I’m sure this has been done before, but to celebrate the new album what’s your favourite HMHB lyric?
So many to choose from, from laugh-out-loud to ‘oh so cutting’. Mine is probably “There’s a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets” (link to song in comments)
HMHB – true Bard of Britain
by 30 Comments
I nominate this for the new National Anthem.
Bin men, thin men, lexicographers,
Squid yes, not so octopus
And as I’m being led out,
I take my A to Z out.
She stayed with me until.
She moved to Notting Hill.
She said it was the place she needs to be.
Where the cocaine is fair trade,
And frequently displayed,
Is the Buena Vista Social Club CD.
I have to stop singing the last one around the house as my then 5 year old asked me if Notting Hill was a real place and if the cocaine really is fair trade. I hope he doesn’t sing it at school.
So many … if I had to pick one:
There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
Second choice:
I can put a tennis racket up against my face and pretend I am Kendo Nagasaki
(No intro, aggressive shout) My girlfriend looks like Peggy Mount!
When it came to halftime, I was losing four-nil
Each and every goal a hotly-disputed penalty
The manual dexterity of Hannu Mikola makes me want to shake hands with the whole of Finland.
What goods a park if you can’t see a linnet
A timetable if your journeys infinite
I’m off to see the Bootleg Beatles as the bootleg Mark Chapman.
Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plate, And it’s not the worst crime I agree
But we both know full well that it really should spell T-W-A-T-O-N-E.
I’m gonna feed our children non-organic food And with the money saved take ’em to the zoo
Then time creeps up unseen And it puts me back at the front of the bus
Hands I once held No longer there
Grey falls on the green As I try and get used to ‘me’ and not ‘us’
Where I’m going I’m not sure that I care
She died with her telly on, eighty-seven and confused
With not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used
On the end of the century party preparations
And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
Better stop now and listen to the new one…
Just the four words ….
Joy Division oven gloves.
Best lyricists since Ian Dury.
I concur.
You can’t really argue with
‘They were going to be on the Crystal Maze,
They were going to be on the Crystal Maze,
They were going to be on the Crystal Maze,
But they got mugged in Florida’
Sublime.
“Overhead, a rainbow appears. In black and white.”
Brian Moore’s head looks a lot like London Planeterium
Very difficult to choose one (even though several of my favourite lines have already been taken). So I’m posting two.
“All this aristocracy has really got to stop
We can overthrow the surgery and kidnap Dr Mopp
And Chippy Minton’s Socialists could storm the Market Square
And make plans to assassinate our autocratic Mayor”
“He got a Boardman bike on the Cycle To Work scheme, discovered he really enjoyed it. Started watching the Tour de France highlights on ITV4, worshipped at the altar of Wiggo and Froome-dog. Goes out every Sunday in full Sky replica kit…
Get your hedge cut
Get your fuckin’ hedge cut
Get your hedge cut
Get you fuckin’ hedge cut
Stop analysing Strava
And cut your hedge”
Is your child hyperactive, or is he perhaps a twat?
Oh yes.
Big fan of that one.
Thirded. Or Fourthed.
Slipping the Escort from the last album….
“The surgery leaflets
Offer advice
But there’s no preparation
For losing him twice
And now he’s washed and dressed and ready
To keep him safe she’ll face the hurt
And if she could hold that needle steady
She could sew his name into his shirt
Apart, adrift, alone
Afraid of what’s ahead
She’ll be the evil nurse
And he’ll be underfed
Conduct report
Bound to be mixed
“Lashed out during bingo”
“Said the quiz night was fixed”
Occasional sunshine
Where clarity reigns
And memories are mutual
And we’re back in the lanes”
I could put a hundred different ones here, such is my love for the lyrics of this fine band! The ones that jump to mind today;
(Depressed Beyond Tablets)
Oh the results of my lifetime are a string of nil-nils
Hey, Blakey, does your bus go by the dark satanic mills?
If I was in CSNY, I’d be Stephen Stills
And maybe four more without the numerous frills
Depressed beyond tablets, I’m gone beyond pills
or
(RSVP)
So if what’s in the fondue’s to die for
It’s got nothing to do with the cheese
And if what’s in the punchbowl seems lethal
It’s because it’s two-thirds anti-freeze
or
(If I Had Possession Over Pancake Day)
Give a philosophy student a glass of limeade
And he will say “Is this a glass of limeade?”
And “If so, why is it a glass of limeade?”
And after a while, he’ll die of thirst
or
(Keeping Two Chevrons Apart)
Keeping two chevrons apart
She’s keeping two chevrons apart
They say “plenty more fish”
I say “Amoco Cadiz”
She’s keeping two chevrons apart
(I had to google Amico Cadiz to get this one, hat duly doffed once i got it!)
The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see the pope…
Up
All of For What Is Chatteris…
But if I had to pick a line that sums everything that’s great about HMHB it is:
“You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce
Although there was a drive-by shouting once”
One way system – smooth and commendable
Go by bus – they’re highly dependable
The swings in the park for the kids have won awards
The clean streets acknowledged in the Lords
But what’s a park if you can’t see a linnet?
A timetable if your journey’s infinite?
My bag’s packed and I’m leaving in a minute
For what is Chatteris without you in it?
Car crime’s low, the gun crime’s lower
The town hall band CD, it’s a grower
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce
Although there was a drive-by shouting once
But there’s a brass band everywhere
And I don’t drive, so I don’t care
And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
Like a game-bird reserve short on pheasants
Weavers’ cottages devoid of tenants
A market town that lacks quintessence
That’s Chatteris without your presence
Three good butchers, two fine chandlers
An indoor pool and a first class cake shop
Ofsted plaudits, envy of the Fens
Prick barriers at both ends
But what’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
I may as well be in Ely or St Ives…
This one rings true.
A dirty rounder, a no-good fraud
A ne’er-do-well of the highest accord
I’ve got the supermarket sympathy vote
I’ve got a ten year old doctor’s note
‘Cos I’m a Blue, Blue Badge Abuser
I’m a Blue, Blue Badge Abuser
Whenever I hear a news report
Of an avalanche involving British skiers
I listen in with interest
In the hope that I might catch the name
Ben Shephard
Another new one;
Here’s to your Native American name ‘great big whopper with shit for brains’
Is this @ChrisRand of HMHB lyrics project fame?? I was going to point out here that it is a great place to visit!
‘Tis I. But I hope the site hasn’t made me famous.
Lyrics for the new album are being added there as I write, and over the next couple of weeks…
Ah lovely stuff, I frequent your fine site regularly, although I lurk rather than post! I am enjoying the lyrics for the new album & love they are being done in order! 🙂
I’ve been trying to think all week of what my favourite line might be, just too much choice. My favourite line today* is in the song lock up yet mountain bikes-
Before the gods that made the gods woke up and made the gods
That’s when you got into
That’s when you got into
Yeah, that’s when you first got into the Manics.
*Probably be different tomorrow
Shit Sellotape
Just don’t know where it begins
And even when you do
It keeps on straying to the side
Good quality stationery
Never comes to my house