life gives me, good or bad, and just keep truckin’ along.

    My neuropsych released me from his care. The end result is that my brain and its operations won’t ever be the same that they were, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Put in the necessary coping mechanisms and support from my wife, and move along.

    This is the end of our penultimate year here in Alice; this time next year I expect we’ll be in Texas setting up a new life in retirement. There’s still a life to be led here, but I find my attention wandering more and more to Texas – housing, lifestyle, doctors. I really should let it go, but it nags at me.

    As I head into the last year, I’m at the point of deciding that if something bring me happiness or enjoyment at some level, I’m very likely to just give it away. I’ve warned my boss I’m one idiot away from not coming in the next day and I’ll spend my time walking the dog, going to the gym and watching sport on the tv.

    Our life is good, and health issues to one side there’s very little to complain about I suppose.

  8. Been a pretty good year on the whole. Had three months in Blighty earlier in the year, which as always was a mixture of joy at seeing the fam (especially the twins) at weekends and gloom and boredom at rattling around on my own in the flat 4 days a week, the combination of shit weather and not enough puff keeping me inside. The good news is that I’m not going next year, because my daughter + hub + twins are coming out here in August, hurrah hurrah! So looking forward to it, showing them my groovy ‘hood, introducing them to my new friends, etc. My daughter has never quite given up hope that I’ll go back one day for good, and I’m hoping that the fact that I obviously have a good life (not mention a good wife) here will convince her, and remind her that she really really doesn’t want to be looking after me when I’m even older and more infirm. Apart from anything else, the healthcare is a million times less frustrating – none of that 8am sweepstakes to get a GP appointment, it’s more ‘what time would you like to come in?’*

    Otherwise, an increasing amount of my time is taken up with Fiddle Faddling and playing backgammon, both of which make me inordinately happy. Nothing new on the health front**, the COPD as tedious as ever, especially in the summer and the high humidity. It was 32 degrees and 99% humidity the other day, at which point I retreat into the man cave and turn on the aircon. It comforts me to know that the natives find it just as difficult.

    As it happens I had my annual lung function test this morning, and the result was that I’m no worse than I was last year, which counts as a win, and actually better on one or two indicators. So onward and upwards…

    *this may be a slight exaggeration.

    **apart from the fact that my delightful prostate specialist has signed my off after 8 years. I’ll miss her.

  9. Like one or two others here, my age is catching up with me, though a bit of weight loss has made me more mobile, if not more agile. Walking distances even further reduced due to ankle pain (arthritis).
    Finances slightly less good, but ticking along OK for the most part. Still getting my annual Winter Fuel Payment from the Gov’t. I’ve just renewed my flat tenancy agreement, with no increase in rent which was unexpected, again. It hasn’t increased for at least 7 years and that’s good news. Obviously my landlord’s South-of-Spain lifestyle is keeping their mood good. Parking issues with new-ish neighbours. No big rows, just annoyance with their more-than-occasional thoughtlessness.
    Car insurance renewal coming up just after New Year and I now have 3 points on my license due to a speeding ticket. My car Saabrina is behaving reasonably well considering her age. Road Tax is now eye-wateringly expensive despite the poor condition of the roads hereabouts.

    Lots of new music acquired and plenty of cheap local(ish) gigs gone to.

    I finally decided to do something about my old-man prostate annoyances, which are always at their worst in cold weather. Recent blood and urine test results are OK, I’m glad to report. I’m temporarily on some alpha-blocker tablets but they don’t seem to be improving anything, just making me sleepy in the daytime. Doctor’s appointment on Dec 17th to review prescription and check progress. A probable finger-up-bum check is on the cards. Hope she warms her hand first.

    Landlord’s flat inspection this coming Friday afternoon. No problems envisaged.
    Four more cheap/free gigs to see 2024 out. It’s been a mostly good year for those.
    Family Xmas at nephew’s house in Welwyn Garden City. I’ll be supplying the wine. Pressie buying decisions now becoming urgent. Books for my sister and vouchers for young ‘uns.
    Nothing whatsoever planned for NYE, except to keep things that way.

  10. Best of time, worst of times, innit?

    The last several years have often been a struggle. In 2018 The Light’s attempts to look after her ailing father, an awful man at the best of times, brought her head to head with her brother and led to a breakdown that kept her off work for 6 months. She wasn’t long back, and still recovering (she’s still recovering now), when Covid hit. She’s frontline NHS so that put a dent in 2020/21. Then in 2022 both of our fathers died and the next couple of years was a patient wait for probate on her father’s estate to be sorted, a tense process as that toxic brother was the executor.

    It the end her share of the estate, along with the proceeds from selling my flat (still not complete, but we shall skirt over that) enabled us to move to a new town to a house and location that we both love. Despite the conveyancing process being beyond stressful, leading to highs and lows at least the equal of any of the trauma of the previous few years, it has all come good. There are interesting shops and cafes, 3 lively arts venues, several interesting pubs, and all in walking distance of our front door. It is so great to be living somewhere with a pulse. In addition, and trying not to count chickens, once the money from my flat comes through we will have some proper disposable income for the first time in either of our lives. The uncertainty over where we would be and when meant we did less travelling than normal but we managed to fit in plenty of gigs and shows.

    Before the move I had always lived alone. I’m 57 so having someone else in the house is taking some getting used to. But she still commutes to her hospital, and I mostly work from home. She gets the social interaction she really needs and doesn’t mind the commute if I do the bulk of the housework and the cooking. Trust me, it really is for the best if I do the cooking. I get the huge amounts of time alone that I need to function.

    Reading others’ posts reminds that I should be grateful that I remain in robust health and am still, to the best of my knowledge, untouched by Covid. Two old friends of mine have successfully been treated for cancer this year so it’s something I should never take for granted.

    Same time next year, everyone? I’m hoping for a good one!

  11. As Ms Armatrading puts it, I’m lucky. And, fingers crossed, unless God is reading this and considers a blue touch paper, long may it last.
    Retired fully and finally in March, with zero regrets and no rear view mirror nostalgia whatsoever. Having wound down over a number of years, no great bump or bounce. I was expecting it to be harder, but the timing coincided with the wife too hitting pensionable and mortgage dusted. The sums balance. Thoughts of downsizing are off; too much expense for the luxury of having to get rid of rather too much stuff; well wait till we have to(!)
    Health is kind, at least for me. The joys of Ehler-Danlos are cutting swathes through my wife’s stamina: it is a given I will attend gigs and festivals solo, as she is shattered by 6 most days. Luckily the cold water swimming she adores is therapeutic and still possible, we relishing our regular immersions. Eryri in January? Bring it on!
    Talking of festivals, I managed 4 last year, courtesy my increasing side hustle of reviewing. As long as I scrawl a few thoughts, I can get admission to many, with that also funding my ridiculous incoming of new music. With a concomitantly ridiculous set of deadlines. But I love it, and, if they paid me, I’d do it for twice what they do. Planning next years selection already!
    Wishing good to all of you, an increasing number I know and think of as real friends now, too. Much better hit rate than the workplace, finding the pleasure of erstwhile workmates something of little appeal; it really does feel a page turned. Have other retirees found similar!!!
    Cool jül, one and all, and a bonny 2025. If we’re spared.

  12. The last year has been interesting. Work had been a progressively toxic experience with certain senior stakeholders (apologies for the corporate language – but it feels suitably vague enough). My boss was giving me no support whatsoever (despite telling me I was doing a good job).
    At the start of the year, an ex-colleague contacted me about a contracting role whch was interesing – mainly becasue it was straightforward and I could do it) I negotiated a way out of the my role that provided me with a little bit of a buffer and have been doing this since April. It’s fine.
    I have also set up a company and have managed to get a small contract advising a company. I really enjoy this and will look to build in this part. Part of me regrets not tackling the behaviours at work more formally but the bigger part of me did not want to take that amount of emotional effort out of myself.

    The kids did well in their GCSEs – better than expected. They worked hard and deserved it. Both are now at college pursuing what they want to do. They are nice teenagers that have occasional moments. Like we all do.

    We had a nice holiday this year as well. Sun and rest. Need to do more of that.

    I think I am planning my retirement. I am 57. I probably need to go for a few more years but I am at that point where it’s doable.

    At the end of October my Mum died. She went to bed after a good day with her friends and didn’t wake up. It was a shock and I am now without any parents. But I know I was very lucky to have the time I had with them.

    I probably feel older than I have ever done. Which is pretty obvious I know but its more than the physical. Which I need to do more about.

    A mixed year – averaging out well but with more peaks and troughs than I am used to. I didn’t mention that our cat got beyond frail this year and we had to have him put down. 19 years he had been with us and the house is not the same. Small things matter.

    One last thing. Pencilsqueezer is right about Keith Jarrett. For 57 years I didn’t know. But now I do. If you haven’t listened the The Köln Concert, you should. And thank Peter later.

  13. I’m okay, thanks for asking. It’s been a quiet year, but an uneventful modest existence suits me just fine. I seem to have had multiple nagging health issues, but they are just part of the joy of old age and are nothing compared to what others on here are going through. I have a lot to be thankful for. I became vegetarian this year after lots of half-hearted dabbling. I’m not precious about it, and do eat fish occasionally (which I suppose makes me pescatarian) but the older I’ve got the more uncomfortable I’ve become about eating animals.

    I’m also a natural worryer and have found that the daily onslaught of awful global events has begun affecting my mental health. As a result I have decided to switch it all off. I no longer read or watch the news and have reduced my online presence to an absolute minimum. There’s a lot to be said for burying your head in the sand and fumbling around in blissful ignorance. I walk as much as I can, both on my own and with Mrs B, and there’s nothing to beat the great outdoors as food for the soul. Give me a patch of grass to sit on under a tree and I’m a happy man.

    I still visit the AW most days and make the occasional amusing contribution (well, it makes me laugh anyway). I’d like to wish everyone on here a happy Christmas and a peaceful 2025.

    • I’m with you on the news front. The next four years in America could easily break some of the fundamentals that keep us all safe. I used to follow the punditry on MSNBC and CNN but can’t bear it now.

      Also, thank you for the kind words further down. All will be well in the end, I’m sure. Look after yourself too.

  15. It’s not been the best of years.

    I turned 60 in March, triggering a rush of realisation that barring accidents and illness I had at best another 20 years of reasonably active life. The previous 20 years having sped by. I was only 40 about 5 years ago? Surely?

    Like others here I have a history of lumbar (L4 disk) grumbles. 6 years ago I suffered from severe sciatica which after treatment led me to attempt simple yoga and Pilates to help alleviate and strengthen my core. This had evolved into a series of regular stretches a few times a week and regular long walks. I felt smug I had cured the issue. Not in the least of it. In April while mowing the back lawn I felt a very strange pull at the base of my spine. That afternoon I was wracked with sciatic pain and almost in tears. Rising from a sitting position to walk along the landing to the toilet took me 10 minutes. My gasping pain and looks of panic made my 18 year old daughter fall into sobs.

    Anyway, I‘ve been coping with a slowly improving situation since then and I await the call to attend for surgery to cut away the herniation that still protrudes. I can function and walk, but not more than a mile. My left leg becomes very numb.

    All this while acting as Carer for my wife who some of you are aware endured a life changing operation some 5 years ago which has adversely affected her mobility. She works full time, can drive, etc but can’t bend very well or walk anywhere too far without the use of a stick. I do all the housework etc and make sure she’s OK when we’re out. So, that was a difficult few weeks while my sciatica and pain begun to subside.

    What I felt more than anything earlier this year was rage. Rage at my body for fucking me up so royally after I had been consciously and conscientiously looking after it after the trouble 6 years ago. I resented it hugely. How dare my body do this to me in return?

    The main result of it all is that we have been stuck in one place for the bulk of the year. I cannot commute into any of the London offices I use so I’m WFH. My employers have been undeniably wonderful since the get go. Just stay where you are until you’re fit enough, we understand. So I’m lucky to have a job that allows that. However the job itself can be desperately tedious. Time drags and the four walls don’t change much. I find I’ve dropped into a very repetitive daily routine. Day after day can be almost precisely the same and I feel a little spaced out and desperate at times.

    Also recently my brother and I have become closer than we ever have been. He’s 15 years older than me. He had married and left home while I was still at Primary school so we’ve never been tightly close. We’d liked each other. Then I left entirely, to London from Newcastle when I was 20 or so and we’d only see each other 2 or 3 times a year after that. He was diagnosed with dementia in 2022. Naturally we all made efforts to support him. I made special trips up to Newcastle to see him and the family. I like watches and one evening at dinner I noticed him wearing a Seiko SKX 009, which is now a rather sought after model by those in the know. Not expensive, but quite famous if you know about these things. I pointed it out to him. ‘ Bloody Hell, that’s a cool watch you know!’ We chatted about it and he became quite animated. We had a new little bond.

    I went up again later and he presented me with his entire watch collection that he’d built up over 30 years or so, that I knew nothing about. ‘I want you to have these. I want you to have these with love from me. Before I forget’

    We’ve bonded and at the same time he’s fading out and away from me, and us all,again.

    I wear his watch.

  16. On the whole, I would say pretty good and nothing really to complain about….

    I’m still “retired” (after taking a nice retrenchment package at 53 and then deciding to take at least a year out – that was almost 5 years ago). The benefit is that I now have a pretty healthy lifestyle – swimming 4 or 5 times a week, home cooked food etc etc.

    My annual health check is generally always good – although this year my PSA reading was on the high side and so they recommend an MRI of the prostate which I had a couple of weeks ago. I go and see the Urologist in a week or so for the results, but usual practice here is that if they find anything serious they will call you in earlier – so I’m optimistic that all is okay.

    Other than that, the wife and I are just bumbling along – enjoying life with a couple of holidays a year (invariably Japan) and nothing too much else exciting.

    The big highlight of the year was seeing the kids getting on in life – the younger boy started at University this year (being in Singapore my two boys both did almost 2 years National Service before going to University) and seems to be enjoying it, even though they are working them (he’s doing Law). The older boy continues to enjoy life in St Andrews (now in his 3rd year and looking increasingly;young likely he will stay in the UK).

    So overall, nothing to complain about and hopefully it will continue that way.

  17. I’m OK. Family all healthy and happy which is the priority, other than poor Mrs. T who broke her ankle at the end of July. She’s made great progress and is almost walking normally – it’s just a matter of time.

    After a member of the wider family was diagnosed with incurable cancer after ignoring symptoms I’ve broken the habit of a lifetime and started getting them looked at rather than ignoring them. Turns out the crusty thing on my shin is a pre-cancerous thingy (now despatched). A long term digestive issue turns out to be GORD which is very unpleasant and due to reflux – now I’m on daily omeprazole and regular monitoring as it turns out I have Barretts Oesophagus, thankfully only in a preliminary state. Finally I have another long term annoying problem with my throat where my singing disintegrates into coughing after about 10 minutes. Turns out it’s neither vocal cord damage not any sort of throat nasty so I’m currently on an inhaler to try to sort out the pipes.

    The old fingers are slowly seizing up which is annoying especially from a guitar playing point of view but so far it’s ok and anyway I don’t think there’s anything to be done about it.

    So it’s nice to know other than usual wear and tear in in reasonable nick.

    The tree is up, fairy lights are twinkling and we’re looking forward to Christmas.

    Have a good one!

    • The voice may also be your GORD. As in acid up gullet and swilling around larynx and vocal cords, even if no longer any higher up. Common cause of wheeze in the undiagnosed too. Try a spell of omeprazole at a higher dose and then drop back, after checking, natch, with your usual doc etc etc.

    • Sorry to hear about the various health problems @Twang. I’ve had gut related issues for the past 4 years, have endured every test known to man, and finally had my second gastroscopy a few weeks ago. They’ve diagnosed reflux and a small hiatus hernia, but otherwise all clear. I’m on pantoprazole for the foreseeable, but tend to take it less when symptoms are milder. What has been most dispiriting has been the impossibility of seeing a GP or specialist face to face. Each test was bounced back with no follow-up, no discussion and no solution. I had to do all the pushing myself to get an outcome. You learn to press all the red flag buttons as it’s the only way to get anything done.

      • Similar issues @Boneshaker – the tragic reality is that moderation is the solution. No more than 2 coffees a day pref one. No more than 2 alcoholic drinks and shut up shop by 9. Eat earlier , smaller and slower, Avoid rich and spicy.
        Fucking boring.
        But it works.
        If I do this I am pretty good. Of course I don’t always and I end up paying the piper, but hey at least I’m prepared.

      • Thanks Bones. I had 3 gastroscopies and like you they found a hiatus hernia and also an ulcer in my oesophagus which the Omeprazole got rid of leaving the Barrett’s to monitor. In fact the symptoms I wanted an explanation for were that randomly I would be unable to swallow food – it would sort of get stuck half way down leaving me with disgusting hacking and retching in the loo. It was becoming more frequent, e.g. Christmas dinner, three nights running when visiting friends, mid delightful lunch in the garden…bloody horrible. It took 14 months to see a consultant who immediately prescribed Omeprazole which sorted the ulcer and eventually they had the whole diagnosis over about 5 months. Thankfully no Big C action which I was worrying about. I only go on about it here because it’s very easy to brush off minor/occasional problems under the Can’t Be Arsed rule but get them checked out people. I was still working when this kicked off, and even had a private GP appointment on line who referred it to BUPA (via the work scheme). But did I follow it up? No, couldn’t be arsed. Stupid. Stupid.

        • @Twang just saw this. My ling doc who has a side hustle in gastro talked about motility. A bit like hiccups you’re swallowing gets out of synch. I start wolfing food sown, feel rhe immediate need to vomit then can come back to the meal and resume, still hungry.
          So I try to eat smaller bits, chew more, eat less quickly and plenty of water , even if sips to keep the swallowing in synch. Seems to help.

            • It’s weird, considering I am “supposed to know”, but I didn’t understood reflux until my ma was dying of ca. oesophagus, 20 plus years back. I thought my painful blockages were psychosomatic. Then I had a go with omeprazole, transforming my life. From someone who would deny any indigestion, I just then realised that normal is site specific to any and every one of us, and includes multiple treatable anomalies we have got used to.

  18. Things are pretty steady chez Paws. We’ve been living in the same house for about 13 years, slowly doing it up to a point where it looks great and feels like home. Clearly the time to start looking for a new house then! Well, we are sort of thinking about it as we are due to have new neighbours moving in at some point in the new year. Since we’ve lived there we have had bad, then good, then bad and then good neighbours so we are a little worried that the next ones could be wrong ‘uns. Of course they could be great, but there’s no harm in planning an escape route and Mrs Paws thinks I’m only happy if I’ve got jobs to do around the place so maybe a house move would be a good thing.

    Work’s been really stressful. Being in the NHS we are very target driven and our service seems to have to prop a lot of the other service’s up in terms of if there’s no available service for someone, send them to talking therapies. It feels like the wheels could fly off at any time, as it were, and there doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of support for us right now (or any let up in the pressure). It makes a man dream of semi-retirement, but 50 feels a little too early for that. Still, I’ll have a nice break over the festive period and re-evaluate how it is in the new year.

    Been to a few gigs (mainly by myself) and a couple of festivals this year. I want to have more to look forward to, so I’m planning on a few comedy gigs. Mini Paws is now of an age where we can either leave her at home or take her with us (for some gigs/some comedy). Feels like forever since we got to go to any comedy, so this is something that will be great to get back into in 2025.

    Thanks @salwarpe for asking the question and allowing everyone a moment to reflect. Feels pretty early for Christmas greetings (but it does feel a lot earlier this year), nevertheless I wish each and every one of the afterword massive a peaceful Christmas and a happy new year. This place really is a good thing to come back to, even for a few minutes between clients (or dad jobs) to help one get a little headspace.

    • Thank you paws, and all others who have contributed to this community thread already. It is quite early in the month to be posting it, I know. But my thought was that it was a placeholder for a month where (hopefully) everyone can slow down a bit and add their experiences and reflections in their own good time – no pressure, it’s there for when you want to share, either now or later in the month. It’s good to read how everyone is doing, to share in your highs and lows, worries and hopes. It’s been an eventful year for me and my family and I might jot down some words of my own later. But not for now.

      And while I may have started the thread, I love that others are responding to each other, often those who know each other (far) better than I do – there’s complete shared ownership here, I just started the ball rolling.

  19. After ten years of flitting twixt mainland and Sardinia have moved full time to the island and bought a house by the sea. I adore Sardinia.
    Gone totes deaf though but. That’s an adventure. I do wonder how I would have coped 20 years ago, when there were no live transcription apps. Nowadays it’s easy-peasy and people in my daily dealings in shops and offices and suchlike all seem very kind and patient in dealing with a deaf person. Nicer than before, in fact. And films all have subtitles and new music is rubbish anyway. Aside from the terrible infliction of being condemned to blissful silence and never again having to tolerate small talk everything is just dandy.

  20. We started retirement planning 12 months ago (Mrs F wants to pack it in at 60, which is less than two years away). I’d not considered it before, but I’m now looking forward to it. I still have at least five more years to go, though.

    I had my first up-periscope in years, mainly because my IBD consultant took sudden early retirement. After a decade on immunosuppressants, I still have active Crohn’s, but smaller and fewer than before. This puts my mind at rest somewhat, because I still get symptoms and live with all the restrictions to diet and social life (I’ve only been to three gigs this year).

    Offspring the Elder graduated, moved back home, and started work. Offspring the Younger finished A-levels and started work. So, in the space of two weeks, we went from being two parents suporting two students to four working adults sharing a house. Change of dynamic and all that.

    FIL turned 85 and has twice been in hospital for three weeks since September. He’s not really fully recovered, which is why Mrs F and I spent Saturday night waiting for paramedics to arrive at his. I fear this will only get more frequent.

    Mrs F and I had our first proper holiday for 5+ years, our first without kids for two decades, and she still tolerates me. That’s the best news all year, I think.

    In summary, it could be a lot worse.

      • It’s been bottomed out (SWIDT?) for a few years, but the meds will eventually wear off and I’ll have to switch to something a bit more side-effecty. Most people get about 10-12 years, and I’ll have been on them for a decade next Easter.

        With a carefully controlled diet to avoid triggering the disease, the biggest impacts are reduced immunity meaning I have to avoid crowds indoors when coughs and colds are around (i.e. no gigs for 6 months of the year) and the side-effect of UV hypersensitivity (i.e. no going out in daylight hours for the other 6 months of the year).

        Luckily, Mrs F and I both love going to Scotland, where there are few people and little sunlight.

        • I am approaching the same thing I think. 9 years injecting Humira which has worked well for me. A year ago my specialist said my body may now be used to it and it is may not be having such a positive effect. I could switch to other treatment which could be taken orally (please), or another epi-pen type thing or IV (hope not). However he was very happy with my colonoscopy this year so I stayed on Humira. Right now I think it’s not working too well though.

  21. This year’s been great. Mind you it’s an even-numbered year, and people in my life die in odd numbered years, starting with my Dad in 2015, my Mum in 2017 and lifelong best friends in 2019, 2021 and 2023. I think I know who’ll be next in 2025 but I’m trying not to think about it.

    Apart from that rather strange view of the world, things are pretty good. I turned 70 earlier in the year, and as usual with these significant birthdays I just can’t get used to the idea that I am that old. My health seems OK, still on the lifelong meds for the heart attack I had in 2008 and absolutely no recurrences. I dislocated my shoulder in May (getting out of the bath FFS) and am STILL having fortnightly physio and doing strengthening exercises.

    Earlier this year I was commissioned to compose and perform a live solo piano score for the classic silent film Nosferatu, that was in Melbourne and I did it again in Sydney last month. It was pretty successful if I say so myself. I always tell people my job as pianist on PlaySchool (it will be my 25th year next year) is like being a silent movie pianist. Then I’ve recently started working with a magician, playing piano to accompany his magic tricks and audience participation. A similar kind of thing. I’m relating all this because it’s kind of wonderful that I seem to have found my calling as a musician at the age of 70.

    Our grandchildren continue to grow and amuse and occasionally annoy, and our son has relocated home to Sydney from Berlin where he lived for 8 years. So Christmas will be a full family affair.

    Having said all that, every year when I relate that things in my world are so good I have a bit of survivor’s guilt that so many other people here are going through all sorts of dreadful stuff. It’ll be my turn one day I know. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get run over by the proverbial bus. So my best thoughts to all of you and let’s hope that personally for all of us things will get better, because the outside world as we know it is turning to shit (America, I’m looking at you)

  23. Although I still have health problems that require a lot of attention, these seem to be managed as well as they can be. I have had to adjust my life quite a bit to make things work, including reducing my work hours. I’ve been with the same employer for 25 years and I’m grateful for their support, but also a bit tired of the drama that comes with senior positions. One day less seems to enable me to get a bit out of the spotlight. Perhaps the first step towards retirement.

    On my day off, I play musical instruments (for my own amusement.)

    I also am able to listen to a LOT of music these days, as my job is at home and I have some gaps in between calls where I can do that. I seem to be able to listen and work at the same time. I go down rabbit holes, like I might pick an artist and obsess over them for a bit.

    We also got a dog this year. They are fun, aren’t they…? I was always a cat person until now.

    So: I’m doing well.

  25. Interesting year… my mum died a few days after her 94th birthday. Not unexpected, but her not being here still feels a bit strange. Decided to close down my freelance copywriting business in November, after 10 years. AI has effectively killed it. Feel much better for doing this – think I was ready for a change and, at 61, focusing on the things I enjoy doing more. Health not bad – still running daily. Bladder’s a bit feeble these days though. Seriously considering giving up beer. Reading other posts here, feel I’m not doing so badly. Hope everyone has a better 2025, regardless of Trump and other potentially apocalyptic scenarios.

  26. I hope everybody who has it tough gets the help they need. I have it pretty good as long as I keep taking the tablets. 2 to keep me normal, 1 to make me sleep, 1 to keep the blood pressure down and 1 to restrict prostate growth. Every now and then I get invited to send a bit of my shit in the post. Something I’ve always aspired to. There are upsides to ageing.

    I work with those whose lives are decidedly fucked up so that gives things perspective but then my mind takes my thoughts in dark directions anyway.

  27. Given my advancing year and state of relative decrepitude, it hasn’t been that bad a year.

    For my contribution to the organ recital, allow me to offer: a) early signs of arthritis in the fingers – irritating but not problematic yet, b) continuing enlarged but benign prostate – turns out that some earlier meds could have given me more options, but that ship appears to have sailed and c) some good news from yesterday’s consultation with my cardiologist, my AF has gone and my heart has returned to sinus rhythm – although I’m not sure how directly my sinuses are connected to my heart! This last allows me to consider the chance of some celebratory excess over the festive season – after a year of low-to-no carbs, this is an enticing prospect.

    In other news…there isn’t much to report, A couple of holidays, including a wonderful four week odyssey around the Med, when I was able to see places I had never visited before. Much time spent in supporting the family in loads of different ways. It has been amazing to see my granddaughters doing well at their respective unis; even though it does contribute to the intimations of mortality that do seem to be more common these days.

    Whilst here, may I wish everyone the compliments of the season and my best wishes for the New Year. As an occasional poster but an avid reader, may I thank you all for the camaraderie and bonhomie that this place provides. It’s continuing existence is a wonder to behold and to be part of.

  28. Long time lurker here, and very occasional poster, so hope it’s okay to post this. Anyway, this was the year I retired from work. I finished on the last day of February, and turned 63 in March. Having left school at 16 and spending six weeks of that summer of ’77 on the ‘dole’, ( £9 a week if you’re interested), my dad made me get a job. I did, and I’ve never been out of work since, spending the last 30 years with Royal Mail. So, after 47 years of going to work, I am enjoying every single minute of it so far. I hadn’t planned it, but the feeling had been there since I turned 60. I just didn’t have the energy or enthusiasm for it anymore, and felt that time was passing me by. I wanted to get out while I was still reasonably fit and healthy and enjoy my retirement before my age caught up with me.
    Another factor was that I’ve lost a couple of good friends in the last year. Both in their 60s, one died from cancer, and one from sepsis. Also a childhood friend who I’d lost touch with, had a heart attack, ironically on my birthday in March. It really does make you think, doesn’t it!
    Health wise I’m lucky and have no issues, although the same can’t be said for my wife. Nothing major to worry about, but she seems to be getting one thing after another this year and is getting very down about it. We even had to cancel a planned cruise, which means that the year I finished work, we didn’t have a holiday.
    It doesn’t bother me though as I would rather wait until she’s back to good health.
    Being home has given me more time to play my guitar and keyboard, although I think some piano lessons will be useful. We also walk a lot which is good exercise and good for our mental health.
    I do feel lucky that we are in the position we are, and I am aware that does not apply to everyone.
    If you’ve read this far, thanks very much. It’s a fantastic place with some wonderful people. I really do intend to contribute more in the new year.
    A very Merry Christmas and New Year to everyone, and thanks for making this one of the best places online.

  29. First part of the year relatively uneventful thankfully. Second part less so.

    Dad died early November. No complaints really, had a very good, long and mainly healthy life. Prostrate cancer essentially did for him in the end . That and general old age really. He was ready to go and quite happy to tell us! Last month or so was a bit grim, caring for him with my brother and sister and mum. Caring in a way that you just get on with. Hard to see the shell of a person you’ve known all your life BUT he had 67 years with Mum and would have been 96 in the New Year. We are planning to scatter his ashes on Southwold Common in view of the sea on his birthday.

    Tomorrow I have to make sure my youngest son gets to his bail hearing. I’ve mentioned briefly in the long and distant past on here the struggles of adoption we’ve had. I could blather on about early years trauma, attachment issues, neglect and more but the reality is he now has two assault charges outstanding. One is particularly serious. The various Professionals left in his life are surprised he’s still at liberty. I guess the prisons are really full. Ketamine, cocaine and weed are a fearsome and awful mixture but we can’t change him. He has to want to do that and it seems he doesn’t want to. I think his bail conditions will get extended tomorrow but the long term medical reports on his victims will eventually catch up with him.

    Got an annual Christmas gig on Saturday with my mates that I’m really looking forward to. I think it will be a blow out.

    • I hope you have a great night on Saturday, Freddy – you deserve it.

      Very sorry to hear about your father and you’re spot on about your boy, he has to want it, you can’t want it enough for him. As amazing as people’s capacity for self destruction can be, things can also turn remarkably quickly if and when the decision to make a change finally arrives. I will cross fingers this is the bottom for him.

    • Freddy, as an adoptee with a high level of adoption in my family and friends it is something of a lottery. But thank you for doing it. However difficult things are for your son, I strongly suspect it would be worse without your support.
      For some of us adoptees it is literally life changing in the best possible way.

  30. Nothing quite like reading other AWers’ problems or turning to the international pages of the daily papers to show you how insignificant your own issues really are.

    While having survived for a decade after my move back to Ireland in 2013, my 25 y.o. Hong Kong-based freelance writing consultancy finally seems to have reached the end of the road. Can’t say I’m brokenhearted as it has given me and Mrs. J a very good living and paid for the house she, I and our two dogs and three cats live in. Ironically, with my biggest source of income since 2019 being AI puff pieces from the Robotics Dept of a HK University, I suppose I was complicit in my own demise.

    Healthwise, like a lot of other AWers, I’m at that age were the bills for all those youthful indiscretions are falling due thick and fast. Touch wood, despite all my foolish choices all those years ago, I’m still in reasonably good nick – just statins for cholesterol and – slightly more worryingly – iron supplements and folic acid for anemia. About half the weight I lost following my diabetes 2 scare of a couple of years has snuck back, but on the whole my (excellent) GP seems to be quite happy with my progress.

    Biggest source of stress is my never-ending war of attrition over the unauthorized enormo-sheds my entitled neighbours threw up just behind the beautiful riverfront cottage my uncle left me and my sister in 2020. Despite the pair having been successfully prosecuted for ignoring an enforcement order, mandating their structures’ demolition, said sheds remain very much in situ. My only consolation is that five years of appeals and court appearances must be costing this ghastly pair of eco-vandal chancers an absolute fortune.

    Frustrating as life sometimes seems, the procession of pets queueing up to stick their body parts in my face (nose and tongue, dogs; hind quarters, cats) while I lie on the sofa is enough to teach me how lucky I really am.

  31. After a pretty dire 2023 – losing both parents a week apart in the March – 2024 has been noticeably less stressful and enjoyable. Dad’s will still tied up in probate which is annoying and I am currently no fan of solicitors and the probate service to say the least. First full year port-retirement, but in March I dipped my toe in the water – 2 days a week – working for a service supporting young adults with learning difficulties. Largely folks I had taught in their younger days and after a wee bit of adjustment I am now really enjoying it. In common with many earlier posts I haven’t been without my own health issues, but hopefully a recent diagnosis of a heart murmur and an appointment with the Cardiologist next week might help towards a healthier 2025.

    • Sorry to hear about your folks Salty. That’s hard. I had a lot of hassle with the probate service for my mum’s tiny estate and finally in desperation wrote to my MP – a generally useless Tory – who wrote to the relevant minister (he sent me a copy of the letter) and the following week probate was granted! Still voted him out, mind.

  32. I’m preoccupied with the prospect of retirement. Feeling very jaded by work – not helped by having spent the past ten years in a company that has just kept its head above water – but still eighteen months from the state pension. I have a pot of private pensions but not sure if it’s big enough to see me through the gap comfortably. I’m sure there must plenty of others in a similar position. It’s left me with some regrets about having settled into a line of work in which the economics have got more difficult over the past twenty years; and left it too late to make the switch.
    But me and my wife own the house outright, still enjoy being in London and doing stuff together, and I’m in bloody good nick for my age. Can even enjoy Christmas if we keep all the seasonal sentiment in check. Life more good than bad.

    • Is going down to 4 days for the remaining period an option? That’s what I did. Very nice glide path. I had 90% of salary and slightly longer days for the remaining 4 which HR meticulously calculated. Hilariously the new work day was shorter than the day I routinely did anyway but I saluted the flag and just did contracted hours. Lovely.

      • Would be good i possible, but the nature of my job is that a big chunk of it has to be done every day and there’s no-one else to do it. Manage to work out holidays with freelance cover, but it won’t work smoothly for one day a week.

    • I would like to do 4 days a week, but as I actually often do around 50 hours now (with no overtime), what’s 4/5ths of that? So I am not going to be paid for 32 hours while working around or over 40.

    • Spending most of one’s time doing a job one doesn’t enjoy just seems such a sad waste of one’s only shot at being alive. My mentality has always been “do as little work as you can possibly get away with”. I’ve always favoured poverty over work. I work in the state sector, which in Italy means crap pay but lots of room for work avoidance. Yay! Even though I only work a few hours a week, I’m currently looking into the possibility of early retirement on medical grounds. At 62-and-a-half I strongly resent, more than ever, having to waste any of what precious little time I have left on boring work.

      • Easier said than done. You are lucky. I am same age, have a mortgage plus various other monthly costs and will probably soon have to help my daughter through university which ain’t cheap these days. So unfortunately I don’t have the choice to live off much less (yet)

  33. I’m living day to day after the disaster that was losing a son in 2023
    Things don’t get easier but get slightly “different” – but then again 2024 is a year survived so that’s a positive. It does remove any optimism for the future and Xmas can piss right off

    Not wanting to cause too much gloom, popping in here is one of the many things to keep me busy which helps in a little way each day…

  34. Reading the troubles so far I feel blessed. The GLW less so (not only is she married to me but she lost her father in the summer and took it hard).
    I’m 62 but apparently in fair nick – deaf and type 2 diabetes in remission (losing 20kg and taking more exercise does make you feel better, darn it – I do miss bread) but that is light stuff compared to many.
    Not retiring anytime soon (see health), and doing more work than ever. Both of us earned more money this year than ever before, which is great seeing as we are still funding 2 students.
    The twins both got firsts which was both a joy and a relief (the youngest would have had a fit if he got a first and she didnt) and doing Masters. Both have partners who seem rather lovely, and we would approve if they turn out to be long lasting/permanent. Pity that flats in London are so expensive. Still only 18 months and they will have finished education (unless they decide to PhDs I guess…. which I could not complain about).
    Financially it still goes out as fast as it comes in, but we are now on the beach and wary of the tide rather than trying to keep our heads up in bottomless fathoms.
    GLW finds work a bit tense, mostly because of the politics. Some schadenfreude in finding that the company that sacked her 3 years ago now regrets it. But she has lots of interesting travel, and is the only salesperson in Europe (and maybe world) hitting her targets. (the reward last year was a 1% pay rise…)
    No festivals last year, but monthly gigs and 2 festivals booked in for 2025 already. To go with four holidays (did I mention the money going out as quickly as it came in? Plus a new car for the daughter…)
    Another decade of the same (apart from FiL) would be lovely – but we dont expect it. Just count our blessings and keep plodding on.
    So, if you need any procurement training….

  35. An ok year…..
    I have a few aches and pains, some newer than others. Worst on a daily basis are my feet and knees. I’ve had treatment for both but they’ll never be great so I’ve learned to manage the discomfort as best I can. Along with getting tired more easily, the discomfort has meant I’ve missed a couple of gigs where I just didn’t want to stand up for that long. Some days are ok, others not so much.
    I had planned on retirning about now but financial reality and a daughter still in uni means that it’ll either be 2027 or 2029, depending on finances and if I can still manage the work. I can do more keyboard based work and get rid of the warehouse and equipment but it’ll be a significant drop in income before pensions kick in. We’ll see….I turned 60 this year and I’m not pushing flight cases on and off trucks after I’m 65
    My son is doing well in his first post uni job. He moved out to live nearby with his girlfriend, who we like a lot. Daughter is halfway through an animation degree in Bournemouth, much more confident than a few years ago and has a nice boyfriend.
    My dad will be 96 in January, I can hear him fading away. He’s all there but physically very frail, I doubt he’ll make 97.
    My wife has finally got a more or less correct dose of HRT so harmony has descended on the house after an extended “difficult” period. I’m not making light of it, she was pretty miserable for a long time, which affected everyone and although it took ages to sort out the dosage, it’s been worth it.
    I don’t find so much to post about these days but I’m glad you’re all still here.
    Wishing all of you a better 2025

  36. Mostly a good year, with some excellent travels: Angkor Wat and cycling in Vietnam in March; cycling, dancing and eating seafood (three of my favourite things) in Brittany in June/July; just come back from a week in Switzerland.
    Wrapped things up with the sale of the family home and hence my father’s estate, which is a relief to have out of the way.
    Just the small matter of someone committing suicide in front of my train in July. This has caused me no anger, anxiety, confusion or a host of other emotions attendant on some in my position. It’s just the sleep loss. Sleep patterns had pretty much returned to normal by September, and I was on a phased return back at work, but then some really nasty shit went down in my role as a rep, and sent me back to square one. I have literally been falling asleep involuntarily in public places – not a good look for a train driver. So, inevitably, I had to fail my medical, so I’m off trains again. Five months after the event, it really is unfathomable that I am waking up after maybe just four hours sleep, and lying wide awake with not a care in the world, except the anticipation of the resultant sleep deprivation. It’s like being constantly jet-lagged.
    But I’m one of those happy to look forward to Christmas. I have been the one who made sure that Christmas happened for my parents for the last two decades. Now they’re gone, it is genuinely touching that my second brother has made sure that I am part of his extended family’s Christmas. There’ll be a dozen of us together for over a week, including my brand new great nephew. For some, that sounds like hell, I know, but I am totally at ease with it. My sister-in-law and I will share the catering, and, boy, will we eat well. My brother provides the wine. The two of us will finish each day scoffing cheese and supping whisky. I am hopeful that by the new year, I will be relaxed and getting my customary eight hours of sleep per night.

  37. Reading the posts on this thread makes me realise that life is complicated, unfair and harsh at times. For that reason I feel particularly grateful to be in a good state of mind and in a reasonable physical state for a man of 62 at the moment.

    I haven’t been on The Afterword much these past few years, but here’s a little potted history of my recent life.

    Although I probably never mentioned it, my wife and I owned a business (a firm of Chartered Surveyors) which following the nightmare of COVID we were very keen to sell. Running the business was virtually a 24/7 affair and was becoming an increasing burden. We were beginning to feel trapped. Fortunately in spring 2021 we were approached by another local firm who acquired our firm in July 2021 and I became an employee. I enjoyed doing the work without the added burden of running the business with all the compliance, HR bollocks and (occasional but stressful) complaints from arsehole clients keen on making trouble. I was glad to have that behind me and things were looking up. I had a vague notion of retiring at some point, but that’s all it was.

    In March 2022, a very dear friend of ours, who had emigrated to Austria, died from cancer and we flew out to the hastily arranged funeral. It was whilst we were walking from our friend’s shop with the family to the funeral service that I began to feel unwell, tightness in the chest, sweaty, and a pain in my left arm. We went into the small chapel, but it got worse. I told my wife, Heather, that I felt ill and we went outside. I put my head between my legs and the next thing I heard was Heather saying “Mike, are you still here?” And tapping my face. I had fainted and fitted, my eyes had rolled back in their sockets and I had gone a ghastly shade of yellow.

    By now this was attracting attention. Luckily, Julia (the then girlfriend of our deceased friend’s son) is a doctor and she made me lie on my back with my legs in the air. Her Dad shielded me from the sun. By now the service was starting. My timing was terrible. Julia phoned for the ambulance since it was clear to her what was going on.

    The ambulance arrived quickly and the crew got me to the ambulance. A fast and bumpy ride to Spittal Hospital saw me in A&E. The ECG confirmed a myocardial infarction. They let Heather see me briefly and I was wheeled off to the air ambulance. Heather was in floods of tears because she thought she might never see me again.

    It was cramped and noisy in the helicopter. As I was lying on a gurney all I could see was the sky, so it was not much of a ride. I thought the nurse with her mirror shades and white helmet looked pretty cool, though.

    From the roof of Klagenfurt hospital it was straight into theatre, where they went in with a fine catheter from my wrist up to my heart. I could see the blockage on the monitor. The surgeon told me he was putting in a couple of stents. It seemed to take no time at all. In was soon in a bed in ICU hooked up to monitors and watching ski jumping on the TV. I didn’t get much sleep that night as the other bloke in the room permanently snored. Also any time I nodded off and my oxygen level dipped slightly, an alarm went off! Really frustrating. Heather was due to see me at 2pm, but they decided that since I was stable, I would be transferred back to Spittal. Unfortunately, I tested positive for Covid on re-admittance so was put in an isolation ward and unable to see Heather until I was released 11 days later.

    It took a while to arrange travel home (thankfully arranged by Heather – I wasn’t up to it). The insurance company was great and they arranged for a doctor to fly out, check me over and accompany us all the way home.

    All this meant a while off work to recover and during that time I decided to drop down to working three days a week as I had realised that working long hours was catastrophic for my health.

    It was during this time off work that I spotted a property on Rightmove. It was something we’d always wanted – in countryside with hardly any neighbours and with some land. The fact that, when I went back to work it would only be part time and being able work from home, meant that this property was now a viable option despite being over 20 miles from the office. I had also had the wake-up call and realised that retirement needed to be sooner due to my brush with death. If we were going to have our best future, now was the time to do it.

    The house was partly done up but partly still in the 1950s so in need of a good deal of work. It had only had mains electricity since 2018 and was in a fairly isolated position with a couple of fields and almost derelict outbuildings.

    We moved into our new gaff in late September 2022 and threw ourselves into the refurbishment, basically living upstairs whilst the ground floor was almost completely rebuilt. Thankfully we had a decent team of builders who largely worked to schedule. Living conditions were harsh, but we enjoyed almost every minute of it.

    Around November 2022, my mum had a failed operation from which she never properly recovered and in early January was admitted to Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport from where she never emerged. Years of Parkinson’s had caught up with her, compounded by a mistaken diagnosis of epilepsy once in hospital when it was Covid related encephalitis (she got Covid shortly after arriving at Stepping Hill), so she was on some dubious medication which zonked her out. It was distressing to see. I am thankful she finally succumbed as there was no way out of her predicament and a hospice would have been the only route out of hospital. So the grief and sadness was mixed in with some relief. It took a while to process these conflicting emotions whilst trying to support my dad (the most guarded and taciturn person I know).

    All of this was made easier by being in a place we absolutely love and find hard to leave. Having largely finished the interior, we turned our attention to creating a garden from almost nothing, making a vegetable plot on part of a field, planting fruit trees and thousands of spring bulbs, and relocating drystone walls (I moved over 30 tons of limestone by hand so that they could be rebuilt). All the physical activity has been good for me as my work was mostly sedentary. Just being outside in nature has boosted my mood and wellbeing.

    In March of this year, I was about to reduce to working two days a week but embroiled in a very complicated job which involved a family dispute and having to retrospectively value various properties. The expert witness report I wrote took all of my working time and more for about six weeks. It was at this point I thought “Why do I still have to do this stuff?” I duly told my boss that I was retiring at the end of July and that was it. Luckily the case was heard in the High Court in late June/early July, so one of my last acts as a Chartered Surveyor was being cross examined in Court by smart arse barristers.

    I retired with a sense of joy. I have not missed working at all (I miss the office banter and my colleagues, but not the work). Retirement has boosted my happiness levels enormously and I can now dedicate myself fully to making our Derbyshire Dales homestead our little piece of paradise. I have developed a keen interest in rewilding and hopefully with some help from Derbyshire Wildlife Trust we should be able to plant a significant amount of trees and hedging.

    Thus, by a set of circumstances that started out bad, something good has happened and for this reason, I am in a position to feel blessed. I haven’t had much time to listen to music. I have, though, listened to curlews in the summer months and marvelled at the swallows swooping in the early mornings and in the evenings. Doing something to help improve the habitat of these and other creatures has become my new goal in life.

  38. I too hate Christmas, it was a stressful and especially violent time in our house when I was growing up, and I’ve never found a way to feel festive. I do my best to smile my through it for my family, and distract myself with recipe planning and cooking.
    It’s been an eventful year, my wife retired in March and immediately threw herself into our plan to leave Stoke Newington after 30 years. My health problems mean Hackney life really isn’t suitable for me any more, and Mrs P has long harboured dreams of returning to Scotland.
    After considering Trinity and Portobello in Edinburgh, we finally settled on North Berwick a bit further up the coast. I am well into my fifth year of long covid which means most of the work leading up to the move landed on her shoulders. Our house had three lofts and a cellar which we have spent the last few decades filling with various collections. I sold as much as I could manage on eBay and more than 1,000 books were deposited at various north London charity shops. The rest was given away, and there was a weekend of car boot sales.
    I have such extreme fatigue and need so much rest, me being around was a real hindrance to sorting the house out ready for sale, so I was banished for a month to my LC chum Carol in peaceful Surrey.
    The purchase of the new house was a nightmare that went down to wire – at the last moment our whole life was in two trucks and we thought it was going to end up in storage – but we moved into our new home at end of August.
    Both our lives are dominated by my long covid and everything is organised around my chronic fatigue. I had some pre-existing conditions and I am now classed as clinically vulnerable. That adds a whole layer of difficulty about masking, socialising, isolating, and infection avoidance. I am incredibly fortunate to have such a loving and patient wife who never moans about having to take all sorts of measures to protect me. It’s all terribly complicated and challenging.
    Life is better in North Berwick – it’s quiet, which I need, we are five minutes from the beach which gives me much peace of mind. Mrs P is happy and gets to enjoy beach and city – this a great comfort to me after five hard years for her. We are incredibly fortunate not to have financial worries. I have a couple of active hours every day which I used to cook and go to the beach with my dog. Lots a people with long covid are far less fortunate.
    After a year or two of my symptoms plateauing, I have declined over the last year. I have lung and heart damage, and significant cognitive issues. My short-term memory is shot, and I can’t properly concentrate for more than a few minutes. I used to read three or four books a week – I haven’t read a book or watched a film since April 2020 because I can’t meaningfully concentrate. Midway through the second half of a football match the point will always arrive when I realise I don’t know what has happened in the last 20 minutes, or even what the score is.
    In a life I can barely remember I was a newspaper editor, but it’s taken me a couple of hours to write this piece. And I know structurally that it’s all over the place.
    Compared to just a few years ago, I am certain life is going to be shorter than I expected and has the potential to become most unpleasant. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about mental and physical decline, and how and when I would like to die. I’ve been through the classic stages of grief and am generally at peace with the situation. I’m more fixated on the practicalities of making sure it goes as I would like – I do not want the end to be out of my control.
    My main worry is my wife, who never wanted to grow old alone.
    I’ll be 60 next year, and I don’t expect to see 70, but I feel far more fortunate than lots of people with long covid. My relationship has survived – 35th wedding anniversary next year – I go to the beach and watch the sea and the birds, and when my brain can cope with the input I still play an LP or two.
    I work hard to be positive about the situation by volunteering for lots of LC research, I have helped write a self-management guide, co-authored a few pieces that have been published in medical journals. It’s young people with this condition who haven’t had a crack at life that I feel really sorry for, so I try to do my bit to help improve care for them.
    In short, it’s crap but it really could be so much worse. I miss going to Ridley Road fruit and veg market, but now I watch the curlews fly up from the beach and feed in the park opposite my bedroom window.

  39. I’ve hesitated to post on this as my year has been really dull, my troubles mostly self inflicted and trivial by comparison to others. But here it is anyway….

    I’ve decided I’ll retire at the end of 2025. I’m in the very fortunate position of being really well paid, working from home, and with a workload that troubles me little. Apart from some financial uncertainty, I’m concerned that I’ll miss the interaction I have with the small number of adults whose views and thoughts I respect. Unfortunately a much smaller number than those I generally have to work with. As has been covered above, life is becoming too short to spend it indulging fuckwits.

    I work as a trustee for a couple of charities, but one is remote. The other offers the prospect of of some voluntary work to get me out of the house, including stacking books in our little local library, so I’m trying to generate some commitment to that as a way of stopping me from becoming a full time recluse.

    Health wise, there are few positives given my age. One is that the vertigo attacks that plagued me for years were driven into remission by steroid injections into my ear about 18 months ago and haven’t returned, although my balance is frequently akin to a toddler full of gin.

    My eyesight weakens and my hearing fades a little more every year. Lobbed £4k at some fancy hearing aids – I’m hearing more than I was and can bluetooth myself to the telly but it’s struggle to see it as actual value for money. Some days I’m so inert my smart watch declares me dead, and my back now complains bitterly if I’m upright for more than 15 minutes. I’m told motion is lotion, but working from home means I have little need to walk anywhere, and I’m really struggling to start walking just for the sake of it. It’s always something I’ll tackle tomorrow.

    I need to lose weight, I’m pre diabetic, and have sporadic successes with eating more carefully, but old habits quickly return. I’m seriously thinking of buying a course of GLP-1 injections in the new year having spoke to a few US colleagues who have lost significant amounts of weight. Of course most people regain the weight they lose once they stop injecting, but I have a wedding to attend in April where I’ll be seeing people I’ve not connected with in the last 4 years or so, and I’m vain enough to want to turn up looking a bit less whale like and hope I can build belter eating habits whilst the desire to eat is banished. I just have to inject myself once a week…. what could go wrong?

    I get out for comedy gigs while I can but having gone bonkers in Edinburgh last year it’s been much more quiet this year. Standing only gigs are not an option and as lovely as the local Brewhouse is, musically it’s back to back tribute acts.

    2025 will be my third year as a season ticket holder for Somerset’s T20 and 50 over games. I might dabble in some red ball matches once I’m retired. It’s a fun evening / day out although the white ball cricket universe now has the Hundred as it’s center piece, and whilst I’ll watch a game here and there, it mostly results in county T20 and 50 over games being packed into stupidly short windows where 2 games a week is now standard.

    I become eligible for a bus pass on Thursday, so there’s that to look forward to, plus a Stewart Lee gig and a stay in a hotel in Denmark Street that is above Regent Sounds Studio and incorporates the Sex Pistols original rehearsal space, graffiti still intact. Comoran Strike lives just across the road apparently. With his gammy (missing) leg and my bad back, we’ll get on like a house on fire.

    Merry Christmas!

    • I bought expensive hearing aids too. Then had an operation that left me completely deaf and now they’re no good to me. (They were a lot cheaper than yours, mind – no bluetooth.) I too occasionally walk like a drunkard (the hearing nerve being so close to the balance nerve). I don’t have any back pains though. A lot of my male friends my age do. I attribute my lack of any back problems to regular swimming.

        • AirPods Pro now have hearing test and hearing aid functionality built in – if you actually need hearing aids then they won’t work, but if like most of us your hearing is deteriorating but not seriously they work really well.

          Guess what? Aus government haven’t cleared them for this use – and of course a lot of people are pissed off because they didn’t do their research and bought a pair purely because of this. Lots of dark mutterings about governments being nobbled by Big Hearing Aid, but it’s hard to see why they’re dragging their heels. They won’t even say whether they’ve been submitted or not, and neither will Apple. If you live in Fiji or the Faeroe Islands on the other hand…

          • The Australian government’s ability to negotiate anything to do with healthcare should be an embarrassment.

            I complain about US insurance occasionally effing around with insulin coverage. But at least the insulin manufacturers aren’t actually withdrawing the better, more effective insulins from the market as they are here.

        • I had to have my ears de-waxed this year at a clinic which sells to notch very expensive hearing aids. The woman doing the suction was wearing the exact same NHS hearing aids that I have. Hmmm.

          Best of wishes for you all next year.

        • The NHS ones I was using had Bluetooth, but you couldn’t steam calls or music, and that’s all fairly effortless now. The aids dispensed by the NHS vary by health authority so Mrs BP might be getting better than what I’d been give,.

          I no longer need to use a speaker for Teams calls, and having the TV piped straight to my lug holes reduces the need for subtitles. The disappointment is that the sound quality is v ordinary – weedy on music in particular. I’d expected better for £4k. The aids are also a lot more adjustable meaning they can be finely tuned for frequencies that I’m losing and even types of words. I thinks its better but not £4k better.

  40. After a sudden attack of left kidney/left groin/lower back pain at the end of November I booked a doctor’s appointment online (very easy with the surgery I’m registered at, unless you request a particular doctor) and was surprised to get a call later the same day from the doctor asking about my symptoms. She booked me in for a face-to-face the next day when she took several blood samples for testing. Also gave a prescription for an alpha-blocker (tamsulosin hydrochloride) to help shrink/relieve my prostate. She wanted a pee sample too, but having had a piss before I came out I couldn’t produce. Brought a pee sample in the next morning and a followup appointment was booked for later. Meanwhile, a couple of days later,blood and urine test results were texted. All OK.
    At yesterday afternoon’s session a botty finger probe revealed that my prostate is not particularly enlarged. PSA reading of 19, which is not too bad. Liver and kidney function OK. She thinks possibly my bladder was at fault. Pain is now gone (or at least back to normal old-person levels) so no further action to be taken. I neglected to mention that I’d tripped over a rug in my living room a few days before and badly sprained my wrist landing, because most of the pain was gone and everything still seemed in working order. Twisting motions like unscrewing lids from bottles and jars were painful for a couple of days but that’s eased up now. It’s still a little swollen and stiff and today I noticed a yellow bruise has shown up on the back of my hand. Ho hum.

    All very trivial, compared to the stuff others here are contending with. I wish them all my very best.

    • Ummmm, PSA 19…… Not OK, unless you mean 1.9. I don’t mean to piss on your chips, but it needs more attention. Sorry. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad ‘un, but the possibility needs exclusion.

      • I got that wrong. Mixed it up with the IPSS score from questionnaire.

        “Bloods fine including PSA.
        Serum prostate specific antigen level (XabAM) 1.13 ug/L [0 – 3.99]
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        IPSS was 19. Has LUTS so started Tamsulosin and booked for DRE later.”

        • Phew….. PSA not 19.
          Funny fish, the prostate mind, as the highest unexpected I ever found in a patient was 979. And, yes, he was riddled, that result explaining his mystery back pain, it being the secondary deposits therein. But he lived well and without complication for a further 15 years, beyond a 4x a year injection of hormonotherapy. Took him into his late 80s, I seem to recall, by which time other things were going wrong.

              • Thanks, both. I was diagnosed three years ago and have been on the “active surveillance” path ever since – last PSA had a bit of an uptick, but MRI didn’t show any significant change. So another biopsy was recommended (this will be my fourth).

                • If you are 3 years in, hopefully yours is the pussy cat end of the spectrum, the condition tending toward that, or tiger, in which case things would already be different. (Sorry, TMI, I know…..)
                  I certainly hope so.

                  • Well…MDT reported and I got a cancellation appointment in clinic this afternoon. And the verdict is – no more active surveillance, time for radical treatment. To be referred to CCC for a chat about robotic prostatectomy versus radical radiotherapy – and a bone scan while I’m there!
                    “Perfect end to a perfect year”, etc…one damn thing after another.

                    • Very sorry to hear it’s not better news. Hope it all works out. At least they are better at dealing with these things nowadays. What a drag though.

                    • Thank you both – tbh I should have waited and calmed down before posting. As the doc pointed out, if you’re on the active surveillance path, it’s a question of “when”, rather than “if” – so it was just a question of time and I knew that. Obviously I’d hoped for a longer wait – and it’s unfortunate that 2025 seems to be heading the same way as 2024 and 2023.

                    • Oh bugger. Bone scans are fine though, except for the paper undercrackers I had to wear.

                      And my pal has just had her breast cancer surgery cancelled for the third time (it was supposed to be tomorrow).

          • You get the magic number and the doc says “it’s fine” which is lovely but what does fine mean? When is fine starting to be not fine? Trying to find a handy chart with “normal” by age band is impossible!

  41. I should add I did suffer from some mild chafing in my left buttock after sitting for three hours at the Kunliga Operan. This was treated with a liberal application of an emollient by my trusty servant. After some hours of him rubbing in the cream the pain eventually dissipated. There was also some residual trauma from the rather disturbing scenes of drama on stage, as can happen with more avant garde productions. Certain fluids did get sprayed around. It was all in all a rather trying evening.

  42. Just wanted to say that although these days I don’t contribute much to the conversations here, or even read them, I do have a mental image of many of you , built up in some cases over 15 years, and despite the troubles many are going through, it’s weirdly joyful to catch up with this annual check in.

    18 months ago I realised I hated my job, which was fine because it hated me right back. My aspirations to become the next Tom Stoppard had withered away after a disastrous venture into US theatre, and with it the self esteem that went with briefly being a Bright Young Thing in my late 50s. My wife was indicating it was time we moved on from our lovely home of 17 years, so that’s three of Maslow’s big five all under threat right there. How did I cope with all that? Buckled like a cheap IKEA clothes horse, that’s how. I got help, eventually.

    Now I’m just finishing my first full year as a consultant, which is like working, only you do less and earn more. I’m 60, and one more year ought to do it I think. We’re buying a house on a South Coast beach, and when I say ‘on the beach’ it really is that – our back garden grows and shrinks twice a day. Given the climate situation this place might be swept away 20 years from now, but then given the general neglect of my ageing body, so will I. And if you look too closely at events around the world, so might all of us.

    So the plan is to embrace Act III of Life and cash in as much of the investment of the first 60 years in whatever remains to us from here on. To which end, I’m writing from a hotel in Kho Lipe, and heading off for a dive in a bit. Happy Christmas, Afterworld.

    • Good to see you here, Chiz, old son. I don’t really do this place any more – no hard feelings – but there’s a couple of genuine mates still around and I count you as one. Sounds like it’s been a tough couple of years, but lovely to hear that the clouds seem to be parting rather.

      In answer to the question in the OP: I’m alright thanks. Not enough money or time, but I’m working on it.

  43. As this thread slips gently down the recesses of page 2 of the Blog, I want to thank all of you for sharing your lives as they are and have been this year. Humbling, troubling, inspiring, moving, all are tributes to human lives well lived under varied trying, challenging or rewarding circumstances.

    As for me, it’s been quite a year for family Sal. Slipping through my mid 50s with two daughters in the first half of their second decades and an ever-amazing wife, 2024 brought the death of first my father-in-law in February, then my own father in July. Hardly any time to mourn either sad loss, the hectic pace of life has several times left me knocked off my feet by variously a scooter accident, cellulitis and a severe cold after 2 weeks of long days and strenuous walking at the Baku COP, testing everyone’s patience.

    I’m supremely lucky to have a very interesting job, with amazing colleagues, but sometimes it’s a bit too much.

    Newly arrived in Essex for a week of family Christmas, I’m hoping we’ll have time enough to do fuck all, to chat and reminisce and put something back in the tank for 2025. (And help compile Paul and Tig’s 2 Charts of your wonderful music choices of the year, of course.

    Merry Christmas to you all, and may your troubles be quashed and all your loved ones give you big hugs.

  44. A postscript.

    After staying up late to see in the new year we woke this morning to a series of missed calls from my sister which, when returned, brought news that my mother died last night in circumstances which sound lonely and somewhat sordid. It was hardly unexpected. She had a history of physical and mental ailments which meant it was astonishing that she made it to 85 through sheer bloody mindedness.

    She was a difficult woman to fathom or connect with and out of self-preservation I had only seen her a handful of times in the last few decades. When a Christmas card arrived from her last week I asked The Light not to display it with the others. At the deceased’s request there will be no funeral, and although we are joint executors of the will I shall reserve my powers in favour of my sister by agreement with her (she was no closer to our mother than I was, but likes to manage things as a coping mechanism). So that’s another line drawn in 2024.

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