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How do you feel when someone you have never met calls you “mate”?

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I do it all the time but is it appropriate?

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  3. I usually think it’s a sign of a lack of social skills. I usually encounter it at places like Screwfix and Toolstation where it stands out because otherwise their customer service is uniformly exemplary. I just think it sounds odd.

    • I only ever use it when I deal with trades people.

      This clearly points me out as a socially immobile, miserable, Leave supporting, Lib Den Loving, Metrosexual NWOBHM loving pharmacist!

        • I agree totally. You asked, I answered, I may make an instant (and probably wrong) assessment but I try to keep my thoughts to myself when I deal with people and treat everyone the same so, unless someone was swearing at me, it wouldn’t make any difference how they addressed me.

    • “Pal” or “friend” is usually used by people who intend to imminently rearrange your kidneys for pleasure and/or profit.

      I once sat on a train near a man who addressed his travelling companion as “chief” with literally every utterance. I turned expecting a senior Arapaho tribesman resplendent in ceremonial colours: I faced an unshaven guttersnipe in a ragged tracksuit.

      Serves me right for using standard class.

    • I got set up pretty badly by some guys I was working with once at Heathrow when they were extending Terminal 3 to accomodate more and larger aircraft and I was working there as an electrician. Just as I reached the foot of a staircase into the actual building, and was surrounded by burly Irish ground workers, preparing the foot of the stairs area for being paved, a workmate yelled out “Oi! Cu*t!!” and ducked out of sight, leaving me completely exposed. Not even Usain Bolt could have run up those stairs quicker.

      Being called “mate”, “bud”, “fella” etc. makes me instantly at least a bit distrustful of the utterer of the word. Until proven otherwise.

    • Mate Mucker Marrer Happy with all of them, so long as they are not uttered by someone clearly trying to be ‘down with the kids/hoipolloi’; you can spot a William Hague baseball cap moment a mile off.

      But I loathe being addressed as ‘Sir’. I am all on favour of respect for the working man, but when I am at the checkout at Booths, head-to-toe in hi-viz, putting my cycle clips on, it seems excessive when they squeeze multiple Sirs into one transaction.

      I wouldn’t care; I turned down the knighthood.

  16. Don’t mind mate unless it’s said to me by a woman,mainly due to the fact I woman I couldn’t stand at work used to call me it all the time.

    And to make matters worse she worked through an official strike.

    She’s left now thank God!

  19. I got called “Sir” the other week. An easy mistake as I was bundled up against the cold, and knelt on the ground, head down, going through a box of records, so the “They’re all a pound each, Sir” was technically addressed to the top of my woolly hat. I looked up, gave him the patented winning Mini Smile and said thanks. Poor guy was mortified and apologised three times.

    Didn’t give me a discount though, the bastard.

  20. Older readers may remember that for a while a notorious record company owner turned airline magnate had a side line in prophylactics. For some reason his usual branding was not chosen for the actual products.

    Around that time a colleague started using ‘mate’ far too frequently (even allowing that limited use might be acceptable).

    One Sunday morning, when we were implementing an enhancement to an IT system, designed by Mr over-matey, one person involved finally queried this.

    A third party advised: “Well X, apparently Tim thinks that you’re a condom.”

    Usage of ‘mate’ declined forthwith.

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    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mates_condoms

  22. As always, context is everything.

    I used to work for a big distribution firm in Essex, where every bloke was a “mate”, and every girl was “sweetheart” or “darling”, without exception, from the top down, and it was a really positive, friendly environment, but it took me a while to get out of the habit when I moved on – when not everyone is doing it, it can definitely be taken the wrong way…

  23. I tend to call everybody mate without thinking about it. Got me a telling off once when a client complained, as I hadn’t even realised I’d forgot to put the work filter on my greeting.

    Here in Barnsley ‘pal’ seems to be the greeting of choice for people under 50, with ‘love’ or ‘flower’ still the preferred option for the older generation. I don’t like ‘pal’, as it only takes a slight change to the delivery for it to mean I’m about to punch your lights out. If you get called pal with a Yorkshire accent chances are you’re speaking to someone from Barnsley.

  26. At art school, one of my lecturers addressed all males (staff or student) as “old chap” and all females (likewise) as “m’dear”….this was considered by all to be perfectly cromulent.

  27. Mrs KFD found it very charming when we visited Manchester a few years back and all the ladies in the market addressed her as “darling” or “love”. You won’t that happening here, eh? @locust?

    Our son addresses me as “cuz, blood or my g” which is a tad odd.

    • I don’t spend much time at Södermalm nowadays, but back in the 80s when I used to live and work there, some of the older locals would greet me with either “snäckan”, “raring” or “hjärtat” (after the obligatory “Tjeeenare” of course). . I suspect that it isn’t used much any more. The old school Söderkis has been replaced by the SoFo Hipster…I’ve no idea how they greet each other! “Bror/brorsan” perhaps?

      • Thankyou, Hjartat. That was a treat to read.

        I arrived late 80s so never really experienced much of that pre yuppy Soder.

        I think you are right about, Bror. Kai also sometimes calls people Boss or Bossman.

        Non Swedes sometimes address me as “kompis” (friend). Which sounds odd too,

  28. I got stopped by a police car many years ago coming home from a party at about three in the morning and called one of the officers “mate.”
    Not something I normally do, it just kind of slipped out.
    The answer I received was a very aggressive “I’m not your mate.”

    OK, I thought (I didn’t say it) but if you think for one minute I’m going to be even slightly helpful in any enquiry you might have you are very much mistaken.
    And I wasn’t.

  29. My 8 year old lad has the habit of calling me dude, although in front of his mates it tends to be something related to fat or bald, when I don’t really consider myself either. I do encourage friendly cheekiness from him, so I’ve only myself to blame, but it’s a bit embarrassing when it’s across a shop or the school playground.

  32. There was definitely a period where ‘love’, ‘mate’ and ‘darling’ were seen as a bit odd, but they seem to have sprung back into fashion. In quite a few Manchester bars, where the staff tend to be 18-24, I’ve been called ‘honey’, ‘hun’, ‘darling’, ‘lovey’, ‘chuck’ and ‘amazingly handsome muscle-bound master of bedroom-based tomfoolery’. Ok, I made one of those up… never been called ‘chuck’ by anyone.

  33. I have an actress friend who calls everyone “doll”

    She even uses it on herself as in calling you on the phone “hi doll, it’s doll…”

    SO theatrical darlink…

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